by Paula Mabbel
“I know, I meant the same thing.”
We looked at each other in silence, the ambient noise of the shop covering up the awkwardness I felt when I realized I was still holding her hand. She didn’t seem to have a problem with that, which both delighted and confused me.
“I can help with the repairs,” I said, if only to break the silence.
“That’s so generous of you, but I’m not letting anyone I love near that railing again. Only professionals from now on.”
Her choice of words gave me pause. I must’ve raised my eyebrows instinctively, seeing that she started blushing right away.
Then her phone rang and she pulled her hand away.
“Oh, Mark got off early!” she exclaimed and I frowned. There was a strange knot in my stomach that I hadn’t felt before and it seemed to be the source of my anger.
“OK, then. I will leave you guys alone.”
“But, he hasn’t arrived yet.” She genuinely looked sad with my sudden decision.
“Is he far?”
“He’d be here in ten minutes.”
“Then you’d be fine. I need to catch some sleep anyway. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, sure. I’m being selfish. Of course, go. Sleep well, Adam.”
My answer was a nod. Once outside, I chose to go straight to a military shooting range.
I had to do something, and sleep didn’t seem like a possibility. Shooting always helped relieve inexplicable anger.
LINDSEY
My father was being released from the hospital later today, so it was the last morning I got to wake up next to Mark. I turned on my side, thinking he was still sleeping, but I found him fiddling with his phone instead.
“What are you up to, babe?” I asked, caressing his arm. Somehow, I was comparing it with Adam’s, which seemed thicker and more muscular.
“Morning, buttercup. I thought you were asleep,” Mark answered, locking the phone screen.
“I was. I just woke up.”
He grinned, a sign he wanted to have sex, and leaned to kiss me.
“Why didn’t you come at the hospital?” I asked before he could touch my lips.
“You know why, babe. I was busy with college. Then, I was tired, because I had an exam in the morning.”
“Yeah, but I needed you there.”
He sighed. “I know. I know, baby. I’m sorry. You were stuck with Adam for all that time.”
“Hey, don’t talk about him like that!”
“Sorry! I thought you hated the guy.”
“I... It’s different.”
Frustrated with myself, I turned on my back and closed my eyes. I thought I would have a minute to myself, but Mark started kissing my neck. I had to push him away.
“Sorry, baby. I’m just not in the mood. I’m sorry.”
He exhaled loudly, taking his usual time to choose his words carefully.
“It’s OK, babe. I get it, with everything about your father. I’m gonna take a shower. Want to join?”
“You go, I’ll make breakfast,” I said. It could’ve been the most romantic moment of the morning, taking a shower together, but I was just not feeling it.
Mark kissed me chastely on the cheek and went into the ensuite bathroom. I put my silk robe on and went downstairs.
As I made the scrambled eggs and bacon, I tried to think about anything but Adam. I wasn’t sure what my feelings meant; I was more confused than I liked to be, the underlying mood to everything being hopelessness. Why did I feel this way?
“Smells good, babe,” Mark interrupted my torturous thoughts. I showed my gratefulness with a long kiss and a full plate of food.
“Bon appetite,” I said to him before taking a bite of bacon.
Why did I get so defensive of Adam earlier?
As his face reappeared in my mind, my appetite dissipated. I couldn’t eat anymore.
“Are you eating that, babe?”
“No, you can have it.”
Mark pulled my plate close and transferred all the bacon onto his. I watched him eat fast, as was his habit, and tried to suppress the queasiness.
Something was up with me and I wasn’t sure what exactly.
After breakfast, Mark kissed me goodbye and left. I went to my room, got dressed, and drove to the hospital. The nurse we had hired was already there.
“Hey, Wyatt,” I said, shaking the lanky man’s hand.
“Hi, Miss. They’re preparing the paperwork now. Shouldn’t be long.”
I nodded. Wyatt wasn’t a man for small talk, then.
With that in mind, I paced the large waiting room, starting to think of Adam again. I didn’t like the way it made me feel, somewhere between queasy and blue, so I pushed the thoughts away.
The time was twelve past five. The hospital personnel seemed to take their time with those papers.
“Sorry, could you tell me the status on a patient, please? He was to be released today,” I asked the nurse at the reception desk.
“Sure, Miss.”
I gave her Dad’s information and waited another good fifteen minutes before she told me he was on his way out.
“Thank you.”
“Miss Lindsey!” Wyatt called. He had taken over Father’s wheelchair from the hospital nurse.
“Dad!”
“Hey, kiddo. How’s life alone in the house?”
“Very boring,” I said, bending down to hug him. “Let’s go home, daddy.”
“Damn right!”
“Language, Mr.!”
We shared a laugh on the way out, and I was starting to feel like I had worried for nothing. Dad was fine, my dispute with Adam had been resolved, and things with Mark couldn’t have gone better. Any ridiculous thoughts needed to be denied stay in my mind.
“Come on, we need to get you home so I can go see Mr. Iason,” I said, opening the car door for Dad.
“What are you seeing your boss for? It’s only Thursday, honey.”
“I’m handing in my resignation.”
“What for?”
“I will be home with you on weekends, Dad.”
“Honey...”
“This is not up for discussion. Didn’t you used to say I didn’t need to work anyway?”
“Using my own words like that... You love that job, baby.”
I smiled. Dad was such a weird man. Up until now he had hated me having a job as a lowly sales assistant, and now was all for it; not long ago he would’ve paid someone for changing a lightbulb, but three days ago he had been fiddling with the old balcony railing. “He’s getting old,” I thought and shook my head, amused.
“What?”
“Dad, less talk more work, please. I need to be with Mr. Iason in fifteen minutes.”
“I can drive Mr. Michael home, if you need to be somewhere,” Wyatt offered.
“No, Wyatt. Let her run late, maybe Iason won’t consider her resignation,” Dad said, closing the car door and making a face at me.
“Dad! Thank you, Wyatt. If you could that, I would be most grateful.”
I watched him get into the driving seat of Dad’s Bentley and driving off.
I had taken Dad’s car to the hospital, thinking the sight of his favorite possession would cheer him up. It turned out he didn’t need much cheering.
Unlike me; I was feeling sadder and sadder for some unknown reason. It was so uncharacteristic of me.
On the cab ride over to Mr. Iason’s jewelry shop I sat, lost in thought, almost on the brink of crying.
It was so unlike me, so foreign. And the fact that I had no idea what was happening made everything even worse.
I tried to explain it away with Dad’s incident, but it made little sense. He was happy, despite his injuries, so why would I be sad?
And couldn’t have been mourning over my conflict with Adam. It was so much nicer now, being friendly. I felt so much better whenever he came over to work on the railing.
I smiled instinctively, picturing him busy at work, having no idea I would be watching him from
time to time.
I was blushing when I got out of the cab. The scolding I was giving myself for thinking like that distracted me from paying the driver, so I felt even more embarrassed when I had to turn around and pay him in front of all the onlookers.
“God, what am I thinking!”
“Distracted much?” Matilda intercepted me from the door.
“What? No, I’m fine. You work during the week?”
“Not usually, honey. What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to Mr. Iason.”
She pointed to his office door but stopped me when I passed by her.
“What’s happening? You look lovesick.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Is it the hunk from the park? I knew that pretty boy would break your heart, honey.”
“Who? Adam? There’s nothing between us.”
She nodded, thoughtfully. “I understand, girl. It must be hard to talk about him. After all this time together, I under...”
“What time together? I have a boyfriend; you know?”
“I know; we’re talking about him. Man, this guy must’ve broken your heart pretty bad if you can’t even think straight.”
“Adam’s not my boyfriend. You’re confused.”
With a supportive look in her eyes, she pulled me in a tight hug. “Shhh, babe. I know. All those evening walks, all those nice dinners, waking up next to each other. I know it must be hard to let go.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, pushing her away. I couldn’t say why, but her words made so much sense. I was on the brink of crying, despite her not making any sense.
“Look, you can deny it all you want. I saw you together coming out of Margherita’s. You looked so happy together. You know, I almost stopped you to say ‘I told you so’, but I didn’t want to ruin your evening.”
“I went at Margherita’s with my boyfriend, Mark.”
“I thought you said his name was Adam.”
“Adam’s not my boyfriend.”
“What are you talking about?” Weirdly enough, it was her turn to be puzzled.
“Adam and Mark are two different guys. You met Adam in the park, and you saw Mark with me at the restaurant.”
“No. That’s not possible. I mean, I only saw him for a few moments, but these are one and the same, girl. Don’t play with me.”
I raised my eyebrows. Was she off her medication?
“You must’ve confused them, Matilda. I can assure you they are two different people. Very different indeed.”
“Girl, stop playing. They look identical.”
Something in her voice stopped me from arguing the contrary. It felt like the chip had fallen and the fog was finally clearing up.
All of a sudden, I could see the similarities between the two; hair, built, height, face, even voice.
How could I have been so blind?
The shock of the discovery finally broke the dams and tears started rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t understand why, I couldn’t see how, but it felt so relieving to finally acknowledge that what was happening was real.
ADAM
I watched Lindsey fix me a cup of coffee and couldn’t help but wonder about what was happening in her head.
She seemed different over the last few days, oscillating between heartbreaking sadness and the most sparkling happiness. The fact that the former was more predominant had made me come by her place more often, check up on her.
I couldn’t, however, drag the repairs for longer. I had finally finished with the troublesome railing today and was only hanging around because Lindsey had offered me coffee. It was as good of an excuse as any.
She moved gracefully, handling the china with silent precision. It felt surreal, the porcelain made absolutely no noise when it touched the saucers.
Her routine got interrupted for a second when Mark texted her. I saw her smile and felt the same pang of jealousy I had been feeling for a long time. I chased it away.
Seeing her like that reminded me of my mother. And that comparison didn’t sit well with me.
Lately, Lindsey had been calling or texting Mark more often, and seemed more eager to meet him. My mother used to do that when she thought she still had a chance with my cheating father.
That meant only one thing: Mark had done something to hurt her, but she still had feelings for him.
“The one thing that could render strong women like Lindsey and Mom this needy is cheating. It messes with their self-esteem,” I thought, frowning. Was the bastard cheating on Lindsey?
“Here’s your coffee,” Lindsey disrupted my thoughts.
“Thanks.”
I sipped my espresso in silence as I couldn’t find anything to say and she seemed too busy texting Mark. As I watched her expression change from excitement to disappointment, I struggled to keep my anger in check.
It wasn’t my place, right?
“Well, then. Time to run,” I said, placing my empty cup on the breakfast bar.
She raised her head and looked at me with sadness in her eyes.
“Already?”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
“So, when are you coming again?”
“I don’t know. The railing is done, so...”
“You finished it?” Was that panic in her voice?
“Yep.”
I looked around, awkwardly, waiting for Lindsey to say what seemed to be on her mind. She said nothing.
“OK. See you, Lindsey.”
She walked me to the door and watched me leave. I turned to look back once and she was still in the door, a disappointed expression on her face.
I was officially interested in this Mark character. If he was the reason Lindsey was like that, I had to do something.
I got into Mom’s truck and drove home as fast as it would go. I was getting my new car the next day, a bargain off Craigslist, but for now, her truck was all I had access to.
I found Mom’s house empty. She must’ve still been at work.
With nothing to do and a lot of anger to deal with, I went into the back yard and cleaned the tool shed in detail. Mom was a pretty neat person, so I had less than an hour’s work.
Frustrated, I went into my room and drooped on the bed. Maybe a miracle would make me fall asleep.
It didn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking of Lindsey and Mark, of Mark and some other girl, and of Lindsey consumed with worry, suffering in silence. Then, Lindsey was alone, and I was there, to comfort her.
“What the Hell?” I said out loud and sat up. Was I falling asleep just now? Must’ve been, otherwise those thoughts were the craziest thing going through my mind.
No, I wasn’t a creep. All was behind my obsessive thinking was my concern for Lindsey’s well-being; nothing else.
So, how would I use this concern positively?
I grabbed my old laptop and went on Mark’s social media. As I scrolled through his page, I saw various pictures of him and other girls, but all were friendly, none suspicious enough to warrant more looking into.
“I’m being ridiculous,” I told myself and turned the laptop off. I wasn’t a stalker; I didn’t want to creep through Mark’s stupid posts.
What I had to do was have a man to man conversation with him.
“That’s right,” I thought and stood up. That was more like me.
Satisfied with my thinking, I grabbed a jacket as it had started raining, and got into Mom’s car.
Mark’s campus wasn’t too far from my neighborhood, so I was there in less than twenty minutes. I expected that finding him would be hard, as I knew almost nothing about the guy, but the first student I asked was able to point me to Mark’s dormitory.
“Must be a really popular guy,” I concluded.
I ran through the rain, shielding my face with one and cursing at the College for having housed Mark so far from the main street. I didn’t get near his dormitory, though.
Almost three buildings down the alley, I tho
ught I saw someone looking like him. I stopped and took cover in the entryway of the building across.
