“Well, here’s the deal.” I run a hand down my face. “I love you, Em,” I say, and I’m not lying. Not a bit. She saved my life by sacrificing everything she held dear two years ago, and she did it without a thought. She will always be in my heart.
“Okay…” she says. “But?” She holds out her hands like she’s surrendering to the cops.
I look over at Sky, and she raises her glass to me. She keeps talking with Reagan, and I am glad because I have to have this conversation with Emily. “I love you, Em, but I’m in love with her.” I nod toward Sky. “Like want to move in with her tomorrow and die together when we’re old kind of love.”
She sits back a little. “Oh,” she breathes. She looks like someone just slapped her. Emily and I don’t have feelings for one another, not like that. But we have always cuddled, and I think I’m hurting her feelings, and I fucking hate it because she doesn’t understand. “I’m in love with her, and I’m afraid she’ll feel weird about me cuddling with you.”
Her brow furrows even more. “So you explain our relationship,” she says with laugh. “She’ll understand.” She leans like she wants to lie on my side. I push her back a little. “Matt,” she protests. “Stop doing that.”
“Em,” I say. “If you’re cuddled up with me, she’s can’t get in that spot, and I really, really, really want her in that spot.”
Her face softens.
“Do you get it now?”
She motions toward Logan. “Logan never minded our cuddling. Why would she?”
Honestly, I wouldn’t fuck Emily if she were the last woman on the planet. If Logan died tomorrow, and every other woman on the planet did, too, I still wouldn’t fuck Emily, that’s how much I love her like a sister, but I don’t want there to be any confusion. I don’t want Sky to feel weird about it. I shake my head because I don’t know what more I can say to her.
“Matt,” she says softly. I look up into her face, and my heart almost breaks when I see her eyes filling with tears. “You’re really in love with her, aren’t you?”
I grin. I can’t help it. “Yeah,” I say. “I am.” I nudge her shoulder with mine. “You okay with that?” I ask.
She leans over like she’s going to hug me but pulls back. “I can still hug you, right?” she asks. I take her in my arms and hold her tightly to me, and then I roll her over and drop her unceremoniously into Logan’s lap. He looks up at her and grins, surprised to find here there.
“We’re okay, right?” she asks me, motioning from me to her and back.
I ruffle her hair. “We’re just like we’ve always been,” I say. I let my hand rest on the top of her head.
Sky walks over to me and sits down next to me. I put my arm on the back of the couch, and she snuggles against my side. Nothing ever felt quiet as right as this moment does.
Logan turns off the game and the TV. Now that Emily is in his lap, she has all of his attention. Logan signs to me. Go get Em’s guitar.
I get up and go to the closet where Emily keeps her favorite guitar. Reagan passes out drinks while Emily sets up for a minute, tweaking and twirling as she strums the strings.
Emily leans over, takes my hand off my knee, and kisses it quickly. My heart warms. Sky smiles up at me and looks at me curiously. But she’s not angry. I can tell. Then Sky lays her head on my shoulder, her body molding into mine. She fits against me. She fits my life.
Even Pete and Sam stop wrestling when Emily starts to sing. She has a voice that’s a thing of beauty, and emotion wells up inside me. The room goes quiet, aside from the sound of her voice.
Sky sucks in a startled breath, and I scoot over behind her, arranging her between my thighs so she can lean against me. She lays her head back on my shoulder and settles into me.
I hear the door open, and Friday walks into the apartment. She looks around, and her eyes land on Paul. He looks everywhere but at her. Her eyes close, and she takes a deep breath. But then she comes and sits on the floor beside Sam, and Paul brings her a margarita. He leans close to her and says something in her ear. She nods and draws her lower lip between her teeth. He smiles, and Paul looks peaceful for a second. Then it’s gone.
Emily gets a little louder, and the room starts to ring with the sound of her music. Peace settles over me, and I realize that this is what it’s all about. My fight with cancer. My fight with life. My fight with love. All my fighting led me here. And I don’t want to be anywhere else. I have my family around me, the woman I love is in my arms, and our kids are scattered around the apartment. It can’t get any better than this.
Skylar
I can’t figure out why Emily isn’t playing on a stage at a huge, sold-out venue somewhere instead of strumming her heart out in the Reeds’ living room. She has some amazing talent, and I could sit here all day and listen to her. Her voice is full and rich and so emotional that she almost brings a tear to my eye.
Every few minutes, she looks over at Logan and grins at him. He watches her mouth closely, and I see his fingertips settle on the base of her guitar at times.
Matt’s arms tighten around my middle, and his fingers slide beneath my shirt to rest flat on my belly. It’s so intimate that it makes me squirm. I cover his hand with mine and he keeps his fingers still for a second. His mouth is right beside my ear when he turns his head, and he whispers, “I bet you’re still wet.”
Heat creeps up my cheeks, and my belly does that little dance that’s all because of Matt. “Stop it,” I hiss.
Suddenly, a ball flies through the air and hits Matt in the forehead. He reaches for it and catches it in the air. It’s a little, blue Nerf ball and not something that would hurt him. He squeezes it in his fist. “Very amusing,” he says to the room.
“You’re going to corrupt the kids,” one of the twins says. I think it’s Sam, but they look so much alike that I can’t be sure. Then I see the other one is cuddled up with Reagan, so this one must be Sam.
“The kids are in the other fucking room, dumbass,” Matt says. He hurls the ball back at Sam. It bounces off his shoulder, and Paul reaches up to pluck it from the air. He throws it back at Sam, where it deflects off his ear.
Seth raises a hand tentatively. “I’m a kid, and I’m still here,” he reminds us playfully. Any other time and he wouldn’t be caught dead in the kid category.
Sam raises his hand, too. “I am, too. You’re going to corrupt me.” He shivers playfully. “All that lovey-dovey shit makes me want to throw up my cupcakes.” He burps loudly and covers his mouth with his closed fist after. “And I worked hard on those cupcakes,” he reminds everyone.
Matt nudges me. “Did you get a cupcake?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
He slides out from behind me and comes back with two. “You’ll like it,” he says. “Sam makes the best cupcakes.” He sits down beside me, the length of his leg pressed along mine.
“Oh, a cupcake,” Reagan breathes, and she crawls across the floor on her hands and knees, and then reaches up to take the cupcake from Matt. He laughs and fends her off for a second, but she gets a grip of his wrist and brings the cupcake toward her mouth. Her mouth hangs open wide as she laughs, tugging his arm, and he struggles to keep the cupcake.
“You can take him, princess!” Pete calls from where he’s sitting on the floor. “You got this!” Pete laughs, rolling onto his back as he falls over. Sam slaps his palm against Pete’s and laughs, too.
“Reagan, Reagan, Reagan,” the brothers begin to chat. Reagan is still struggling with Matt’s wrist, and he’s pretending to fight her off, but he’s laughing. Finally, he gives up and lets her take a bite, but just as she pulls back, he smashes her nose into the icing. She looks up, shocked.
“Oh, you did not just do that,” she says. Then she wipes a chunk of icing off her nose and holds it out, her palm pointed toward Matt. “You know what that means,” she warns, but she’s already crawling across his lap toward his face. He passes me his cupcake, or what’s left of it, shoves her off hi
s legs, and jumps over the back of the couch. I startle, because Matt is suddenly all broad shoulders and flying limbs. She follows him and chases him around the kitchen island, laughing as he skids in his socks into the counter. He grabs his hip and calls for a time-out, but she’s not having it. “You’re such a big baby,” she sings.
Matt reaches behind him for a fresh cupcake and taunts her with it. “You want to wear this one?” He waggles his brows at her. “Bring it,” he challenges.
I cover my mouth to stifle a laugh. I have seen Matt in a lot of situations, but this playful banter and the way they’re chasing one another around makes me want to cover my head and duck and laugh out loud at the same time.
Reagan dives for him as he darts back toward the couch and the rest of us. She jumps onto his back and reaches toward his face. He grabs her wrist and holds it away from him, but then he gives up and brings her fingers to his lips, and licks the dollop of icing off it. He hums a little tune while she struggles. Finally, she goes limp on his back and lays her head on the back of his shoulder. His shoulders shake silently as he laughs.
Emily motions to me really quickly, and I pass her my uneaten cupcake. She stands up, and smashes Matt in the face with it as Reagan climbs down from his back. His eyes and mouth open up wide as she grinds it into his face, laughing like hell. Reagan gathers a handful of icing that falls onto his shirt, and she wipes it across his cheek.
“Oh, it’s on now,” he growls and spins around, bending at the waist so he can toss Emily over his shoulder.
Emily protests, smacking his back, but she’s suddenly serious, if the look on her face is any indication. “Put me down, Matt,” she cries.
Logan jumps to his feet, and he yells for Matt to put her down, too. Matt’s still laughing, though, and he has no idea how serious they are.
“Matt!” Paul yells. The room goes quiet, and Matt spins around with Emily still over his shoulder to face Paul. “Put her down before you hurt her,” he says calmly but forcefully.
Logan takes Emily from Matt and lowers her to her feet. “Sorry,” Emily says sheepishly.
“What’s wrong?” Matt asks. He’s suddenly serious, despite the icing that’s all over his face. Reagan is wearing some, too, and they all look ridiculous. “Did I hurt you?” he asks Emily.
Emily hangs her head a little and then looks up at Logan like she’s asking for permission. She signs and talks to him at the same time. “Should we tell them?” she asks. But she’s grinning. Logan smiles, too, and nods.
Emily takes a deep breath.
“You’re not sick, are you?” Matt asks, and I can see the love he has for both his brothers’ girls in his eyes. And, honestly, it makes me love him even more.
Emily shakes her head. She jerks a thumb toward Logan. “Your brother knocked me up,” she says.
The room goes silent. Completely silent. You could have heard a pin drop.
“What?” Matt asks, looking from Logan to Emily and back. He has icing all over himself yet he’s suddenly so serious. He points to Emily’s belly. “You’re pregnant?” he whispers.
Emily laughs and nods. “We’re pregnant!” she cries.
“So no more tossing her over any shoulders,” Logan warns, glaring at all his brothers. They’re getting to their feet, one by one. Suddenly, Matt jerks Emily toward him and wraps his arms around her.
“I’m so happy for you,” I hear him say softly as he swings her around. She giggles and holds him close to her, patting his back.
Matt sets her back from him and looks down at her belly. “You’re going to be the best mom ever, Em,” he says.
“I hope so,” she says quietly, laying a hand on her belly. The rest of the brothers come forward to congratulate them, and they rub Logan’s head and jab him in the side, while Emily gets lots of soft hugs. “Maybe she’ll be born perfect like her dad,” she says. She worries her lower lip.
“Or fucking gifted like you,” Matt says vehemently.
Emily sniffs and smiles at him, a watery grin.
“There’s just one thing I want to know,” Matt says.
He wraps an arm around Emily’s shoulders and looks down at her. I flinch when I see what he’s about to do, but she does kind of deserve it. His hand inches toward the countertop and he snags a cupcake. “Is the baby going to like chocolate or vanilla?” He brings it up and crams it into Emily’s startled face.
She sucks in a jerky breath.
“Booyah!” Matt cries, and he runs away from Emily. Logan drags a finger down Emily’s face, scooping up some of the icing and brings it to his lips. He laughs.
“Good cupcakes, Sam,” Logan says.
Sam chuckles.
“I’m going to go clean up,” Matt says, gesturing toward the bathroom. He goes into the bathroom and closes the door.
“Is he all right?” Emily asks Paul. She looks worried. She picks up a dish towel and starts to wipe her face, her gaze never leaving the direction in which Matt went.
“He’s fine,” Paul says. But his gaze lingers on the bathroom door.
I can’t help but be amazed by their family. They love and care for one another. I look at Seth, who has been watching with amusement. They remind me of how Seth is with the girls. They’re playful and loving, and they support one another. I suddenly want to be a part of this family more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I want to be Matt’s family. And I want him to be part of mine.
Matt
Emily is fucking pregnant. Logan’s going to be a father. Emily is going to be a mother. I’m going to be an uncle. Again. I stare into the mirror and swallow hard to push the feelings back down into my gut, where they can stay nice and hidden. I don’t particularly like wearing them on my face.
I leave the bathroom door open since I’m just washing up. The icing is sticking to my beard stubble, though, and it’s a little bit difficult to get off. Emily knocks on the door. She looks ridiculous with her face smeared with icing. Even more ridiculous than I do. She licks her fingers as she walks into the bathroom and takes out a towel. She doesn’t say anything as she leans over the sink and gets it wet, and then starts to clean her face off, too.
Her eyes finally meet mine in the mirror. Her gaze darts away.
“You okay, Em?” I ask.
She nods and keeps swiping at her face. “This blue stuff is hard to get off. Need to tell Sam to use a different color next time.”
“Or next time, we can try not wearing it.” I snort. Like that will ever happen.
She shuts off the water and leans close to the mirror as she continues to scrub.
“Talk to me, Em,” I say.
She shakes her head.
“How did this happen?” I ask.
A grin tugs at her lips as her face colors. “Seriously, Matt?” she asks.
I roll my eyes. “That’s not what I meant,” I say.
“I know what you meant,” she says as she turns the water back on. But her face is clean, so I think she’s just looking for something to do to keep her hands busy. “You remember when I had my wisdom teeth out a couple of months ago?”
Of course, I remember. She looked like a chipmunk for a week.
“Yeah, antibiotics,” she says. She shrugs.
“You’re happy, right?” I ask.
“I couldn’t be happier.” Her eyes meet mine, and I know she’s not lying.
I brush her bangs from her forehead and squeegee a piece of her hair with my fingertips, removing a little icing. “What’s bothering you, then?” I ask.
She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “What if he or she turns out like me?” she whispers. Emily has dyslexia and is nearly illiterate. She has to work really hard to do all the things that people take for granted, like reading street signs and menus in restaurants.
“What if he or she is?” I ask softly. I want to shout at her, to tell her how fabulous she is. I want to tell her how lucky her baby will be to have a mother like Emily and a father like Logan and a whole room full of aunts
and uncles who will spoil the baby rotten.
“I’m just scared,” she says. She shakes her head like she wants to shake the thought away. “I wouldn’t wish my learning disability on my worst enemy.”
“If she does, you’ll get her the help she needs to succeed.” That’s something Emily never had. She didn’t have the support. She had a father who thought she didn’t try hard enough and no one who fought for her, until she met Logan.
She looks up at me. “It’ll be all right either way, right?”
Logan lost his hearing because of a fever, so they don’t have to worry about a baby of theirs inheriting his hearing impairment. “It’ll be all right,” I say. And I don’t doubt my words, not at all. “You’re going to be a great mom, Em.”
She nods and throws the towel at my face. I catch it and toss it into the hamper along with mine. She lays a hand on her belly. “It’s hard to believe that I have a little person growing inside me,” she says softly.
I put my hands on her shoulders and follow her out of the bathroom. But I hear crying coming from Hayley’s room and head in that direction. I find Joey and Mellie standing with Hayley, and Mellie has peed in her pants.
“Uh oh,” I say. I put my finger to my lips. “Shh,” I say. “Don’t tell anyone. I’ll be right back.”
I walk out to the bag that Sky brought with her and get clean clothes for Mellie, and then go back and take her hand so I can lead her to the bathroom. I am not quite sure what to do when she doesn’t let my hand go and drags me into the bathroom with her. I let her clean herself up, and she puts on some clean clothes while I sit on the edge of the tub. This is all new to me. Well, I’ve done it with Hayley, but she lives with us and she’s my niece. Her being family makes it easier to know what to do.
I get Mellie to wash her hands and remind myself to tell her to go to the bathroom in a half hour or so. I toss her clothes into the hamper. I’ll wash them and take them back to Sky tomorrow. We walk out of the bathroom, and Mellie grins up at me and hugs my leg, just below my knee. She sits down on my foot, and I take a few steps wearing her like a boot, her clinging to me like Velcro. She thinks it’s hilarious, and the other girls want to take a turn, too.
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