by John Cabales
“What is your wish?” I asked.
“I wish that god will never break us.”
I hold her hands tighter.
“God will never.” I inhaled the scents of myrtles brought by the cold wind.
“You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours forever.” I kissed her lips.
As Mammoo w/ our chamber maid prepared the foods I took my shower and I picked up the simplest clothes. It took at least an hour of choosing what clothes I should wear. The idea flashes on my Mind that I should wear simple clothes. As what had Mammoo said, simplicity mashes someone falls. When I’m finished in my wardrobe I quickly get in the car to pick Yhanna and her parents.
When I arrived in their house, they are already waiting for me. Yhanna mother is wearing a red dress. Her lips are also in red and like Yhanna she is beautiful. Sir herald wore only a white t-shirt. But looks handsome.Micheal is handsome, too w/ his blue checkered polo. Yhanna wore the dress she wore in our performance. That purple dress w/ silver dust that shines when light strikes. But she didn’t put a make-up. And her hair is in a beautiful style. I guess her mother did it
Auntie Anne sir Herald and Michael is at the back seat and the special girl is in the front seat I took her hands and kissed it. I’m still holding her hands w/ my right hands white I my left hands is on the control of the car. Her parents knew how much that I love her. So the feel more comfortable when they know that she’s with me.
Love is something beautiful. It is something that you can’t ignore or take away. It is something that God’s surprise gift it’s a feeling that makes you smile every time you woke up in the morning every time you fall asleep you still wearing the smile that joy really brings. It is a feeling that makes us calm and piece when there’s a bad thing love happens when God wanted it will turn you into an angel from being a devil. Love clears the wounds and fears. That our heart endures, you feel fearless you feel love when you misses him/her ever though it’s only a few seconds that right into a beautiful morning to see him/her in a school. When you feel crazy when you’re not being w/ him/her. When you miss the moments you’ve shared together. A phenomenon or whatever you want to call it. it’s love when you don’t want to stay a thousand miles away from him/her. It’s love when your heart beats fast. It’s a wonderful thing that I don’t want to end. I hate the word “End”. Really I will let anyone or anything to destroy Yhanna and I relationship when you’re in love you will do everything for him/her. Because love is all beautiful.
When we arrived already I quickly went down and I open the door of my car for Yhanna. And her parents too, when they are out of the car sir Herald always says “wow” Micheal also. I am with Yhanna holding her hands still while we head going to the door.
When we’re already in front of the door, Yhanna hold my hands tighter.
“I’m Nervous” She said. Her parents are behind of us.
“Don’t be nervous okay?” I kissed her hands
When I opened the door, I smelled a floral cent; I think Mammoo sprayed a sanitizer. I led them into the dining table. Chamber maids greeted us w/ their white and black uniform. The table is ready. Different delicious on the table, a large chocolate cake is on the center. We sat on the chairs and our maid starts serving us. But I can’t find Mammoo.
“Where’s Mammoo?” Yhanna asked me.
I asked KC if where do Mammoo and she say she’s in the kitchen doing the juice experiments.
“Call her say that Yhanna and her parents are already here” I commanded.
They didn’t still touch their foods.
“Uh... You can eat your food.” I said but they insist. They don’t want to eat the food unless Mammoo came on the table.
A moment later, Mammoo showed up with a glass pitcher up a color blue juice. I don’t know what juice is that or what fruit had Mammoo used.
“Hey! Welcome everyone, I…” she was shocked when she saw Yhanna mother. Her eye’s wide open. Auntie Annie stood quickly w/ tears in her eyes. Quickly falls on the ground. The glass pitcher from Mammoo hands slipped and fell into the ground. The blue juice places on the ground. The glass pitcher turned into small pieces of crystals. Like small diamonds every one of us became froze and Mammoo whispered a name.
My atmosphere burned when I heard the name: STEPHANNIE.
Chapter Eight: LOVE AND HATE
I felt like I became a devil again from a romantic angel my hell transformation. My eye’s should pour a cluster of tears but instead it was a burning fire w/ blazes as I look at Stephanie. My life became unperfected because of her. I can feel the combination of pain and angry. I can’t breathe I’m extra nervous to be calm but not this time anymore. My mother who I didn’t know and touch the face. My mother who left me for about 16 years, my mother who made me a rebel, my mother who broke my heart for the first time, is now with me in our house.
“Is he my son?” she whispered looking one Mammoo.
I saw Mammoo added. Stephanie is going towards me. But I took a step back.
“August” I heard she tried to embrace me but I inch myself away from her. When she tried to be close on me I shoved her. She falls on the ground where the glass pitcher broke she propped her right elbow I saw a dark red blood on her arms flowing w/ tears she was wounded the broken glass Mammoo bristle moved herself to help Stephannie. Sir Herald, Michael and Yhanna too my sweet Yhanna I cannot describe her face that night. It was a combination of fears and doubts.
“August, why did you do that she’s your mother!” Mammoo shouted.
“She is not my mother!” I replied “You are an embarrassment!” I shouted pointing my index finger to her. When I’m losing myself because of the angriness I feel for my mother I feel Yhanna’s hands holding more I feel the warmth. And she pronounced my name hushly.
“August. She is your mother. Our Mother” She leaned and whispered.
Yeah. She is our mother that means Yhanna and I was siblings. So your love for each other must end now. But I don’t understand my thoughts. Half of my heart is angry w/ her because she is my mother’s daughter. And a half still romantically loves her. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I need some space.
Another unexpected thing had happened that night. The night that should be the elegant dinner. We heard a sound of someone’s home and he’s coincidentally came in a right moment. Right here now, when we saw George his eyes were shocked, when he saw my mother Stephanie he gently walked into her sir Herald was speechless in that very moment. Carrying his son, Michael.Yhanna is w/ me still holding my cold hands.
“Stephanie” he swallowed.
I breathe hard and I walked out. I don’t want to see them both especially Stephannie. They are the same with George even I know he is my father. But when I need his presence his nowhere, he is nowhere. And that makes me insurgent I released my hands Yhanna’s holding. And left them all
I spend an hour and a half standing at my room verandah. Watching the stars, I make them calm for a while I felt hungry but I just ignored it. I know they are having a conversation the maid whispered to me. I feel cold and I remember the warmth of Yhanna’s hands on me a while ago. A moment later I heard hard knocked on my door. I know it’s not Mammoo knocked because I already memorize her knocks when she’s on the other side of the door the way she knock is smooth but that hard knock, I knew it already it is George he knocked twice but I really ignored him I don’t want to talk to him. Not now not this time. I wanted him to stop on knocking at my door and hopefully he did. A few moments o silence had passed by and then I heard another knocked from my door this time soft knock and I know who’s the other side of the door. I leave the verandah and I went to in front of my door and then unlocked it and when I opened. The door I thought it was Mammoo, but it is Yhanna my love I hugged her tight and I pull her into the verandah I hold her hands. As it was the last touch.
“What they had talked about.” I said.
“About you.” She whispered.
“Yeah the are talkin
g to me now but they don’t care about me.”
“They do, August.”
“Just a simple words. They don’t care about us so I don’t care about them, too”.
“Why you are like that?” her voice starts to rise.
“Because of them!” I raised my voice and silenced occurred.
“August. Since we know that we are siblings” she paused and looked into my eyes “We should end this all” She said.
The wind blew hard.
“There’s a perfect and better girl than me August. Even though we loved each other let’s accept that this is not right. It’s wrong. You should love another.”
I fell pain as she said it in front of me I cried then I couldn’t help the tears falling into the ground. I see Yhanna is crying, too I don’t want to lose her.
“I can’t love anymore you are the only person who changed me. Who turned me into an angel from being bad” I Sobbed and runs my thumb into her cheek going to her lips.
“Maybe this affair is wrong. But I want you to know…” I took the hardest breathe in my whole life. “Loving you was the best thing that I do.” I whispered I closed my eyes and I gently kissed her soft lips. I will soon miss her lips when we kissed the stars above was gone. And the rain poured silently.
I thought love is all happiness. I thought love is all beautiful things. I thought love makes you smile. I thought love will make you feel better. Thought love never makes a person cry. I thought I had never realized that after all the romantic moments that Yhanna and I have been shared this will change. I was hurt. My heart is all in pain my eyes swollen of crying and crying and crying. I am losing my mind. I am losing my-self. I am losing my soul. I am losing the reason why I changed a lot. Why I am angel. Why I am good. Why I am nice. I lost her my heart is in the heights of loneliness. I’m sorrowful. I want to die it seems that my heart doesn’t want to beat w/ out Yhanna on my side w/ out feeling the warmth of her hands as she holds mine w/ out kissing her lips. Before was the happiness and joy of being in love and now I am in the feeling of sadness and sorrow of being in love. Yhanna had really changed me and now that she’s gone from me everything will change again. I know because I am feeling it right here now.
I took my clothes off of the wardrobe and then put it on my bag. I want to be alone. I want to be having space. I want to be found my-self. When I’m about to exit the house that night, George and Mammoo stopped me.
“Where are you going?” George says.
“In a place where no one will find.” I roll my eyes.
“You don’t need to leave, August” Mammoo said. She’s crying now. She embraced me then.
“I’m sorry Mammoo. I just want to be find my-self” and I released her arms from embracing me and then I left them.
I am going to New Orleans, LA.
I don’t want to go to my friend’s house to stay there I want to be far away. So far while I drive my phone rang and rang. Bud I didn’t answer the calls. A moment I got it to see who was calling. Francis. I scroll down and it was Carmeo’s name. I scroll down again. Brett, Tiffany, Jon, Emy, James. My friends. George called, too. When I saw a gasoline station I turned off the engine of my car and I refill I will travel so far so I want to make sure that my car’s fuel is enough. When I’m inside of my car again, I feel cold. I turned off the air conditioner and I wore on sweater. Drizzle falls. The road was so slippery because it rained but I feel brave that moment even though I know that the road is so slippery I keep driving so fast and fast. I don’t care if accident embraces me.
I decided to stay in Marriot hotel. One the most beautiful hotel here in Los Angeles. The word is in the French Quarter boasting fantastic Coral street location just a few steps from Bourbon Street. I like the lights. I can see the reflections of it from the surface of the water. When I get in w/ my bag, the two guards welcomed me in. when I walked through the lobby a middle aged man assisted me he helped me to find a room and give me the key of the room. I rode an elevator going to fourteenth floor. When the elevator’s door automatically opened I found silence. There’s no such people maybe they are already at sleep. I watched my clock and because it’s already 12:51 midnight when I head straight I saw the ROOM 113. My room aged man assisted me when I’m inside, the room is wonderful. Beautiful from the ceilings into the floors. I smell an orange cent. The air conditioner spreads ever where. But I sighed I remember the pain again I threw my bag at the corner and I lay my body hard on the soft bed the white mattress and little puckers forward. I breathe hard. I still feel bad. I’m not still not feeling well. I missed Yhanna again but I need to be far away.
I didn’t have eaten anything that night. Ignoring my hungriness because of my anger forStephannie is still reigning. Half of an hour that I was measurerized by the lingering thoughts of my word. And when I closed my eyes, I fall asleep.
When I wake in the morning I felt the butterflies in my stomach. Growling not flying. I’m now hungry. I went to the dining room and ordered breakfast I was in the house Mammoo would wake up early just to cook me for breakfast. As I am sitting in my table and waiting for the food I wondered what’s happening in the house now. I am wondering if George didn’t care if what had happened then leave the house’s door again for his work. I am wondering what Mammoo feels right now I know she’s crying now. But I hope she understands me. I hope she’s fine. I am wondering if Stephannie would apologize to me or say anything that will make me pity on her so I would accept the truth that she is my mother. I am wondering about Sir Herald. About what he’s feeling right now. I’m not angry w/ him though he’s the uneducated man who my mother remarried. I am wondering about my friends they are worrying about me right now. Because I’m not going to Alexander Hamilton High School. And I can’t help my mind of thinking Yhanna. I hope God will make everything fine and alright again. He is the only one I’ve known who could help me out of these nightmares. She’s between the love and hate of my soul.
Chapter Nine: ESCAPING FEARS
I stayed in the hotel for about two weeks. But even though I’m two weeks away from home I still feel the same feeling I felt that night. I think I can’t escape from this trouble anymore. After eating my dinner I went outside the hotel and breathe same fresh air. I sat into a bench. Behind is a fountain. The air was cold and it soothes into the lad level of my epidermis. I went away from them to find my-self but I didn’t seem to find it. I’m still losing my-self when the weird blew hard fine dust of water from the fountain splashes on me. I see people w/ their smiles everywhere. Couples and families. As I looked up into the night sky I see stars no more. I feel bad about everything. What’s the reason why God had let me suffered this pain and sadness and sorrows and anger. I’m starting to become a faithless sinner. I’m starting to put angriness into him. I feel hatred what’s he’s plan about me? I just want to know sometimes. God also makes the person faithless. Because of those difficulties in life that he makes us suffer a moment later, I received a text message from Mammoo.
“Do you still have a plan to return home? I respect what you feel right now and I understand it. But you cannot be an angel rebel forever. Life still goes on you have to face your fears.” What was she had said through the text, when I closed the inbox I saw an unread message. I opened it and I saw the name: GEORGE. I read the message. “Happy birthday.” I am 17 now.
I forgot that it was February 12 that night. I didn’t know that it was my birthday already. And it’s because of what I felt I forgot everything about me. I want to go somewhere where I can celebrate my birthday. If I was home, Mammoo will surely organize a party for me. And she will invite my close friends.
I head straight along the way and took a little walk. I saw a bar and I went inside. I heard a noisy music. My car hurts theme’s a lot of people inside the bar who were dancing, drunken, small talking and etc. I ordered a drink and when I sipped a few I tested the bitterness and a little sweetness. Like my lips I had five glasses of that kind of drink when I feel dizzy.
Symptoms of a drunk person. Usually I had 10 or more glass of a drink before I’m drunk. But this drink is different. I went outside. The air still so cold but I feel warm. I feel heat. I feel fine inside of me suddenly, I saw wooden beach with a hawthorn free beside. I sat there for long minutes. I see things around one leap spinning and spinning.
Someone who sat beside me, a few inches of distance she was so shiny and hairless I can see the cracks from her lips even I’m dizziness. Her color is so pale so grey. I saw a bible on her arms.
“Hi!” she said
“Hello” I replied.
“Why are you drinking beverages?”
“Because i want to forget the pain”
“Exactly. But in the morning it is back again”
“I will drink again”
“But it’s dangerous and it can cause you cancer.”
“Okay fine, fine, fine. Tell me about everything you know!” I rise my voice.
“You should be glad about your life. Do not waste it. I have a cancer and I only have days to live my life” I saw the tears on her eyes. “I am living it perfect as I can. With God”
She whispered.
“You’re case is different into mine” I said then begun saying my case “I lived my life for almost 16 years. w/ out a mother. She left me when I was five. She didn’t care about me. I know it. I have my father, but like my mother he’s not home every day to see me growing. Until I met a girl and then I really fall w/ her. And I found out that were siblings. Her mother is my mother, too. I cannot accept it. I feel half of hatred about her and half of love. But I feel more of hatred to my mother. In destroyed everything and so the reason why I am here I went away from them to find my-self and I don’t know when I will be back”
