He then began what was meant to be an evil laugh. But a full afternoon of hairball-shooting had left his throat feeling sore and phlegmy. Instead of a scare-inducing cackle, Peter launched into a coughing fit.
The other cats also tried to laugh menacingly, but their throats were in a similar state as Peter’s. So what was meant to be a chorus of evil laughter quickly became a cacophony of coughs and gasps.
But they were EVIL coughs and gasps.
HEROES IN TRAINING
As the cats from “F.U.S.S.” struggled to catch their breaths, the dogs from “S.P.O.T.S.” were busy honing their powers.
Sasquatch’s first task as an “Honorary Terrier” was to help Georgie and Duffy work on their super skills. Both dogs said that they didn’t need help from a bird, but Molly insisted. She figured that if Georgie and Duffy worked with Sasquatch, they might eventually welcome him to the team.
Once again, Molly was right. Sasquatch quickly proved himself to the cranky Terriers.
It wasn’t easy though. Like all Westies, Georgie suffered from a nasty case of stubbornness. Once she’d insulted Sasquatch, she found it difficult to change the way she spoke to him.
Sasquatch ignored Georgie’s hardheadedness and tried to find a way to get her to focus her barking. This he did by using his beak to rip open the bags full of recyclable materials that Mrs. G. left in the back yard. Georgie was worried that Mrs. G. would get mad at her, but Sasquatch shredded the bags to make it look like a raccoon had vandalized them.
Georgie smiled as she realized that this would make Mrs. G. really mad at the raccoons that lived in her trees. So mad, that she just might call a pest control guy to get rid of them.
By “get rid of,” Georgie didn’t mean “exterminated” or anything like that. No. Mrs. G. wasn’t that mean. Instead, Georgie was merely hoping that she’d arrange for a “humane” animal control guy to capture the raccoons and take them out to the country where they could live happily in nature.
Until they were eaten by bears.
Hey - it may not be nice, but that’s how dogs think.
One of the many reasons that dogs are “man’s best friend” is that they ALL hate raccoons. The smallest, most spoiled Teacup Terrier or Chihuahua, the type of pets that are happy to wear the sparkly collars and colorful sweaters that their humans have bought for them, will act like a hungry Doberman when it senses a raccoon in the area. Even those toy-like dogs understand that raccoons are horrible, awful creatures that give all mammals a bad name.
Harsh? Maybe.
But true? Absolutely.
After Sasquatch made it look like raccoons that had torn apart Mrs. G.’s garbage bags, he and Georgie dragged out empty bottles and cans and set them up all over the backyard.
Sasquatch fluttered around the yard and chirped out target bottles and cans for Georgie to bark at. At first, Georgie’s explosive WOOFS!! blew up three or four bottles at a time. But it didn’t take too long for Sasquatch to get Georgie to properly aim her powerful yaps and yelps. Within a few hours, the Westie’s barks were focussed enough to pierce small, precisely formed holes in cans and bottles.
Georgie was pleased with her newly perfected super power. She was also happy about the way Sasquatch had framed the local raccoons. For the first time, Georgie smiled at Sasquatch. She wanted to thank the bird, but was having trouble forming the words. Sasquatch smiled at Georgie and nodded his tiny head in understanding.
“Don’t mention it,” he cheeped. “That’s what team mates are for.”
Sasquatch was smiling as he flew to Duffy’s house where he helped him perfect his super vision by playing a new style of “hide and seek.” In this version, the “seeker” - Duffy - stayed in his backyard while the “hider” - Sasquatch - travelled further and further away. As soon as Duffy could see where the Cardinal was hiding, he would bark as loudly as he could. The game ended when Sasquatch was too far away to hear Duffy’s bark. This didn’t occur until Sasquatch was hiding behind the sign at a gas station which was at least a 10 minute walk away.
Like Georgie, Duffy appreciated Sasquatch’s help. But unlike Georgie, he didn’t even try to thank the Cardinal. It didn’t matter though. The mere fact that Duffy was no longer baring his teeth told Sasquatch that they’d now be able to work together without any fussing or fighting.
While Sasquatch was busy training Georgie and Duffy, Buck was experimenting with his super breath. He’d already learned how to focus his blasts by puckering his lips when he exhaled. He also discovered that different foods caused his breath to possess different powers. His usual diet of kibble gave him mild gas which created breath that could dissolve solid objects. His “treat” meal of canned wet food created a different type of gas that led to breath that could slice through almost any object. Kind of like a dog-breath laser. And when Buck was given a cookie treat, his breath blasts were strong enough to make any target explode.
After making this discovery, Buck put his cookie breath to what he felt was good use by blowing up all the squirrel nests that he could see. Messy noisy fun, and something that most dogs would do if they could.
Meanwhile, Jackie’s self-training was going really well. This may surprise those people and dogs who don’t think of Jack Russell Terriers as being among the brightest of the breeds.
Are they energetic? Absolutely. Are they loyal? For sure. Are they funny? A lot of the time. Are they smart? Well, let’s just say that most people, as well as members of most other breeds, think of Russells as the types of dogs that will often chase their own tails.
Yet Jackie showed a great deal of intelligence when it came to perfecting his Super Gnawing power. He remembered that when he was teething, he had chewed up the legs of the dining room table.
And the legs of the couch.
And three pairs of sneakers ... an umbrella... a football... a water bowl... a doll...
And many, many other things.
He was repeatedly warned to stop and was even threatened with a rolled up newspaper. Jackie didn’t like that newspaper and he shredded it when his humans weren’t around. When he finished the paper, he got right back to chewing everything in the house. Jackie’s chewing of non-edible objects ended after he destroyed a wallet which held a driver’s license, an important receipt and eighty-seven dollars. This time, Jackie’s large human Mike used a rolled up magazine to swat his butt.
It didn’t hurt; it just kind of stung for a few seconds. What really upset Jackie was the look of disappointment on his friend Mike’s face. Despite what a lot of people think, dogs are able to understand something called “cause and effect.” That’s how Jackie came to realize that Mike’s unhappiness was caused by his chewing of the wallet.
And that’s when Jackie vowed never to chew anything in the house except for his many, many toys.
So that’s why he didn’t practice his super gnawing inside the house. Which is why the fence in the backyard was soon riddled with holes. Luckily for Jackie, none of his human friends would ever think that he could chew through a chain link fence.
Or a cement garden gnome.
Or even the old bike that was gathering weeds in the corner of the yard.
Jackie may have been smart in how he trained, but Molly was absolutely brilliant. She had already learned that using her super strength tired her out and made her muscles ache. She wisely concluded that the best way for her to build up her strength would be to put on some weight for extra padding. Every dog knows that the best way to bulk up is to sit by the dinner table and smile an extra cute smile while the family is eating. This works especially well with kids. It also works when the meal smells kind of burned and even the grown-ups don’t want to eat it.
The food wasn’t always tasty, but Molly ate and ate. Soon she was chunkier than she had ever been.
With their training complete, the Terriers were ready to stand on guard as the protectors of the neighborhood. Which was a good thing, because the cats from F.U.S.S. were about to take thei
r villainy to the next level. And they were going to do it soon...
HOW TO WAKE A TERRIER
It hadn’t taken Peter long to create a plan that was so diabolical and so ambitious that it would leave no doubt as to which animals were in control of the neighborhood.
The night of the launch of the cats’ reign of terror was clear and calm. Luckily for the neighborhood, it was a perfect night for birds of prey to be out hunting mice. You see, a few minutes past midnight, an owl buddy of Sasquatch’s was gliding over the area looking for small rodents for a late night snack. That’s when he saw something that made him “HOOT!” in amazement. Eight raccoons and six skunks were marching in formation behind Peter and the cats from F.U.S.S.
The Owl could tell that the cats and their cronies were up to no good, so he flew over to Sasquatch’s nest to tell him what he’d seen. Sasquatch thanked the Owl and asked if he wanted to join S.P.O.T.S. in their fight to protect the neighborhood.
The Owl shook his head, which is quite a sight because owls can turn their heads nearly completely around.
“I’m way too hungry to fight,” said the Owl.
Sasquatch understood and thanked the Owl by telling him where he’d seen a few fat, slow mice. He then flew to Molly’s house.
Sasquatch knew that Molly was the wisest of the Super Terriers. He also knew that she was the leader of the gang. But what Sasquatch did not yet understand was that Molly was hard of hearing. So as he tapped on the window above Molly’s bed, he couldn’t figure out why she didn’t wake up.
He knew that she wasn’t dead, as he could see her rolling around in her sleep. Yet even though Sasquatch tapped harder and harder on the glass, Molly showed no sign of responding.
Sasquatch had a decision to make. He could stay at the window, and tap away on the glass until his beak was worn down to a nub, or he could move on and try to wake up one of the other Terriers.
Wisely, Sasquatch chose the second option. He shook his head at the snoozing - and to be honest, the drooling - Molly, and flew off to Jackie’s house. He landed on the mailbox and quietly peeped “Jackie.” A split-second later, he heard Jackie running full speed through the house.
“That dog is a REALLY light sleeper,” thought Sasquatch.
A moment later, Jackie chewed a small hole in the front door and ran to Sasquatch who told him that the cats were up to something.
“And it sounds big.”
“Let’s get the others! Now! Now!! NOW!!!” yipped Jackie.
As Jackie ran towards Buck’s house, Sasquatch flew next to him and repeated what the owl had said. With each word chirped in his ear, Jackie became more anxious and ran faster and faster. In fact, he became so frantic that he couldn’t think clearly. Which would explain why he ran past Buck’s house and kept right on running.
“Dogs!” chirped Sasquatch as he fluttered towards a tree in Buck’s backyard.
After landing on one of the tree’s lower branches, Sasquatch saw that Buck was sitting on a couch watching TV with his teenaged human Mark. Sasquatch thought that this was strange, but never having lived in a house with teenagers, he had no idea about the late hours that they often kept. Like all birds, Sasquatch avoided humans as if they were cats. But since the actual cats were planning something that was probably really big and really bad, there was no choice: he simply had to make his presence known.
Sasquatch took a deep breath, jumped off the branch and braced himself for impact as he flew into the screen door next to the couch. Since Cardinals only weigh a few ounces (or if you prefer using the metric system - a few dozen grams), Sasquatch’s impact with the screen wasn’t all that loud... for Buck and Mark that is.
But for Sasquatch, the collision was very, very noisy indeed. To him, it sounded like a truck driving into the side of a mountain that was made out of glass... and the glass mountain was an inch from Sasquatch’s head.
Despite the noise that echoed in Sasquatch’s brain, neither Buck nor Mark took their eyes off of the TV. Sasquatch tried to ignore the throbbing in his head as he tapped on the glass door. This time Buck looked towards him. But before he could come over to investigate, Mark began to scratch him behind the ears. This must have been Buck’s “happy spot,” because as soon as the scratching started, Buck collapsed on Mark’s lap with a blissful look on his face.
For the second time in just a few minutes, Sasquatch muttered “Dogs!” and thought how much easier this mission would be if birds had found the super jerky. But it was the Terriers who were super powered, and with the neighborhood in danger, Sasquatch couldn’t just let the dogs be dogs. He had to get them together to fight the cats and their vermin allies. Time was wasting, and even though Buck looked like he was having the time of his life, Sasquatch knew that he had to act.
“BUCK! GET OUT HERE!” he squawked.
Buck heard Sasquatch and immediately jumped up and growled.
“What’s up Buck?” asked Mark.
By the way he was looking at his dog, it seemed as if Mark was expecting an answer in English.
Instead of answering in English, Spanish, French or even Urdu, Buck walked to the window and scanned the back yard. He didn’t have to look long or far to see Sasquatch flapping his wings like a hummingbird. In bird sign language, this gesture means “Hurry up! The cats are on a rampage!”
Unfortunately, as was the case with Spanish, French and Urdu, Buck didn’t understand bird sign language. But as a Terrier, Buck was fluent in the language of high strung agitation. Thinking quickly, Buck turned to Mark and let out his most pathetic “please let me out or else I’ll mess up the carpet” whinny.
Mark slid open the door and told Buck not to run too far. His show was almost over and he had to start doing his homework.
Buck loved his family members, but like most Terriers, he felt free to ignore a majority of what they said. Sure enough, as soon as Buck was outside, he ran over to Sasquatch who was frantically chirping about the cats. One of them flew and the other one ran out of the backyard as Mark looked on in surprise.
Mark would have yelled at Buck to stop, but that might have woken up his Mom who would then have yelled at him to turn off the TV and get to bed. He would then have to tell her that he still had homework to do, which would have made her really angry and might have led to his being forbidden to watch TV for an extended period of time. With the playoffs starting the next night, Mark couldn’t take that risk. So he slid the door shut and just hoped that Buck would come home soon. He then went back to the couch to watch the end of his show.
Buck and Sasquatch were barely halfway to Georgie’s house when Jackie and Duffy ran up to them. Duffy explained that he’d heard Jackie barking, so he used his super vision to look through the wall and saw him running in circles in the middle of the road. Luckily, Duffy’s family had a Dandy Dinmont-sized doggie gate cut into their back door, so getting out was easy. Getting Jackie to calm down enough to tell him what was wrong took a bit longer.
The three Terriers and Sasquatch rushed to Georgie’s place. Since Mrs. G. was very hard of hearing, they knew that they could be loud. So Buck, Duffy and Jackie began to bark their heads off. Well, that's not literally true, because without their heads, they wouldn’t be able to continue their mission. Sasquatch joined the noisemaking by singing one of his favorite Cardinal songs. The song was called “Hey! Look At Me!” and like most bird songs, its lyrics are very simple.
HEY! LOOK AT ME!
Music: Traditional, Lyrics: Pretty Red
“Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Look! Look!
Look at me!
I’m a pretty cardinal!
Hey! Hey!”
Georgie must have been in a deep sleep, because by the time she jumped off of the bed to see what was causing the commotion, some of Mrs. G’s neighbors were yelling at the dogs and the Cardinal.
When she saw her friends and Sasquatch, Georgie knew that she had to get out of the house and join them.
She was about to let out a door-shattering bark when Buck gestured for her to stop. With the neighbors threatening to call Animal Control (a.k.a. “The Dog Catchers”), he realized that they had to free Georgie in as quiet a way as possible. Luckily for everyone, Mark had given Buck a full bowl of his favorite wet food.
“Step back!” he ordered as he flexed his stomach muscles. Buck could feel the air and gas bubbles working their way up his digestive tract. He stepped towards the front door, puckered up and let out a laser-thin blast of super breath.
As Buck’s breath sliced a doggy portal in Mrs. G.’s door, Duffy and Jackie smelled something that made their tails wag.
“Your breath smells great, great, GREAT!” yipped Jackie.
Buck shut down his laser breath to tell Jackie to “shush!”
Duffy knew he should be quiet, but his mouth was watering, and he just had to know...
“What’d you eat?” he whispered.
“Turducken.” Answered Buck. “Turkey, duck and chicken.”
Jackie and Duffy’s jaws dropped.
“And ... and... and...” Jackie was so excited that he had trouble keeping his voice down. “It’s ALL mixed together?”
Buck nodded.
“Whoooaaaaa...” drool began to drip off Jackie and Duffy’s tongues.
Buck smiled. “Yeah, it’s really good.”
The three of them shared a quiet moment thinking about Turducken. They would have shared a few hours thinking about it if Sasquatch hadn’t squawked angrily at them.
“Forget about his dinner! The neighborhood’s in danger!”
Buck nodded and puckered up to finish laser-breathing the door. When he was done, Georgie squeezed out of the hole and ran past her friends.
“What are you doing?” asked the increasingly frantic Sasquatch.
“What’s it look like I’m doing?!” snapped back Georgie who was at that very moment squatting as she sprinkled all over a dead patch of grass.
Once again, Sasquatch rolled his little birdie eyes and sighed “Dogs...”
The other dogs gave Georgie the details as she finished her business. By the time she had wiped her paws and flung bits of sod all over the place, she was as angry as a West Highland Terrier could be. Which, if you’ve ever seen a mad Westie, is pretty angry indeed.
S.P.O.T.S. (Super Powerful Organization of Terriers and Songbird) Page 5
