“It’s so simple and clear. It’s all about trust, honesty, and there’s a lot in it about forgiveness,” as he had told her.
“It works for me. I hope you like him,” Jack said easily. “What did Xela say?”
“We’re going.”
“Me too, I bought myself a ticket.”
“Do you want to come with us?”
“I don’t want to intrude on Xela. You two should go alone.” He was discreet about things like that, which she appreciated and she agreed with him.
* * *
—
On Saturday night, she picked up her daughter as promised, and they arrived at the Garden ten minutes before the event. Thousands of people were filing into the building in orderly fashion, looking good humored and excited. Once they were seated, Isabelle looked around and noticed that most of the crowd looked like them. She saw an attorney she knew ten rows down from their seats, and a congresswoman she admired. The crowd wasn’t made up of freaks or religious fanatics, and she hoped they wouldn’t be disappointed.
The lights dimmed after a few minutes, and a slight man with an energetic step and a handsome, youthful look in a well-cut suit walked onto the stage and smiled at them.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he said, and she realized that he could be a well-rehearsed showman, but everything about him gave her the sensation that he was sincere. She was glad to be there. She reached over and held Xela’s hand, and they smiled at each other. People were smiling all around the huge auditorium. He told funny stories and talked about incidents from his own life, his family, and friends, all situations that happened to everyone. People laughed and you could feel them relax and enjoy the moment. He became more somber with time, and talked about more serious issues, and illnesses. God was threaded into the conversation with a light touch, and never in an oppressive way. You could either embrace the idea of God, or simply the positive message he was offering, that you could hang in, you could prevail, you could get better, your marriage could improve, and if it didn’t, you could find a way to leave it. Your job, your finances, your relationship with your kids. His message applied to everything and every problem you were facing. With the right attitude you could be healed, even of serious illnesses. Anything was possible and you began to feel that way as you listened to him. The burdens that you had brought with you seemed to lift like they do in an evening spent with a good friend who offers great advice and believes in it.
There were tears in Isabelle’s eyes as she listened, and when she turned there were tears rolling down Xela’s cheeks. In the gentlest way, he had lightened the load for the people there. At the end of his message after two hours, people literally stood up and cheered. He thanked them, said a short blessing, and stayed to chat for a few more minutes, and then left the stage as discreetly as he had arrived with a warm wave. Isabelle felt as though he had hugged her when he left, and Xela looked shell-shocked. As they made their way out of the building, Isabelle realized that he and his very pretty wife were wandering through the crowd of thousands, randomly shaking hands and thanking them for coming. Isabelle felt as though something in her had changed that night. In the car, Xela was crying and laughing and smiling and singing his praises.
“He’s fantastic!” she said to her mother and then looked sober. She had thought about it all through the evening. She knew what she had to do now. Whatever happened with her health, she had to repair the damage she had inflicted on people for so many years, sometimes even intentionally. Isabelle went upstairs to her apartment with her, and Xela looked at her seriously.
“I want to go see Theo and Oona. I’ve been angry at both of them for my whole life. I wanted to get even with them for what they had and I didn’t. Theo had a father who adored her. I don’t really remember him, but she has all his letters and she used to read them to me. You weren’t married to him, but he couldn’t have loved her more, he even loved you. And he left her his whole fortune, everything. Theo can do what she wants forever, she can make her dreams and everyone else’s come true. She can save lives, feed villages, build hospitals, bring in doctors. I hated her for it. She can have and do anything she wants.
“My father was a criminal and a shit, he didn’t even want to be my father. He gave me up as soon as he went to jail. I never even heard from him growing up. He didn’t care who I was or how I was and didn’t want to know. I’ve been angry at Theo my whole life for her father, her money, the freedom she has. She’s safe forever, and I have to fight for everything I have and live by my wits, and no matter how hard I work, I’ll never have a father, or the money she does. It’s like she won the lottery, and I didn’t.
“I’ve been jealous of her all my life, and I’ve been a bitch to her because of it. Every time I see her, I want to hurt her to get even. Even you hated my father once you found out what he was, and so do I, for what he did to you, and to me. Declan was the love of your life, the perfect man, and Oona has that whole legacy of a wonderful man who was her father even if he died before she was born. She never knew him, just like I never knew mine, but she doesn’t need to. Everything anyone says about him is good, that’s what he left her, the legacy of his goodness. Oona is so free and happy because of it. And she doesn’t care about money. She wears the same dress every time I see her, she doesn’t care about running a business or having ‘things.’ She just wants Gregorio and all her babies. Whatever she has is enough for her. She never wants more. I always want more. Whatever I have is never enough, and if I live to be a thousand, I will never have what Theo does. I’ll never save a life or build a hospital. I always feel like a loser when I’m with her. She won everything, the Great Father award, a ton of money, she won all the prizes, and I got none.
“And now, when I date, I pick the guys who don’t want me, every time. It’s almost as though if I find men like my father, I tell myself I can turn it around this time. But I never can. They’re either losers or married or shits, or just bad guys who make a point of rejecting me. I can pick them out in any crowd.
“I wouldn’t want him myself, but Oona has a guy who adores her, and children who love her. She’s never been rejected by anyone in her life. Getting rejected is my stock in trade, starting with my father. And I’ve been a bitch to both of my sisters for what they have and I don’t, whether it’s a man, a father, or money.” It was an incredible realization of what made Xela tick, and Isabelle was silent, absorbing it. She knew it was all true. It was a tremendous admission for Xela to acknowledge it. “I owe them both an apology,” she said seriously. “I want to take some time off before I start radiation and go see them. I want to talk to them in person, not on Skype or by text or email. I have a lot to say, and a lot to make up for.”
“I know they’ll want to hear it,” her mother said gently. “You’re a big person, Xela, for wanting to make amends to them. Not everyone would do that, or even admit there was a problem. I understand why you feel the way you do, or did, but you forget your own strengths too. You have more degrees than either of them. Oona never even finished college and Theo was not a great student. You were. You have your BA and MBA from Harvard, and an incredible head for business. Neither of them could do what you do. One day, I think you’ll be a very successful woman.” It was gratifying to hear it, and Xela smiled at her mother’s praise and faith in her. “Do you want a husband and kids someday?” Isabelle asked her. “I thought you were more interested in your career.”
“I am, for now. But one day, I’d like to have both, if that’s possible. I haven’t figured that out yet. And there have been no decent candidates in my life. Ultimately, I’d like a good guy for me, maybe someone who works as hard as I do. Not some deadbeat who wants to mooch off me and put me down. I’ve had enough of those. And now it’s a moot point anyway,” she said as tears filled her eyes. “I have cancer and I’m probably going to die.” Her voice caught on a sob as she said it, and Isabelle could see she believed it
, and she took both her daughter’s hands in her own.
“You are not going to die,” she said with all the strength and faith she could muster. “Stop saying that right now. Maybe this was an opportunity for you to learn some things about yourself, like what you just told me about you and your sisters. Do you realize how big that is? If you stop expending energy on being angry at them, you’ll have a lot more time for everything else. And one day, you’ll have the right man, if that’s what you want. Don’t just hand your life over to an illness. You can’t let it beat you, Xela. You are a winner, and this time you have to win.” She said it with such energy, she surprised them both.
“Do you really think I’ll beat it, Mom?” she asked, worried. She didn’t look convinced. The idea that she had cancer was overwhelming.
“I know you will. I expect you to. You need to believe in yourself.”
“I’ll try,” she said meekly. “And I’m serious about going to see Oona and Theo. I think I’ll go to Oona before the babies come. She’ll be crazed after that, and she won’t have time to talk.” She nursed her other three babies all the time and always had a breast in their mouth. Xela couldn’t imagine what it would be like with two at once.
It would have been the perfect night for Isabelle’s own confessions about the baby she had given up at fifteen, but she wanted all three of her daughters together in one place when she told them. She hadn’t figured out yet when they’d all get together, and probably not for a long time. Her secret had waited forty-three years to be told, so it could wait a little longer if it had to. And Isabelle still hadn’t heard back from Charles about whether or not he would see her. She was still hoping he would, and preferably soon.
She and Xela both felt transformed by the evening they had experienced, and Xela’s confessions had astounded her mother. She just hoped that she would continue to feel that way, and would be able to make a lasting peace with her sisters. It was important to her too.
* * *
—
Isabelle told Jack how much they had enjoyed the evening, and the preacher, when he came to work on Monday morning, and how much it had helped them both and moved them profoundly.
“It changed our lives,” Isabelle said with eyes that sparkled. “Xela is going on a pilgrimage to see her sisters and apologize to them.”
“Wow!” he said, impressed. “That’s a shocker. But not really. He had the same effect on me when I first saw him. He got me back on my feet, literally. I’d been moping around and bitter until then. He changed everything, my whole outlook about life. I don’t think I could have done it without him.”
“I hope he has the same impact on Xela,” Isabelle said seriously. “She’s never been a happy person, even as a little kid, but now she sees it. And it wouldn’t hurt Theo to listen to this man either. She’s been looking for something all her life that she’s never found. She doesn’t realize it has to be within her, it’s not external. Theo’s a seeker. She does a lot of good along the way, but I don’t think she’s truly happy. Her father was like that. He was a tortured soul.” Theo wasn’t tormented as he had been, but Isabelle knew she felt empty, and could never fill the deep need within her, no matter what she did.
Xela called her mother two days later to say goodbye. She’d gotten clearance from her doctor to go on the trip.
“I’m leaving for Florence in the morning.” She sounded cheerful and happy and energetic. “And I’m going from there to Delhi. I’m taking some time off, Mom.”
“You’re leaving already? That was fast,” Isabelle said, impressed. “Have a fantastic time and kiss Oona for me when you get there. Maybe you’ll be there when the twins come.”
“That sounds scary. I hope not,” she said and her mother laughed.
“It might be good practice for you,” her mother teased her.
“Don’t even say that. I’m not ready, and I’ll never be ready for twins. One at a time would be fine, or maybe just one child. I’m not a baby factory like my sister.” She promised to call her mother from Italy, and they both knew she had to be back in time for radiation in three or four weeks. But in the meantime, she was on a mission.
For the first time in her life, as the plane took off from New York, Xela couldn’t wait to see her sisters and spend some time with them, and make amends for her past bad behavior. The preacher from Texas had done his job well.
Chapter Sixteen
Oona had sent one of their farm workers to pick Xela up at the airport. She thought it was the least she could do. She was touched that her sister was coming. She had two weeks left in her pregnancy, and she never said it to Gregorio but she was homesick for her mother and sisters, and nervous about giving birth to twins. Gregorio acted as though he were doubly virile for having produced them, but the reality of delivering two infants fell to her, and it sounded terrifying.
Her mother never wanted to intrude on them and thought it was a moment she and her husband should share. She always came a few weeks later, when things had settled down, the nursing was going smoothly, and the baby had adjusted. And Gregorio’s family was overwhelming. There were so many of them, with so many opinions and loud voices, and they were always telling her what to do and expecting her to follow their advice, and Gregorio got angry with her when she didn’t and had her own ideas. He was certain that only Italians knew how to do anything right, and his family had their directions straight from God. It left no room for Oona to speak up at all, or disagree, and she hardly ever did. And she never complained about it.
She would have really liked it if Theo had been there, since she had assisted with many deliveries in Africa and India, but she was even happy to see Xela, and hoped she wouldn’t pick any fights with Gregorio. He thought that Theo was strange, and said openly that Xela was a bitch, and she was to him.
Oona ran out of the house when she heard the truck coming, and threw herself into Xela’s arms when she got out.
“Thank you for coming!” she said gratefully, and Xela was touched. She looked so off-kilter and vulnerable, and Xela could see that she was tired. The twins were huge, the three little boys were active, and her in-laws were underfoot all the time and made themselves right at home. And with such an obviously pregnant wife as the evidence of his masculinity, Gregorio was strutting and crowing like a rooster. He acted as though Oona had had little to do with it, and was nothing more than the delivery truck for his offspring, which he assumed would both be boys again, as further evidence of his prowess. Xela managed to appear bland and almost docile when she said hello to him, which was unlike her. Oona was grateful for that too.
They sat down and chatted in the living room for a few minutes after Xela arrived. The two sisters hadn’t seen each other in a year, and Oona asked politely about her business.
“It’s coming along. I think we’re close to getting some venture capital money. I’m trying not to stress about it right now.” Oona knew about her recent brush with breast cancer and asked how she was feeling. “I’m fine. I have to have radiation when I go back, and I hope that will be the end of it. They caught it very early. And the pathology reports are good. The perimeter was clean, and my lymph nodes aren’t involved, but it scared the hell out of me when I found out, because of our grandmother.”
“I know, it scares me too,” Oona admitted.
“How are you feeling, more to the point? I’m sorry to come right before you have the babies, but I had kind of an epiphany after the surgery, and I wanted to share it with you, in person.”
“I’m fine,” Oona answered her, “just tired now at the end. The doctor says they can come early, any time, and I’m getting nervous. I saw a film about giving birth to twins, and I nearly fainted.”
“Will Gregorio be with you?” She assumed he would be, especially with all the trumpeting and peacocking and posturing he did, she could easily imagine him standing by proudly and cutting the cord.
“That I’ve been a bitch to you and Theo all my life, and I want to stop,” she said seriously. “I’m ashamed to admit it to you, but I’ve been jealous of you both.”
“Of me?” Oona looked startled, as Xela noticed her enormous belly shift in shape with visible movements, as though the twins were having a fistfight inside her. It had to be boys, she was sure. “Why?” she asked Xela.
“Because you and Theo had wonderful fathers who adored you. Or yours would have if he’d known you. Mom was crazy about him, and everyone talks about what an incredible man he was. And Putnam adored Theo and left her a vast fortune and a million love letters. And my father was a con artist and a shit, who went to prison and gave up his rights to me. I always felt left out, like some kind of loser whose own father didn’t want her.” Oona was staring at her in amazement. “Anyway, I’ve been a bitch to both of you. The war is over. Maybe getting cancer put some sense into me. I’ve had a lot of time to think, and Mom and I went to see an incredible preacher. It just all seemed so simple after we heard him. I love you, Oona. You’re the sweetest person I know. I need to take lessons from you.” As she said it, she walked over and hugged her younger sister, and Oona started to cry.
Blessing in Disguise Page 20
