“She got a name?” a deep voice asked behind me.
I spun to see Ken carrying an old saddle, his flannel sleeves rolled up to his elbow as if he’d already put in a few good hours of work this morning. He probably had. Ken was one of the hardest working men I knew. He was the only one who could keep a ranch like this afloat. And be responsible for four troublesome boys at the same time. Whatever my beef with the man, I could at least respect him for that.
“A name?” I adjusted the collar of my shirt, suddenly worried that Ken could read minds. Did he know I’d been thinking about Cassidy? How did the guy know everything?
He nodded his head toward the mare. “A name for the horse. Did you come up with something yet? Mary thinks she needs a nice girly name. Something like Diamond or Star.”
I scrunched up my face, at once both thankful Ken hadn’t been reading my mind and disgusted by both of those name suggestions.
Ken let out a gruff laugh and dropped the saddle on the nearby empty stall door. “You got something better in mind?”
I glanced back at the mare and then shook my head. She was looking better now. The boys and I had spent hours working the mud out of her coat. After she was finally clean, her soft buckskin hide had finally made its appearance. After a few more weeks of eating like this, it’d be shiny again and her ribs would stop poking out of her skin.
“Well, think on it some more,” Ken said, picking the saddle back up. “She needs someone with a solid hand. Someone that’ll teach her to trust again. I think you’ll be the right man for the job. By the time you leave the ranch, she’ll be a different horse.”
My mouth went dry as I watched Ken continue his way down the stalls. It was the first time he’d ever mentioned me leaving the ranch. Just the casual reference to it had my heart pounding like a bass guitar at a Van Halen concert.
The end was in sight. Ken knew it. I knew it. This senior project with Cassidy was just one last bump on the road to freedom. And I had the feeling I knew just exactly what I had to do to make things work.
“What’s your suggestion?” I asked the horse as she finished up her oats. “Man up or chicken out?”
She tossed her head, her dark brown forelock bouncing.
“Yeah, you’re right. It’s time to man up.” I sighed and then the sound of a horn honking in the distance made me straighten up. “That’s my cue. Wish me luck.”
No such luck came from the horse. She watched me leave, her ears once again flat against her skull. I could only hope Cassidy was more forgiving than the horse. And that I could keep my crap together as long as we worked on this project.
Chapter Twelve
Cassidy
I ignored the first balled up piece of paper to hit my desk.
The second one was harder to brush off.
The third was the final straw.
Turning around in my seat, I tried to give Graham my scariest, most intimidating glare. It was something I’d learned from my dad. I’d seen him intimidate some of the biggest, baddest dudes with just that glare alone. At first, Graham just blinked at me, sitting there motionless in his plain black hoodie and jeans. And then, the right corner of his lips had the audacity to tilt upward, as if my glare was somehow funny to him. Fuming, I turned back around in my chair and tried to focus on Mr. Mercer talking about our latest essay assignment for Lit.
“What’s going on?” Hannah whispered, leaning closer to me.
I shook my head, unwilling to get into it right then with her. Graham had crossed a line last night. Just thinking about it made me grip my pen so hard I thought it might snap. My little act. I’d show him a little act. I’d shove that little act right up his—
Another ball landed on my desk, skidding to a stop right before the edge. Hannah snatched it up and unfolded it, glancing up at Mr. Mercer’s back every few seconds as he wrote on the white board at the front of the room. I couldn’t help but watch her eyes while she skimmed over the scrawled writing inside. They grew wide and then a little smile played on her lips as she finally put the note down and covertly slid it in front of me.
“Read,” she said.
I couldn’t help looking down at the wrinkled paper. It was torn from a spiral notebook, with ruled lines running across it. Graham’s handwriting was surprisingly legible. He’d written only two lines.
You were right.
I was being a blockhead.
Yes, he was. A big one. First, he’d asked me to drop him off at the end of his driveway, as if embarrassed to be seen with me. And then he’d practically attacked me after my innocent attempt at small talk. I honestly didn’t care if Graham went to college. It was whatever. I just hated awkward silence. But he’d gone and made it even more awkward. So yes, he was a blockhead. And throwing a half-attempted apology at me in class didn’t make things better.
“What’d he do?” Hannah asked in a whisper, biting back an ornery grin. She glanced at him over my shoulder. “He’s staring at you, Cassidy. I think he really feels bad for messing up. Come on, give the boy a break.”
A little shiver went through me as I thought about Graham staring at my back. Why? I had no idea. He could stare at me all day long, it didn’t make a difference.
“Maybe you should invite Graham to help you with your senior project,” I told her as I crumpled the paper back into a ball and dropped it to the floor with the other non-apologies.
She grimaced and slumped back in her chair. “I can’t. My stepdad only agreed to let me sit in on a few of his court cases if I did some filing work for him. I don’t think he’d like Graham getting into his stuff. He’s kind of weird like that.”
I nodded, not wanting to push the issue. Hannah’s stepdad had a small lawyer practice in a town thirty minutes away from here. He didn’t talk about it much. In fact, since Hannah’s mom and him got married a year ago, he didn’t really talk about much at all. It was kind of surprising he agreed to let Hannah in on any of it in the first place. But it’d been her dream to go into law since she was a little kid watching Judge Judy at her babysitter’s house. A senior project to study the field of law was perfect for her. And it wasn’t like Graham would be any help.
Daring to sneak a peek over my shoulder at him, a jolt went through my stomach when our gazes met. He was still watching me. Waiting for my reaction. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
Finally, the bell rang, and the class scrambled to get out the door. Hannah was taking her sweet time, piling her books one by one into her pink L.L. Bean backpack. Normally, I would’ve waited for her, but today was a different story. Scooping up my textbooks in my arms, I headed toward the door, only to have someone tug on my backpack as I entered the hallway.
“Hey,” Graham said, keeping up easily with my furious pace. “Can we talk?”
“About what?”
I looked around desperately for something to do that would keep me from having to face Graham at that moment. The first thing my eyes landed on was the water fountain. Suddenly parched, I headed that direction, and Graham unfortunately followed.
“About yesterday.” His voice was strained. “About...our project.”
I looked up at him, the water only inches from my lips. He’d said our project. That was the first time I’d heard that.
“Okay...fine.” I stood straight and crossed my arms. “Talk.”
He looked around at the busy hallway, discomfort written all over his face. His eyes darted to a nearby door and then he grabbed my hand. “Come on. Over here.”
I let him pull me toward the door, shockwaves coursing up my arm at the sensation of my hand in his. This was the boy that had flinched when I’d touched his arm just a couple days ago. I thought he was touch-adverse, but apparently I was wrong. His grasp was strong and warm around my fingers. He opened the door and practically tugged me inside before releasing my hand and shutting the door behind us, closing out the noise of the hallway.
“A closet? You want to talk in a closet?”
I
looked around at the wire shelves lining the walls, filled with cleaning solutions and janitor supplies. A single bulb was lit above our heads. The space was a lot bigger than my closet at home, but there still wasn’t much room to talk. In fact, with the large trashcan on wheels taking up most of the floorspace, we were practically on top of each other.
Graham cleared his throat nervously. He rubbed the back of his head and attempted a smile. I wondered if he even knew how to smile normally at someone. The only times I’d seen him look natural was either when he wore a mocking smile or one of those reluctant half-grins that didn’t last very long. I think I preferred one of those over this awkward attempt.
“Listen, I was a jerk yesterday in the car,” he began, dropping his hand from his head. He rocked back and forth on his boots, his gaze wandering the room. “Don’t listen to me. No one else does. Why start now?”
“Is that what you call an apology?” I picked up a bottle of mystery cleaning solution and then set it back down before looking over at him.
He grimaced at me in a pained way that would’ve made me laugh if I wasn’t so peeved off right then. “Maybe? Is it working?”
“I don’t know.” I crossed my arms over my chest and fixed him with a stare. Okay, so he’d sort of apologized for talking nonsense. What about the rest of it? “What’s with the closet? What’s with making me drop you off at the end of your driveway last night? Are you embarrassed to be around me, or something? I get it. I’m not exactly one of the boys. But it’s kind of insulting.”
His jaw dropped nearly to the floor as he stared at me, but he had enough awareness to snap it shut a second later. Confusion flashed in his eyes. Shoving his fingers through his hair, he took a step closer to me. “It wasn’t an insult. I just figured it would be easier on you.”
“Easier to die of cancer surrounded by harmful chemicals?” I smirked at him. “What do you mean, easier on me?”
He swallowed hard enough for me to hear it, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Easier because...because I’m an Oakie.”
Realization dawned on me at that moment, coming to a sudden halt in my gut. He wasn’t the one who was embarrassed. He thought I would be embarrassed to be around him. All because of where he lived.
I knew the boys on the Sweet Oak Teen Ranch didn’t exactly have it easy around here, but I’d never stopped to consider that they felt so unwelcome that they had to keep away from the rest of us. I wasn’t embarrassed to be around Graham. And if he knew me better, he wouldn’t have rushed to that kind of judgment.
“You don’t have to do that around me,” I said, dropping my hands to my sides. “I don’t care if you’re an Oakie, Graham. I don’t care if you’re the quarterback of the football team or the king of the whole world. I just want to get this project done right and hopefully help some people. Is that okay with you?”
He nodded solemnly, his hair falling into his face. “Definitely.”
I watched him for a long moment, carefully studying those amber rings in his eyes. He looked relieved, like a weight had dropped off his shoulders. But it wasn’t just about our conversation in the car. There was something else. Something that he hadn’t mentioned. I was pretty sure I knew what was making him so worried. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“You were totally worried that I’d rat you out to my dad, weren’t you?”
The flush that worked its way up his neck was all I needed to answer that question, even as he shook his head in denial. “No, I just felt bad, was all.”
“Right.” I laughed again and rolled my eyes. “I think you’re playing me, but whatever. I’ll let you keep your pride. You know, he’s not as scary as you think.”
He sighed and dug his hands into his jean front pockets. “Says you. You didn’t have the cops drag you and your brother out of your home after they showed up at your door. I still feel like ducking whenever I see a cop car drive by the ranch. No offense. It’s not about your dad. It’s just a habit.”
Suddenly, I didn’t feel like laughing anymore. That was the most I’d heard of Graham’s story. I didn’t realize he’d gone through something like that. It was heart wrenching. Inching forward, I looked up into his face. “I’m sorry.”
For a split second, he let his guard slip and all the pain and regret that he carried poured into his eyes. Just seeing it for that short of time burned me to my very core. He tore his gaze away and looked over at the shelves, his jaw muscles working.
“It’s fine.”
It wasn’t fine, but there wasn’t anything I could do in that moment to make it better.
“I didn’t realize you had a brother,” I said, trying desperately to turn the conversation toward something a little lighter than that traumatic memory.
“Yep. Nash is my twin.”
I immediately imagined a carbon copy of Graham standing there in the little closet with us. Was he completely identical? I wasn’t sure I could handle two Grahams in one place. If there was one thing I was certain of, it was that Hannah would die if that kind of information went public. One for her and one for me, she’d joke. That was a lot of cowboy to go around.
“He’s not at the ranch with you?” I asked, although I already knew the answer to that question.
Graham shifted his feet and grimaced. “No. He’s at a foster home a few hours away from here. I haven’t seen him in a few months.”
I had the strong desire to wrap my arms around him in a hug, to give him some kind of comfort at that moment. I didn’t have a brother or a sister, but I could still imagine how hard it would be to be apart like this. Just the thought of losing Hannah was painful enough. It was no wonder Graham was always in such a mood. He had a pretty good excuse.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly, managing to keep my hands to myself.
He gazed down at me, emotion flitting in his eyes even as he tried to shut it down. “You keep saying that. I thought I was the one that was supposed to say it.”
I snorted and smiled at him. “Right. About that. I’m pretty sure you never actually said the words.”
The cocky way he looked at me as he gave me one of those lopsided grins made it clear as day that this was the best apology I was going to get from him. And that was fine. Suddenly, I was over the drama of yesterday. All I wanted to do was focus on the next interview after school.
“So...uh...tonight?”
I had a hard time focusing on my train of thought as his gaze flicked down to my mouth and then back to my eyes. He was still wearing that grin and it was doing funny things to my insides. And for some reason, it became suddenly clear to me, in a way that it hadn’t before, that we were in a small poorly lit closet. Alone. And all those things Hannah had said about him a few days ago in the computer lab came blasting back to me.
Graham definitely had a nice jawline. Manly and strong. Attached to that jawline was a pretty face that could make a girl stare for too long, if she wasn’t careful. And he might have been wearing a pair of those famous Levi’s. Maybe they weren’t as tight as what Hannah imagined in her daydreams, but either way, Graham made them look dang good.
The few inches of space between us snapped with energy. Even if Graham couldn’t feel it, to me it was unsettling. He stood there looking as cool as a cucumber while I got all twisted up inside.
“Tonight?” he asked, his eyebrow raising in a weirdly attractive way that only made things worse for me.
I took a deep breath, internally going over a list of keywords that would get my mind back on track: Bad boy. Trouble. Big project. Focus. People counting on me. No distractions.
Yep, that worked. I was back on track. But before I could dive back into a discussion about our next interview, a sharp knock sounded at the door. It was followed by bright light spilling in through the growing crack as someone tugged it open a foot. I squinted at the intruder, allowing my eyes to adjust to the change in lighting.
“Um...the bell rang like thirty seconds ago. Are you coming to class, or are you guys gonna spend all
day in here?” Hannah asked, looking all too happy to find us in here together. Her gaze landed on my face, a grin stretching across her face. “You’re looking awfully cozy, Cass.”
I jumped back and hit my rear on the shelving behind me. A spray bottle nearly tipped over on the shelf, but Graham stepped forward and caught it just in time. He paused there, his face only inches from mine, a surprised look on his face. I couldn’t help but notice that with him standing so close, I could finally smell his cologne over the chemical scents. It was surprisingly nice. Woodsy and dark. It kind of made me want to lean in closer.
I didn’t, of course. My recent reminders about our project were still ringing inside my head. “I should...” I pointed at the door, my ability to talk suddenly erased from the list of things I’d accomplished since birth.
“Yeah, um, sure.” He righted the bottle and then quickly backed away. “Meet you after school?”
“In the back parking lot,” I said, stepping past him to move toward the door. I didn’t look at Hannah’s face. I knew all too well the kind of delighted expressions she was making about finding me in a closet with a cowboy from the ranch. “I’ll drive both of us this time.”
“Works for me.” He frowned, his mask once again back in place. “See ya, then.”
“See ya.”
I was out of there like a shot, hustling down the hallway with Hannah scrambling behind me. She was giggling like mad and I had the feeling there was no way I was going to be able to pay attention in biology with her prodding me the whole time about the closet incident.
But I didn’t care. That had been totally worth it. Graham and I were in a much better position now. It was all for the project. That was what really mattered.
Chapter Thirteen
Graham
I hung back as Cassidy clicked a few buttons on the computer in front of us, her concentration fully focused on the monitor. After I’d manned up enough yesterday to make things right between us, our second interview with the Lee family had gone off without a hitch. Cassidy had been so excited that she’d insisted on us getting together after school today to work on editing the film. Most kids shot out of this place like a rocket for the weekend, but Cassidy was different. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing.
Cowboy Crush : A Small Town, Enemies-to-Lovers YA Romance (Sweet Oak Teen Ranch Book 1) Page 8
