by David Connor
We didn’t go far, just around to the other side of the tree, its girth about the size of my embrace if I tried to hug it. That was my estimation. I could see Jefferson at work but couldn’t tell what he was writing. It bugged the hell out of me that I didn’t know.
As the grassy bank of the river began to become active with people, wedding guests, I presumed, many of the faces familiar from Jefferson’s coming home party, I figured I’d better get back to my task, rather than Jefferson’s.
“Help me find two perfect leaves,” I said to Patrick. “Four. Four is better.”
“It’s hard to see perfection in anything when compared to what I see when I look at you.”
That warranted a caress. “Patrick O’Hanlon, you silver-tongued angel, you.”
“And just so you know, the words coming from my mouth are originating in my mind, not yours.” He took my face in his hands and leaned in. “In my heart, which beats for us, now.” The anticipation of Patrick’s kiss touched me in the chest. When he reached out and yanked me closer by my suspenders, it touched me down below. “Jefferson, as much as I adore him, is not in charge of everything, either. He’s not the writer or director, just the narrator.”
“How can that be?” I took on the speaking style with the clothing.
“We know plain as day what we are now, in 2019,” Patrick said. “In that world, I should say. We know the Goose who works at Cost-Mart at night and Patrick the pharmacist. We recognized being in the basement at the reenactment as it happened, making love on an inflatable mattress, and having pancakes on Valentine’s Day. We remember those. Just because we can’t as easily recall what we were in the far distant past or will be in the future, it doesn’t mean we haven’t lived that, too. That time thing Einstein spoke of, and the other worlds and realms science doesn’t know, but people who’ve been to them will always swear exist, you and I have seen some of that. Think of déjà vu. I’ve experienced it quite often.”
“Me, too.”
“Maybe we relive one existence over and over. ‘This moment…I’ve done this before. The phone will ring.’ And then, it does.”
“Yes. Déjà vu all over again.”
“I’ve been wondering if we easily recognize things from our most recent past life as déjà vu, but maybe miss the ones that happened a hundred or a thousand lives ago.”
“I’m not following.”
“There was a big scientific discovery of possible proof of a parallel universe way back in 2004, Goose. It really should have gotten more media play, but Beyoncé going solo and the breakup of Bennifer hogged all the attention, I suspect. Hugh Everett and the Many-World believers have us living or dying a thousand times in a thousand different ways and in a thousand different places. Maybe this is an extended version of that type of situation. Maybe you and I were with Jefferson and Calvin in another life or are now. Maybe we’ll déjà vu this day in another time continuum or another century.”
“I like the thought that I can always be with you somehow, somewhere, even if not in the world I’m most aware of.”
“You’re aware of it somewhere. You’re aware of it here and now.”
“Science rocks.”
“However it all works, you convinced me after your last visit with Calvin and Jefferson that there’s more to it than a bump on the head.”
“Or a dream.”
“Or a dream. I feel as if I’m here in a different way than I appeared to you any other time. You just have to believe.”
When our lips came together, I did.
“Now then, while I would like to keep kissing you and talking all theoretically forever and ever, something else is calling for our attention.”
“A wedding,” I said with a smile.
“A wedding.” Patrick kissed me there again. “Love and commitment, happily ever after, and that.”
“Yes. I thought, in the place of boutonnieres, we should each put an oak leaf in our lapel.”
“You and Hugh Everett have the best ideas.”
“Help me find the best leaves, then. I don’t think the tree will mind.”
“I think the tree will be happy and honored to continue on in celebrating the love story of Jefferson Eaves and Calvin Goodacre.”
Patrick and I took a few seconds to inspect the velvety green dangling from the branches above.
“The ones up high look best.” My neck was already hurting from craning it in that direction. “Unfortunately, they’re out of reach, even for you.”
“Ah, but you’re forgetting, Goose Tucker, that all things are better when we do them together.”
“Hey!” The next thing I knew, Patrick’s hands were at my waist and I was being raised up off the ground. “I’m a little heavy to be hoisted up in the air, like Tarah Kayne, and held there for any length of time.”
I’d made Patrick watch the National Figure Skating Championships with me back in January. Though I had a good fifty pounds on any woman in the pairs’ competition, at least that much, there I was, the leaves I wanted, those without a blemish or a tear, actually within reach. Now, all I had to do was choose.
“I can’t disagree with the heaviness assessment,” Patrick said. “So, maybe you should hurry up and make up your mind.”
“A little higher.”
His grunt was sexy. “You’re pushing it.”
“I think you can.” Up I went, a bit closer to the top, though still not even halfway there, where I plucked three leaves as quickly as I could but wriggled a bit before choosing a fourth.
“Goose!”
On my way down, on Patrick’s way down, I did manage to grab one more.
“Oomph.”
His back to the ground, my back to his front upon landing, I turned and crawled forward, until my mouth and eyes lined up with his. “I got to thinking how falling on top of you wouldn’t be the worst thing to have happen.”
“So, you did that on purpose?”
“Maybe. Are you okay?”
“Perfectly fine.”
“Are you angry?”
“Not at all.”
I summoned all the charm Steve had claimed I possessed and put it into a smile. “Then yes, I did it on purpose.”
Patrick’s breath, when he laughed, moved my hair. “I have to admire your honesty and playfulness, except for the mess we’re making of our Sunday best.”
“I’m clean as a whistle.”
“My butt is moist.”
“Mmm.” I brought my face even closer to his. “The comments that come to mind.”
“What are you two doing down there?” Jefferson asked, suddenly standing over us.
“Goose had an idea.” Patrick’s smile outperformed mine.
“Boutonnieres.” I held up the leaves.
“I was about to guess something else,” Calvin said.
“He’s funny.” I directed that comment back over my shoulder at the other groom.
“He’s everything.” Jefferson offered his hand to me. “Now, get up. We have marrying to do.”
The Porters and the Smalls were there, the two families I had met when back in Jefferson and Calvin’s Heaven before. Calvin greeted and hugged every one of them. The longest embrace was saved for Ruth Porter. She looked quite emotional already, even before the ceremony started. Calvin took a handkerchief from his pocket, dabbed at her eyes, and then hugged her again, before going back to Daniel Porter for another enthusiastic handshake.
The entire Eaves clan had gathered as well, Earl, Myrtle, and all of Jefferson’s many siblings. His oldest brother, Caine, stood up beside him. Little Nancy held a pillow with two golden bands. Calvin had all three Porter offspring standing just behind him, Lewis, Moses, and Charlotte. I assumed they had all come down from up north by train, maybe the Heavenly Express. Even as just the officiate, I got a best man, too. Patrick was with me.
We all formed a circle as the other guests came together in a larger one around us. Despite the ethereal, paranormal circumstances, I was actually a bit ner
vous about performing in front of so many people, which made the whole thing all the more real. I liked that.
“Dearly beloved…” I stuck with the traditional words to start, more or less. “We gather at the sight of this special tree to witness the union of love between these special men, Jefferson and Calvin. Theirs is a love that will last for centuries. It will have people talking for generations and will only grow as far and as long as there is eternity. Trust me on that. Our setting is somewhat magical and mystical to me. Love is like that. Only two things in life cause such wide, deeply felt and often confusing emotions: Love and loss.
“What if loss is not forever? What if love is?”
Off the cuff, not bad, I thought. Thank you, Hugh Whatever-Your-Name-Is.
“Enough from me, though. It is a joy to stand here in honor of these two men I have come to love like brothers, beside the man I have come to love in every way possible. Now, I think I should let them speak.” I nodded toward Calvin first.
“Small Jefferson was a boy I met on the battlefield,” he began. “Enamored first by his singing voice, it wasn’t long before I was head over heels in love with everything about the man. But what would he want with someone like me? Taught from an early age that those who look like me aren’t worth anything beyond the work they could perform, like a beast of burden, or even a forged tool one would eventually throw away when broken, I fought hard to keep these prejudices from becoming my own beliefs. I fought harder not to let them taint my self-worth and definitely willed myself to not let it show in those moments when I failed at that, when I was worn down to a state of almost accepting it as true. I made a vow to not become bitter and angry, to see light when there was none and hope when hopeless.” Calvin smiled before he went on. “How could I manage such? I’ve been a somewhat lucky man, despite my circumstances, at least when compared to some. These palls that weighed me down were disputed by the family who took me in, though perhaps not as well as they might have been had I been raised by the family I came from. Though they taught me my worth, in some ways, when that wasn’t the thing to do, though I must accredit them for that, I am also not quite ready to wholly forgive.”
I wondered if the Goodacres were there, and if I could meet them. I also wondered what they’d done to make Calvin not yet ready to forgive them.
“I thought the luckiest day this Alabaman raised in Tennessee would ever experience was the day this man from up north and I met, that is until the day he told me he was as enamored of me as I was of him. The past tense seems inappropriate, because once enamored, I remained so always. I am enamored, and thank God above, I know he also is, still, without even asking.”
One only had to look at either one to know Calvin’s words were all true.
“Every day after that first was luckier and luckier, more and more wonderful, as infatuation became admiration, and then adoration, and then a promise of forever. All memories and days shall be happy from this one going forth, no matter my name or my place, if Jefferson Eaves is a part of them.”
Calvin picked up one of the rings from the pillow, took Jefferson’s hand, and slipped it onto his finger.
“A simple band, a circle never ending and unbroken. Forever, Jefferson. Only one more word is needed to convince me I can truly call myself the luckiest man in any state of being, that word be a ‘forever’ from you.”
“With this ring,” Jefferson took the other and put it on Calvin, “you have the word, my love, and my promise. Forever.”
I looked to Jefferson, expecting him to say more. “Is that all?”
“I’ve pledged my love and shared my feelings a million times. If there’s want for only one more word, that is all I need to offer, be it prefaced by a few more.”
“Nowhere near as many used by me,” Calvin said.
“You speak quite beautifully,” Jefferson told him.
“Your voice is more melodic. I wouldn’t object to a song.”
“After,” Jefferson promised. “I recall that a marriage ceremony ends with a kiss. I would like to get to that part, now.”
“Well, alrighty then.” Back to me. “You got it. By the power vested in me by BecomeAMarryingManOrWoman.com, I now pronounce you married. You may kiss, and then sing.”
Patrick turned to me. “May we kiss?” He reached for my hand.
“Of course.”
Before we could, Jefferson began his song. ““A-a-ma-z-i-ing grace. Ho-ow sweet the sound.”
I wondered what the protocol was for singing at one’s own nuptials. It was such a J-Lo or Nick Jonas thing to do. Had either one of them done it? I decided I’d have to ask Siri that, too, once back in a realm with iPhone technology.
“I-I once was lost…”
“Goose!”
“But now, I’m found.”
“Goose!”
“Was blind, but now, I see.”
The dissonant beep of hospital machinery cut into Jefferson’s beautiful tone.
“Goose!”
I wasn’t aware of the pain of my injuries or the procedure the doctors were performing to fix them, but I was aware of the sound, as if, once again, I was floating above it all or watching from the side.
Every Grey’s Anatomy or daytime soap opera viewer knows that telltale Beep, beep, beeeeeep. I thought of the Friday cliffhanger on General Hospital¸ and then, once again, there was the light.
“Patrick…” He stood on the bow of the boat, just like before, his back to me this time, surrounded by others. There were children, teenagers, and older people, several of each. I wondered if any of the kids were ours, the six Patrick spoke of that he wanted. If so, where had they come from, and what would happen with them if we weren’t there to tend to their needs?
“We can’t keep doing this,” Jefferson said.
“Is Heaven complicated, or do Earthly ideas just make it seem that way?”
“Goose.”
“I know, Jefferson. I know. I’m not sure I did it. I was just at your wedding. It felt so real, and now, I’m here.”
Jefferson showed me his ring finger. “A simple band, a circle never ending and unbroken.”
“So, that happened? I’m so confused. On some plane, it happened? When? Today? A hundred years ago?”
“Goose, you must make up your mind for good.”
“Yes. Three more minutes. Nine, in all. Can I have that? I owe Patrick a kiss.” I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. “The vision of your wedding, I knew it couldn’t be like that forever, maybe. Patrick…he’s here every time. In Heaven. That feels true. Has he already decided? Was he given a choice? How bad was he hurt? Is there a chance he’ll come back?” I grabbed for Jefferson’s hand, and searched for answers in his eyes. “Are you…are you like The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come from Dickens? Can you tell me the future?”
“If I recall the text,” he explained, “that spirit told of what might be, not what surely would. You must decide for yourself, Goose.”
“I don’t get how it works. Patrick looks so happy with his other loved ones. Knowing he won’t miss me won’t make it any easier for me not to miss him. I think I should stay.”
“We would love to be with you,” Jefferson said.
“I would love to be with you and Calvin, too.”
“Daniel.”
“Daniel?”
“Calvin is Daniel. Daniel is who he always should have been by birthright. That was his name before he was deemed property, and then abducted. It is a tale I shall elaborate upon another day. Now, I need you to focus on yourself. Can you do that?”
“I can, but to do that, I need to know about you and Calvin. Calvin died before you. You told me that.”
“Daniel. Yes.”
“Daniel died before you. Was that torture?”
“Nearly every moment of every one of my twenty-six days alive without him was that, twenty-six days that felt like an eternity. As death surely approached, the one joy I had was the thought of our reunion, only to wind up in an actual eternity alon
e, it was starting to seem. If not for you, I might never have been relieved of that, as I wandered not alive and not settled.”
“I’m sorry you had to experience any of that,” I said.
“But now, though a whisper of the memory remains, the ability to summon the feeling itself has diminished. Gone, because I have my Calvin, now Daniel, again.”
“And for him?” I asked, asked again for at least the third time, because it felt so important and I was obsessive like that. “Was he also missing you all those years you were trapped on this side and couldn’t cross over, all those years you couldn’t be together?”
“I don’t have all the answers you want, Goose. Daniel swears to me it doesn’t work that way. That much, I can share. ‘How could that be Heaven?’ he asked, to assure me when I shared my doubts. At the very least, knowing for certain we would someday be reunited, that might hold someone at peace, don’t you think? Good memories and busyness, perhaps, even visions of the future, in the same way you get visions of the past, something of that nature could come into play. I simply don’t yet know. I wouldn’t want it to be any other way, though. I would never want Daniel to experience the agony I had without him.”
“No,” I said. “I wouldn’t want that for Patrick, either.” It did not feel good. “He won’t forget me, will he?” It was a selfish thing to ask, but I asked it anyway.
“I know I never will, so, how could he?”
“Maxi.”
“Huh?” Only two people called me that. Well, some high school peers had for a while, those who didn’t call me Goose. But they usually added “pad” at the end, and thought they were so incredibly clever.
“Look at me, Maxi.” The voice’s pitch was sweet, just like I remembered, even if the inflection in her words was one of a scolding. It was recognizable at once.
“Gramma.” She looked just as I had seen her last. Her favorite lounging robe went to the floor and had a zipper from the throat to the hem. It was mint green lightweight chenille, with long sleeves she rolled up to her elbows. She stood before me, all four feet eleven inches. My lack of height might have come from her. “Why are you angry?”
