by T J Kelly
I admit I had a temper. And my new connection to the Dark within made it worse.
“Don’t be ridiculous. What did you expect me to do? Slap her?”
“No! But did you have to hug her? Really?”
I saw a flash of anger in Chas’s eyes. “Back off, Lia. We all had a role to play. You know I’m not going to start a war just because my second-cousin wanted to say hello.”
“It was a lot more than that, and you know it. Don’t try to act like that interlude was innocent. That was a lot more than just a hello.”
Chas’s eyes narrowed. I knew I shouldn’t keep pushing it, but I did anyway. I was angry and wanted him to admit he was a jerk for letting Clarissa touch him at all, much less where I had to watch it.
“We’ve known each other all our lives, Lia. I’m not sorry I gave her a hug. It wasn’t her fault my father disowned me and forbade anyone to contact me!”
“Oh, right, Little Miss Innocent wasn’t trying something? Whatever. She manipulated you so she could get back at me because you held my hand on the love seat.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Her big crocodile tears. Her sweet little pout when she said she missed you. And you fell for it, hard. ‘Oh, Ethereal, I’m so sorry’ blah blah blah.”
“She didn’t manipulate me!” Chas shouted. “She really was upset. How would you feel if you saw the man you were Promised to after he disappeared for five years?”
I gasped. “She was supposed to marry you?” I reeled in shock as the hot coal inside of me burned all the way through my heart. I could barely breathe.
Chas ran his hand through his hair. “Yes, damn it, she and I were Promised right after she was born. None of this is her fault. She lost everything when my father sent me away. What should I have done? Knock her to the ground? Say, ‘no touchy, Clarissa, my jealous girlfriend is standing right here’ and then shove her away?”
I had wanted an explanation, but I never expected Chas would say any of those things. I had every right to be angry and hurt. He was supposed to apologize, not get mad at me. Clarissa wasn’t an innocent. She did that on purpose. I was the innocent one, so why was he yelling back at me?
“You could’ve done something, Chas.” I wasn’t shouting anymore. The way I felt, I was surprised I could talk at all.
“Whatever, Lia. If you could stop thinking about yourself for one minute, you would see it was hard for me, too. You don’t have to like Clarissa or have any compassion for an innocent victim of my father’s anger, but the least you could do is support me.” Chas turned on his heel and strode off into the castle, leaving me standing there with my mouth open.
What just happened?
◆◆◆
I stayed outside for quite a while. My thoughts kept swirling around and around in my head while the burning coal inside of me seared my heart again and again.
Peony had told me that my boyfriend had been Promised. What I hadn’t understood was that she was a beautiful girl and he had no choice when he left her behind. The separation wasn’t voluntary. It had been forced on them.
Only thirty-six hours remained before the competition that would put me in charge of a company I wasn’t sure I could run. And I was scared, through and through, that my uncle might be right about Chas after all.
The wind rippled through the field of grass in front of Castle Laurus as I stared into the distance. I found no solace in nature’s silence. No answers were waiting for me.
I couldn’t figure out how to bear it.
TWENTY-TWO
Something More Than Me
Peter came out to get me. I think my aunt sent him. She probably thought somebody closer to my age would understand me better.
“We’re all stressed out right now,” Peter said. He had his hands in his pockets and stood a little further away from me than usual. It struck me as funny that he might be afraid of my reaction.
“I guess so.” I looked away, back towards the field of grass and late spring wildflowers. So many thoughts tumbled around in my head that I wasn’t sure where to begin.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Peter moved until he was within arm’s reach where he normally stood.
“Actually, I do. I do want to talk about it. Will you come for a walk with me?” I was tired of trying to figure out everything on my own. If anyone could understand the pressure I was under, Peter would. A lot of people expected a lot out of him, and he had once told me that he felt like he spent his entire childhood trying to live up to everyone else’s hopes for him. He didn’t mind their expectations, but it was a lot to deal with.
“Sure, but let’s go this way,” Peter said, pointing off to the side. It would take us out of view of the castle almost immediately since the land sloped sharply to the east.
We walked in silence. There was an outcropping on the hill with large boulders and rocks. I headed that way and found a comfortable place to sit. Once settled, I gazed at a small herd of pygmy goats as they wandered around eating their heads off. A few of the females were so rounded around their middles that they looked ready to give birth.
“The Taines were right. There’s no way I’m capable of running Rector Enterprises.” Once said, it was like a dam broke inside of me. All my fears came pouring out. “You’re all trying so hard to train me for the trials. Everyone is operating under the assumption that it’s the right thing to do and that losing my family’s business is some kind of tragedy. But what if it was meant to be? What if there are people who should take over and do a better job?”
Peter leaned back, resting his weight on his elbows while he looked blankly into the distance. “I guess that’s a possibility.”
I let out a snort. “Nice.”
“But I doubt the most brilliant minds in the world can be so wrong about you. Even if they had no idea who you really are, I do. I can tell you there isn’t anyone I’d trust to run a company that big or with that much power without becoming corrupted. Except you. I trust you. I know you can handle it. In fact, questioning yourself demonstrates you’re humble enough to acknowledge you’re not perfect. You aren’t an entitled, know-nothing, egotistical fool and that gives me more hope than anything else.”
“Great. So having zero confidence means I should be confident that I’m doing the right thing?”
“That sounds about right.” Peter grinned, his gray eyes studying me intently. “It doesn’t even matter how you feel about it in the end, though, does it? Because you owe it to your family, to that business, and to the poorest, most vulnerable people in the world to make a stand and hold it all together. Millennia of Rector magic, pushing back the Dark, helping the needy, conquering against all the odds. Face it. You’re from a long line of heroes, and you can’t walk away without trying.”
And that was the crux of it all. Destiny and honor controlled my actions and decisions. A cause. A purpose. History. Something more than me. Still, that didn’t mean I would turn out to be good enough. And that scared me.
“I don’t think I want to survive in the ring if I lose,” I admitted. Peter jerked upright, looking alarmed. I touched his arm and hastily reassured him. “Don’t freak out on me. I don’t have a death wish. But you know it’ll kill me if, after thousands of years, I fail everyone. That’s what keeps me up at night.”
Peter sighed and leaned back against the rocks. “It’s hard to live up to other people’s expectations. But it must be a nightmare to come from a long line of master magicians known for their extreme compassion and altruism.”
I laughed. “Yeah, it’s a burden all right.”
“I was lucky - all I had to do was not be evil to impress everyone.”
“Well, you did a good job,” I teased. “You succeeded at not sucking.”
Peter winked at me. “So I think we’ve settled it, haven’t we? You have a moral imperative to continue your family’s business. It doesn’t matter how good or terrible you are because you owe it to them to try. Then once you wipe the floor with y
our rivals, you’re going to boss around a whole lot of people. Which will be great because you’re so insecure your ego will remain in check.”
“Well, when you put it that way, yeah. That’s settled.”
And it was. My fears, my uncertainty, my panic, all gone. Everything that was about to happen was going to unfold the way it was supposed to. If I won, I’d be in charge, and I would do everything in my power to continue my family’s legacy. If I lost? Then I lost. I could still be a part of my uncle’s Irregulars.
“Now tell me what’s up with you and Chas,” Peter said. “He came storming into the castle with that pinched look he gets on his face when he’s in a tiff.”
I lost my smile and then sighed heavily. “Yeah, that. We had a fight. He let that Clarissa girl stroke his face, and then he hugged her. She was acting all possessive, and he let her do it right there in front of me.”
Peter let out a long, low whistle. “Man, what was he thinking?”
“I know, right?” I shook my head. “I asked him what the heck he thought he was doing and he got mad at me.”
“What for?”
“Not feeling sorry for her like he did. She was Promised to him when she was born.”
Peter shot to his feet. “She what? That was her?” He kicked a pebble, and it went skittering off into the distance.
“Yeah. All that ended when his father disowned him. Chas didn’t think I was kind enough about her plight. You should have seen her! It was sickening. Her eyes all huge and damp with tears, touching his face like it was made out of gold, or a puppy, or something.”
Peter snorted. “Wow. I would’ve yelled at him, too.”
“You did hear me, then.” I sighed. “I’m not proud of myself. I hate when I lose my temper. Even if he deserved it.”
“Did he apologize?” Peter asked, searching my face. Maybe he wanted to see if I was going to start yelling again.
“Nope. As it turns out, Chas thinks I’m the one in the wrong. I bet he wants me to apologize to him for him being an obnoxious jerk.”
Peter laughed. “I doubt Clarissa has any tender feelings to hurt if you ask me. But you know how relationships work. It doesn’t matter who’s right - once the fight begins, everyone loses.”
I sighed loudly. “Sure, but a gentleman would have let me yell at him.”
“Definitely. So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I feel bad about yelling at Chas, but I was vulnerable around those people. He followed her lead until I was humiliated. I’m sick to death of being embarrassed around the Taines.” I brooded for a silent moment. “I guess I can apologize for being such a brat and getting in his face the way I did.”
“But you think it would be better if he apologized to you.”
“Yes.”
“I agree. And if I’m not mistaken, it looks like he’s about to do that. He’s right over there, heading our way.”
I looked to where Peter was pointing. Sure enough, Chas was strolling down the hill in our direction. His face was completely blank, making it impossible to tell how he was feeling. Thankfully, he wasn’t stalking around like he was angry the way he did after our argument. He seemed more relaxed.
I turned towards Peter with my eyebrows raised.
“I don’t know, but it’s probably a good thing,” Peter said, responding to the look on my face. “I’ll head back to the castle to give you two some privacy. Here, let me help you up.”
Peter reached out his hand and steadied me as I climbed to my feet. He rifled my hair like everyone always did and turned to leave. I made a halfhearted swipe at him, but he dodged out of the way, laughing as he walked off.
I pondered the feasibility of wearing barrettes with spikes on them until people learned to quit touching my hair.
Peter clapped Chas on the back when he passed him on the way up the hill. Chas paused and said something to Peter. Judging from how hard he laughed, Peter thought it was funnier than me trying to punch his arm. Peter jogged up the hill and disappeared, still chuckling to himself.
Chas turned back towards me. He was shaking his head but thankfully had a smile on his face.
◆◆◆
“Hey,” Chas said.
“Hey,” I said back.
We looked at each other. I really, really, really didn’t want to be the one to start, so I waited awkwardly for him to speak.
“Look. I’m sorry I got so mad at you earlier. You’re right. I shouldn’t have let Clarissa manhandle me like that. I’ve just always felt so bad about what happened to her. She didn’t deserve to be abandoned like that. My father’s in charge of all marriage contracts for the clan. He’s never made another one for her. I think he blames her for making me soft.”
I spoke without even thinking. “Are you kidding? That girl is as hard as nails. She’s not going soften anyone up with a personality like that.”
I cringed. Oops.
Instead of another fight, Chas laughed. “Yeah, she isn’t exactly the sweetest girl on earth. She used to be a lot nicer, though. Growing up with a father like hers and being on the receiving end of my father’s anger must have changed her.”
I managed not to argue with his assessment. And who knows, he could be right. Maybe she wasn’t born with a stick up her backside and a nasty curl to her lip.
I made a noncommittal noise.
“Forgive me?” Chas asked.
“Yes, of course. Especially if you forgive me for acting like such a brat. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
“Deal. Now, come here.” Chas held out his arms, and I walked straight into them, leaning against his chest while he hugged me. I clutched the back of his shirt, gripping him tightly. He placed his hand on my hair, stroking it gently.
“Do you wish you two were still Promised?” I asked.
Chas’s arms tightened around me. “No. The kind of life she was raised to expect is not the life I lead. It would be a mistake for the both of us.”
I tried to feel comforted, but I wasn’t. It was too soon in our relationship, but I wanted him to tell me that there was no way he would want her when he had me. That I was the love of his life, the moon in his sky, and all the other things young men say to the women who loved them.
And there was that word again. Love. I was in so much trouble.
“She’s really pretty,” I said begrudgingly. “She has all that blond hair and light eyes. She stole the magician name my mother wanted for me, and it works for her.”
Chas dropped his arms and stepped back. “Are you kidding me? Look, Ethereal was the name her mother wanted her to have. I think all mothers want something pleasant and soft and appealing for their daughters. Clarissa’s mother was probably hoping it would trick people into thinking that Clarissa was nice or something. There are a million Ethereal-somethings from that year. Ethereal Star and Ethereal Moon and so on. Your mother probably saw it in a magazine or something. And yeah, Clarissa’s pretty, Lia, but she isn’t nearly as pretty as you, and you know it.”
I was ashamed that his last comment was what made me feel better. What kind of person was I that telling me I was prettier than another woman was the thing that comforted me? But it did.
“Ah, thanks,” I said shyly.
“Now come here and give me a kiss. Then we’ll go back and get ready for supper.”
I happily stepped closer to Chas and let him kiss me. I was relieved that he apologized first, thrilled that he thought I was pretty, and convinced that Clarissa was a thing of the past.
A thought struck me. How did he even know her magician’s name if they hadn’t talked in five years? Chas hugged me even tighter and deepened the kiss. I forgot to ask when he was done.
TWENTY-THREE
The Perfect Day
It was late in the morning when I awoke on the day before the trials. Peony and Armageddon gave me the day off, and I wanted to get as much rest as possible.
I summoned one of the maids and asked if she could bring me a small breakfast tr
ay. I didn’t want to eat too much because I had a lunch date with Chas to consider, but it was still early enough that I didn’t want to skip breakfast and listen to my stomach growling all morning.
The maid came back with a small tea cart. I thanked her, and she smiled at me before leaving. She was the same maid I almost ran down when I first moved to the castle. She always pretended to be wary when walking into a room while I was there.
I swear, everyone who lived in Castle Laurus was a comedian.
Cutting a croissant in half, I spread on a layer of cream cheese, then added sliced strawberries, and a sprinkle of the mint leaves the cook had used to garnish the plate. I washed it down with my favorite tea before wandering into the bathroom.
If I ever needed a long, hot, relaxing bath, it would be the day before I was expected to fight for my company. Well, except for maybe the day after. As long as I survived.
I poured an extra measure of my strawberry-basil bubble bath into the water. It smelled so fresh and bright. All thoughts flowed out of my head as I sank into the water. I used a tiny amount of magic to keep the bath at the perfect temperature. I leaned back and closed my eyes, remaining there for an obscenely long time.
When I finished, I left my hair down so it could air dry, weaving several small braids in the front to keep it out of my face. I pulled on a white blouse and my favorite pair of blue jeans. Time and excessive wear had beaten them to a pulp, so they were buttery soft against my skin.
By the time I pulled on my black and white sneakers to head downstairs, it was close to lunchtime. I grabbed a novel and took it with me. I wanted to read for once with no pressure to find spells or counterspells or ancient forms of magic.
Peony promised I could do whatever I wanted, and I intended to enjoy my day without a thought about the trials or the Taines or anyone else who wanted to take what was mine.
I wasn’t sure when I dozed off, but when Chas arrived, I was sleeping in the window seat with my book on the floor. I loved to read, but the story was no match for a sun-warmed bench seat with fluffy cushions.
