by Marian Tee
The way his hands shook as he clasped the woman’s hips...
The sound of his pants mingling with the sultry laugh of his first lover...
The shuddering exhilaration that had run through his body the moment he realized he had lost his virginity, his distended cock impaling a tight, wet pussy for the first time...
“Are we there yet?”
Not quite, the billionaire thought grimly, but he wasn’t thinking literally. Everything around him should be familiar, and it was, barely. So many damn years, this moment of his life had tormented him, defined him.
He had thought that he would only have to come here, and he would know exactly where it happened, would know that one spot which had changed his life for good. He had thought the moment he came, his memories would crucify him.
And perhaps they still could, if only he remembered enough.
“Jaak?”
Ilse’s uncertain voice broke through his thoughts, and he slowly lowered his hands. He watched her blink as she turned around to take her surroundings in. When she glanced back at him, the bemusement in her brown eyes had only deepened. “I don’t understand.”
A crooked smile formed on his lips. “I thought you wouldn’t.”
Ilse crossed her arms over her chest. “I still don’t understand.”
“Willem made you think he’s told you everything, but he didn’t.”
Oh. Ilse’s gaze swept her surroundings once more, this time more slowly and thoroughly, but the significance of the place was still lost on her. “Could you give me a clue at least?”
“My last visit here was when I was ten years old.” The billionaire’s tone was casual, but there was something about the way he looked at her that made Ilse frown.
Ten, she thought to herself musingly. He was ten. What could be so special about a boy’s tenth year? He would still have been in middle school, but so what? Ten...ten...
And that was when she realized that it wasn’t about ten-year-old boys in general.
“Oh, Jaak.” It was about his tenth year.
That year when Willem had almost died in their father’s hands—-
“Congratulations for figuring it out.” The billionaire’s lazy drawl was at odds with the tension that had possessed his body the moment she spoke.
“Was this,” she whispered, “where you were when it happened?”
His laugh was humorless, and his voice, when he replied, filled with self-contempt. “You make it sound so damn innocuous, but we both know I failed a lot of people that time.”
“Jaak—-”
“I wasn’t here playing polo when my father started acting like Willem was his personal punching bag.” The billionaire’s tone hardened with each word. “I was here losing my virginity.”
“I see.” Ilse’s tone came out unusually lame, but she couldn’t help it. She was sincerely at a loss, unable to comprehend how boys that young could actually have sex. And that it would actually happen here—-
She looked around her. “Where, umm, exactly—-”
He cut her off, saying shortly, “I’d say we’re in the vicinity.”
“Right.” Vicinity, Ilse thought blankly. They were in the vicinity. And since they were right in the center of the sports club’s polo field, didn’t being in the vicinity mean the ten-year-old Jaak had lost his virginity...here?
She looked around again, and afterwards, all she could do was glance back at the billionaire, saying, “Really?” He really had sex here...at ten?
“She was my riding tutor.”
“REALLY?”
“Ah, Ilse.” A slight laugh accompanied his words, but the sound didn’t ring completely true. “Shouldn’t we be focusing on the fact that I was too busy fucking while my father was beating Willem up?”
Oh, Jaak. A part of her was shocked at how sentimental she had become ever since the billionaire had come to her life, but a part of her just felt that it was entirely natural. If he was hurt, she was hurt, too, and she would do everything possible to make him feel better.
“I feel for Willem, Jaak. I really do, but...” Her shoulders moved in a helpless shrug. “He has Sere now, and they’re at a good place—-”
“As they deserve to be,” Jaak said quietly. “They’re good people.”
Unlike him, Ilse mentally finished. The billionaire might not have spoken the words out loud, but she heard them loud and clear, and it hurt because he was hurting more and more.
“You’re good, too, Jaak.” And no longer able to help it, she shakily reached up to cup his face. “And I know this is going to sound disloyal, but I have to take your family’s side on this one.”
“Ilse—-”
But she didn’t let him finish speaking. “We all think you’re a good person, Jaak.” His entire face became rigid, and she had to swallow past the lump that had formed in her throat at the sight of it. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for that night. You need to forgive yourself—-”
“You’re not seeing it objectively—-”
“If anyone’s being blind and subjective here,” Ilse interrupted shakily, “then that can’t be anyone else but you. It’s been two decades, Jaak, and you’re still looking at that night like you’re still ten.” Her hands dropped from his face as his face whitened, but even knowing that she might have already said too much, she just couldn’t stop.
Even if it meant she would risk losing him all over again because she had spoken the truth, she would rather have that than not try her best to heal him.
“You cut yourself off from your family to punish yourself for an imaginary sin, and you worked blood, sweat, and tears to make your own fortune, just so you wouldn’t have to spend any of the money that you had inherited because you were your parents’ son.
“When Willem had to leave for Greece to go after Sere, you quietly took the reins so the board wouldn’t mind his absence. When Ayah lost her baby, you helped Nic pick up the pieces. When Anneke’s marriage broke down, you were the first one to fly to her side. And when Fleur was too afraid to tell anyone about her depression, you were there—-”
“Stop.” The billionaire didn’t know whether he should laugh or kiss her hard. When Ilse opened her mouth as if to argue, he shook his head, muttering, “For the love of God, stop.” A hoarse laugh escaped him, and this time the sound was beautiful.
And so Ilse did stop because she could also feel it.
This time, he had stopped hurting.
And that was all she ever wanted.
“You make me sound like a saint.”
His smile was self-deprecating and heartbreakingly sexy at the same time, and it was like an arrow to the heart, leaving her reeling, and even as she heard herself answer vaguely, “I w-wouldn’t go that far,” she only had one thought in mind.
It was time.
Her fingers reached for the straps of her gown.
It was time.
The billionaire stiffened when he saw Ilse pushing the straps down her shoulders. “What are you doing?”
“You t-truly don’t know?” Hearing the quiver in her own voice made Ilse’s face redden, but even so, she didn’t let it stop her—-
“No.” The billionaire’s jaw hardened as Ilse took hold of the sweetheart neckline of her gown. “I don’t.”
Ilse started pushing her gown down.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Her brown eyes met his as the bodice finally fell to her waist, and the billionaire sucked his breath in as her naked breasts spilled free.
“You know what I’m doing,” she whispered.
Her voice implored and seduced him at the same time, and it was irresistible.
“I want to erase the past for good, Jaak.” Her hands went back to her gown, and her gloriously full breasts jiggled and swayed in a mesmerizing fashion as she started pushing the rest of the fabric down her legs.
“I want to replace it with nicer memories.” Ilse stepped out of the pool of silk around her feet, and the billionaire had
never seen something more arousing than Ilse standing in nothing but a pair of lace thongs and stilettos.
“Our memories, Jaak.” Her voice ached, and his body ached with her, his fully erect and painfully throbbing cock wanting to tear out of his pants.
“God, Ilse.” Was she fucking real? And was she really about to be fucking his?
“Love me,” Ilse whispered.
Two words.
Two damn words.
Two goddamn words, and she owned him, body and soul, the words stealing into his heart like a thief in the dark.
Even as a part of him questioned everything – was it right, should he wait, what would happen if she regretted it afterwards – the billionaire also knew all questions were futile.
“You know I already do, babe.” He yanked her to him, no longer capable of ignoring his overpowering desire for her. “God help you if this isn’t what you want—-”
Ilse answered by pressing her naked body fully to his, and the billionaire’s control snapped.
He kissed her hard even as he tore his clothes off, and he groaned anew as she kissed him back with a hungry fervor that more than matched his.
When he had gotten rid of all his clothes, his cock instinctively rubbed against her folds, and she moaned against his lips. The sound made him want to crush her against him, but he managed to keep his hands gentle as he slowly drew her down. He laid her on the soft bed of his clothes and parted her thighs gently before kneeling between them.
Their eyes clashed as he reached for her, and Ilse’s body shuddered when his fingers grazed the thin layer of lace that covered her moist pussy.
Without taking his gaze off her, he ripped the scrap of lace from her body, and a whimper escaped Ilse.
His gaze went to her core, and his need sharpened to a feverish peak at the way her folds glistened with her desire. “You look so damn beautiful here, babe.”
The guttural note of the billionaire’s voice was more than enough to make her tremble anew, and when she felt his fingers slowly stroke down her folds, Ilse’s eyes squeezed shut, her body arching under his caress.
“Jaak, please.” There was no need for foreplay, and she knew he knew that, too. They had more than enough foreplay with the way they teased and seduced each other from the very first day they met.
Her eyes drifted open at his silence. “Jaak.” His name took on an unconsciously pleading note.
A groan tore out of his throat at the sound, and he gritted out, “I’m trying to be good here, dammit, and you’re just—”
“Don’t make me wait, please.”
Fuck being good, fuck being gentle, if Ilse wanted him to be bad—-
Then he would fuck her as bad as she wanted.
The billionaire suddenly yanked her close to him, and she gasped. His hands began pushing her legs to open wider and wider, and she couldn’t help tensing even as her heart hammered faster and harder against her chest.
“This is going to hurt,” the billionaire warned tightly.
“I don’t care.” And she meant it. Right now, the billionaire hurting her sounded so, so good. Right now, all she wanted was—-
Oh God.
The head of the billionaire’s cock pushed inside her, and she moaned.
It was happening.
It was finally happening.
Inch by inch, he pushed more of his cock in, and she could feel her pussy desperately trying to accommodate the unbelievable girth of his erection, stretching in the most achingly exquisite way.
His fingers wrapped around her thighs, pressing her legs flat against his clothes as he kept pushing his cock inside of her, and even knowing nothing was actually happening yet, the excruciating beauty of it already felt more than what she might be able to bear.
“Jaak.”
Their eyes collided, and the hard lines of arousal on the billionaire’s face made her shudder. Oh, that she was the one to make him look like that—-
“Jaak.”
The billionaire growled, and his cock suddenly plunged all the way in, and Ilse gasped, her body arching as his erection finally tore past her hymen.
It was done.
Her virginity was his.
She was his.
“Ilse?” The billionaire’s tone was harsh. “Does it hurt?”
“Not enough,” she managed to say, “to make you want to stop.”
“Good.” The billionaire’s hands moved down to cup her ass. “Then you won’t mind if I do this.” And slowly, he started to move, withdrawing his cock in one steady stroke before plunging back in, and God, oh God, even knowing that sex could and would be this good with the billionaire—-
Knowing was just so different from actually feeling it.
“Jaak.” She couldn’t stop herself from crying his name out, and when he continued to move in that devastatingly arousing way of his, she couldn’t stop crying it out over and over.
He started with an agonizingly steady pace, and her nails scratched down his arms.
“Jaak.”
He started to move faster, started to pound into her hard, and the erotic sound of their slapping bodies had her clutching him as her eyes rolled back.
Too much...this pleasure was too, too much.
And yet it wouldn’t stop.
He wouldn’t stop, his hips pumping faster, his cock seemingly growing thicker and longer with every stroke—-
“Oh God, Jaak.” She could feel her body straining for the release his cock promised, but the damn billionaire would slow down just when she was about to reach it, and oh God, it would start all over again.
The tortuously slow climb of pleasure—-
The way her body tightened bit by bit—-
Her hips began to move on its own, desperate to keep his cock deep inside her so she could finally have her pleasure.
“Please.” The word came out a sob. “Oh God, please.”
“Please what?” the billionaire panted out.
“You know.” Her nails dug into his back. “Oh Jaak, please—-” She ended up gasping as the billionaire began shoving his cock into her in wildly furious strokes, and heat curled and tightened into a ball inside her body. With each stroke, the ball of heat inside of her began to stretch and expand—-
“Oh God, Jaak.” She could barely breathe, could barely think—-
The billionaire’s fingers dug into her ass just as he angled his cock to thrust all the way down, its head brushing the edge of her womb—-
Heat exploded into mind-numbing pleasure, and she screamed, her body arching against his.
A second later, and the billionaire growled, and his thrusts became completely uncontrollable.
And she loved it.
Even as wave after wave of pleasure struck her body, she couldn’t stop meeting his thrusts with similar abandon, her nails clawing his back as her hips rocked against his every thrust with clumsy desperation.
The most terrifying need to say the words swept over her, but she managed to keep them down, her teeth sinking hard into her lower lip.
Not yet.
Not yet.
And as the pleasure started to fade, and as her body gradually stopped trembling, Ilse wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, thinking painfully, Not just yet.
Because she knew, even without him saying a word, that he didn’t want her to need him just yet.
Time waltzed past them ever so slowly, their mingled breaths steadying and their heartbeats evening out. When the billionaire’s weight pressed down on her, her arms around his neck tightened.
She could sense him waiting for her to speak, could sense him waiting for the recriminations to start, and she almost, almost laughed. How blind the billionaire was, not to have realized that regrets were impossible for the two of them.
“Jaak...”
The billionaire stilled.
“This is exactly what I wanted, and it’s...” Her voice caught. “It’s more beautiful than I ever let myself hope for.”
Ah. His own
arms tightened around her. “I hope you still mean that,” he whispered into her ear, “once you realize that we’re under CCTV surveillance.”
Ilse stiffened under him.
“I’m joking.”
“Oh my God, you jackass.” She punched his shoulder hard even as a relieved laugh escaped her. She started to speak, but then he kissed her forehead, and the feather-soft touch of his lips spoke a multitude of words.
I love you...even if...
“Oh, Jaak.” She raised her eyes to his, willing him to see his reflection in her gaze. Oh, how she wished she could give him her eyes so he would know how she and his family saw him.
“You mean so much to so many people, Jaak...” She chose her words carefully, a part of her terrified that she would say too much, and she would end up making him walk away from her again.
But the billionaire only looked at her, quietly, his handsome face unreadable.
“M-more than you think possible, and it won’t ever change so...” She swallowed hard at his continued silence. “Just don’t disappear on us.”
He saw terror flash in her eyes as she spoke, and a sharp pain seized the billionaire’s chest, his heart hearing what she truly wanted to say.
Don’t disappear on me.
He knew she was thinking about how despite loving his family, he had managed to turn his back on them.
He knew she was thinking he could do the same to her, too, eventually.
And he knew there was only one way to make the terror go away.
“Ilse.” Her gaze lifted to his, and he said softly, “Come live with me.”
Chapter Seventeen
Since the billionaire had only lived in hotel suites and rented apartments over the past ten years, he had feared that looking for a house to buy would make him feel suffocated. But just as it was with all things that involved Ilse, the process turned out to be the opposite of what he expected. House hunting turned out to be as easy as it was exciting, with the billionaire feeling a strange desire to finally put some roots down.
Every night, he would find himself watching Ilse sleep, and these were the moments he would allow his greatest fears to crawl into his heart. What if she needed him, and he failed her? Should he leave her before that happened? Should he disappear before he ended up hurting her even more?
