I fled to my room with my mind in turmoil and skidded to a halt as I felt a vast wave of power pulse out towards me. Someone incredibly powerful was in my room. Standing in front of my bedroom door, I took a breath and swung it open, all my senses on alert and ready to react as I looked to see who the hell was waiting for me.
“Hello, Jéhnina.”
I paused as my heart did a little nervous skip in my chest and forced a smile to give me a moment to get over the shock. It isn't every day you find a real live goddess poking through your private things.
“Hekatê,” I managed, once I found my voice again. She returned her attention to my clothes. Between her and Kai I might just as well begin a communal wardrobe. She held out a short red dress and looked it over with a critical eye.
“With red hair?” she said looking at me with a frown.
I bit back a sarcastic comment with difficulty and reminded myself forcefully that we needed to be allies.
“I don't like that one myself,” I said, edging into the room and closing the door. She put it back on the rack and ran an elegant finger over the other meager offerings with a dismissive sniff.
“You always used to dress so beautifully,” she said, sounding nostalgic. I raised an eyebrow and she laughed. “You have changed so much, it is sometimes hard to believe you really are the same person.” She looked me over giving a little moue of disapproval at what she saw. “You were such a beauty. You loved fine fabrics, oh and the jewellery.” She gave a dramatic sight. “Nothing is the same any more, least of all you.”
I shrugged, scowling at her. “You sent me here, what did you expect?”
She raised a perfect eyebrow, her violet-grey eyes amused. “Not ... this,” she replied, waving her hand at me in my standard jeans and t-shirt with an air of bewilderment.
“Sorry to disappoint you,” I muttered, folding my arms and leaning back against the wall. Everyone's a critic.
She laughed, a deep rich sound, surprisingly so from such a slender frame as hers. “Oh, you mistake me, Nina. I am not disappointed, far from it. You have surprised me, that is all.” She sighed and looked around my room, touching her fingers to everyday objects with curiosity in her eyes. “It is a very long time since anything surprised me,” she said, her voice soft. She turned to look at me and this time her eyes were intent. “Did you mean it? You would rule the Underworld with me?”
I nodded. I didn't need to think about it. Neither Corvus nor I would ever be safe if Dis Pater had anything to do with it. Not in this lifetime, not in the next, and certainly not in the afterlife; and quite apart from any of that, he had to pay. I wanted him to suffer. I had never considered myself a vindictive person but the ability was growing on me. Perhaps it was spending so much time with the vampires, or perhaps I was just sick of every bastard in the universe pushing me into their preferred position like some doll to be toyed with. Either way, I had enemies and the people I cared for had enemies. I'd do whatever it took to keep them safe and me free of anyone else's desires. Even if that meant teaming up with Hekatê, who I trusted about as far as I could throw her.
She watched me, considering, and then nodded her head. “Very well. You and I will find a way to take on Dis Pater and take his key. In the meantime you will do as you said and instruct your vampires that I am to be worshipped from this moment forward.” Her eyes took on an avaricious glint as she began to consider. “You will worship me every day, put my likeness in all your rooms, build me altars and sacrifice to me ...”
I held up my hand, shaking my head and she tutted with impatience. “I never said anything about sacrifices,” I objected, trying not to sound as horrified as I felt.
She snorted as though that was a trifling concern. “Sacrifices must be made if we are to win against Dis Pater, Jéhnina.”
I stopped the words of disgust that the idea brought to my mouth and instead forced myself to consider the matter before I ran off at the mouth. “I will agree to blood sacrifice on one condition,” I said.
She tilted her head towards me to show she was listening. “The blood has to be freely given.”
She pouted but gave a nod. “Very well. I will allow it.”
I sighed with relief. I wasn't a vegetarian but the idea of goats and cockerels and the like sent to their doom to appease a goddess made me nauseous. Vampires were not averse to seeing blood spilt though, so they could spill their own. There would be enough blood lost before this little adventure was over, that was for sure. I shuddered and tried to move the conversation on.
“I will give the order right away,” I said. “You won't be disappointed.”
She gave me a hard look. “No. I won't.”
My heart quailed a little under her gaze, but I didn't let it show on my face, just stared back at her, unflinching. Cain would have been proud. She smiled and reached out a hand to touch my cheek.
“And now,” she said, her tone surprisingly gentle. “You want to know your true name.”
I nodded as my heart now crashed about in my chest. I felt my breath coming in short little gasps as the goddess took a step closer.
“You know it already, Jéhnina,” she said, her eyes holding mine. “You know who you are.” I looked at her in surprise. Did she really think I'd have gone through all this if I'd had the slightest clue? “Let yourself believe it. Look into my eyes and accept the truth.”
I looked at her as she asked, shivering at the intensity of her words, and then let out a little cry of horror as I realised just what she was telling me. “No,” I whispered, shaking my head. I wouldn't believe it. It was too impossible.
“Yes, my daughter,” she said, her eyes flashing with pride. “You are more than you have ever realised ... Circe.”
Chapter 17
“I don't believe it,” I murmured, but even though I said the words aloud I knew I was lying. There was a stir of recognition, a blur of long-forgotten fragments that began to tumble through my mind, of the person I had been. From the snatches of memory I could make any sense of, I wanted nothing more than for them to stay forgotten. I had been ruthless, ambitious and very powerful.
My knees gave way as it all became too much, and I slid down the wall to sit on the floor, gasping for breath as I tried to ride out the shock. I looked up at Hekatê.
“You ... You can't be my mother!” I exclaimed, snatching at the words as I tried to draw some air into my lungs. “I have a mother and father. I look like my mother, like my gran and my aunt,” I said, trying to keep calm and not give into a bout of hysteria which would be only too easy to do. “We have the same eyes!” I shouted at her, but she just laughed and shook her head, apparently amused by my ignorance. She waved a hand at me as though that was a trifling detail.
“Merely mechanics,” she said in disdain as she sat down on my bed, casting an anxious eye over the discarded clothes and bottles of nail varnish that Kai had left scattered about. “That ...” She gave another wave of her elegant fingers. “Body of flesh and blood belongs to your mother and father in this world, true enough. But you, the essence of you, your soul ... that comes from me. I created you.”
I shivered as I remembered my first meeting with Corvus in this lifetime and his constant demand to know what I was ... who had created me. It looked as though he had been right all along.
“Not just you,” I replied, looking at her and wondering what the other half of this news was going to bring me. A slight smile flickered at the corner of her beautiful mouth.
“No,” she replied, clearly amused by my anxiety. “Not just me.”
I clenched my fists and waited, refusing to beg her for the information. She was just dying to tell me, and I was damned if I was going to ask. She sighed and shook her head. “I have many names you know. Many words and languages have invoked my powers over the centuries from Isis to Trivia, Hecate ...” She paused as I took in that little nugget of information. It hadn't made me feel any better. “So too it is with your father. Some know him as Appaliunas, the Roma
ns called him Sol, but in the end they are all one and the same. He is the sun god, Helios, but you may know him better as ... Apollo.”
My mind reeled as I tried to comprehend what she was telling me, and I was struck with a sudden childish urge to run to my mother, the woman I had always known as my mother, and have her deny it, to swear it wasn't true.
“B-but,” I stammered, grasping for some reason why it couldn't be real. “But I don't have that kind of power ... I ... I'm just a witch. I only have more power than usual because of the key and because of Corvus, because he made me Master.”
Hekatê gave me a pitying look and shook her head. “Jéhenne, you banished me from this world. Did that not give you a tiny clue that you are not just a witch?” She sounded more than a tad exasperated, and I huffed, clutching my arms around my knees and feeling cold to my bones.
“I figured I just got lucky,” I muttered and she gave an unladylike snort of amusement. “And besides,” I snapped, feeling aggrieved for too many reasons than I could currently count. “You tried to kill me!” She rolled her eyes at me as though this was of little significance. “Some bloody mother you are,” I grumbled.
“Oh, Nina, do stop being so small-minded. So I tried to kill you, that's only this ...” Once again she waved her hand in vague distaste at what was my human body. “This fleshy coat you wear, it is nothing. It couldn't have harmed you. And I wanted the key back - you should have given to me.” We sat glaring at each other for a moment and she pouted at me. “I'm a goddess, Jéhnina, we're not known for our maternal instincts, get over it.”
“Right you are then,” I said, not bothering to hide my obvious sarcasm as I scowled at her. She nodded at me, apparently satisfied. Either she didn't get sarcasm or she was deliberately ignoring it. I frowned at her as another thought occurred to me. “I thought I was supposed to get the rest of my powers back once I knew my true name? Where the bloody hell are they then?” I looked down at my hands as though the power should have some physical manifestation and she chuckled.
“Oh, yes, child. Don't you worry, your talents will return to you.”
“When?”
She paused and looked up from twitching the drapes of her white robe into a more pleasing arrangement to tut at me in annoyance. “Always so impatient. How do I know? Magic has its own ways. It will return in its own good time. Perhaps when you finally stop fighting the truth.”
I tutted back at her. I was really sick of these vague kind of answers where I just had to wait and see what happened. I rested my chin on my knees and continued to scowl at the wall opposite. At least if I could claim my powers back I might be able to keep the Senate at bay. I felt her eyes on me and looked back at her, shifting uncomfortably under what I thought she imagined was a fond expression.
“What?” I asked, ungracious as ever but too far out of my depth to try and be polite.
She shrugged. “I would like for us to be on good terms again, daughter.”
I snorted. I bet she would, if it meant getting Dis Pater out of the way, and her hands on his power. Her mouth narrowed into a hard line, and her eyes glittered at me. I swallowed and wished I'd just agreed with her after all.
“I have tried to help you, Nina,” she said, her voice harsh. “I did everything I could, even when it meant my own plans were over-set. You ruined everything you know with your love for that wretched mortal.”
Flames burst to life around my wrists and she laughed and shook her head. “Oh, Nina, I can't help but be proud of you, you know. So very stubborn.”
“How did you ever help me?” I demanded, the bitterness in my voice only too clear. She hadn't helped me with Tacitus when she could have, I'd had to deal with Sariel for that little victory and it had cost me dear. Though at least now he owed me a favour so perhaps I should be thanking her after all.
She shook her head at me as though it was obvious. “Did you never wonder why your powers went to Cain when you died?” she asked, one elegant eyebrow raised. “Or who forced the Sibyl to give him the prophecy that you would need him in another lifetime? Those powers should have died with you, Nina, or have passed to one of your greedy little sisters who hated you for your beauty and power.”
I gasped in shock. It was something I had never understood, and I knew Cain didn't know either. “You did that?” I asked and was surprised by the return of the fond expression in her eyes.
“Yes, child, I did that.” She sighed and got to her feet, walking towards me and holding out her hand. I took it and she pulled me to my feet. “You are right not to trust me, Nina, and you are right to fear me. All of the gods vie for power and for their own ambitions. It is what we are. It is what you are.” She reached out a hand and touched my hair, curling a thick strand around her finger. “But you are my daughter, and I would see you thrive and regain everything you lost. Even if that means you must care for your vampire. It seems in the end, that even he may be of use to us.”
I bit back the anger that burst through me at that statement, knowing that this was as honest and loving at Hekatê was ever going to get. I still didn't trust her an inch and knew she would turn on me the moment I interfered with her ambitions, but I guessed it could be worse. At least she was on my side now. She leaned forward and kissed my forehead and then gave me a smile that made me fear for her enemies.
“So then,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “Dis Pater.”
My enemy’s enemy is my friend - or in this case my family, I thought with a grim smile.
***
It was the early hours of the morning by the time my dear old mum had left me to return to wherever it is goddesses go in their off hours.
I sat on my bed and try as I might I couldn't help but think about the idea of her and Apollo as mum and dad with anything less than a vague sense of hysteria. A bubble of laughter caught in my throat, and I couldn't hold it back. I thought about the Senate and what I could do to them if my powers returned in time and the laughter increased until I could hardly breathe, tears rolling down my cheeks. I imagined them all at my feet, cowering in fear, submitting to the whim of the goddess in front of them. For a moment the image gave me immense satisfaction, and I considered how they might be punished ... I stopped abruptly. Shit. I breathed hard as I realised how easy it would be for that power to consume me. Hekatê's words came back to me, it's what you are, and I knew that I didn't want that to be true. I didn't want to become like her, giving a damn for nothing but power and ambition. That had been who I was once perhaps, but I had changed. Hadn't I?
A soft knock at the door put an end to my thoughts, and I knew Lucas was outside. I could feel his unease. For a moment I fought with the desire to just tell him to piss off and leave me alone, but I could feel my own tension release a little just from having him outside the door. More than anything I needed to try and calm down and get a grip before the events of the past few hours drove me insane. There was only so many revelations a girl could take before she got carted off to the funny farm after all.
“Jéhenne?” His voice was unsure, and I could feel his need to come and speak with me, to explain - to apologise. I sighed inwardly. I was too tired for a conversation now, but I'd have to speak to him sooner or later. “Can I come in please?” he asked.
“OK,” I said, though I heard the reluctance in my voice as clearly as he'd be able to. The door opened, and he stepped inside. He hesitated for a moment before closing it behind him.
“Hi,” he said, looking awkward, but I wasn't going to help him out. I was still smarting at the fact he'd gone behind my back. More than that I hadn't realised how much I'd started to rely on him. I didn't want to believe that had been a stupid thing to do.
“It wasn't true,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “What you said downstairs. I do believe in you, Jéhenne. I really do. You can lead this family, I know you can ... better than I could,” he added with a wry smile.
I looked at him carefully and realised that he had let his guard down, he was invi
ting me to test him, to prove he was telling the truth.
“Then why did you go running to Cain?” I demanded
He shrugged and looked at the floor before meeting my eyes again. “Because I hoped we could come up with something, a way to help you before we had to put yet another pile of shit on your shoulders, Jéhenne,” he said, raking his hand through his dark hair in a hopeless gesture. “I just wanted to save you some worry, I wasn't trying to undermine you I swear it, though I can see now that it would look like that and ... I'm sorry.” He looked me in the eyes as he said it, and I felt a little of the hurt I'd been carrying fall away. I knew he was sincere. I felt like something of a bitch now for reacting as I had but things like this mattered in vampire society. If anyone lower down the ranks had heard that Lucas hadn't spoken to me first it could have sent a rumour running that I wasn't up to the job. A Master demanded absolute obedience, I knew that much, and any deviation from that absolute would not be tolerated. I had sometimes found Corvus harsh in his judgements but this was his world and now I had to survive in it too. I had to play by his rules.
“You can't treat me like I need protecting, Lucas,” I said, though I kept my voice soft now, knowing that he had been doing just that. “I'm not just Jéhenne now, I'm the Master of this family. If you don't respect that, no one will.”
He nodded. “I know it. It won't happen again.” He gave me a crooked smile and shrugged. “No matter how much I want to.” His eyes held mine, searching to see what I was feeling. “Do you forgive me?” I was slightly taken aback by the fear behind those words, and I saw him swallow before he spoke again. “I couldn't bear it if you didn't trust me again.”
I held his gaze while I considered. I did trust him, up to a point. I still felt like Lucas was keeping something from me, not that he was working against me or anything like that but just ... I couldn't put my finger on it. Besides, any Master would be well within their rights to have punished him severely for what he'd done. In the end, though, I smiled at him and nodded. “I forgive you.”
The Fires of Tartarus Page 13
