“More,” she whispers.
I look into her eyes as I push all the way in, her muscles contracting around me.
I take my time with her, pulling almost all the way out before pushing back in, and her eyes shutter closed.
“Look at me,” I groan. Her eyes find mine and I lean in to kiss her, my lips lingering on hers.
“You and me, Emilia… we’ll always have each other.”
I thrust back into her and she moans, her eyes filled with what can only be described as love.
“Carter,” she whispers. “Only you… only you can mend my heart when I think it’s beyond repair.”
Her fingers graze my scalp and I increase the pace, fucking my girl harder, rougher. Giving her all of me. She moans into my ear and I struggle to hold on. I love it when I get her to lose control like this. When the world around us melts away, until there’s nothing but us.
She tightens her grip on my hair as her muscles tighten around me, a low moan escaping her lips. I drop my forehead to hers as my own release follows shortly after hers. We’re both panting, identical smiles on our faces.
Emilia turns the shower off and I carry her out, wrapping her in a large towel. I take my time drying her off before lifting her back into my arms. She clutches onto me as I carry her to bed.
“I love you, Carter,” she says.
I smile as I get into bed with her. I wrap her in my arms and she cuddles up to me, fitting against me perfectly.
“I love you too, Emilia,” I murmur.
Emilia falls asleep in my arms, and despite the rough day we’ve had, I feel at peace. So long as we’re together, there’s nothing we can’t get through.
Chapter 60
Emilia
Carter and I are both exhausted as we walk into the kitchen early in the morning. As if in sync, we both freeze when we find a full breakfast spread on the kitchen bar.
I look up to find Kate wringing her hands, a tight smile on her face. “I made you breakfast,” she says, her gaze dropping to her feet. “Enjoy,” she adds, before moving past me. Her stomach growls before she can make a dash for it, and Carter stops her in her tracks, his hand on her shoulder.
“You haven’t eaten yet?” he asks. Kate bites down on her lip nervously and shakes her head, her gaze darting towards me.
I sit down in my usual spot and take a sip of the coffee she made me. “Come join us,” I say, my voice soft. I’m not even remotely hungry, and all I really want is to get to the hospital as soon as possible, but I know it won’t make a difference. We won’t be able to see Dad yet.
Kate looks at me in surprise and hesitates before nodding. She takes a seat and I watch as Carter reaches for the cupboard above his head, grabbing the mug Dad likes to drink from. He holds it in his hands, a startled expression on his face, before putting it back slowly. My heart twists painfully. Carter makes Dad a cup of herbal tea most mornings, and not being able to do it today probably devastates him. He inhales deeply as his expression drops, and I rise from my seat. I walk up to him and hug him from behind, my cheek against his shoulder blade.
“He’s going to be okay,” I murmur. “Before you know it, you’ll be making him cups of herbal tea again, and he’ll try to scare away the nurses.”
Carter turns around and wraps his arm around me while burying his free hand in my hair. “Yes,” he says. “He will.”
I smile at him and grab his hand to lead him back to his seat. I’ve been so lost in my own sadness that I forgot how hard this must be on Carter too. He and Dad have grown so close over the last couple of years.
Kate fills up our plates for us as soon as we sit down, and I blink in surprise.
“You both need to eat something,” she says hesitantly. “It’ll probably be a long day.”
I nod in agreement and take a bite of the pancakes she made. It doesn’t escape my notice that she’s made a combination of foods that I love. I’m surprised she still remembers my likes and dislikes. Even my coffee is made the way I usually have it. I only manage a few bites, too worried to be able to eat.
“You need to eat, Milly,” Kate murmurs, and I frown at her.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask, confused. “Why are you here at all?”
She looks down at her plate, seemingly gathering herself, before she looks back up at me. “I just wanted to be there for both of you. I just thought it might help if I made myself useful somehow. I forgot just how much staff Carter has.”
I bite down on my lip as I take her in. She looks older and insecure in a way she never used to. Her eyes are kinder than they’ve ever been before, and she seems contrite.
“Emilia, I never had a chance to say this, but I’m so genuinely sorry for everything I’ve put you through. For every bit of blame, every toxic word, every bond I’ve broken. Nothing I can say will adequately convey my regret, so I wanted to show you. I’m not doing very well at that, I guess.”
I look away. “No, you’re not.”
I rise from my seat and walk away. I’m not in the mood to reminisce. I purposely left her and that part of my life behind. I have enough on my mind without being burdened by her guilt.
I walk onto the veranda, the cold air biting against my skin. Carter follows me out and wraps his arms around me from behind. I lean into him, and he presses a kiss to my cheek.
“I called the director of the hospital. We’ll be allowed to go see your dad before visiting hours.”
I turn around, my eyes wide. “Really?”
Carter nods and presses a gentle kiss to my forehead. I hug him tightly, and he caresses my hair as he holds me.
“I’ll go grab my coat,” I murmur, and Carter nods.
Thirty minutes later we’re walking into the hospital, both of us scared and anxious. Carter holds my hand in his, and I clutch onto him tightly.
The director of the hospital, Dr. Davis, meets us at the ICU unit and takes us through the hygiene measures we’ll need to take to access my dad’s room. “He’s stable,” he says. “We’re still keeping him in an induced coma, but he’ll wake later today.”
I nod at him, and he hesitates. “I have some news to share with you too, Emilia,” he says, a small smile on his face. “We found a donor for your father. All tests have cleared. It’s a match.”
I freeze, my hand rising to my heart. “A donor?” I whisper, in disbelief. “But is transplantation even possible in Dad’s current condition?”
“It’s an anonymous living donor, so we don’t need to rush into the operation,” he says, and I frown.
“What does that even mean? That’s not possible, is it?” As far as I’m aware living donors are always family members or friends, and they’re never anonymous.
Dr. Davis hesitates and then shakes his head. “It’s rare, but it’s possible. I’ll discuss the procedure with the cardiologist in charge of your father’s current condition, as well as the other doctors that will be operating, including the transplant surgeon and the transplant nephrologist. We’ll discuss the risks, and if your father is cleared by the team, we’ll go ahead with the procedure.”
I nod, my heart racing. Dr. Davis waves us off as we walk into Dad’s room, and I bite down on my lip in an effort to keep it together. He’s hooked up to so many machines, and it all looks horrifying. It makes me feel like I lost him, even though he’s still here. I barely recognize him.
I sit down by his bed, tears in my eyes. “Hi, Daddy,” I murmur, hoping he can somehow hear me. “They found a donor. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to get all better. I can’t wait to speak to you again later today. I’ve missed you, Dad, so please wake up soon.”
Carter drops his hand to my shoulder and I look up at him. He looks as distraught as I do. I lean into him as I tell Dad about Carter almost making him a cup of tea in the morning, not realizing he wasn’t there.
Carter and I sit there with him for hours, awaiting the moment he opens his eyes again. The relief I feel when he finally does is surreal.
“Dad,” I whisper.
He blinks, and the medical staff performs countless tests on him, but his eyes are on me, his expression calm and collected.
We’re going to be just fine. I’m sure of it.
Chapter 61
Carter
Emilia is so nervous that she looks like she might be sick. “It’ll be fine, Minx,” I whisper. “This is everything we’ve been hoping for.”
She nods and presses a kiss to her dad’s cheek. John tightens his grip on her hand and smiles at her, but I see the worry in his eyes. It’s been three weeks since he was hospitalized, and he’s finally been given permission to go through with the kidney transplantation, but considering his health, it’s far riskier than it would otherwise be.
Emilia blinks, tears rapidly gathering in her eyes, and my heart clenches painfully. I hate seeing her like this. I wrap my arm around her waist and hold her tightly. She’s trembling, her skin cold.
“We’ll see you in just a couple of hours, John,” I say, and he nods at me. He lifts Emilia’s hand to his lips and presses a kiss to the back of her hand.
I turn to escort Emilia out before she starts crying, but John stops me. “Carter, a word please,” he says. I nod at him and Emilia frowns. John shakes his head at her. “Just a couple of minutes, Princess. Like Carter said, I’ll see you later. Don’t worry too much, okay? These doctors all know what they’re doing.”
Emilia looks at me, and I can tell she doesn’t want to leave, but she nods nonetheless. She walks to the door and turns back around, taking another good look at her dad before walking out.
John exhales, the bravado leaving him the second the door closes behind Emilia. I smile at him, but I fail to hide my own worries.
“Look after her,” John says, his tone pleading. “If I don’t make it… Carter, please. If I don’t end up waking up again, please take care of my little girl. Don’t let her be alone. Don’t let her push you away.”
I shake my head and sit down beside his bed. “You’ll wake up, John. Everything is going to be fine. Don’t you worry.”
John shakes his head and grabs my hand. “My health isn’t what it was even just a few weeks ago. Even if the chance of something going wrong isn’t that big, the chance is still there. Promise me you’ll take care of my daughter. Promise me you’ll be there if she ends up having to bury me.”
My chest feels tight as I inhale, a small shiver of panic restricting my lungs. I tighten my grip on his hand and try my best to smile at him. “I will, John. I’m never letting her go again. I’ll be there for her, no matter what.”
John nods at me as the nurses walk into the room to wheel his bed away. My stomach is in knots as I walk out to join Emilia. I need to be strong for her today, but I’m barely hanging on by a thread myself. She looks at me and I open my arms up for her. She slams into me and I close my arms around her tightly. Her breathing is shaky and I rub her back gently, my lips pressed to the top of her head.
I look around the empty waiting room and hold Emilia tighter. I can’t help but be disappointed that my parents and Kate didn’t show up today. I thought the relationship between Emilia and them was slowly mending, but it looks like I was wrong.
Emilia presses her forehead against my chest and I thread my hands through her hair. “He’ll be fine, won’t he?” she murmurs, and I nod.
“Of course, Minx. He’s got the very best doctors money can buy. We’ve done everything we can. It’ll be okay. In just a few hours he’ll be teasing you about your ugly crying face.”
She huffs, a small smile on her face, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Your face is an ugly crying face,” she says, pouting, and I laugh.
“I love you,” I whisper.
Her smile melts away slowly, replaced by a look of sincerity. She slides her arms up, around my neck, and rises to her tiptoes. “I love you more,” she whispers, her lips brushing against mine.
I tighten my grip on her hair and kiss her harder, needing her with every fiber of my being. Our kiss is slow, intense, every emotion poured into it. It’s need, it’s desire, it’s everything.
I drop my forehead to hers, both of us breathing hard, both of us emotional. “Everything is going to be fine,” I repeat, and she nods.
Emilia and I stay like that for hours, just in each other’s arms, neither one of us speaking more than a few words. It’s like we’re both holding our breath.
Emilia’s grip on my hand tightens when the doctors walk in. They smile, and we both slump in our seats.
“Mr. Clarke, Ms. Parker, everything went well,” Dr. Davis says. He turns to Emilia and smiles. “Your father has asked for you already. Please allow me to escort you to his room.”
Emilia bursts into tears and I smile as I pull her closer. I press a kiss to her temple as I thank the doctors, and they all grin. Emilia is a wreck as we’re led to her father’s hospital room, and though I’m keeping it together quite well, internally I’m just as much of a mess.
John is smiling as we walk in, and Emilia starts crying even harder. John laughs at her, just like I thought he would, and holds his hand out for her. She grabs it and lifts it to his face, and John smiles at her, tears in his eyes.
“Princess, there’s nothing I won’t do to spend more years with you.”
Emilia nods, her hands trembling. “I know, Daddy. I’m never going to leave you alone again. I won’t leave again. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry we lost so many years. I’ll stay with you forever.”
John looks at me and bursts out laughing. “Not if Carter has anything to say about it,” he says, winking at Emilia.
She blushes, and I know we’re going to be just fine.
Chapter 62
Emilia
Dad and I stand in his dialysis room with huge grins on our faces. It’s been two weeks since his surgery, and his body seems to be accepting the transplant. He’s still on medication, but he’s doing well. Thanks to the medical care Carter was able to provide, Dad got to do most of his recovery here at home. It’s astounding how different he looks these days. Even though he’s still healing, he looks so much healthier. There’s a spring in his step that he’d lost. His smiles are wider, and the fear that I used to see in his eyes is gone. He’s filled with life now, and it feels like I truly have my dad back.
“I can’t believe I won’t ever have to be hooked up to these machines again,” Dad says. “I thought I’d spend my last days in this room.”
I drop my head to Dad’s shoulder, a flash of sorrow coming over me. He hid his fears so well.
“I can’t wait to donate all this equipment.”
I straighten when I hear Carter’s voice behind me, a smile spreading across my cheeks involuntarily. He slips his arm around my waist and I melt into him subconsciously. He looks at me and smiles.
“We can remodel this entire room,” he tells me, and I grin. He’s been doing this a lot. He keeps saying us and ours, and it makes me giddy every single time.
Dad smiles. “Looks like I’ll be able to walk you down the aisle after all,” Dad says, his eyes moving from me to Carter.
My eyes widen and I take a step away from Carter self-consciously, my cheeks heating. Carter and I haven’t really spoken about our future together. When we got together I told him that whatever we had would be temporary, but as time passed that all changed. I’ve told Dad that I won’t leave him again, but Carter and I haven’t actually spoken about what the future might hold for us. Every time I’ve wanted to have that talk, life interrupted.
“What should we do with the room?” he asks, and Dad grins.
“Turn it into a nursery, of course,” Dad says.
I look at Dad in outrage, my cheeks bright red. I can’t believe he just said that.
“I’m not getting any younger,” he says, looking at Carter, a dead serious expression on his face. “I need cute grandchildren to play with. To spoil.”
I hold my hand up. “Um, what about me? I’m cute. You can spoil me.�
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Dad looks at me in dismay and then turns back to Carter, dismissing me. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, and I end up shaking my head. “Carter isn’t even married yet. He can’t give you grandchildren.”
My stomach twists painfully at the thought of him having children with anyone but me. If I’d left like I was planning to, he eventually would have. There’s no way that’s happening. I’m pissed off with him just at the thought of it.
Dad crosses his arms over each other and nods. “That is a bit of an obstacle, isn’t it? I know a cute girl for you,” he says, a thoughtful expression on his face, and I freeze. Carter and I haven’t told Dad about us, and we haven’t been affectionate in his presence, but there have been touches Dad would have had to be blind to miss.
Dad smiles at me. “That reminds me, when will you be going back to London? You’ve been here for months. Didn’t you say your boss wanted you back?”
I look at Dad through narrowed eyes. What the hell? It sounds an awful lot like he just wants me out of the way. What for? So he can match up Carter with some girl?
The doorbell rings before I can give Dad a piece of my mind, and Carter visibly exhales in relief.
“I’d better go check that,” he says, walking off in a hurry. I follow him, an irrational anger thrumming through my veins.
He opens the door and looks surprised to find his parents at his doorstep. I pause and look at them in confusion as I walk in, my heart filling with bitterness. They haven’t come to check up on Dad even once since he got back from the hospital.
“Emilia,” Helen says, smiling. I nod at her and glance at Carter, who’s helping William carry in a box of groceries. “It’s been a while since we did Sunday lunch, so I thought it might be nice to cook here instead of at ours. That would be easier for your Dad, I think.”
Kate walks in, her steps slow. She looks pale, sick even. She looks up at me and stares at me for a few seconds, a relieved expression on her face. “Hi,” she murmurs. “I’m glad to hear your Dad is doing well. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come visit sooner.”
The Ruins Of Us (Mayhem Book 3) Page 24
