They turned as one and left.
“I think I blew our cover,” I said to Lucas, who shrugged.
“You did what you had to. You couldn't let him take the throne, it's too symbolic. It would have devastated the family.”
“I know.” I looked up at him. “But now he knows.”
“So what? You've signed the contract. He's legally bound to give you your two weeks.”
I let Decimus refill my glass and leant back, feeling the beaks of the wooden crows poke uncomfortably into my shoulders. “Two weeks of me in his face,” I said, loud enough that the whole family could hear. “Wonder how long he'll last?”
There was a collective cheer, and they began to shout, “A day!”, “An hour!”, “Ten seconds!”
I laughed as everyone whooped and shouted and began to take bets. I stood and raised my glass to them and drained it again as they watched. There were roars of approval, and I grinned and left them to enjoy their moment of victory. I only prayed it wasn't short lived.
I headed towards the stairs and wondered if I was insane to keep punishing myself like this. What did it matter? I had to see him, to be with him, even if we spent every second arguing. I'd take that over being alone, without him.
My hand drifted to the bracelet at my wrist, my fingers smoothing over the snake's head, feeling the sharp little bumps of the ruby eyes. Corvus had drawn this symbol. Did he know how significant it was? Would he remember it? I felt my breath catch. As ever when I approached his room, my lungs felt too shallow, unable to draw enough oxygen in, as though he ate up all the air in a room just by being there.
I hesitated outside the door, closing my eyes and sending a silent prayer to ... to who I wondered wildly, who did a goddess send her prayers to? Who was there to help me? No one. Not in this at least.
I opened the door, feeling the ward spark against me as I entered. Anyone of the family could enter now the guards had gone, but he could never leave this room. Not unless I allowed it. I walked in and then stopped in my tracks as my eyes fell on him. He was standing before me, naked, the warm light of the fire playing over that flawless alabaster skin. He was the perfection of a classical statue, marble come to life, and desire flamed in my blood as I took in the sight of him.
I was aware of a flicker of unease at the surprise in his eyes, he looked ... The expression was too quickly gone to put a name to it, and the hard look I'd come to expect was swiftly put in place. A slight movement to his right caught my eye, and I glanced to his bed. And the person laying in it.
My heart was a heavy thing. It thudded too hard, painfully, filled with lead, cold and weighty, pulling me down. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't deny what I was seeing. My words to Cyd echoed back to me, “Get out. Go back upstairs. Get out of my sight and stay out of it.”
Cyd looked back at me, chin up, defiant, as the world fell away around me.
I looked back at Corvus and couldn't begin to shield my emotions, couldn't protect myself from his gaze. He would know that my heart had been ripped from my chest. I thought of everything we had been through, remembered my body burning as soldiers jeered at me, centuries spent helpless at Dis Pater's hands as I tried desperately to find a way back to him. I remembered the knife in his hands ... remembered Tartarus.
I couldn't breathe. Everything was frozen, my body locked down with shock as they watched me, waiting for me to react. Was this what they had wanted? Had they planned for me to see this? I clutched at the idea for a moment - somehow if they had done it just to hurt me I could bear that, but ... no, they couldn't have known I would come here now. It was too early. I had surprised them.
I reached out a hand, touching it to the wall as my legs felt suddenly frail. I was trembling. I blinked back tears and steadied myself, stood upright and drew the bracelet from my arm.
“Enough,” I said, the word barely more than a whisper. I threw it to him and he caught it. I registered the shock in his eyes as he looked at it. He recognised it. “Break it,” I said. He looked up at me, confusion in those cool blue eyes.
“Break it, break this cycle. You and me, endlessly, going around and around and doing nothing but hurt one another.” He just stood and looked at me, and I knew I was going to cry. Once I began there would be no stopping. “Fucking break it!” I screamed, but he just stood there with the damn thing in his hands, looking at it like it was worth something. Well it had been. Once.
I ran over and snatched it from his hands, flinging it into the hearth, into the heart of the fire. The spell that protected it crackled and spat, blue flames surging up the chimney. I walked to the window, turning my back on them for a moment as I ripped away the ward keeping him a prisoner. It was for the best, I told myself. Best for everyone. He would be in danger here. If I failed and Ambrogio killed me, he would find Corvus and kill him too. He would be safer far from here, far from me. It was what he wanted after all. He deserved the chance of a fresh start after everything he'd suffered. It just wouldn't be with me.
When I turned back, they were both dressed, though Cyd was taking her time doing up the corset. Her hands were shaking I noted. I looked at her and thought I saw regret in her eyes, but it was too late. She would get what she always wanted, Corvus, all to herself. I'd never been jealous of her love for him as I'd always felt it was the love of a daughter for a father. I'd never suspected ... How wrong I'd been.
“I want you both gone. You're free,” I said to him, trying to keep my voice steady and failing. “I release you from this family. Both of you.”
Cyd gasped. “No! Jéhenne, I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry, no! You don't understand! You can't!”
“I can and I will,” I said, my voice dead and icy cold as flames flickered at my wrists. I fought down the desire to just kill her. Why shouldn't I just kill her? “I banish you both.” My heart bled as I felt my ties to them slip away, the bond that made them mine and a part of this family disintegrating. They were no longer mine to protect or care for. I could still control them as they would always carry the blood of this family unless another took them in, but they could no longer find safety with the Albinus blood line. They were wraiths, at least ... until Corvus figured out just what he was. I doubted that would take long.
Cyd sobbed in fear and anguish, but Corvus just stood there, watching. I forced myself to keep going. “Go far from here and start again.” I made myself look at him, though it was like driving a knife into my own heart. “Be aware that if I ever hear of you taking a life, you will be hunted down and killed.” I turned back to Cyd. “Take care of him. Make sure he understands the dangers of the world he lives in now.”
“Jéhenne, please ...” She began to cry. He just stood there, looking at me. I reached over and grasped the cuffs at his wrists and then his ankles, one by one releasing the catches and the magic and letting him free. He gasped as the power rushed back to him, and I didn't have time to waste. He would soon be beyond my control.
“Get out,” I said, though my voice trembled now. “Get out and don't ever come back.”
It was a command, and they couldn't disobey me. I watched them go and then turned and ran. I needed to get away from the room, where the scent of him lingered and any hope that I'd had for the future had finally been destroyed after so many years. I ran blindly, my vision blurred by tears until I was swept up, strong arms wrapping around me, holding me close, keeping me safe. I clung to him. I clung to the only anchor I had in the raging sea of my emotions and let Lucas carry me away.
Chapter 48
I clung to Lucas, my head buried against his neck. After everything, I found I couldn't even cry now but just shivered uncontrollably. I was too numb, too shocked and the emotion surged beneath my skin like a winter storm, freezing me from the inside out, a raging sea crashing against my heart, wearing it down and dragging it inexorably into the dark.
“Jéhenne?” Lucas stroked my hair, he'd been asking me what was wrong for the past hour, but I couldn't seem to form the words. He knew o
f course, not the details, but he could feel my heart breaking as clearly as I could. “What happened?”
He put his hand under my chin, lifting my face to his. “If he hurt you, I'm going to kill him.”
I laughed, a hollow, bitter sound. There were no wounds, no broken bones, but the pain was all encompassing. His face clouded with fury, and he went to get up, so I put my hand on his arm, shaking my head.
“He's gone.”
I could feel his shock, stunned as he searched for his connection to them and found it gone. “But ... how could ...”
“I let him go. I banished him. Him and Cyd, they were ... I told them to go far from here and ...”
I stopped as the words escaped me.
“Jéhenne.” He whispered my name and the compassion in his voice undid me. I could sense no victory in him, no relief that his rival had gone. He was in pain for me, because I was hurting and he couldn't stop it. I loved him more in that moment than I ever had, but it was a feeble emotion compared to what I'd felt for Corvus, and I knew it. We both did.
He held me, occasionally whispering soothing words, trying to comfort me as best he could, but I was raw, angry and in pain, and I lay rigid in his arms.
“There were others?” I asked. Something he'd said when I last fed from him had jarred in my mind, but I'd refused to consider it. I'd been too much of a coward to face it. I hadn't wanted to know. His breath sighed against me, a flutter of warmth. “The women he fed from, they ... they would brag about it.”
I closed my eyes on a fresh wave of pain. All this time I'd been trying to find a way forward for us, a way back to him. And the whole time he'd ...
“Why didn't you tell me?” I screamed. I hit him, hard, and he shook his head, his expression one of such anguish that I had to listen to him.
“I couldn't!” he said, his eyes begging me for understanding. “How could I? I couldn't be that man. The one who destroyed everything you were hoping for when ... when you know I'm in love with you.” He looked away from me. “I thought ... at first, he was doing it to make you jealous, for your attention but ... Cyd? I had no idea, I swear.”
I took a shuddering breath, trying to get control over myself before I lashed out at the wrong person. It wasn't Lucas who'd done this. He'd done nothing but try to protect me. I found his hand and squeezed it. “It's OK, it doesn't matter.” My voice sounded dull and unconvincing, but it was the best I could do. “You were right,” I added. “You were right all along. Perhaps it's for the best. We did nothing but hurt each other. Maybe you can't fight the gods, not forever.”
“Don't say that!” His voice was fierce, and he grabbed my wrists, pinning me down to the bed. I looked up into his eyes, brown eyes, soft and warm, like melted chocolate with little amber flecks that I'd never noticed before. “You fought and destroyed a god, you fight for what's right, Jéhenne, you always have, and I know you always will. He's the one who gave up, and shame on him. He didn't deserve you.”
His voice broke, and we just lay there, looking at each other. He let go of one wrist and stroked my face with a finger tip. “I would do anything to take the pain away, Jéhenne. If there was anything I could do to make it right ...” I closed my eyes.
“Kiss me then,” I said softly. He didn't move and I opened my eyes again. “Kiss me,” I repeated, hearing a harder edge of desperation to the words.
He hesitated and then shook his head. “You don't want that, not really.”
I reached up and touched his mouth. “You said once you'd take what you could get,” I reminded him. “And I want to feel something other than pain and loneliness. He's gone. He's free of me just like he wanted to be. He's not ever coming back, and I'm so tired of being alone and afraid.” I slid my trembling hands into his hair, pulling his head lower. “I don't want to be alone. Please don't let me be alone forever,” I stumbled over the words, terror of just that fate looming ahead of me, the future an empty, cavernous thing, gaping at me with jagged teeth now that Corvus wasn't there to face it with me. “Please ... please ...” I begged him, blinking away tears. “Make me feel something.”
He did as I asked, and his lips were soft, tender and his hands on me exquisitely gentle. Loving. I moved under him, frustrated, I didn't want to make love to him, I'd had that and I would never have it again. I snatched at his shirt, ripping buttons and tugging the material away from his body. I wanted him to fuck me, to take me hard until there was no room for thought or emotion, nothing beyond physical need and a base desire for pleasure. I pushed him onto his back and got up, yanking off the dress while I watched him watch me.
His eyes were dark with desire as I moved back to him, straddling his hips and moving against the hard length of him that was only too obvious beneath the tented fabric of his trousers. His breath caught and I reached back, unclipping my bra and casting it aside. I reached for his hands and put one to my breast, the other I pulled to my mouth and kissed his palm, before sliding my tongue over his fingers. I drew one finger into my mouth and sucked, and he groaned in response, his hips bucking beneath me as I returned the pressure, rubbing myself hard against him. I did it again and then bit down on the soft pad of his finger tip, drawing blood. The taste of him exploded on my tongue and his breathing became harsher as I got lost in the only pleasure that had been left to me. I knelt up, away from him, letting his hand fall to join the other, caressing my breasts as I pulled at the delicate lace of my knickers. The fine material snapped, and I threw them to the floor.
“What are you waiting for then?” I goaded him.
He needed nothing further. The world tilted as he lifted me and pushed me down onto my back, wrestling with his belt until he was pushing his trousers down past his hips, and suddenly he was there, braced on his arms over me, his naked body almost touching mine. He paused, his hungry gaze travelling over me before meeting my eyes again. “I love you, Jéhenne,” he said, his voice heavy with emotion. “I don't need you to say it back, but I need you to know it.”
I nodded, though I didn't want to hear it, but he knew that. Impatiently I reached up, pulling his mouth down to mine. “I know it,” I whispered against his lips, opening to him as his body pressed against mine. I kissed him hard, biting at his lips and deliberately dragging my tongue over his fangs. The taste of my blood shattered any control he may have been holding onto and I gasped as he slid over me, hard and slick between my thighs as our bodies met, rubbing against me so intimately. His grip on me tightened, and I wound my fingers in his hair, pulling, showing him how it had to be between us. I wanted no tenderness, no loving touch. What I needed was carnal and harsh and unforgiving. Desire and need bloomed, a live, voracious thing that wanted to devour the pain and the emptiness, just for a moment. Just to give me a moment to breathe, to draw breath unencumbered by the burden of history and love.
I wound my limbs around him, trying to draw in some of his warmth as mine had gone, taken from me. His breathing was rapid now, and I felt his teeth against my neck, the touch razor sharp against my skin. “Yes,” I begged him. “Do it.” Take it away, please.
“Oh gods,” he murmured. “I need ...”
I moved a little, tilting my hips and letting him settle against me, where he needed to be, feeling him pressing against me, seeking entry. I closed my eyes, trying to push back the unendurable pain in my heart, the tears that threatened and willing myself not to think of him.
“Jéhenne,” he whispered, and then the world exploded as the bedroom door shattered. Splinters flew under a blast of searing power, and I screamed as Lucas shielded me. For a moment I thought Ambrogio had decided to murder us in our beds, and then my eyes focused.
Corvus.
I didn't have time to react before he attacked and Lucas was thrown across the room.
“Get your filthy hands off her!” he roared as Lucas hit the wall with a shower of plaster and debris, smashing my dressing table as he fell.
“Corvus!” I yelled, shocked and furious beyond words that he should do t
his when he had betrayed me, left me alone after everything, and yet I was relieved too. He was here. He still cared. He must still care or he wouldn't be here with his incandescent fury lighting the room. He turned to me and snarled, savagery in his eyes and the violence of his rage burning against my skin like a brand. “Leave him!” I commanded. For a moment he stilled and Lucas was up and beside me, but I felt the moment when my hold over Corvus snapped. He laughed, holding my gaze, blue eyes cool and arrogant. He had defied my command to leave and not come back. He had broken my commands. I could no longer control him. “You dare!” I shouted at him, my fists clenched and sparks glittering around me. I got up, clutching a sheet around me as I walked towards him. “After all you have done, you dare to come here like this? Like you have a say anymore?”
His cold eyes turned upon Lucas and he snarled. “If you want him to live, get him out of here now for I swear that I will rip his fucking head off.”
“Try it, you bastard!” Lucas made to push in front of me, but I stopped him, my words private, for him alone.
“Please Lucas. This may be the last time I speak with him. He won't hurt me.”
He looked back at me, concern and hurt in equal measure clear in his eyes. “You can't know that. He's insane!”
“No. He isn't. And I can look after myself.”
I saw his jaw tighten, but he nodded, a curt movement, full of wounded pride, and I wished I could make this easier for him, but I couldn't ignore Corvus. Not even after what he'd done.
“Call and I'll be here,” he said to me, though his eyes were on Corvus, the threat in his words only too clear. Before he left he pulled me to him, kissing me hard. Too shocked to protest I let him, and he only just moved before Corvus lunged for him and found himself grasping empty space. I felt the growl that rumbled through his chest, sending shivers running over my skin. I walked to the empty doorway and sealed it with a ward to ensure our privacy from any prying eyes before I turned back to him, holding his gaze.
The Fires of Tartarus Page 39
