“If you’d asked me nearly two weeks ago, I would’ve said you were the most irritating boy in the world,” I said, biting back a smile. “You trashed my mom’s memorial and saved me from getting run over all in the same night.”
“And now?”
The repressed hope shining in his gaze nearly undid me.
“And now...” I reached up and touched his cheek. He turned into my hand, dragging his lips sensually across my palm, the warmth of his breath leaving a scorching trail behind. “Now, I don’t know what I’m going to do when you leave this place. When you leave me.”
His brow lowered and he looked deep into my eyes. Something had shifted in him, giving way to a powerful need that was almost intimidating to look at. He dipped his head and instead of moving in aggressively, like most guys I’d experienced, he surprised me by gently pressing his lips against mine in the sweetest, most innocent way possible. The sensation lingered on my mouth like sugar when he pulled away and looked down at me.
“I’m not leaving you, Cassidy. Not really. You know that, right?”
I nodded, the pain inside my chest easing a bit. He’d eventually go back to his family, but that didn’t mean he was gone forever. It wasn’t like Kansas City was on the other side of the world.
Still, it was nothing like having him here. Close enough to see. Close enough to touch. Close enough to grab the collar of his shirt and pull him hastily toward me.
The second time our lips collided, I made it clear that I didn’t want just a sweet little kiss. I wanted to taste him, to feel him, to have him conquer all of my senses. Graham was all too happy to give into my demands. He pressed his body up against mine, pinning me against the barn wall, and hungrily kissed me back. His lips were soft and giving. He tasted faintly like a mixture of mint and maple syrup. The slight beginnings of stubble on his jawline felt rough against the delicate skin on my cheeks.
My grip on his shirt tightened as he surprised me by nipping my lower lip and then smoothing it over with a delicate kiss on my cupid’s bow. His hands eventually found my waist and I felt his fingers hook through the belt-loops of my jeans, using them as leverage to pull me closer to him. I wrapped my free arm around his neck and slanted my mouth, deepening the kiss.
It was as if someone had plucked one of those big, burning stars from the sky and inserted it in my abdomen. Heat coursed through me, racing down each of my limbs and shooting out from my fingertips and toes. I liked the sound of Graham’s heavy breaths, the feel of his chest rising and falling against mine, and the salty smell of his sweat mixed with the sweet scent of hay from the field just over.
I wasn’t sure how long we remained like that, but eventually, my brain registered that we weren’t alone. I broke away from the kiss to look over Graham’s shoulder and saw those three horses peering curiously at us while they chewed on some green shoots near the paddock fence. Giggling, I pointed at our audience. Graham glanced in that direction and then swore under his breath.
“Shhhhh.” I pressed a finger to his swollen lips and grinned. “Better watch it, or you’ll be painting this barn all over again.”
“Fine with me. As long as you’re there.”
His eyes glittered dangerously as he dipped back down for another kiss. This time, I cut it off early. The sensible part of me was back online and telling me that it was only a matter of time before one of the other boys walked around the corner of that barn and caught us here.
“I should go,” I said, still breathless.
Graham sighed and then reluctantly dropped his chin to his chest. “Do you have to?”
“Eventually someone’s going to wonder where you’ve gone,” I teased. “And when they spot my car in the drive, they’re going to get awfully suspicious.”
A grin tugged at his lips. “Let ’em. I don’t care.”
“Well, I care.” I laughed, placed my hands on his chest, and tried pushing him away. It was about as effective as pushing a brick wall.
After two seconds of thoroughly enjoying watching me fail, he gave in and backed away, but not before he grabbed my hand.
“Let’s go to Kansas City. Tomorrow morning.” His thumb traced a pattern back and forth on the back of my hand as he shot me a look full of anticipation. “We can see my new home. You can meet my mom. I need to see her. I need to know that my family’s really going to be back together again soon. We can be there and back before anyone realizes we’re gone.”
I hesitated, Dad’s warning from this morning repeating in my head. Don’t be forgetting who you are. Well, I knew who I was, and I knew how much Graham needed me beside him for this. The choice was clear.
“Okay.” I pressed my lips together and nodded at him. “I’m in. Let’s do this.”
The childlike joy that passed over his face made everything worth it. He pulled my hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to my palm. I took a steadying breath, my head still spinning from all the kisses we’d shared. It wasn’t long ago that I’d wished I could know what made Graham tick.
Tomorrow, I was going to get all of those answers.
Chapter Nineteen
Graham
I couldn’t believe this was real life.
I kept looking over at the passenger seat to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Nope. There was Cassidy with her laptop open, looking incredibly gorgeous in a white top and jeans, her hair falling down in soft curls that begged to be touched. We were in her car and well on our way to Kansas City. And I was about to see my mom for the first time in forever.
Real life.
“Are you really working on those videos?” I asked, squinting at her computer screen.
She grinned and bit her lower lip. “Yep. That’s why I needed you to drive. I figured if we were both going to tell our families that we were working on our project this morning, then we better make some progress. That way, we’re not really lying. One more edit and I’ll call it quits for the day.”
I liked the way she thought. This was way better than completely lying to Ken and the Sheriff about our whereabouts. Cassidy was smart about things. She thought them through. Me? I had a tendency to bulldoze my way through any obstacle. Nash used to joke that this was the reason why I was the brawn and he was the brains of this twin situation. He was probably right.
Finally shutting her laptop, Cassidy leaned back in her seat and smiled over at me. Every time she did that, a wave of heat rushed over me. If I wasn’t so dang desperate to get to KC, I would’ve pulled this car over at a rest stop and fully taken advantage of the backseat and the opportunity to sink my hands into those curls as I kissed her.
I still couldn’t believe that I’d kissed Cassidy Redmond. The universe must’ve flipped upside down, because no way in any previous life would a guy like me have ended up with a girl like that.
“Did you bring any snacks?” Cassidy asked suddenly, looking in the back seat. “I totally forgot to eat breakfast and I think my stomach is going to eat itself.”
I nodded. “I come prepared. Check the bag.”
She grabbed my black backpack from the middle seat and pulled it into her lap. Making a motion to unzip it, she paused and then smirked over at me. “You know, the first time I saw this, I was totally convinced there were drugs or something in here.”
“Maybe you were right.” I pumped my eyebrows at her.
“Or maybe, you’re a liar.” She unzipped the smaller of the pockets. “Why are you so protective over this thing, anyway?”
I tried to keep my eyes on the road as Cassidy delved into what was essentially all I had left in the world. The first thing she pulled out was a small black binder. Unzipping it, she flipped through the plastic sheets and smiled in confusion.
“CDs? That’s old school.”
“My mom’s old music collection.” I smiled sadly at them. “Nash and I managed to grab them before we were taken away. Those babies got us through a lot of hard times as kids.”
She finished looking through them and then dove her hand
into the bag again. There was one more thing in there that would’ve killed me if she’d found it two weeks ago. Now, I was feeling a little more secure in myself. It was my most treasured possession and the thing that could’ve given Derek Cook and his goons tons of ammunition to make my life miserable. I’d kept it on me since the day family services took me from my home. Cassidy pulled her hand out of the bag, revealing the source of my anxiety.
She held the ragged teddy bear in her cupped hands. “A stuffed animal?”
It was barely bigger than her hand, the brown fur worn along its ears and the stitching weak from years of being dragged everywhere I went. Nash and I had each been given one by our mom when we were babies. We’d thrown away most of our old toys, but that was the one thing we’d both kept.
“Don’t laugh,” I said, feeling heat creep up my neck. Apparently, I wasn’t as secure as I’d hoped. “It’s not like I sleep with it or anything. But Nash and I both got one from Mom and it’s kind of my only link to home. I didn’t want to lose it, so I keep it in my backpack.”
Cassidy looked over at me, her eyes growing wide and shiny. “I’d never laugh. This is probably about the sweetest, most purest thing I’ve ever seen.”
I ducked my head in embarrassment. The last thing I wanted was the girl I had the hots for thinking I was pure and sweet. That didn’t seem very manly.
But Cassidy’s hand squeezing my knee and sending a rush of heat up my leg quickly washed those insecurities away. She wasn’t the type to judge. I knew that, now. Cassidy appreciated honesty and realness. I didn’t have to hide anything from her.
And sure enough, without another word, she tucked the bear back into my bag, found a few spare granola bars, and cheerfully ate as we got nearer to the city.
It didn’t take us long to find the new apartment. It was only about three blocks away from my old one. The familiar neighborhood made me ease up my anxious grip on the steering wheel. That was the gas station Nash and I used to run to for energy drinks and candy bars. And there was the building where two of our buddies lived. This was home.
We pulled into the parking lot and got out of the vehicle to stare up at the white limestone building. It was pretty nice. Better than our old one. No graffiti. No suspicious people loitering outside to give us the eye. There was also a small play-set in a grassy area for the kids. In all, it looked like a great place to raise a family. Mom had really gone all out.
“Come on,” I said, offering Cassidy my hand. My heart had begun beating away on my ribcage like a jackhammer. “Let’s go see my new place.”
We walked hand-in-hand toward it and managed to get in without a key as someone else was leaving. Up three flights of stairs and suddenly we stood in front of apartment number 316. The same address from the letter mom had sent me earlier this week. Nerves pricked my stomach. Cassidy looked expectantly at me as I wavered on the doorstep.
“I’m not sure I can do it,” I said, smiling painfully at her.
She squeezed my hand. “Want me to knock for you?”
I nodded, once again beyond grateful that she’d come along.
She raised her hand and rapped her knuckles on the door. We waited for several seconds, straining to hear footsteps or any sign of someone being at home. No luck. Cassidy knocked again, louder this time, and stared hard at the door.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if Mom didn’t answer. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. We’d been out of contact for so long because of her phone being broken. There was no other way to contact her, except through the mail.
I wanted to hit my head against the wall. I should’ve planned this out better. I should’ve made sure she would be home.
But just as I was about to give up, there was a scraping sound on the other side of the door. Cassidy’s eyes grew wide and she glanced excitedly at me. The door opened just a few inches, the gold security chain clearly visible in the gap.
“What do you want?” a woman’s voice called.
“Mom? It’s me, Graham.”
My voice broke on that last syllable. There was only silence on the other side of the door, until it abruptly shut. I frowned down at Cassidy, unsure what had happened. That was definitely my mom’s voice I’d heard. This was her apartment.
Then, there was another scraping noise and the door flung open. Mom stood in the darkened apartment wrapped in a black robe, her brown hair messy as if she’d just gotten out of bed. She held out her arms to me, tears pooling in her eyes.
“Graham? Is that really you?”
I rushed forward to hug her, feeling at home for the first time in over a year. She smelled faintly of cigarette smoke and lavender, just like I remembered. When we parted, I did a quick assessment. She was skinnier than the last time I’d seen her. Her skin a bit paler. There were a few red splotches on her face. Still, I didn’t care. This was my mom. I’d missed her so much.
“What are you doing here?” she asked in a low voice, rubbing her eye with her fist. She peered curiously at Cassidy. “Who’s your friend?”
“Mom, this is Cassidy Redmond.” I stood up straight, holding back the goofy proud grin that threatened to emerge on my face. “She goes to school with me back in Blue River.”
Cassidy reached out and shook Mom’s hand. “It’s really nice to meet you, Mrs. McGrady. Graham’s told me a lot about you. He’s so excited about seeing the new apartment and moving back home. We’re going to miss him in Blue River, but I know it’s for the best.”
My chest swelled with pride as Cassidy’s words hit me. She’d said the same things yesterday in the shade of the barn right before I’d kissed her. I didn’t want to leave her behind, but my place was here and taking care of my family. We’d figure something out. The way I felt about her wasn’t going away anytime soon. I’d make it work.
Mom’s gaze darted nervously back to mine, her expression wilting. “You came all this way just to see the apartment?”
“And you,” I said, stepping forward. “But yeah, seeing our new home would be great. I can send some pictures to Nash. He’s going to be so jealous I saw it first.”
Mom’s thumbnail went straight into her mouth and she chewed it as she moved out of the way for me. Cassidy followed closely behind. At first, it was hard to see much at all. The apartment was dark, the blinds shut and the curtains drawn. Eventually, my vision adjusted and I could see we weren’t alone.
“Mom, what’s going on?”
I stared at three people passed out in the living room. There was a bearded man on the couch and two women on the floor. It reeked of stale alcohol and smoke. Empty beer cans and cigarette butts lined the coffee table. Somewhere in the mess, the glint of a needle caught my eye. My stomach clenched and I turned to my mom for an explanation.
“I just had some friends over last night,” she explained, tugging on the sides of her robe. Her chin jutted out stubbornly, even as her eyes glinted in regret. “It’s nothing. They’ll be gone soon.”
I wasn’t dense. I knew how this whole custody situation worked. If anyone from family services were to come over here right now for a surprise visit, there was no way they’d let Nash and me come home. Not to this.
“Mom, I thought you were cleaning up your act.” I gestured at the mess. “The judge said you had to stay sober.”
“None of that’s mine,” she shot back.
I stepped closer to her, desperation and anger spilling into my voice. “Even if I believed you, how does this help? How does any of this help? You won’t get us back if you keep this up.”
She fluttered her hands uselessly. “You just caught me at a bad time. You can’t judge me. It was only the one time.”
“What about the job? Did you at least keep your job? You know they won’t have a unification hearing without proof of steady employment.”
She turned her face away, her chin quivering, and I had all the answers I needed. Mom wasn’t going to get us back. That whole letter had been a lie. One false promise after false promise.
/> Nash and I were never coming home.
The anger boiling inside of me was ready to punch a wall or kick a hole through the door. I yelled out my frustration and plowed both of my hands through my hair just to keep from doing something I’d regret. That was when I met Cassidy’s gaze. She was watching me, her eyes wide and round with surprise. Behind her was the mess of my mother’s life, strewn out across the floor for anyone to see.
Shame constricted around my chest like one of Ken’s lasso ropes. Cassidy shouldn’t have been here. She was too good. Too pure for something like this. I had to get her out of there before the stain of my life marred her, too.
“Come on,” I said gruffly, grabbing her hand. “We’re leaving.”
She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t resist either. We marched toward the open doorway.
“Graham!” Mom ran after us, tugging on the back of my shirt.
I paused, just long enough to shake her off. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want your hands on me.”
“Graham, I’m sorry.” Tears poured down her cheeks. She sniffed and wiped her red nose with the back of her hand. “I’m so sorry.”
I closed my eyes, battling against my natural urge to turn back and tell my mom I’d take care of it. That she didn’t have to change a thing and her boys would make it right. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t take up the slack for my mom anymore.
Nash and I had spent our entire childhood making excuses for her. We’d believed her lies when she’d gone out and left us alone in the apartment all night. We hadn’t complained when we’d had to exist on dried ramen and slices of bread, when there was no other food in the house. And we’d even ignored it when Mom started bringing her trouble back home. But I couldn’t make excuses anymore. Not even for her.
Cowboy Crush : A Small Town, Enemies-to-Lovers YA Romance (Sweet Oak Teen Ranch Book 1) Page 14
