by Snow, Jenika
And I couldn’t blame her.
“Fuck,” I said under my breath as I saw her walk away, shaking her head.
Fuck.
“Hey, where are you going?” Larry said as I grabbed my phone quickly and made my way toward the front entrance.
“We can reschedule, Larry. I’m sorry, but an emergency has come up.”
Fuck this meeting. Fuck everything else that didn’t have to do with Linda and making this right.
Because there was no way in hell I was losing her.
Chapter Twenty
Linda
I was depressed. Here I was, sitting on my couch with a bottle of wine in front of me and a glass filled to the brim in my hand. I could’ve called Michael, had him come over so I didn’t have to drink alone, but right now, I just wanted to be by myself. I didn’t want to have to explain anything. I just wanted to wallow in my emotions and feel self-pity.
I brought the glass to my mouth and took a long drink, refusing to cry even though the tears were right there at the surface.
I’d been home for less than ten minutes, opting to pay for a cab instead of using the subway. I’d spend more if it meant not having to be crammed on a train with a bunch of strangers when all I wanted to be was alone.
And as soon as I’d walked through the door, I grabbed the bottle of wine, a glass, and sat my ass right down on this couch.
I looked over at the bags that sat on my dining room table, one filled with groceries, the other with sexy lingerie I’d bought, because I thought Jason might like seeing me in it. I thought about what I’d seen tonight. Maybe I’d overreacted. Maybe I should have waited and found out what had actually happened.
I should’ve spoken to him, not let my emotions dictate my actions as I ran off like a scared little girl. But all I had seen was painful. All I had felt was hurt. And my first reaction was to get away from it, to go to a safe place, to go to my place surrounded by my things that comforted me.
No, I refused to cry. I tipped my glass up and finished drinking my wine, about to reach for the bottle and refill my glass, when I heard three hard raps on my door. I could assume maybe it was Michael, but I knew it wasn’t.
I hoped it wasn’t.
I set my wine glass on the coffee table and stood, my legs feeling weak, my knees threatening to buckle. My movements were slow as I walked toward the front door, reached out, and grabbed the handle, the brass cold in my grip. My heart was racing hard and painfully. I could feel it in my throat, hear it in my ears.
I turned the handle and pulled the door open, seeing Jason standing on the other side. Those tears that had threatened to spill came rising up violently then, but I held them back, put them on a leash. I wanted to be strong. I didn’t want to break down.
“Linda,” he said softly, pain in his voice. “I saw you at the restaurant. I know what you think you saw.” I shook my head slowly. “I want to fix this. Make this right. Make you understand nothing happened. I want to fix this.”
“There’s nothing to fix. We weren’t ever together officially, Jason.” I saw the way his eyes widened, how my words hurt him, cut him deeply. It pained me to say it, because I didn’t feel that way. I thought about our time in his office, how he’d pressed me against the wall and shown me how possessive he was.
I, of course, didn’t believe what I’d just said. But I wanted those words out there. I wanted him to have an out if he needed it. I wanted to guard myself, to build that wall around my heart.
I wanted to save face.
“Nothing to fix?” He took a step closer to me. “Nothing official?” He took another step, crossing the threshold, filling the apartment. “If there’s nothing to fix, if what we were—are—wasn’t more than that, Linda, then I wouldn’t be staring into your eyes, seeing the same pain I feel inside.” He swallowed and I watched as his throat worked from the act. “And if I told you I loved you?”
My heart raced.
“What then, Linda? Would you deny it and say you don’t love me back?”
I didn’t know what to say, how to say it. I didn’t think this was going to go this way.
“Tell me the truth.”
I inhaled sharply. My throat was thick, because of the emotions I felt inside. “Jason.”
He shook his head slowly. “Tell me you don’t feel for me the way I feel for you.”
I couldn’t breathe, but I knew the way my emotions were right now meant I wouldn’t be able to control myself. But he leaned back as if he knew I needed some room.
“There’s obviously something to fix, Linda. You ran away and didn’t let me explain.”
I shook my head, but I didn’t know what I was saying no to. “It doesn’t matter.” My voice was no more than a whisper.
I didn’t say anything more, because I didn’t know what to say. He took a step forward and I took one back, the silent dance with him crowding my space, making me feel like this was more intimate than it should be in this moment. And then he closed the door behind him, and all I could do was stare at him, wonder what was next, what was going to happen.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
“Soraya and I used to date.”
My heart plummeted to my stomach.
“But it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other or talked. The relationship was short, and we mutually parted ways.” He paused as if he were waiting for shit to hit the fan. But I stayed silent. “I was at the restaurant meeting a business associate when she came over and talked to me, gave me a hug. I removed myself immediately, because it felt wrong, Linda. I wanted to tell her how I felt, that I was happy, that I’d found someone. You.”
“Why didn’t you tell her then?” I swallowed. “About me, about how you felt?” I should have kept my mouth shut. I didn’t know if I wanted to know the answer.
He took another step toward me, and now my back was to the wall, and I felt caged in, small, and vulnerable, but not frightened or like I wanted to escape.
“I was about to tell her, when I looked out the window and saw you standing there. I saw how upset you were, could see the pain on your face. So I left my business associate standing in that restaurant as I went to go take care of the most important thing in the world to me.” He paused for a moment and I held my breath, waiting for him to continue.
“And what’s that?” God, my voice was no more than this breathy, on-the-edge-of-my-seat sound.
He didn’t answer for a second, but instead lifted his hand and cupped my cheek, stared into my eyes, made me feel like this puddle of liquid before him.
“The most important thing to me is you.”
My breath caught, emotion clouding me, threatening to control every aspect of who I was. I felt so vulnerable right now, so controlled by what I wanted that I actually found myself pressing my body to his. The deep noise that left him gave me courage to be bolder.
“You’re so fucking important to me,” he said as he stared into my eyes. “You’re all I want, Linda.” He leaned in an inch so our mouths were close enough I felt the heat from his lips. “I fucking love you.”
I slammed my mouth on his and kissed him like my life depended on it, felt him wrap his arms around me and knew that, because Jason was in my life, I’d never be the same.
Because I loved him too.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jason
I could feel her hands curling against me, as if she were trying to pull me in closer, grasp for something solid to hold on to, use me for strength.
Control. Find it.
“I feel like I’m losing control,” she whispered, her little nails digging into my skin, causing a flash of pain to mix with my pleasure.
I cupped one side of her face as I tipped her head to the side, making her take my kiss, forcing her to suck on my tongue.
She was soft... all the things I envisioned innocence would taste like, all the things I’d imagined she’d be like when I first saw her.
I tried to be collected, calm on the
outside. But on the inside… on the inside I was a raging storm, like the waves crashing against the rocky shore at the beach. Violent. Destructive. Consuming.
“Me too, baby,” I finally said against her mouth, not wanting to stop kissing her, but knowing if I didn’t grapple with my control, I’d really fucking lose it.
And I wasn’t the type of man who did that. I wasn’t the kind of person who let himself go.
But with Linda, I wanted to. With her, I wanted to say fuck it all and just give in.
I wanted her desperately, wanted to just take her until she cried out for me as she came, as my cock was deep in her body and I marked her from the inside out.
I broke the kiss to look into her face. Ecstasy covered her expression. She was showing me how she felt on the inside, and I fucking loved that.
“You know how you taste to me?”
She shook her head slowly. Her pupils were dilated, her mouth red and slightly swollen from when mine was on hers.
The air came out of her in little pants, and all I wanted to do was kiss her again and again and again. I wanted to make her drunk off me… addicted to everything I gave her.
My need for her was too strong, too unwavering and desperate.
I was hungry for Linda, so fucking hungry I couldn’t think straight.
“Kiss me, Jason. I need you.”
I groaned as her words speared me like a hot poker.
There was no fucking way I’d deny her anything. I kissed her again, cupped her face with my hands, keeping her steady for me, making her take it all.
My entire body was tight at the sound of her little moans, at the fact that I was the reason she made them tighten in response.
She was so small compared to me, and the feel of her clenching at me, pulling me closer like she was afraid I’d leave, like she thought for one second I’d stop this, made me want her even more.
“I’m desperate for you, for this, Linda.”
She hummed against my mouth. “Me too, Jason.” She rose up and wound her arms around my neck, kissing me back with the same intensity as I’d kissed her. I fucking loved it.
I groaned and opened my mouth wider, making her take my tongue, making her suck it into her mouth like she was starved for it. And when she did just that, I felt my cock jerk behind my zipper, the fucker wanting out. I needed to feel her naked beneath me. I needed to feel how hot and tight she was, how soaked she’d make my cock.
I pulled back and looked down at her, seeing the drugged expression on her face, the clear fact she was aroused as she stared up at me with her eyes wide, her pupils dilated.
And when I lifted my hand and ran my thumb over her bottom lip, I knew she was mine. I wasn’t letting her go.
I cupped her cheek. I wanted to touch her any way I could.
“Do you want to stop?” she asked, and maybe she did that because I’d been silent, because I just stared at her.
I closed my eyes and wrestled for control.
My emotions over having Linda here with me now was my undoing. There was no going back. There was no way I’d walk away or let her. I’d finally claim her and that was it. That was my future. With Linda by my side.
Hell, I’d already made her mine before this moment.
I think I’d made her mine at that first date. I sure as hell had been thinking about it, thinking about her.
I lifted my hand and smoothed my fingers down her neck, reveling in the smoothness of her skin, how warm she was. Never in my life had I felt vulnerable, but with Linda I felt like the walls I’d built up around myself were falling away.
“All I want is you, Linda.”
She stared into my eyes and I looked into hers. My heart had never beat this hard, this painfully before.
“Tell me what you want,” I whispered, needing, wanting to hear her say the words.
She lifted her hand and cupped my cheek, and it was so soft, so tentative, that I knew there was no stopping how hard I’d fall for this woman.
“I just want you.”
I closed my eyes and this rough sound left me, one that I couldn’t control. One that was more animal than man. But Linda brought that wildness out in me and I embraced it.
“I don’t want to ruin things, the job, our relationship,” she finally said, and I shook my head.
“The only thing that could ruin anything is you not being mine.” God, I didn’t want to get all sappy and shit with her, but I needed her to know the truth. Those words, that reality, was being pulled from me on its own and there was no stopping it. “I feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment since I stepped into that restaurant and saw you sitting there waiting for me.”
Her breath hitched and she gave me a small smile.
“I think I felt the same thing too.” She leaned in and kissed me and I tried to restrain myself and not let the beast I felt deep inside me break free.
We were just getting started, and I wanted this to last.
She moved closer, pressing her breasts more firmly against my chest, coming impossibly closer, teasing the animal housed inside me.
I stared into her eyes, wanting to kiss her again and again, getting lost in the flavor and feel of her.
And then I leaned in and did just that, kissed her hard and deep, making sure she knew what we were about to do would be set in stone, that she was irrevocably, undeniably mine.
I had no fucking control where she was concerned, and I liked it that way. I liked feeling feral and unhinged.
“I hope you’re ready, Linda, because there’s no going back now.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jason
She was delicious and addicting and all mine.
I kissed Linda like stopping would be my death, like I’d lose everything if I didn’t keep her close, didn’t make her mine.
Nothing else mattered but this one moment and letting her know that with me things were perfect, that I’d make sure she was always happy. I couldn’t have walked away if my life depended on it.
I didn’t even want to contemplate that.
She broke the kiss and gasped, but I still clung to her, still kept her close.
“Are we doing this? Are we really going this far?” she whispered, and the sweet-smelling scent of her breath had my cock jerking.
Before I could tell her yes, I was going this far, I wasn’t going to stop this, she had her arms wrapped around my neck, her fingers playing with the short strands of hair at my nape. My heart was racing, and everything in my body was on fire for this woman.
“Yeah, Linda. We sure as hell are doing this.” I kissed her again and she made these small noises in the back of her throat. I swallowed the sounds, needing more, wanting her to surrender every part of herself to me. This was what I’d wanted from the moment I saw her sitting at that table for our blind date. And every day it had grown. I realized I couldn’t let her be with anyone else. I knew I couldn’t live without her.
It had been so fucking hard staying back, keeping my distance for as long as I did. But no more. Linda was mine.
I couldn’t stop this. I wouldn’t. I forced myself to take a step back but took her hand in mine, keeping her close, afraid she’d run if she really saw my desperation for her.
“You want this?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“Good, baby. Because we are finally going to be together. Finally.” I couldn’t help myself as I reached out and moved my thumb along her bottom lip, pulled the soft, pink, and plump flesh down, and watched it move back into place when I let go. She was so fucking beautiful. I’d show her how much she meant to me.
Her breath hitched a bit, and I leaned down and took her mouth in a kiss again, pulling her close, because I was addicted to her. She felt good in my arms, like she was always meant to be here. Like this was fate.
I pulled back, looking down at her swollen, red lips, ones that were like that because I’d kissed them. I slipped my hand behind her head and gripped the base of her skull. “I’ve fantasize
d about this for so fucking long.” My mouth was so close to hers that if I leaned in an inch, we’d be kissing again.
“Come with me.” She looked up at me with wide, dilated eyes. “Come with me to my room.”
A harsh groan was ripped from me because of her words. I felt this carnal need for her, one that wasn’t just about wanting to feel myself buried deep inside her, but one that told me she was mine irrevocably.
Before I lost control and took her right up against the fucking wall, I had her in my arms, lifting her off the ground, letting her feel how hard I was for her. A small sound of surprise left her, and she held on to me, her hands grasping me like a lifeline. Her legs were wrapped around my waist now, her pussy right over my cock. I strode down the hall and to her bedroom. I went into the bathroom by mistake, my mouth on hers, both of us chuckling when we realized where I’d gone. I stumbled back with her in my arms, our mouths on one another again, and finally made it into her bedroom. A groan left me when I spotted her bed.
I set her down reluctantly, letting her body slide down mine, letting her feel me like I was feeling her. I kept her close, my hands always on her. “Are you nervous, baby?” I whispered. The lights were off, and the glow from the city came through the bedroom window.
“A little,” she whispered back.
I cupped her chin, tilting her head back slightly, loving that she parted her mouth for me, that even my touch made her react like this.
“I’ve never been this bold before, Jason.”
“Kiss me.”
I closed my eyes and tried to control myself. When I opened them, I leaned in and kissed her lips sweetly, softly, trying to go slow. “I’ll make this good for you, Linda baby.” I moved my hand lower until I got to the hem of her shirt.
She placed her hand over mine and slowly moved it up, taking the material up so her belly was now exposed. She arched her back against me, pressing her breasts to my chest, letting me feel how hard her nipples were.
