by Maria Savva
He shook his head. ‘The way I treated Maggie, it will always be there in the back of your mind, and whenever I see you, I’ll always remember it. I’ve worked so hard to forget it all. It’s best if we go our separate ways. Sixteen years is a long time, we’ve all moved on. It’s for the best.’
He turned to leave.
‘You can’t just forget about us,’ said Cara in a high-pitched voice. ‘What about Penny? David is dead, she doesn’t need to hide now. Why don’t you meet her and explain everything to her? Wouldn’t you like to see her again?’
He twisted around to face her. ‘But you said you don’t know where Penny is.’
‘I don’t, but we can find her. Together.’
His features were drawn, mournful. ‘I shouldn’t get involved.’
‘But you’re her father.’
‘No, I let her down.’
‘But if she sees you’re genuinely sorry for what you did—’
‘I phoned Claire today. We talked and she’s agreed I can go home. I only came here to get my stuff. We’re going to try to get through this.’
‘But will you at least help me find Penny?’
‘She’ll probably come to find you.’
‘But what if she hasn’t heard about David?’
‘Aunty Glor can help you find her.’ He was standing at the bedroom door.
‘Ben, you will still come and visit me, now Claire knows the whole story?’
He gazed at the floor, pouting. ‘Claire’s agreed I can move back home, but things are still rocky between us. It wasn’t easy for her to learn all about my past; we need to sort out our relationship.’
‘I’ve met Claire; she seems nice. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind us keeping in touch.’
‘I’m not so sure. She feels deceived because I didn’t tell her the truth from the start. I’ve told her I’ll cut my ties with the past.’
‘She doesn’t have to know if you visit me. She doesn’t even have to know if you see Penny. You don’t have to tell her,’ pleaded Cara.
‘I don’t want to lie to her.’
‘You can’t walk away, Ben; I don’t know if I could bear losing you again.’
‘It’s not the same this time. You know I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me.’
‘So, what are you saying?’
‘It would be best if we don’t see each other.’
‘I’m your mother,’ she almost screamed the words.
‘I still love you,’ he said. ‘But it’s a choice I have to make: Claire or you.’
‘You shouldn’t have to choose,’ said Cara, impatiently. ‘I’ll speak to Claire.’
‘No. This isn’t Claire’s decision, it’s mine. I can’t face remembering everything. Sorry.’
‘I won’t let you go.’
‘Stay out of my life,’ he said bluntly. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t risk losing Amy.’ His eyes were welling with tears. ‘Bye.’ With that, he was gone.
Cara stared at the bedroom door for a long time after he’d left, tears streaming down her cheeks. She’d been so hopeful that once he was reunited with Catherine and James things would change, but now all her dreams of them being a family again were out of reach; she had doubted him and her doubts had sent him away.
Cara felt the silver locket between her fingers and lifted it so she could see it. As she did so, a single teardrop fell onto the shiny pendant, covering the inscription for an instant before dispersing.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
The days following David’s death were difficult for Cara. She felt lonelier than ever, having so many hours alone to sit and think. Her most prominent thoughts were of things that made her feel upset or anxious. She couldn’t help playing over in her mind the way David had charged into her room, his eyes full of desperation, seeking Penelope, and then the way he had come to such an untimely end, so suddenly and unexpectedly. The memory of his pale, lifeless face in the mortuary hung over her like a shadow, disturbing her peace, making it difficult for her to sleep. On top of that, she had to deal with remorse and regret over driving Benjamin away.
She needed someone to talk to, but Gloria remained distant and uncommunicative.
One evening, when the silence and isolation became too much to bear, Cara stopped Gloria as she walked towards the door after delivering her supper. ‘Glor, why don’t you sit in here with me to have your dinner?’
Gloria looked over her shoulder. There were dark shadows around her eyes. ‘I’m not hungry, I ate earlier.’ She put a hand against her mouth to stifle a yawn. ‘I need to clean the kitchen, then I’m going to bed.’ She was standing by the bedroom door with one hand on the knob.
‘You look worn out. Why don’t you sit here while I eat? You can clean up later.’
Gloria sighed and let go of the door handle. She sat on the chair next to the bed, smoothing the lines of her pleated pink skirt and dusting a piece of fluff off the sleeve of her white cardigan.
‘I haven’t really been able to relax these past few days,’ said Cara, ‘since everything that’s happened. It’s all been so disturbing.’
Gloria stood up and switched the light on, then walked over to the window. ‘Yes, I know. It’s going to take a long time to get the house back in order after what David did to it,’ she said as she closed the thick velvet curtains. It was getting dark outside. ‘I suppose you’ll be leaving soon, now Penelope no longer has to hide from him.’ Gloria walked towards the door.
‘Wait,’ said Cara. ‘Has Penny contacted you?’
‘No, but it’s only a matter of time.’ Gloria said, closing her eyes. ‘You know you don’t have to return to London, don’t you? You could stay here with me, if you like.’
Cara smiled at her sister. ‘That’s kind of you, Glor, but I do want to try to find Penny, and if there is any way I can move back with her, I will. Furley Avenue has been my home for the past five years. I miss it. Even though I was stuck in my bedroom most of the time, there was always something going on outside the window. London is busier than Huddlesea. It’s not that I don’t like it here, I do, but when I’m here in this room there’s not much to see out there. I feel as if I’m just waiting for time to end.’
‘I did bring you the television to keep you entertained,’ said Gloria. ‘I could arrange for your bed to be moved to the front room, so you’ll have a view of the goings-on in town. Of course, it’s not as busy as London, but there’s always someone passing by the house. Rosetta said you enjoyed your trips into town. I could take you out and about. You won’t have to be cooped up in here all the time.’
‘That’s very kind, Glor, but I won’t change my mind. I never really did like Huddlesea, even as a young girl. I was constantly hoping for a way to leave. There are too many ghosts here.’
‘I see.’ Gloria pursed her lips.
‘That doesn’t mean I won’t visit. I’m sure we’ll keep in touch. And you’re more than welcome to take a trip to London whenever you can.’ Then Cara’s brow furrowed slightly as she said, ‘Oh dear, I’m getting ahead of myself. We haven’t even found Penny yet. I do hope we can find her soon. I hope she’s okay.’
‘I’m sure she’s fine,’ said Gloria. ‘Well, I really must go and clean up. I’ll come and collect your tray in a while.’
‘Glor, will you help me find Penny?’
‘I don’t know if I can,’ she replied. ‘I wouldn’t know where to start.’
‘The police at the Hensley police station helped her escape; they probably know where she is. Would you call them for me?’
‘I’ll try and find the number.’
Gloria smiled, but Cara could see tears forming in her ice-blue eyes.
‘I suppose I’d hoped you’d decide to stay here rather than return to London.’
Looking at Gloria, Cara could no longer feel any bitterness. True, she had not been the perfect sister, far from it, but they had become friends. ‘I’m grateful for all you’ve done for me but, as I said, Penny’s house was my home for
so long, I miss being there. Thank you so much for letting me stay.’
‘Oh, you would have done the same for me.’ Gloria kept her eyes averted as she spoke.
‘We will keep in touch,’ said Cara. ‘Everything’s different now.’
‘Yes.’ A tear fell from Gloria’s eye. ‘Oh, I am a silly old fool,’ she murmured, as she wiped the tear away with the sleeve of her cardigan.
Gloria did not mention Penelope for the next few days. She continued to behave aloofly, bringing Cara’s meals and leaving the room after a few words about the weather or about the people she had met in town whilst out shopping. Then one morning she sat on the chair next to the bed, still wearing her red quilted dressing gown, her hair in a net. ‘Cara,’ she said, eyes down, ‘I’ve had a call from Catherine.’
‘Cathy?’ Cara smiled. ‘Last time I spoke to her she said that she and Jamie could come to visit. Did she mention that?’
‘She said she’ll be coming to see you tomorrow.’
‘What about Jamie?’
‘She didn’t talk about him. It was just a brief call to let us know she’s coming. She couldn’t really talk, she was on her way to take her children to school.’
Cara beamed. ‘I’ve missed her.’
‘She said she can only pop in for a short while. I invited her for dinner, but she’s too busy. Oh, and she said she has heard from Penelope.’
‘Oh, how wonderful! What a relief! I knew she’d be all right. Before you know it, I’ll be back in London. I can’t wait to see her and little Carl and Andrew again.’
‘Yes. That will be nice.’ Without warning, Gloria headed for the door.
‘Wait, Glor. Why do you look so… well… unhappy? Aren’t you pleased Penny’s free now? Hang on, is there something you’re not telling me… about Penny?’
Gloria turned to face her.
‘Is Penny all right?’
‘I don’t know, dear. I think so.’ Gloria shrugged.
‘Didn’t Cathy say anything else about Penny?’
‘No, but as I say, she couldn’t talk for long, she only called to give me a message for you.’
‘Glor, have I offended you in some way?’
‘No, of course not. Sorry if I don’t seem pleased for you. I am, but I’ve just got used to you being around, I suppose. This house is too big for one person. I’ll miss you. I’ll be fine, though.’
‘Oh, I see. This was never going to be a permanent arrangement, Glor, you knew that.’
‘Yes, I know. I do understand, don’t worry. Penelope is your granddaughter; of course you’d rather be with her. She’s your family.’
‘You’re my family, too.’
‘I know,’ said Gloria, ‘but I haven’t been much of a sister.’
‘I didn’t mean that you’re any less important to me.’
‘But I’ve been unkind to you for most of my life. I did want to make it up to you.’ She slouched, looking at the floor.
‘Let’s leave the past where it belongs. None of us are perfect; we’ve all done things we regret,’ said Cara.
Gloria wiped away a stray tear.
‘I’ll never forget what happened to Beattie, but I have forgiven you. Maybe it’s about time you forgave yourself.’
Gloria gave a half smile stained with sadness. ‘I’ll miss you, Cara.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
As Catherine walked into the bedroom, Cara noticed she looked thinner than usual. She had always been a slim girl, but today she appeared even more slight. Her pink summer dress, which Cara had seen her wear before, did not fit her well; it was loose around the bodice.
‘Hi, Mum.’ She kissed Cara on the cheek and sat on the edge of the bed, placing her white handbag on the carpet. ‘Sorry I haven’t visited since I brought you here, but it’s so difficult to arrange for someone to look after the children.’ A lock of her red hair fell onto her face and she tucked it behind her ear.
‘You should have brought them with you, I would have loved to see them again. I miss them.’
‘It’s hard to handle the two of them on my own.’
‘What about Tom? He could come with you; I’d love to see him too. I suppose he’s working, though. How is he?’
Catherine touched her forehead, giving the impression she was deep in thought. ‘Mum, about Tom…’ She stood up and sat on the chair next to the bed. ‘He’s not well.’
‘Oh dear, what’s wrong with him?’
‘Nothing life-threatening; well, not really. He’s depressed. He has to take antidepressants. He’s fine when he takes them, but if he forgets, it’s not pleasant. He has these mood swings.’
The last time Cara had seen Tom at the flat, the night before she came to Huddlesea, he’d seemed tired; he hadn’t spoken much, but it was late and she’d assumed he’d been at work all day. ‘How long has he had depression?’ she asked.
‘It most likely stems back to his redundancy last November. He started to behave different. Moody.’
‘But Tom’s usually such a cheerful young man.’
‘That’s the problem, there are times when I don’t even recognise him anymore. One minute he’s his old self, laughing and joking, but he can change just like that.’ She clicked her fingers. ‘And I never know what to say to him.’ She brushed her hair away from her face. Her green eyes were brimming with tears.
Cara reached over and handed her a tissue. ‘Don’t worry, dear, I’m sure he’ll get better. As you say, losing his job couldn’t have been easy to come to terms with.’
‘Yes, that’s part of it.’ Catherine dried her eyes. ‘But depression is an illness. It’s not like you or I getting a bit upset, it’s a serious condition. The doctor said Tom’s been having suicidal thoughts.’
‘Tom wouldn’t do that,’ said Cara, quickly.
‘No, that’s what I thought, but last month I came home one evening and found him sitting at the kitchen table with about twelve packets of paracetamol tablets in front of him. I’m sure he was planning to take an overdose. I hide all the medicines because I’m scared of what he’ll do. Can’t hide his depression pills from him though, he needs them.’
‘I’m sorry, Cathy.’
‘I’m praying he gets another job soon. He’s going for an interview next week.’
‘Yes.’ Cara nodded. ‘I’m sure he’ll be fine when he gets another job and he’s got a routine.’ She remembered now that the last time she’d seen her daughter, she’d appeared pale and tired, but being so worried about Penelope, she hadn’t stopped to consider that Catherine could have problems of her own. ‘Cathy dear, if you ever need to talk, call me. You shouldn’t keep everything bottled up; it’s hard enough to cope without having to pretend you’re fine when you’re not.’
‘I didn’t want to worry you.’
‘I know.’
‘Enough about me. How are you? Are you feeling all right?’
‘Yes, I’m fine. Gloria’s been very good.’
‘No, I mean the MS.’
‘I haven’t had any problems. I’ve got the tablets the doctor gave me, apart from that I’m the same. I’m no worse, thank God.’
‘Good.’
‘Don’t worry about me; I’ve had this condition for so long, I don’t really think about it. The only thing I miss is being mobile, but I’m quite well otherwise.’
Catherine smiled at her. ‘That’s a lovely necklace, I haven’t seen you wear it before.’ She leaned forward to take a closer look.
Cara had been holding the locket in her hand as she spoke, unaware. ‘Er… it’s a necklace I used to wear when I was a young girl. Gloria found it here and gave it back to me.’
Catherine took the locket between her fingers.
Cara held her breath.
‘It’s got a “C” for Cara,’ said Catherine.
‘Yes.’
‘It’s lovely. I might steal it from you, as it’s my initial too!’ Catherine laughed.
Watching as her daughter flicked open the locket, Cara
winced.
‘What’s inside? Hair? Is that hair?’ The strands of black hair were neatly tied together with a piece of cotton. ‘Whose hair is it? It’s black, like Penny’s hair. Is it Penny’s hair?’
‘I can’t remember whose hair it is.’
‘No, it can’t be Penny’s if Aunty Glor found it here.’ She frowned, as if trying to work it out in her mind.
‘I think it was a lock of my best friend’s hair. Yes. It was so long ago I’d almost forgotten,’ she lied, taking inspiration from what Gloria had said.
‘Really? You must have been thrilled to see it again.’
‘Yes, I was.’ She avoided Catherine’s eyes.
As Catherine tried to close the locket the hair fell out. ‘Oh, no, where’s it gone?’ She knelt on the floor. ‘It has to be somewhere down here, but it’s difficult to see. The carpet’s dark too.’
‘Don’t worry, dear.’
Catherine stood up. ‘It’s been inside the locket for so many years, trust me to be the one to lose it.’
‘Don’t worry, it’s not important,’ said Cara, secretly hoping Catherine would find it.
After kneeling down on the carpet and searching with her hands for a minute or so, Catherine sat back on the chair and shrugged. ‘It’s disappeared.’
Cara decided she would try to find the hair herself later, when Catherine had left.
‘I’m sorry, Mum.’
‘It’s okay.’
‘I’ll have to go soon,’ said Catherine, noticing the time on the clock next to Cara’s bed. ‘Oh, I nearly forgot: I’ve got some news about Penny.’
Cara felt her spirits lift when she heard her granddaughter’s name. ‘Glor mentioned you’d heard from her. Is it true?’
‘Yes, she called me a couple of days ago.’
‘How is she? What did she say?’
‘She told me David is dead. Is it true he died in Huddlesea?’
‘Yes,’ said Cara, bowing her head.
‘I was so shocked when I heard,’ exclaimed Catherine. ‘It must have happened quite soon after he’d been here to see you.’
