by Eva Haining
“Yeah, but they also treat their son like dirt. I’m there for him, not them. And it’s an added bonus that the pay is off the chart.”
“True.” Any kid would be lucky to have Piper as a nanny. She’s so loving, fun, and has a nurturing heart.
She relinquishes me from her death-grip hug, busying herself with another box to pack. “Let’s get this finished up so we can have some wine and takeout. You have so much crap. Where are you even going to put all of this? I don’t see you needing a Louboutin shoe collection working on a horse ranch. Maybe you should leave these with me.” I’m going to miss her sly grin and the way she wrinkles her nose when she’s trying to hold back emotions.
“I’m sure a pair or two could keep you company for a while. You can bring them to me when you come to visit.”
Her squeal of joy is loud enough for the entire apartment building to hear. “Okay, you can go now. I have your shoes to console me. They’ll have pride of place in my apartment.”
“Thanks. Nice to know our friendship is based on my shoe collection.” I shove her shoulder as she cherry-picks her favorite heels from my closet.
“Friendship is friendship. Don’t question my motives.”
“I’m really going to miss you, Piper.” I struggle to speak past the lump in my throat. Everything up to this point has been exciting, but now reality is setting in, and the thought of leaving everything I’ve known for the past fifteen years of my life is overwhelming.
“Shut up. Packing. We’re just packing some crap, and tonight will be like any other Friday night.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good.” She grabs another box and starts taping it together. “I’ll miss you too.”
The rest of the day goes by in a blur. When everything is packed and the movers load it onto the truck, we head over to Piper’s and do exactly as she said. A normal Friday night. Prosecco, Stranger Things, and scrolling Amazon for a book we can both read in the coming weeks and chat about like always. But as I lay in bed, it hits me like a Mack truck—tomorrow, my life will be turned on its head, and nothing will ever be the same.
It’s so flat. I’ve been driving for hours since I crossed the state line into Texas, and I haven’t seen a single hill or valley. Sure, skyscrapers are the norm for me, but a horizontal rather than vertical city makes me feel like I’m in a different country, not just a new state.
Trucks fly past me on the interstate, so large I’m almost certain my car could fit under them. It might be time to trade in my Camry for a pickup. Alone, as I follow the signs south, I can’t help but laugh. I can only imagine what Piper will think when she comes to see me, and I pick her up from the airport in a Texas-size truck. I’ll never hear the end of it.
By the time I start seeing signs for Kingsbury Falls, the panoramic view in front of me has changed markedly. Gone is the concrete spanning for miles, replaced by rural small-town charm. Green trees provide height where the land is flat. Sprawling fields of green and gold surround me as far as the eye can see. This is what I’ve been picturing the last few months since I flew in to see the therapy center and interview with A.B. and her husband, Maddox Hale.
He was a big-time rodeo champ but has all kinds of businesses on the go these days. A.B. swears I’ll never look back, and if my life turns out anything like hers, I think she’s right. When I met her, she was the best cardio-thoracic surgeon in the country, but there was always something missing for her. The last time I was here, she seemed different—content and happy outside of her career. I never thought I’d see the day she gave up a scalpel for family practice medicine, but she’s thriving.
That’s what I hope for myself—a balance between my work and personal life. I’ve been throwing myself into my career for a long time to the detriment of every relationship I’ve embarked on. The irony of my inability to pick decent boyfriends isn’t lost on me. I speak with patients every day and encourage them to make healthy choices in their lives—deal with the toxic decisions and learn from them to shape a better future, all while picking the bad boy time after time.
It’s true what they say that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. That’s why I’m making a change now. I don’t want to relive my mistakes and end up alone ten years from now with only my work to warm my bed at night.
I believe I can have it all—a career I’m proud of, a man who’s worthy of my love and affection, and someday, a family to love. I know the stats on my biological clock. If I want children, I’m running out of time, but I don’t want to have a kid just for the sake of it.
My parents love me, but I’ve always felt a little out of place in their lives. I’m not about to complain that I had a terrible childhood. I didn’t. I grew up on the Upper East Side. I didn’t want for anything, but I still talk to my nanny more than I do my mother. She raised me through all the major moments, nursing my broken heart when the boy I liked didn’t like me back or when the girls at school were bitchy.
I know they love me, but attention only came when I did something wrong and thus blossomed my love of the bad boy. I have a PhD to attest to my daddy issues, but recognizing them doesn’t always help you overcome them.
When I see the road sign reading Kingsbury Falls - 5 miles, nerves swell in the pit of my stomach. This is where my new beginning starts. I’m exhausted from days on the road and hotel rooms, but I wasn’t paying to ship my car when I’m perfectly capable of driving it here. I should’ve taken Piper up on her offer to road-trip with me, but I didn’t want her to miss work on my account.
As the welcome sign comes into view, a broad smile cracks my face. The skies are blue as far as the eye can see with no skyscrapers obstructing the view. Cattle and horses graze in the fields on either side of the road. It’s idyllic, and there’s a part of me that already knows this is where I’m supposed to be. It may not be forever, but it could be, and that’s the way I’m coming into this town—with the hope of planting roots.
I closed on a cute little farmhouse on the edge of the ranch last week, so I’m heading straight to A.B.’s house to pick up the keys. They recently partnered with a local farm and have built some really nice homes here and there throughout the vast acres of land. After living in apartments in Manhattan all my life, I can’t believe I own an acre of land and a 3,000 square foot home for a fraction of my monthly rent in New York.
The front gates of Mustang Ranch are unassuming, and yet I have a sense of grandeur as I turn onto the gravel driveway. When I come to a stop and cut the engine, I take a moment to lay my head back and take a deep breath. I did it. I’m here.
Tears well in my eyes at the gravity of this moment. I’ve been fearful this past week, wondering if I’m doing the right thing, but now I’m here on the ranch and overcome with joy. I can start over.
When I step out of the car, I start laughing as an intense wall of heat slams into my chest as I breathe it all in. A.B. appears at the front door with open arms. “You’re here!” She has the most welcoming smile of anyone I’ve ever met—so genuine it lights up her eyes. She takes the steps two at a time and runs over to envelop me in her arms. “I’m so thrilled to see you. You must be exhausted.”
I lean into her embrace, happy to have a dear friend with me on this journey—a familiar face to help me adjust to my new life. “Hey, A.B. Exhaustion doesn’t even begin to cover it. Five hours ago, I was ready to ditch the car and fly the rest of the way.”
She squeezes me tight. “Well, you’re here now. Come in and put your feet up. I have food and wine at the ready.”
“Have I told you lately how much I love you?” All my reservations seem like a distant memory as she walks me up the front steps and into her home.
Her husband, Maddox, is ridiculously hot, and as I look at the other guys he’s talking to, I’m stunned by the amount of sexy in the room. “What do you put in the water around here?”
“Right?” She gives me a sly, knowing wink.
When they realize I’m here, all eyes are on me. “Hey, Ellie. Meet your crew for today.” Maddox turns to his friends, one of whom I met the last time I was here. “You remember Jax. He co-owns the ranch. And that pretty boy raiding my refrigerator is…”
“J.J. Savage.” Holy shit. I’m suddenly all too aware I have days of travel on me, and my hair is a bird’s nest. He’s a bonafide movie star. I cover my mouth, attempting to stop myself from another embarrassing outburst. I practically screamed his name like a fangirl.
“Nice to meet you, Ellie. My friends call me Jasper, or…”
“Hollywood,” Jax interjects. “We call him Hollywood, and he loves it. You should absolutely call him that from this day forward. Ain’t that right, pretty boy?”
“Don’t listen to him.” Jasper extends his hand to greet me. “Jasper will do just fine.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you. Sorry for shouting your name at you.” Heat rises in my cheeks. “I don’t generally make it a practice of mine.”
“No worries. It happens more often than you’d think. Welcome to town. It’ll be nice to have another refined city person around.” He jibes in Jax’s direction.
“Don’t worry, Hollywood, I’ll have her saying ‘y’all’ before you know it. It’s a rite of passage in these parts.”
Maddox steps in to usher the guys toward the front door. “Me and the boys are going to go and unpack your stuff for you. A.B. thought you could use a few extra hands. I hope that’s okay?”
“The movers are there as far as I know, and I’ll get everything organized. I can do it over the next week or so. You really don’t have to put yourselves out on my account.”
“That’s what small-town living is all about. You best get used to everyone mucking in when you need it.”
“Wow, thank you so much.” My tired muscles protest, but I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. “Let’s go, then.”
Jax shakes his head as A.B. grabs me by the shoulders and forces me to sit on the couch. “Don’t worry about it, Ellie. We’ve got you covered. Are there any boxes you don’t want unpacked? Bedroom boxes? Sex toy chest or anything?” He wiggles his perfectly shaped eyebrows at me with a raspy laugh that must’ve caused a lot of heartache over the years. He’s stupid hot.
“I’m fine with you opening it. Just don’t steal the double-ended black mamba, it’s my favorite.”
“I like you already, girl. You’re going to fit right in around here.” The guys head out the door, leaving me to catch my breath.
“Just come over when you’re ready,” Maddox hollers as the door shuts behind him.
A.B. doesn’t give me an option to refuse, thrusting a heaping plate of food and a large iced tea into my hands. “Sustenance.” It smells divine.
“Thanks.” I gladly tuck in, having lived on truck-stop snacks for the past few days. “You could’ve warned me that a movie star was going to be here when I arrived.”
“He’s just Jasper around here. Sorry, I didn’t think. His wife is a good friend of mine, and they’ve just become part of the family.” Her smile widens. “Just like you will. I’m so happy you decided to come.”
“Me too. It was hard to leave Piper and New York behind, but I’m excited about this next chapter.”
“How has it been getting everything tied up? I remember it well, and that’s why I have a case of Prosecco for later tonight.”
“All of my in-person clients have been transitioned to a new therapist. Obviously, I’m continuing to treat the clients from my online therapy practice.”
“I just love the whole concept. So many people don’t have time to go to regular therapy appointments, and others don’t want to sit down face to face. What an amazing way to reach and help so many more people.”
“It’s great, and I’m so happy I can build it further here. I know the therapy center is busy, but I’ve wondered how many of the locals will be comfortable sitting down with a therapist they know they’ll see in the diner or at the grocery store.”
“I think you’ll be surprised. This town has a way of embracing everyone who dares to take up the challenge of living in our little community. I’m sure there will be reservations at first, but trust me when I tell you practically every resident of Kingsbury Falls needs a good therapist.” The truth of the matter is that everyone, no matter how good their mental health may be, could use someone to talk to at times. I only hope I can make a difference here.
“Thanks. I guess we’ll see how it goes. The center is busy, so I’ll definitely hit the ground running.”
“It’s been expanding for a few years now, but this is the most extensive addition, and if I haven’t already told you a thousand times on the phone, I’m so thrilled you’re going to be a part of the center moving forward.”
“I am too. You’ve built something incredible here. I’m not going to lie, when you left New York and told me you were going to set up a family practice in your hometown, I thought you’d lost your mind.”
“So did I at times, but I wouldn’t change a thing.”
I look around us—her home is full of life and love. There are pictures of her kids on the walls and a pair of Maddox’s boots at the front door next to hers. She has everything she ever wanted.
“Do you ever miss New York? Or surgery?”
“Of course. I had a life there and people I care about. I still perform select surgeries if someone seeks me out, but there was always a piece of me missing. Mad is the love of my life, and without him, none of it meant anything.”
“Really?” She’s such an accomplished woman, and I’m struck by the thought that she’d put such stock in a man.
“It wasn’t that it didn’t mean anything, it’s that it all means more with him. He and I had been together our whole lives, and when I left, there was a huge part of my heart that stayed here with him.”
“And now you’re here with him and three beautiful children.”
“Yep.”
I’ve been shoveling food in my face in between sentences, and if I could, I’d lick the plate clean. With my energy replenished, I’m ready to go and see my new house. “Let’s go. I’m ready to roll.”
“You sure? The boys are more than capable.” She hesitates, a furrow marring her delicate brow.
“What’s wrong?”
“We probably should go. I’m just remembering the last time I let them loose when Jasper moved to town. I found them stuffing packing peanuts down their pants. The monkeys have probably taken over the zoo by now.”
“Maybe I could get myself some DDs if I stuff my bra.” I gesture to my chest.
“Oh yeah, you’re going to fit right in, my friend. Welcome home.” A.B. slings her arm over my shoulder as we head for the car.
Home.
I like the sound of that.
Three
Johnny
My head is pounding, and my brain feels like it’s been on a spin cycle. Last night was rough.
“Will you do it already?”
“Can you keep the noise down? I didn’t get much sleep.”
Belle grabs my face, pulling it down to her level. “Why? What happened?”
“I’m not high, Blue Bell. I just didn’t sleep well. My hotel room shares a wall with Tony’s, and that fucker is loud if you catch my drift?”
“Eww.”
“Exactly, so please, for the love of God, give me a break.”
“I’ll stop nagging if you just find a meeting and go before we leave town. Aren’t you supposed to go regularly?”
“Stop. I’m not a fucking baby. If I lived in one place, then I’d be going to meetings. We flit from city to city every night. The longest we’ve been in one place was three days last month. I’m not going to find a new group everywhere we go and relive the first day of school over and over again.”
“Fine, but if you don’t have a support group, then I’m it. Your sober accountability person… me. Your designated rant partner… me. You want a hit, a drink, a fuck… you
call me.”
“Remember when I intimated three seconds ago that I have a headache? That’s what ‘keep the noise down’ means. I don’t need you saying anything about me wanting someone to fuck. It’s disturbing. I’m aware of the connection between my drug habit and naked groupies. My balls have gone past blue to some undiscovered shade of misery.”
“I thought it was just frowned upon to get into a relationship during the first year.”
“Yeah, it is. Focus on recovery. Relationships are a fucked-up mess of ups and downs and emotions I can’t deal with at this point.”
“So, couldn’t you have the odd hookup to relieve the balls’ situation?”
“They just shriveled up and died because you mentioned them in a sentence.”
“I’m trying to be serious here. I want to help you.”
“Talking about my balls doesn’t help. It’s the opposite of helpful. I have an addictive personality, Blue Bell. I’ve learned that much about myself. For me, partying, drinking, drugs, and fucking all go hand in hand. I don’t trust myself, okay? You saw what happened last month. Groupies come equipped with a dispensary of doctors’ finest. I’m not exactly hanging out in libraries with uptight women who need to loosen up. The women I meet are loose enough before I come into the picture.”
“The uptight librarian? You’re heavy into the fantasies right now.”
“Fuck off. I don’t want to talk about this. Can we just get in the car and go wherever the hell we’re going next?”
“Phoenix.”
“Great. We can drive through the Mojave. It’s as dried up as my dick, so I’ll feel right at home.” And just like that, the tension between us dissipates as Belle erupts with laughter.
“Oh God, that’s just too sad, bro.”
“Try being me. You have sex on tap following wherever you go. When does the delectable Knox have to get back to K Falls?”
