“How did you get past it all?”
“Time. And a lot of counseling.”
“They keep saying time. But how do you let time heal it when you’re not even sure you’ll make it to the next day?”
Yuri looked up. “Are you suicidal?” He cursed himself, wishing he wasn’t always so blunt.
Kat turned away and hid her face. “I shouldn’t be, I know I shouldn’t. Not now that I’m out. But there wasn’t a day in that bunker where I didn’t think about killing myself. And now, with how hard it’s been to adjust, the thoughts keep coming back. But it’s the easy way out.” Kat reached up and held the cross that hung around her neck.
“I thought about it too. A lot. It was so hard to adjust back to normal life. I stayed away from crowds for a while and spent most of my time at home.”
“That’s all I want to do,” Kat said. “Just hide away from the world, even from Lincoln and the kids.”
“It is what you know now. After I was free, I withdrew from everyone. I had some interaction while I was there, but once I was out I wanted even less of it. My sister and I had been really close before, but then I barely spoke to her. I never answered her calls or her emails.”
“Are you close again now?”
“No. There’s a lot to it. My mother couldn’t handle my being held captive. When the money was paid and I wasn’t returned the cartel cut off all contact and my partner and I were assumed to be dead. It broke her. She killed herself a few weeks later. Then my father died of a heart attack a week before I was rescued. He could not bear the thought of life without my mother; I know that. My sister blamed me for all of this.”
“It wasn’t your fault at all, Yuri.”
“Maybe it was. I should never have taken such a dangerous job.”
“Someone has to.”
Yuri nodded. “Anyway, by the time I was better, too much time had passed. I tried to contact her again but neither of us really knew where to start. She had a son and I think she was worried about me being around him too much. The times she had seen me after I got back… well, I was not myself to say the least.”
“I can imagine. Every second I feel like I’m just going to start to scream or cry or both. Then when the anxiety hits, my blood starts to boil and I need to leave, but how do I tell the kids that? How do I explain why mommy just ran out of the room?”
“I wish I could answer that. I never had kids. But from what Kara has told me, yours seem very smart and well-adjusted. I am sure that they will learn to understand.”
“This helps, Yuri, it really does.” Kat wiped a tear from her eye. “I never thought anyone would understand any of what I’ve been through.”
“Me neither,” Yuri said.
“So what do I do? How did you get through it?”
“I think the big thing was when I realized I did not have to be perfect. No one was expecting me to just come back from it the next day and be fine. We try too hard to cover things up, to pretend like they never happened. We try to be superheroes. But it just makes it worse. Let yourself cry, let yourself be afraid and upset and alone.”
Kat nodded. “I know, but I need to be strong for the kids.”
“You are. You need to be able to let it out and talk about it. You have not stuttered since we first walked in.”
Kat looked embarrassed for a moment. “I didn’t notice. I can’t control it and I’m worried it’ll scare the kids. I need to learn to stop.”
“You will. Staying relaxed and comfortable will help. For now you need to let yourself adjust and, and this is going to sound strange, you need to grieve for the life you left behind. Even though you hated every minute of it, your body and your mind became used to it. It is like a drug addiction, you know it is bad but you come to need it. This is no different. There were days where I actually wished I were back in that hut tied to a post. At least then I would have known what to do and how to survive.”
Kat breathed a sigh of relief. “So I’m not crazy for wishing I was back there?”
“To anyone else, yes, we are crazy. But they have never experienced what we did.”
“At least when I was in there it was safe and there was routine. Now I don’t know what’s going to happen from one minute to the next and it terrifies me.” Kat could feel her blood pressure rising and her face going flush. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.
“Want another tea?”
“Please, yes,” Kat said. “That would be nice.”
Yuri put another disc in the machine and slid Kat’s mug under the nozzle. “You just need to take it one day at a time, and just remember that you can always give up for the day. If the fight is too much to handle, there is no shame in backing down. I slept a lot when I got back, just because it was the easiest way to get away from reality.”
“I really appreciate this, and don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone what you’ve told me.”
“You can tell Lincoln,” Yuri said. “He may be wondering what we talked about, and I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to you can call day or night.”
“Thank you. So Kara doesn’t know?”
“Not yet, but I am going to tell her. Very few people know. That part of my employment record and all of the investigations I was on have been sealed. They managed to keep it pretty quiet. But she deserves to know if we are going to be working together again after this.”
“It would probably be good for you. The more people who can share the burden, the better. I remember that from when Lincoln was going through the worst of his PTSD.”
Yuri nodded and handed Kat her tea. “You are probably right. Remember your own advice as well. There is safety in numbers.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Marie woke up to Claude standing over her bed. She looked across the room to see the alarm clock; it wasn’t even past two yet.
“Are you okay? Did you have another accident?”
Claude shook his head. Marie couldn’t see much, but his face was cast in the glow of the streetlights that seeped in through the cracks in the blinds. There was a confidence in his face she almost couldn’t remember, a look of fearlessness and acceptance.
“No, I didn’t.”
“What’s wrong? Do you want me to tuck you back in?”
“No, I’m fine. I want to go see that nice detective lady in the morning. I want to tell her everything that happened.”
Marie sat up. “Are you sure?”
Claude nodded. “I think it will help. And I heard you and Dad talking about how we were running out of time.”
“I wonder if they’re there right now. Would you want to go now?”
Henri had just woken up. “Go where?”
“Claude wants to talk to Detective Jameson again. He wants to tell her what happened.”
Henri jumped from the bed and grabbed his cellphone. He stepped out of the room as he dialed the number Kara had given him.
Claude looked at his mother and smiled. “We can go now if she’s there.”
Marie leaned over and hugged him tight. “I’m proud of you.”
A minute later Henri returned to the room. “They’re still there, and they want us to come in right away. The officers that are out front guarding the house will lead the way. Let’s get dressed and go.”
Claude started for the door to go back to his room and put on some clothes. Henri stopped him as he walked past and patted him on the head.
“Thanks, buddy. We’re going to find him, I promise.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Kara walked into the break room and found Yuri sitting at one of the tables half-asleep with his head resting on his hand.
“Yuri, you still awake?”
He sat up fast, then, seeing that it was only Kara, yawned. “Barely. H
ow did it go?”
“Still not great. He clammed up again, but I think Lincoln was getting to him. There’s something missing still, but I think we may soon know what it is.”
“Why?”
“Henri called. Claude woke up in the middle of the night saying he wanted to come in and talk to me. He wants to tell me what happened. They’ll be here within the hour.”
“That is great. You think it will help?”
“I do. Both Lincoln and I feel like there’s a piece we can’t find… I really hope Claude has it.”
“Me too.”
Kara looked at her feet then back up at Yuri. “So, I have to confess something.”
“Okay…” Yuri said, a mix of question and comment.
“Chen didn’t know how to work the recording system very well and he ended up recording both interview rooms. I opened the video to see what it was and to make sure I could delete it… I heard you and Kat talking.”
Yuri closed his eyes for a moment then looked at Kara.
“I’m really sorry,” Kara said before he had a chance to speak. “I didn’t mean to, and I turned it off as soon as I realized what was happening. But… it was too late. I heard what happened to you. I’m sorry, Yuri.”
“It is okay. I wanted to tell you anyway. I told Kat that at the end. You have a right to know, since we are partners now.”
“You’re not mad?”
“It was not your fault. I might be mad at Chen, but I am not sure yet.” He winked as he said it and Kara saw a spark in his eyes she hadn’t seen. The dullness was gone, the emptiness filled; a burden had been lifted and she could tell how much it meant to him.
“So that’s why you took this case, why you wanted me on it. You knew what those boys were going through, and you knew how I was trying to find Kat. You figured I’d understand.”
“The first part, yes. The second part, no. I did not realize how hard you had been looking for her. I wanted you on the case because I knew you could handle it. You had worked child abuse cases before, and you had proven yourself many times.”
“Oh. Well, thank you.”
“You are welcome,” Yuri said, a smile forming on his lips. He took a deep breath, then looked down at the table. “There was another reason as well.”
Kara felt herself blushing. “Really?” she said. “Maybe when this is over, you can tell me that reason over a coffee?”
Yuri looked up. “I think that just happened backwards.”
“I’m a take charge kind of girl. Probably another part of why you brought me in on this case.”
Kara’s phone buzzed and chimed in her pocket. She took it out and looked at the text. “Claude is here. Way earlier than we expected.”
“You going to talk to him alone?”
“Probably best. I want him to be comfortable.”
Yuri nodded. “Good luck.”
“Thanks,” Kara said as she turned and walked out of the room. She went down the hallway to the reception area and saw Henri, Marie and Claude standing at the front desk.
“Bonjour,” she said. She walked up and shook hands with Claude’s parents and then with Claude. “Thanks for coming. I was really happy to hear that you wanted to come in.”
Claude nodded. “I want to help find Jacques.”
“We need your help.” Kara looked at the desk to see Sophie standing there. “Desk duty tonight?”
“No,” she said. “I’ve been going through files and other records trying to help. Just covering for a few minutes. Washroom and cigarette break, apparently.”
“Do you mind showing them to the interview room? I’ll be right there.”
“Not a problem.” Sophie pressed a button beneath the counter and Kara heard the magnetic locks engage on the exterior doors. Kara walked into another office and searched for a moment before she found what she was looking for. Just like back home, the service had commissioned stuffed animals that looked like the German Shepherd police dogs. Each had a badge-shaped tag around its neck. They were there for children who needed something good in an otherwise bad experience. She had handed out many in her career to children whose parent she had no choice but to arrest, to children who had lost a parent, to those who had been in car accidents or been victims of crimes or who had witnessed a crime. She handed them out a lot, just to try to instill a little brightness in a dark moment in a child’s life.
She took two from the box and walked into the interview room. Henri and Marie were sitting on the couch with Claude in between them. Kara handed him the stuffed dogs and he smiled as he accepted them.
“Thank you,” he said.
“One is for Jacques,” Kara said, taking a seat. “I’m sure you can keep it safe for him.”
“Of course,” Claude said, beaming.
Kara cursed her judgment, worrying that if they never found Jacques, or if they didn’t find him alive, that her gesture might make things worse. She pushed the thought away and looked at Claude.
“So you know that we caught him, right?”
Claude nodded. “I saw it on the news. But you don’t know where Jacques is?”
“Not yet. He isn’t telling us. I think we’re close to getting him to tell. And that’s where I think you can help. Are you ready to tell me what happened?”
“I… I think so.” The confidence Claude had walked in with wavered for a moment before he seemed to steel himself. “Everyone thinks that he did things to me and Jacques, bad things.”
“What did he do?”
“He never touched us, not there,” Claude said, pointing below his waist. “I thought he was going to, but he didn’t. He took my pants off once and I was naked. He took out a knife. Jacques tried to stop him but he hit him really hard and knocked him down. Then he came back to me. He looked like he was going to do something but then he started screaming that he wasn’t going to. He said ‘I’m not like you. I’m not a monster.’ I was really confused because I thought he was talking to me.”
“Who was he talking to?”
“I don’t know. He was looking up and he looked really sad. Well, sad but angry too. He just kept yelling, and then he kept hitting himself over and over. Then he took the knife and started cutting himself on his arms. He was bleeding. And then he just left me there. I put my clothes back on and nothing else happened.”
“And he did the same thing to Jacques?”
“About a week later. It happened the exact same way… except…” Claude stopped and looked down.
“It’s okay, Claude. You couldn’t have stopped him anyway.”
“But I didn’t even try. Maybe I could’ve.”
“I’ve seen him, Claude,” Kara said. “I’m not even sure I could stop him.”
Claude nodded and wiped his tears away. “He never touched us, not like people keep saying. The doctors and nurses kept asking me, and mom and dad did too.”
Kara could see Henri and Marie both looked concerned.
“They were worried about you, Claude. We can’t really help you if we don’t know what happened. And unfortunately, that sort of stuff happens when kids get taken like you did.”
“I know, they said that on the news. And I was worried that everyone would say that when I went back to school.”
Kara nodded. “Maybe it’s time for me to update the reporters. I won’t tell them what really happened, just what didn’t happen. And then hopefully no one will bug you.”
Claude smiled. “Thank you.” He hugged the dogs that he was holding and looked at Kara, his eyes wide with innocence despite everything he had been through. “Do you think it will help you find him?”
“I do,” Kara said. “I really do.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I was already sitting at the table when Max was brought in again.
We left the handcuffs off this time, hoping he might relax right from the beginning. I was wrong.
“I told you I’m done. You won’t get another word out of me.”
“Fine. Sit and listen. I don’t care.”
Max leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms and did his best to look disinterested. Kara sat beside me and did the same. It seemed to catch Max off guard seeing someone mimicking his childish actions and he straightened up a little. The expression on his face stayed.
“You’re charged with the abductions of five children…”
Max shook his head at the number. He still believed he had taken Claude twice.
“…the murder of two children as well as the vehicular homicides of two pedestrians and the murder of a police officer. If you don’t help us you’ll have two more murder charges added for letting those boys die.” I paused for a moment then unleashed a theory on him. “Then there’s the other murder we haven’t charged you with yet.”
Max perked up. “Which one?”
“The owner of the home the boys are now in. I doubt you would have been able to find another place as perfect as that farmhouse, so instead you found a home here you could use. The job you had in Belgium ended a while ago. Makes me think you found work somewhere in Luxembourg, probably in the area where we arrested you. It would’ve been easier to just kill the homeowner and move in, rather than find a new place to hide the boys.”
“You’re smart, Detective. I’ve admitted to all of my crimes and have no problem admitting to this one as well. He was elderly and wanted his house converted to have a second unit. He wanted to rent it out. The best part was that he was completely deaf. I snuck Jacques in and he never had a clue. But then you found out who I was and put it on the news. I had to kill him then or he would’ve told someone he’d seen me.”
“Just another bit of collateral damage. A necessary action, obviously.”
“Yes, it was. I couldn’t have him ruining things for me.”
The Longest Winter Page 23
