“Nothing to worry about?” I stood up before I realized it, feeling like an idiot for yelling at a phone. It was so unsatisfying, being this angry with a piece of technology. I wanted to yell at Will, touch his face, shake his arm. Not shout at some blurry facsimile.
“Babe, you have to trust me. Maggie, this isn’t going to work if you don’t believe me when I tell you the truth.”
“But that’s the problem, isn’t it? You didn’t tell me the truth. You d-didn’t tell me anything. Just like b-before.”
I swiped at tears threatening to fall. Behind Will, I could make out the light, lithe form of “Amy” walking on the beach. I covered my face with my hand and looked away.
Will sighed. “I…shit. No, I didn’t. Lily, you were already so stressed with everything happening with your mom and the shit with del Conte. Lil, I didn’t want to stress you out more. I’m sorry.”
I pushed a hand through my hair. “You didn’t think I would be stressed when I found out you were working with Amelia Craig?”
Will swallowed.
“Will you—” I hated the question even before I said it. But I had to say it. I had to. “Will you have to do any love scenes with her?”
Another visible gulp. “Well, she’s the other lead, so…”
My stomach dropped. “I need to go.”
“Wait, Lil—”
“I need to go for a run,” I said as gently as I could manage, even with the turmoil in my stomach. “And then I have to go back to the inn to help with an event tonight.”
“Is Lucas going to be there?”
I sighed, irritated. What right did he have to be annoyed when he was going to be making out with his ex-fiancée all day tomorrow?
“I have to go,” I said, more strongly than I felt.
I felt sick from all the nervous energy that bloomed at the idea of Will having a love scene with a woman who wasn’t me. Add to that the fact that it was his ex. Someone he, at one point, wanted to marry. Someone who had once been on the cover of People Magazine’s Most Beautiful edition. Whom he had neglected to tell me was back in his life on a daily basis.
Yeah. I was about ready to throw up.
“I’ll talk to you later,” I said and ended the call before Will could respond.
My phone immediately started ringing again. I switched it to silent. All my life, I had lived with shitty excuses for various kinds of disappointment and betrayal. My mother’s mistakes flitted through my mind, right alongside the time I’d spent with Theo. I’d thought Will was different, even after the colossal revelation of his secrets. But now I wasn’t so sure. And if that was the case, I wasn’t sure I could deal with him at all.
Four hours later, I was beat. I’d run farther than I intended, ignoring the hot, late July sun to do ten miles to Hauser Lake and back before driving over to the inn to help Linda serve dinner for a group retreat. Mama was gone when I left—out with Barb, her best friend.
There was so much to do. So much to fix. I worked doggedly, running, cleaning, thinking about everyone’s future but my own. Maybe this was my future. Let out rooms on the lake. Take care of my mother. Forget about a life beyond these pine trees and hills. Forget about music.
I pulled into the dusty, gravel driveway wanting only my bed and nothing else. Across the lake, Will’s house called, but I had the sinking feeling that I didn’t belong there. Maybe I never would.
When I rolled to a stop, the dust from the gravel cleared to reveal the hulking shape of a black SUV crowding the easement. I stepped out. The windows were tinted. There were two shapes inside—men the size of linebackers.
But before I could walk closer, something else caught my eye. A shadow crowded the top of the stairs.
The shadowed moved. I froze, watching.
Theo.
Was it? No, he wouldn’t be that stupid. I hadn’t heard anything from him in two weeks. I’d thought that maybe, just maybe he’d gotten it through his head that I wasn’t worth pursuing. That I wasn’t worth the risk. I prayed that was true now that the judge had dismissed my entire protection order.
“C-can I help you?” I asked timidly, wishing my voice sounded stronger. Not as weak as I felt.
Then the shadow stood and turned, revealing the last person I’d expected to see tonight.
His green eyes twinkled under the night sky, hopeful and scared all at once.
“W-Will?” My heart pounded wildly. “What-what are you doing here?”
“What else, Lil?” he asked softly. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and spread them outward, a gesture of pure surrender. “I’m here for you.”
13
Will’s feet crunched on the gravel as he took a few steps toward me. I stepped back as he did, mirroring his movements. He walked into the light, and we both stopped moving.
He didn’t look like himself. I was struck by the difference between now and the last time he’d come to the property, soaked, in nothing but a dirty t-shirt and running gear, a sudden rainstorm cascading down his shoulder-length hair and the beard he trimmed, but never completely shaved off. Now the hair was short, still close to his scalp the way I had done it, but grown out a bit more on the top and styled in that haphazard way that was really hard to do. There were other, smaller differences. His clean-shaven face had grown a slight, perfectly groomed stubble, and his eyebrows had also been groomed, so slightly that anyone else might not have noticed. His body was both leaner and larger at the same time, the muscles tighter underneath a pair of perfectly tailored navy pants and a white button-down shirt, rolled up to his elbows. His hair was blonder. His fingernails were buffed. He was…perfect. Much more so than on any blurry screen.
They were things that erased Will and brought Fitz Baker back from the dead, changes so slight that anyone else might not have noticed. But I did. I knew every tiny line on that face, and every imperfection that had been erased.
He took another step forward, and again, I stepped back. He paused.
“It’s all right, Lil. It’s just me.” I started at the sound of his deep voice. It was almost as if, until he spoke, he’d been a ghost.
I glanced around nervously, wondering if we were being watched. That was what the cameramen did, right? Followed people like him around. Invaded their most personal moments.
“H-how do you know?” I asked.
The reflection of the streetlight lit up his short blond fringe like a halo. But it was more remarkable that his handsome face was so clearly lit. A lens five hundred feet away would have been able to take a recognizable photo of him. He was out in the open for the first time since I’d met him.
“Because I made sure of it,” he said. “Two decoys off the set, and I borrowed Corbyn’s jet. It’s waiting at a private airfield in Liberty Lake, where I wore a wig to get off. No one knew I left. As far as every paparazzi in LA is concerned, I’m asleep in my trailer on set.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even know what to make of that. There was a private airfield in Liberty Lake, the next town over? Will had access to a jet? Multiple decoys?
Was I living in a James Bond movie?
“But, Lil?”
I blinked, pulled out of my stupor by that familiar voice, those intense green eyes. Not everything had changed. And yet, the last time I’d seen him here, he’d had the same expression. Frantic. Desperate. Afraid.
Will took another step closer. This time, I didn’t move.
“Even if they were here,” he said slowly. “Cameras, reporters. Lily, I wouldn’t give a shit. I had to come. I had to see you.”
We stared at each other for several long seconds, the tension of our last conversation as palpable as before. I opened my mouth to say something, but the light glinting off the chrome hubcaps of the Yukon caught my eye. Maybe there were no cameras, but we still had an audience.
“Security?” I asked, nodding at the car.
Will, as telepathic as ever, followed my gaze and nodded.
“You can’t be too careful,�
�� he said darkly and walked over to the car. The passenger window rolled down, revealing two of the detail I’d seen in New York.
“We’re good, guys,” he said. “You can park on the street.”
The bodyguards glanced toward me then back at Will like they disagreed, but in the end, nodded and rolled the window back up. We watched as the car moved slowly to the top of the hill, parking just over the ridge.
Will walked back to me. “Better?”
I folded my arms across my chest. “What are you doing here?” I asked again.
Will walked closer, taking careful steps, like he thought I might bolt. He reached out and drifted a finger down my cheek. “I told you, I had to see you.”
“Don’t you have to film tomorrow?”
He snorted. “Five a.m. call, yeah. But that doesn’t matter. So that leaves me…” He checked his watch—a pretty thing, shiny, metal, and new. “About eight hours to convince you to forgive me for being a dick.”
I sighed and stepped away again, this time toward the stairs. “Will…”
“Lil, I didn’t know. I swear to God, I didn’t know Amy was going to be my costar until she showed up on set this week.”
I looked away. “Come on…”
“I’m serious! That happens sometimes, all right? Someone drops out, the studio and director have to pinch hit to keep production going. That’s how I ended up here, after all. Or maybe—”
“Maybe what?”
Will shoved a hand through his hair, his fingers searching for length that wasn’t there anymore. Good, I thought, a bit vindictively. But it was nice to know that his new appearance wasn’t strange only to me.
“It did occur to me that Max might’ve done it on purpose,” he admitted. “For publicity and buzz. And maybe to get under my skin. It makes sense, right? The paps…they haven’t figured out that Amy’s there yet, but when they do, it’s going to be a shit storm.”
It was really, really hard not to scowl every time he said her name like that. Not Amelia, the name that everyone else in the world knew. Amy. It was familiar. Intimate. A reminder that once upon a time, Will had looked at her the way he looked at me.
“They know,” I said bitterly.
Will looked up. “What?”
I wrapped my arms around my waist. “It was on the cover of a magazine at the inn. Something about you ‘rekindling an old flame.’ They had pictures of the two of you from, I don’t know, somewhere. They know.”
“Shit…” Will dropped his hand to his neck and massaged it furiously. “Fuck. Goddamnit. Amy’s going to freak.”
I turned toward the stairs. I didn’t want to see him grappling with this. I had been dealing with it all day, so much worse after I knew who it was in that magazine. Amelia freaking Craig. Amy. Every time he said that name, I wanted to hurl a rock at him.
I didn’t like the side of myself that I was seeing. I wasn’t normally a jealous person. Even with Theo, when I knew he was stepping out, cheating, whatever, I never felt this way. Possessive. Almost animal. It was uncommonly strong, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Will asked, already thundering after me down the stairs.
“I don’t want to do this,” I said. The wood stairs creaked under my feet, but the repairs to them held strong.
“Don’t want to do what?” Will’s feet pounded after me, and it only made me jog that much faster.
“This!” I cried, even as he caught my hand and yanked me back around.
The sudden contact between us was electric—the warmth of his hand against my chilled skin, the sudden fact of him after weeks apart. My body caved to him even as my mind continued to fight.
“Please,” I said as I struggled to get away. “Please, let me go.”
Will ground his teeth hard enough to make a muscle twitch in his jaw. But he instead of releasing me, he pulled, hard enough that I had to stumble up two stairs into his arms.
“Never,” he said and kissed me.
His lips were insistent, angry, and full of the same desire that vibrated through my bones. This physical connection had always existed on another frequency with us, like a particular sound, a particular music that only we could hear. Our mouths warred, biting, nipping, sucking. But right now it didn’t feel like music. It just felt like noise. Chaos.
No! He lied to you! He hid everything from you, and he is still doing it! And that was when my mind won. I yanked my hand out of his clutch and shoved him back up the stairs.
“Lily, stop it,” Will demanded as he stretched toward me again.
But I danced out of reach. “No, you stop it!” I retorted. “You can’t show up, manhandle me, force me to feel like it doesn’t matter what you did. It’s manipulative and completely takes advantage of everything I feel about you, especially when…fuck…Will, I am SO mad at you right now!”
My words stopped him cold, and the anger and frustration written all over his face scrunched together as his mouth, swollen and full, dropped open.
“I…know,” he said.
A solid four breaths passed between us before I could answer.
“You know,” I repeated. That was it? That was all he had to say? I was mad, and he…knew?
Will took a deep breath. His chest was heaving, like he’d been running at full sprint and stopped on a dime. I was similarly struggling.
“It’s been a really long time since I did this,” he said. “A relationship. And I’m going to fuck it up. A lot. But, Lil, I need you. I’m dying down there, baby.”
At first, I softened. But visions of his increasingly distant video chats and phone calls fluttered through my mind. Especially the one earlier that day.
And the anger was back.
“Oh, you’re dying?” I asked. “It sure looked like you were having a terrible time partying it up on the beach. Sunshine and sand castles, right?”
Will scowled. “Give me a break—”
“Or maybe you didn’t want to tell me that either. Maybe you’re down there having the time of your life, ‘rekindling the flame’ with your b-beautiful former fiancée.”
Will’s eyes flared. “That is fucking ridiculous, Maggie, and you know it. This is me we’re talking about here.”
But I kept charging on, all of the resentment I had about not only him, but my entire situation tumbling out of me. “I see the spark in your eye when I talk to you. Even if you are telling the truth about her, you’re not telling the truth about all of it. I’m up here scrubbing fucking toilets during the day and trying to keep my mother alive at night while you’re down there living your dream.”
“Lil, seriously—”
“You’ve got your life back, right?” I rattled on, unable to stop the tears that had been threatening for a while now. “So who cares what I know about it, right? Who cares if I know that you’re going to be kissing your ‘Amy’ tomorrow, or that you’re spending time at her house? Who cares if I even know your real name, or anything about your life, right?”
“Maggie—”
“I just wish you would be honest! Because as much as you say you hate it, it seems more like you’re having the time of your life.”
“No, I’m not!” Will burst out. “And even if I was, it would be fucking terrible!”
“Oh, really?” I snapped. “And why is that, pray tell?”
“Because the love of my life is right fucking here, and she’s upset, and IT HURTS!” He slammed a palm over his chest––the heel of his hand hit his sternum with an alarming thump. “It fucking hurts, Lil,” he went on. “I’m surrounded by people who only want as much money from me as I can make for them, and that includes Amy, someone I was supposed to marry at one point.”
“Stop!” I cried. “I don’t want to hear about that!”
“Listen!” Will cut back. “These people…they’re fucking heartless. Lily, I just lost my dad, after four years of pretending I was dead to save his life. And they couldn’t delay filming long enough for me
to clean out his house. That’s what kind of people I’m working with. Do you really think I would choose them over you? Over the one person in this entire fucking world who knows me, the real me, underneath this stupid fucking veneer they built?”
He gestured up and down at his new appearance, and my chest relaxed slightly at the fact that he knew what I saw. That he was as uncomfortable with the little changes as I was.
“Lil, look at me.” When I didn’t, he exhaled deeply. “Please.”
Slowly, I did. His eyes were shadowed here, away from the light, but I could still see his pain.
“Maggie, I’m sorry. I am sorry.” He shook his head, like he was trying to shake off some invisible weight. “But, baby, I would do so much more than lie to keep you in my life. Lie, cheat, steal, kill. None of it would matter if it meant I kept you.”
At first, words wouldn’t come out. Was he serious?
“That’s ridiculous,” I said, stuck in place as he joined me a step lower.
“I never said I was a good man,” Will said. “In fact, I think I told you the opposite.”
“I’m not your savior, Will,” I said, shaking my head.
“No,” he agreed. “You’re so, so much more.”
Our mouths hovered, right at the precipice of a kiss or a bite. Sometimes it was hard to tell the difference, especially with Will. I leaned in. My lips were swollen, dying for another taste. It didn’t matter how angry I was—I still wanted him. I knew I always would.
And yet. My heart loathed for me to say it, but I knew I had to. Just as I knew I would have to keep my promise if I was ever going to maintain my self-respect.
“You want to keep me in your life, Will?” I said. “Then you can’t do any of those things. You can’t cheat. You can’t steal. You can’t kill. And if you ever, ever lie or keep things from me again, I’ll be gone. I don’t care how much I love you. I don’t care how much it hurts. You are not the only one who feels like their guts are being torn out when we’re apart. But I can’t be with someone I can’t trust. I cannot.”
Will squeezed his eyes shut, like he was physically feeling the metaphor. I couldn’t blame him. I was too. But I absolutely could not be with someone I couldn’t trust. “N-never—” I took a deep breath as I regained my voice. At the sound of my stutter, we both winced. “Never again.”
Indiscreet (The Discreet Duet Book 2) Page 14
