Well, hidey-ho.
Guess who just appeared at the door with a whole squadron of humans wearing dark blue uniforms?
Hailey! She spots me in the crowd. “I called 911,” she says, waggling her cell phone.
I touch my paw to my heart. Since I don’t have a keyboard handy, it’s the only way I know to say thank you.
“Well, well, well, Dr. Ledbetter,” says a woman wearing a blue windbreaker with ASPCA stenciled across the back in bright yellow letters. “You told us you didn’t use any mice in your lab work.”
“W-we don’t,” sputters Dr. Ledbetter.
“Then what do you call this?” asks a gruff, squat man. His jacket has the letters PD on the back. I don’t know what ASPCA and PD mean, but I’m very glad they’re here.
“This,” says Dr. Ledbetter, pointing at the floor filled with thousands of squeaking, swarming, nibbling mice, “is what I call a very serious vermin infestation. My janitorial staff was just about to call the exterminators.”
“That’s right,” says Mr. Brophy. “I was.”
“Fine,” says the man with PD stenciled on his back. “That can be your one phone call. From jail.”
While the humans argue and shout at one another, I decide it’s time my two families escaped from the Horrible Place, once and for all.
I turn to Hailey. Give her a jaunty salute.
She salutes right back.
“See you at home,” she says. “Mom bought another crumb cake.”
I wiggle my eyebrows, the way my brother Rudolpho taught me.
And then I send out an ultrasonic signal that makes my heart swell with happiness. “Follow me, everybody!”
Five thousand and ninety-seven mice race out the back door, tear across the loading dock, jump off the edge, and follow my secret sewer-pipe escape route all the way to freedom.
CHAPTER 57
“A true friend is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
—Isaiah
That night, in the backyard of Hailey’s house, I introduce her to my brothers and sisters.
“this is my brother and very best friend, abe,” I type on her laptop, which she has propped open on a picnic table.
Hailey is smiling, admiring Abe. “He’s so… red! So cool and different.”
“yes,” I type, “that’s the only thing we all have in common: we’re all different.”
Mice, of course, are very social creatures. My brothers and sisters have already met all of Mikayla’s family, and the elders quickly declared us one big, happy mischief. It might take a little while for my siblings to get used to their new lives and the unfamiliar burrow, but I know that they’re happy and grateful to be rescued. They’ll do everything they can to pull their own weight in our wonderful new mischief. And with our unique talents, there’s a lot we can do to help.
After they settled in, my family wanted to meet Hailey, the nice human who helped them escape. She wanted to meet them, too.
“You’re all so amazing!” Hailey says after the gymnasts in the family give her a quick display of their acrobatic skills. “I wish more people would realize how incredible you are.”
I shake my head and type, “i’ve met many humans, and they’re all the same. except you, of course.”
“We just have to introduce you in a way that’s not going to scare them,” Hailey says. “Finding a mouse in your crumb cake can be a little surprising, you know?”
I nod, smiling.
She suddenly waves her hands excitedly, startling some of my family. “I have this great idea. No, it’s better than great. It’s spectacular!”
Apparently, the church she attends is having an Animal Blessing on Sunday.
“Everybody in the parish brings their pets, and the priest blesses them. It’s a big celebration. You guys definitely need to be there.”
“do you mean all of us?” I type.
“Okay. You’re right. Hundreds of mice scurrying around the church pews might freak people out. So how about you, Mikayla, Gabriel, Abe, and Winnie?”
“do we have to dress up?” I ask, because, after all, it is church.
Hailey grins. “Maybe just a little…”
CHAPTER 58
“Our lives may be different, but they’re also the same.”
—Isaiah
Sunday comes, and I absolutely loathe the outfit Hailey has chosen for me.
Loathe, by the way, is a polite way of saying I HATE IT.
But I would never tell Hailey that. I am quite fond of my first human friend.
We hide in Hailey’s backpack and ride with her and her parents to church.
I have never been inside a church before, but it is wonderful. When Hailey takes a seat in a pew, I peek out from under the backpack flap to study the crowd.
The church looks like a miniature version of Noah’s Ark, one of my favorite biblical stories because of all the animals in it, including a pair of mice.
The churchgoers have brought all manner of pets to the special service. I see dogs in all shapes and sizes. Cats safely locked away in carriers, thank you very much. Hamsters. Guinea pigs. Rabbits. Goldfish. Parakeets. I even see a donkey and a man standing behind it with a shovel.
Hailey leans over and whispers to me. “I guess you guys want to go meet the other animals, huh?” she says.
I give her a look that says, “Can we?”
She says, “Sure. Go on. You’re an animal. This is your big day.”
I spy a hamster two rows down who reminds me of a distant cousin twice removed. I climb out of the backpack. Mikayla, Gabriel, Abe, and Winnie climb out right behind me.
“This is so nice,” says Mikayla. “All these people love animals!”
“I guess all humans aren’t like the creeps you meet in a lab,” adds Abe.
The five of us scamper down the carpeted center aisle, big smiles plastered to our snouts, and BOOM!
Just like always, it happens.
“Eeeeeek! Mice! EEEEEEK!”
The shrieking. The jumping up on the seats. The usual.
Here is a church filled with animal lovers who, supposedly, want to bless and celebrate animals… and now they’re going bonkers over five little mice? Sure, three of us are kind of strangely colored, but still.
It once again proves my theory that no matter how hard we try, no matter what amazing feats we perform, mice will always be outcasts in this world. I bet even Noah wasn’t happy to see two of us walking up the gangplank to his ark!
Humans hate us.
Always have, always will.
CHAPTER 59
“All cats are gray in the dark.”
—Isaiah
Hailey rushes down the center aisle, scoops us up one by one, and tucks us into her backpack.
Then, believe it or not, she walks right up to the raised podium where the human in robes was just about to speak.
“Excuse me, Father Ed, but I need to say something to the congregation. Something important.”
Before Father Ed gives her permission, Hailey grabs hold of the microphone.
“Good morning, everybody. Before Father Ed blesses our animals, I want to say something about the smallest creatures among us. The ones we’ll sing about later in one of my favorites hymns, ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful.’ It was written way back in 1848, so maybe we’ve sung it so many times, we don’t really hear what the words are telling us anymore. Allow me to refresh your memory.”
She flips through a book filled with musical notes and starts reading.
All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.
The crowd is silent. Even the parakeet has quit asking for a cracker.
Hailey keeps going. “Believe it or not, I’ve spent some time recently with some extremely great creatures who just happen to be extremely small.”
She puts her hand to her shoulder and I c
limb on.
“This little guy is Isaiah. I’ve seen him do some incredible things, mostly to help his brothers and sisters. He is wise and wonderful.”
She puts me down on the podium so she can give Mikayla a ride down from her backpack.
“And this brave little lady is Mikayla. She wasn’t afraid to hang out with a strange-looking little blue dude like Isaiah, even though all her friends are brown, gray, or white. Why is Mikayla so kind and understanding toward others who look different?”
The priest, Father Ed, answers Hailey’s question. “She’s wonderful, too.”
Hailey nods. “I’m different, also, if you haven’t noticed. Guess what? We all are. As my wise and wonderful friend Isaiah here once told me, ‘We’re all different. It’s the only thing we have in common.’”
The priest clears his throat. “He, uh, told you?”
“Oh, yes,” Hailey says. “Isaiah can do all sorts of incredible things. Speak. Type. Unlock doors.”
Amid loud, startled whispering among the congregation, Hailey grabs the microphone and tilts it down so it’s about an inch away from my whiskers.
“Come on, Isaiah. Let’s show everybody how special you are.”
I’m about to scream, “KIBBLE!” when Hailey prompts me: “Sing that song you told me about. The one Mikayla sang to you that night in my hoody.”
I look to Mikayla.
“Go ahead,” she says. “I’ll help you out.”
“But they won’t be able to hear you. They’ll barely hear me.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll be singing for you, Isaiah. Just follow my lead. And this time, don’t yell. Sing.”
I face the microphone. Clear my throat. “Ahem.”
The crowd gasps. None of them has ever heard a mouse clear his throat before.
Mikayla and I skip over the verse about mice meandering in the moonlight and jump right to the refrain:
You may tower like a giant,
You may be weak and you may be small,
Our differences make no difference,
The same moon shines on us all.
Some of the humans in the pews are starting to weep. I look at Mikayla. Her voice is so beautiful, I wish it weren’t ultrasonic. Then everyone in this church could know what heaven sounds like.
“Well,” says Father Ed when I’m done, “thank you, Hailey. I was going to give a sermon this morning about tolerance and loving all of God’s creatures, no matter how different they may seem. But your talk was much better than anything I could have said.”
The service continues. My friends and I get blessed. The donkey doesn’t embarrass himself when it’s his turn. All in all, it is a fantastic Sunday morning.
On the way out of church, a sweet-looking old lady leans in to Hailey and whispers, “Have fun with your singing mouse friends. But remember—they carry all sorts of germs, dear.”
Hailey smiles and gives the nice lady one of my all-time favorite replies: “Maybe. But so do we.”
Because, when all is said and done, none of us is very different from any of us.
EPILOGUE
After church, Abe says, “You know, Isaiah, Hailey’s sermon got me thinking. If we’re all God’s creatures, great and small, then… all of us animals are sort of one big family, don’t you think?”
“I suppose. Not that I’d want to share Thanksgiving dinner with a tiger. I’d probably be his dinner. Why do you ask?”
His whiskers start twitching like they do when he doesn’t want to tell you something.
“What is it, Abe?” I ask.
“Well, uh, when you escaped and I was still in the Horrible Place, I heard some of the Long Coats talking.”
“And?”
“There’s another Lamina Lab not too far from here, Isaiah. A place where they do stuff even worse than what they did to us.”
I start to feel that powerful surge of injustice and indignation. More animals living in pain and terror? I want to help—I have to. Maybe this is what my special abilities are really for—to rescue those in need.
“You mean there are other mice in danger? Another mischief we should go rescue? Let’s do it!” I say.
A few weeks ago, I was the biggest coward of my mischief. But I’ve learned a lot about overcoming my fears since then, especially if others’ lives are at stake.
Abe shakes his head. “Not mice, but other animals. Like you said, we’re all family, so they deserve to be rescued, too, right?”
I nod firmly. “Of course. No creature should be subjected to that kind of horrible life. I give you my word that we’ll help them. What are they? Bunnies, guinea pigs, hamsters?”
He looks around to make sure nobody else hears what he is about to say. “No, Isaiah. Not hamsters. Cats.”
YIPES!
What did I just get myself into?
I wish I could laugh and tell Abe that he’s crazy. That we’d be risking our lives for cats who will gobble us up the second they’re free. That they’re evil creatures who would never do the same for us.
That we’re not going to save them.
But…
I gave my word that I would help all creatures in need, great and small.
And, as you know, the word of a mouse can never be broken.
JAMES PATTERSON received the Literarian Award for Outstanding Service to the American Literary Community at the 2015 National Book Awards. He holds the Guinness World Record for the most #1 New York Times bestsellers, including Middle School and I Funny, and his books have sold more than 350 million copies worldwide. A tireless champion of the power of books and reading, Patterson created a new children’s book imprint, JIMMY Patterson, whose mission is simple: “We want every kid who finishes a JIMMY Book to say, ‘PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER BOOK.’” He has donated more than one million books to students and soldiers and funds over four hundred Teacher Education Scholarships at twenty-four colleges and universities. He has also donated millions to independent bookstores and school libraries. Patterson invests proceeds from the sales of JIMMY Patterson Books in pro-reading initiatives.
CHRIS GRABENSTEIN is a New York Times bestselling author who has also collaborated with James Patterson on the I Funny, Treasure Hunters, and House of Robots series, as well as Jacky Ha-Ha. He lives in New York City.
JOE SUTPHIN lives with his wife and cat in a big red barn in Ohio. He has been drawing and creating stories since he was little. He’s still not very large. Joe spends as much time in nature as possible, catching critters and getting scolded for it. He is a collector of illustrated books and is quite possibly addicted to black licorice and root beer.
BOOKS BY JAMES PATTERSON FOR YOUNG READERS
THE MIDDLE SCHOOL NOVELS
Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: Get Me Out of Here! (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: Big, Fat Liar (with Lisa Papademetriou, illustrated by Neil Swaab)
Middle School: How I Survived Bullies, Broccoli, and Snake Hill (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: Ultimate Showdown (with Julia Bergen, illustrated by Alec Longstreth)
Middle School: Save Rafe! (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: Just My Rotten Luck (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
THE I FUNNY NOVELS
I Funny (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)
I Even Funnier (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)
I Totally Funniest (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)
I Funny TV (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)
THE TREASURE HUNTERS NOVELS
Treasure Hunters (with Chris Grabenstein and Mark Shulman, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
Treasure Hunters: Danger Down the Nile (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
Treasure Hunters: Secret of the Forbid
den City (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
Treasure Hunters: Peril at the Top of the World (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
THE HOUSE OF ROBOTS NOVELS
House of Robots (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
House of Robots: Robots Go Wild! (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
THE DANIEL X NOVELS
The Dangerous Days of Daniel X (with Michael Ledwidge)
Daniel X: Watch the Skies (with Ned Rust)
Daniel X: Demons and Druids (with Adam Sadler)
Daniel X: Game Over (with Ned Rust)
Daniel X: Armageddon (with Chris Grabenstein)
Daniel X: Lights Out (with Chris Grabenstein)
OTHER ILLUSTRATED NOVELS
Public School Superhero (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Cory Thomas)
Jacky Ha-Ha (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Kerascoët)
Word of Mouse (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Joe Sutphin)
For previews of upcoming books in these series and other information, visit middleschoolbooks.com, ifunnybooks.com, and treasurehuntersbooks.com.
For more information about the author, visit jamespatterson.com.
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