by D. R. Rosier
I thought about that. I’d been through it twice, and it did completely reveal the other person. Not their thoughts, or what they’d done, but who they were at their source, where those thoughts and actions flow from. It was a deeper understanding than could be had from simply sharing thoughts and emotions, and even made that kind of connection crude by comparison. I hadn’t hesitated to reach out to any of my mates, and entwine our souls, if that’s truly what we were seeing.
I said, “I guess I never thought it through to that possibility, maybe Regina just thought it was self-evident and that’s why she didn’t mention it. So, what are your intentions, your desires?”
She raised an eyebrow, “Excuse me?”
“I know it’s a little heavy handed, we hardly know each other, but we don’t have time to court and tiptoe about issues for months. Will you allow my impertinence?”
She smirked, “Intentions about what, I intend to obey my mother, and become your mate, should the bond take. I imagine if it doesn’t, my mother will throw one of my other sisters at you.”
I nodded, hiding my surprise at her candor, but appreciating it at the same time.
“What I meant was, what do you want out of it. Your mother has chosen me to be your mate, but what you do with that, beyond us being mated, is all on you.”
She still looked confused, and I was starting to regret starting this conversation. Maybe I should have just let it alone and let it just unfold naturally.
“Alright, let’s put it this way. I’m in love and loved by all three of my mates, who are all bonded to each other as well. Do you want something like that, enough to take a chance, or we could just take things slowly and see what happens, even after the bonding.”
“What chance?” she asked.
“Well, the bond will speed things up. I might not learn your likes, dislikes, dreams and ambitions, but I’ll know who you are, and you’ll know who I am. I imagine if love is possible between us, that would move things in that direction rather quickly. The chance I’m talking about you taking, is you have a choice. You can either bond to me alone, or you can take a chance, and bond to all of us as my other mates have done. One would make you my wife and satisfy your mother’s orders, the second would make you family to all of us.”
And it was a risk, if bonds could be rejected, then any one of the four of us could do so. At the same time, it would be the best way to integrate her into our marriage quickly, and far less painfully, if all my mates and I found a beautiful soul.
She looked thoughtful, and intimidated.
“I’m sorry, perhaps I’m being selfish. I admit, I am thinking it would ease my other mates’ acceptance of you and their concerns, but that would be to both our benefit. If it makes a difference, I’d rather love all my mates. This may not be a love match, but that doesn’t mean I can’t win your heart.”
She said, “I’ll think about it, we don’t have to decide yet. I imagine you’ll be here a few more days at the least, before the elves are ready to travel.”
Her eyes told me she did want it, wanted to be loved and not apart from the others, but she was also frightened by it. Love wasn’t something that could be forced into being by desire, and not every two people were compatible that way. Did she worry we’d reject her, or that she’d reject us? Probably both.
I should have just kept my mouth shut, this wasn’t something that could be fixed, it had to happen naturally or not at all. She wasn’t the only one feeling nervous, or vulnerable. It was the whole arranged marriage thing, it had me off balance and I was trying to regain control. I was trying to fix it. That wouldn’t work. I couldn’t force my mates, or her, or even myself in regard to my feelings.
The rest of my breakfast passed in silence, and I could see her wrestling over it, though she wasn’t obvious about it.
“How about that walk?”
She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, I wanted to see those sea foam eyes sparkle again. She also looked a little surprised, had she expected me to hit on her? I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of nobles hadn’t made the attempt, she was certainly… alluring. Either way, there was an innocence about her that couldn’t be faked, I was sure she was manipulating me in other ways, but not in that way.
“The gardens?”
I nodded in agreement, and we stood up.
Sianna’s honey brown hair glowed in the morning sunlight and made her even more beautiful. Just her body and face evoked both desire and a protectiveness in me. Unless her personality was truly repugnant, I didn’t think I’d have any trouble falling for the princess. Still, there was no judging that type of thing, love was a mystery, and simple lust coupled with the strong male instinct to protect wasn’t a good indication for that sort of thing.
I knew better, but again, I didn’t want to be stuck in a loveless mating, and was grasping for straws. I imagined it was more than possible I could respect her and accept the bond, even if love never blossomed from it. It would also be harder on her than it was on me, at least I had three other mates I loved that also loved me, it’d make the lack with her tolerable, but for her… resentment at my happiness with the others would build over time.
In short, I really didn’t like it, even as I knew we couldn’t avoid it. All I could do was put in the effort, and hope for the best.
The garden around us was filled with several types of flowers just starting to bloom for the first time in the late spring day, of which I could only name a few. It felt nice with her hand on my arm, and her warm body next to mine, but it also felt odd. Two strangers playing at being closer than they were.
The awkward silence between us had gone on far too long.
“I’m sorry Sianna.”
She looked up at me with those light gray eyes of hers.
“About?”
I replied, “Pushing you like that. I’m afraid I’m as off balance in this as you are, perhaps more. This isn’t something you or I can fix, it something that just needs to happen.” I left off the implied or not happen at the end of that sentence.
She smiled, it was warmer than the earlier one, but it still didn’t set her eyes alight.
“You’re forgiven. You were also right though. We can’t force it, but then being too tentative could kill any real chance at achieving what we both want. No one sane wants to be in a loveless marriage, but I have a duty which comes first to even that desire, and a hope that eventually that will happen. It just won’t happen overnight, and never at all if we try to force it.”
“You’re pretty wise.”
She grinned, and this time her eyes sparkled as she tossed her hair in a faux haughty gesture.
“I’m a princess, of course I’m wise.”
She held her head condescendingly for a second or two, and then giggled. I laughed with her, her giggle was contagious.
I’d never met self-aggrandizing royalty before, but her sense of humor was definitely pointed inward. That wasn’t the first self-mocking joke I’d heard her make. Even her irritation and anger last night had a self-mocking edge to it, as if she was punishing herself for not controlling her emotions.
She explained with a hopeful catch in her voice, “I watched my three older sisters go through it, two of them found love with their bonded, and I haven’t given up on my third oldest sister yet, she’s only been bonded for a few months.”
I nodded, “Arranged marriages aren’t common on my world, but there is proof that in the long run they tend to be more stable. Of course, with the bonding that isn’t a consideration here.”
She bit her lip, and led me over to one of the benches.
I asked, “Do you like it out here?”
She looked around, and whispered conspiratorially, “It’s beautiful of course, but honestly? Not even a little bit.”
“Bad memories of suitors?” I asked jokingly.
She shook her head, “I only had to set one of them on fire, when he got too fresh.”
I snickered, not believing a word of tha
t.
She sighed, and bit her lip, as she studied my eyes.
“I never liked… acceptable pursuits for a young princess. Most woman that have the war gift of fire, learn how to heat baths, and set fireplaces, control oven temperatures. My mother allowed me to learn how to use it offensively, of course all that’s in the past now. I’ve always wanted my mother’s power, and thanks to you that impossible and childish wish just came true.
“Sorry, I’m babbling. What I meant to say is, the garden is lovely, and worth a quick break in the day, but I prefer more active pursuits than knitting and watching the flowers bloom.”
“For instance?” I asked.
She shrugged, “In the past it was working with my fire talent, I wanted to be able to protect myself. Now it will be learning about my magic.”
I took her hand, it felt nice and soft in mine, warm.
“Well, that’s an ambition you can follow, you will be powerful and more than capable of defending yourself when Karana is done teaching you, and you’ll be in a family with other women of strength to watch your back as well, but to what end?”
She tilted her head, “That’s what I have to figure out. My mother can be ruthless, and harsh, but she uses her power to improve the lives of those she rules, and will stop the abuse that flourished under King Hanson. I’ll never rule, but I want to make an impact that way, even if on a smaller scale.”
I agreed with that, for the most part. Sure I could have gotten into an argument of comparative morality, and that while the queen’s vision of how the world should be was mostly just, a lot of people would disagree with it, but there was no point. This was a different world, and in truth I agreed with most of the things she was doing. I was hardly going to rebel. My life was complicated enough.
“Whatever you decide. Plus, I’ll be the bath warmer in the household.”
She giggled, and looked at me incredulously.
“Well, not personally, but one of my organic inventions.”
I had the ring around my finger stretch and move to make my point.
She asked, “So, what are your ambitions.”
I replied, “Family, children, keeping my mates happy. Outside my personal life, my ambitions are to heal others, to leave the world a better place than when I entered it.”
She tilted her head, “Noble ambitions.”
I shrugged, “They are in a way, but also selfish. I’m not perfect Sianna, no one is. There is a rush of satisfaction at seeing pain and suffering clear from someone’s face. To know I make the life of those around me better and healthier. I imagine it isn’t much different from a warrior’s satisfaction when they defend the innocent from predation. Perhaps it is noble, but it is also what I love, and I get a lot back out of it.”
She looked thoughtful, and finally nodded in agreement.
I said, “You’ll find it, I have faith in that. Whether the magic is a source of joy in itself and you become a teacher, or if it’s just a tool of power to you, you’ll use it to protect our family, and others. You just need to find your… cause.”
She asked, “You’d let me defend our family?”
“It’s my job to defend and provide for all of you, and I always will. What you choose to do past being my mate and having our children is up to you. Regina chose to support and run the manor, and stay near my side always. Right now, is kind of an exception, since she’s needed to help the elves. That said, Saria and Karana are more powerful warriors than I’ll ever be. I’m a healer, not a warrior, or powerful mage, even if I have the ability and power to defend myself and all of you. In short, yes, you’ll be my mate and a part of my family, and I lead our family, but I already told you last night, I won’t tell you what to do in the other aspects of your life.”
She said, “That appeals to me, but it isn’t enough either.”
I nodded, “Saria is a warrior and defends our family as well, but she also will be training scouts in advanced tactics.”
It seemed like a good time, and I pulled out what I’d prepared last night.
“All my mates wear these. Since you’re a mage, all it really does is heal you, if you’re hurt, poisoned, or catch something when I’m not around. I’d like you to wear it. It will change shape, grow, or change color, though I imagine you’ll do better with illusions when you learn them.”
She took it with wide and vulnerable eyes, and I reset the bonding function as I let go, so it would bond to her.
“It won’t obey or help anyone else, just you.”
She said, “I’m not your mate yet.”
I shrugged helplessly, “Consider it a token of faith that it will happen, and if it doesn’t keep it to remember me by.”
She narrowed her eyes, “You seem sure it will happen.”
I admitted, “I am, after the talk we just had. I admire your ambitions, and a woman with strength. I don’t know if that means I’ll ever love you, but that isn’t required for a successful bond, is it? You could be hiding something ugly, but I highly doubt it.”
She smirked playfully, and raised an eyebrow, “And you’re so sure I won’t reject you?”
I waved a hand arrogantly, “Never happen.”
She looked shocked, until I snickered, and she joined me in laughter.
“But you’re pretty sure I won’t,” she said half accusingly, half in curiosity.
I shook my head, “You’ve liked what you’ve heard, and during the bonding you’ll know for sure I haven’t lied to you about any of it. Or maybe, I’m just naively hopeful.”
She grinned, “I’m betting on both of those being true.”
I smirked, “Guilty as charged, I can’t help it, I do look for the good in everyone. My mates make sure I don’t screw up too badly with advice.”
She squeezed my hand, “I’ll admit I liked the keep your mates happy part, and the whole not running every aspect of my life part. I especially like the whole seeing me as a real person thing, even if that’s turning out a lot more complicated than I’d imagined. If I wasn’t a princess, and had a choice, I’d be very pleased if you chose to court me James.”
“Will you burn me if I try to kiss you?”
She giggled, but her eyes widened. Her breath quickened, and I knew then she hadn’t lied the previous night when she’d said she found me attractive.
I was probably being selfish again, but I wanted that kiss to see if the spark of attraction we had was snuffed out or if it lit a fire. A spark was important, attraction was important, probably the least important part of a marriage, but still a necessary one. Without chemistry the best we could ever achieve was love and respect, but we’d never be in love.
I’d also been wondering what her sweet lips tasted like for the last twenty minutes.
She tilted her head slightly, and looked up through her eyelashes in invitation. She looked so innocent in her fragile and fresh-faced beauty, and I just stared for a moment, completely hypnotized by her sea foam eyes, and the desire there I saw which mirrored my own. Pure chemical attraction, and shallow, but that shallow attraction would make the effort of putting down a solid foundation easier. Especially because the more we talked, the more I liked her and was impressed by her.
Sera might have been a ruthless ruler, but she’d raised a hell of a daughter.
I leaned down slowly, and brushed her soft lips tentatively, and then pressed mine against her lips softly. The kiss was awkward for the first few seconds, but eventually we found that rhythm that was all our own.
Her breathy sigh, and the hand she put on my arm encouraged me to deepen the kiss further, and her sweet lips conformed to mine. She was delicious, and my heart warmed as my nerves came alive, and my center stirred. The spark turned into a molten desire that ran through my body, question answered, at the very least we had chemistry to spare.
I reached up and cupped her face, as I broke the kiss, and then caressed down her soft lovely face with my fingertips.
She looked breathless, and as effected by the kiss as
I was. Her eyes burned with desire, but also fear. Not the same fear that had filled Karana’s and Saria’s eyes, but one of inexperience and shock at her own strong desires and her body’s yearnings.
She licked her lips, and then moved her head away in both relief and disappointment when I removed my hand and freed her from my intense gaze.
There was no need to quantify it with speech, she clearly noticed the effect she had on me as well.
I cleared my throat, “You’re an amazing woman, whatever happens.”
She smiled mysteriously, “Thank you, James. I’m… pleased as well. I hope for more with us as time goes by, but it could be a lot worse. I’m also not usually so open about my thoughts, there’s something so sincere about you that it gets past my defenses.”
“Good to know,” I smiled, “I need to meet my mates for lunch, will you join us?”
She shook her head, a little disappointedly, “I have to eat lunch with my mother, but I’ll walk you back, and return this afternoon?”
She made a face, “I’m not purposefully avoiding your mates, even if I am nervous about getting to know them, but my mother…” she trailed off helplessly.
I smirked, “Wants your insights into me and to hear how things are going with your seduction of me?”
She blushed, “Exactly. Our cunning plan to bind you to our family is working well so far, wouldn’t you say?”
Her tone was joking and playful, but at the same time it was obviously a real thing. I wondered if her honesty and their bluntness was part of the plan, or if it was her own improvisation and decision to tell the truth baldly. I knew five minutes with me would tell them both I wasn’t good at these kinds of subtle games, and forthrightness and honesty would work far better to manipulate me.
A part of me didn’t care, and even felt like it didn’t matter. Everyone was manipulative in one way or another, if we could truly connect, love, and be joyful what did that matter? She was an amazing woman, the other circumstances be damned. It would even work, what wouldn’t I do for the mother of a woman I loved? Did that make me a fool? Did it really matter, if I got another amazing and loving wife out of it, a strong woman who appreciated being respected and given the freedom to act as she wanted outside our family structure?
