More pictures, including one that stops me cold.
It’s a photo of Tanner and our friends from high school, and there is me on the end. A big serious kid in ripped jeans and an oversized Army jacket.
And a second photo, a headshot of me in dress uniform, when I graduated officer school.
I hadn’t seen that photo in years; I didn’t even know anyone had it.
The Winthrops had displayed it, right along with the photos of Tanner in medical gear, Colton receiving medals for saving lives in fires, and beautiful Alix surrounded by dogs, cats, and one that looked like a herd of alpacas.
“I come in here sometimes and look at his photos,” she says softly. “I miss him so much, Jack.”
A familiar somber feeling settles around me.
“I miss him too, Alix.”
“He looked up to you so much. He loved serving with you, Jack. He thought you were so damned cool,” she continues.
I look up her then. There’s nothing accusatory in her face.
There’s no, “and I can’t believe you let him die” there.
That’s just the echo of some inner demon.
One I refuse to let torment me any longer.
She puts the kitten back into the basket and turns toward me. Just being this close to her is making it hard to breathe.
“I want you to hear those words without them causing you pain, Jack.”
I nod.
“Alix, in twenty years, I’ve lost four men, and I’ll honor them until my dying day. But I’m coming to realize that doesn’t mean mourning them forever. It means living the best life that I can have with the time I’m given. It’s hard for me to get that through my thick skull, is all,” I tell her.
She reaches out a hand, and I curl her fingers in my big, meaty paw. As our skin touches, she shivers.
Whatever this is, whatever’s between us, she feels it as much as I do.
“That’s so good, Jack.”
She stares at our entwined hands.
“I’m sorry I scared you with how I handled things with Chad,” I say tentatively.
Her grip tightens.
“I asked you for help, and you helped. You did the right thing. I just….” She trails off.
I look in her eyes.
“I had to make sure that you were protected, Alix. But I should have asked you how you wanted to handle it. We should have done it together, rather than me just plowing in there, fists first.”
My eyes lock on those hands.
“I know better. My feelings just got in the way.”
Her breath catches at the word feelings.
“You’ve got a big heart, Jack.”
“Something you know a few things about,” I say quietly.
“I just don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” she says, her voice close to breaking.
Her eyes are on mine, and I have the strangest sensation of every minute in my life, leading me straight here.
There have been some fantastic things: my time in the Marines, my son.
But the possibilities with this woman, it’s enough to give me chills.
“I’m so glad you came,” she says, close to tears, and it’s takes everything in me not to pull her close.
“Alix, I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re unstoppable. You see things that other people would run from in a second and roll up your sleeves and just get to work. You’ve been saving lives since at least the day you came across me on that beach, maybe before.”
My voice catches, and she pulls in a ragged breath.
“We’ve had a rough start, but I’d love a chance to see where this could go,” I say finally. “The Marine Corps has me for another year. And my son is always my first commitment. You have a full life; you have the farm and the shelter. It’s probably going to be messy.”
Her eyes meet mine, and they’re a little misty.
“I’m ready to give it a shot, going after the one thing I really want. If you’ll have me,” I look at her, a little shy.
Cookie takes that moment to let out a shriek.
Alix laughs and pulls herself toward me.
I lift her into my lap and bury my head in that hair. I’d stay there forever if I could.
Lilac perfume and a roaring fire and the most beautiful girl in the world.
Her finger runs down my cheek and along my jaw.
Never been so glad I shaved in my life.
“A girl could fall in love with you if she’s not careful, Colonel,” she says very softly.
If only I’d be that lucky.
“The last month has been a lot, Jack. The stalker, being completely overwhelmed at the shelter with no help. And having you so close by, so ready and willing to help fix everything. Forcing me to really deal with some of my own demons. I haven’t handled everything well,” she says.
I pull her tighter because I’m going to protect this woman forever if she lets me.
“It’s hard to let people in,” her voice sounds a little far away. “Animals are so much simpler than people.”
I can’t help myself.
I rumble in her ear, “I’m a simple guy.”
Having her this close is giving me the largest and most firm erection I’ve ever had.
Totally inappropriate.
Yet, for some reason, talking about feelings is only making me want to be closer to her.
It’s new.
Different.
I like it.
I could grow to love it.
Love’s a funny word.
No one ever said that they loved me as a kid. I never had the kind of relationships where those words were used. I told my son I loved him often, but it was a discipline. I’d had to train myself to it, and even now find it challenging to say sometimes.
Feel it? Every day.
Say it? Tougher.
It didn’t come easily.
But I could imagine telling Alix I love her.
Uncomfortable.
New.
And possibly amazing.
“I’d love to give this a try, and see where things can go,” she whispers, sounding a little shy herself. There it is, that glimpse of the heart Murphy mentioned.
Something wet licks my hand, and when I look down, Cookie whines hopefully.
“About the dog.”
She sighs.
“Another potential adopter backed out, Jack. On Christmas Eve.”
I steel myself.
This is going to be the second hardest thing I’ve said today.
“I’ll adopt him,” I say.
She looks at me with big, wide eyes.
“Seriously?”
I grin.
“Yup. JJ’s coming to spend the weekend in a few weeks. He’ll be so excited. I’m stationed here for my last tour, and you know, maybe you could help with the dog when I need to travel?”
Then I duck my head.
“Maybe you could meet my boy.”
Her eyes widen even further.
Shit.
Maybe this is too soon. Perhaps I’m not getting it right?
“I don’t have a lot of great examples of relationships or of families,” I say, looking away. “I’m just following my gut, but I’m open to training.”
“I’d love to meet your son,” she says. “I haven’t seen him since he tiny. I would very much like to get to know this wonderful little boy.
Then, she kisses me.
Her lips on mine, the feel of her body molded so perfectly in my arms, and the possibility of everything that stretches before us
There’s one knock, and then the door opens.
“Good news, dude. I found that…oh shit.” Tanner stands in the doorway, holding a hideous green sweater that looks like someone skinned a muppet.
“Hey, everybody. Guess what? They’re kissing,” he says, over his shoulder before tossing the sweater at me, and closing the door. She buries her face in my chest and groans.
The green sweater fits.
&nbs
p; Alix is wearing a Cindy Who sweater, and Cookie is delighted with the reindeer horn headband Alix gives him.
“You’ve got a Daddy,” she chirps.
I don’t point out that if things go my way, he’ll be her dog soon enough.
Let her figure that out later.
It’s a perfect Christmas like I never had – not even with my son in those tiny houses on base.
I wouldn’t trade those Christmases for anything.
But thinking that JJ might get to spend some holidays with this beautiful family growing up and get to know a woman like Alexandra, fills my heart with so much joy, it’s hard to breathe.
After dinner, it’s time for the gift exchange.
The family’s full of readers, and somehow a book on military history and a couple of gift cards with my name are under the tree.
We’re down to just a few packages under the tree when I notice Alix is bright red.
“It’s fine,” I whisper.
I don’t need a present.
What more could I want?
Tanner slides it out from under the tree.
“Got your name on it, buddy.”
It’s a lightweight box, and when I open it, an envelope’s inside.
I raise an eyebrow.
But when I open the envelope, my heart stops.
It’s a lighthouse passport.
I flip it open, and there’s one stamp: the Newburyport lighthouse.
And inside, a beautifully crafted card with a picture with her blocky handwriting:
“I can’t wait to experience more ‘lighthouses’ with you – Alix”
I cough because I’ve got an instant hard-on again. It’s the most thoughtful gift.
Mr. Winthrop’s looking pleased.
“Another lighthouse enthusiast, I see. Very nice. We’ve been talking about taking a family trip….” he says.
The rest of the words are lost as Alix and I try not to burst into peals of laughter.
“Thank you,” I growl in her ear.
Her family has filed out for eggnog and photos, but I catch her hand when she goes to stand.
I reach into my pocket and pull out a little velvet pouch.
Her eyes go so wide with horror that I seriously consider dropping to one knee. Even as it hits me that if I thought I had a shot in hell of her saying yes, I’d take it.
“Listen, Alexandra. I wanted to give you these,” I say.
She takes the pouch, tumbling two tiny dark sapphire studs into her palm. “I know they don’t look like much,” I start to say.
“They’re beautiful.”
She holds them up to the light.
They’re pale blue and small. Not fancy stones. And silver, not white gold or platinum. But it’s not the monetary value that matters.
“They were my mother’s.”
I duck my head, and then look up at her from the corner of my eye.
“Jack,” she starts to say, but I fold my hands around hers.
“I don’t have much from her, Alix,” I explain.
Mom left me two things, really. One was her mother’s engagement ring, which I’d save for another time.
I hadn’t used it when I married my ex; I’d bought a ring, because on some level it didn’t feel right.
“It would mean a lot to me if you’d accept them.”
And it’d mean even more if you’d accept the ring that goes with them, I think, but that can wait awhile.
She throws her arms around me, and her lips are just on mine when there’s a throat clearing.
“Before eggnog and photos, there’s one more thing. Alexandra,” says Mrs. Winthrop, coming and sitting down next to her daughter. I go to shift away, and she waves me off, looking annoyed.
I like that they’re a family that doesn’t hide affection.
I’m going to learn a lot here.
“Your father and I have been talking. There’s some money that we’ve got invested that’s doing absolutely nothing. Now that you’ve got a formal charity set up and it’s clear that the shelter’s not going anywhere, we’d like to make a donation,” she says. “We’re so proud of you, honey.”
Mr. Winthrop nods.
“It’s not a ton of money, honey, but it’ll double or triple your budget for at least the next ten years,” he adds.
Alix looks like she’s going to cry from the sheer relief of it.
“Thank you so much!”
I clear my throat.
All eyes turn on me.
“About that. The base has a program for local volunteers. Every year, the CO gets to pick a local partner,” I say. “Starting January 2nd, you will have access to about 100 hours a month of volunteer help from eager young marines and sometimes their families. That’s a lot of dog walking.”
She throws her arms around me.
“Oh, Jack, thank you. Thank you for helping me make this possible.”
Those words mean more to me than she’ll ever know.
“Time for a family picture,” Colton calls, and we head back to finish out one of the most perfect holidays I’ve ever had.
Epilogue 1
Epilogue 1 – New Year’s Day – Jack
I won the fight.
Manfredo nearly beat my ass to a pulp, though.
Going to have to rethink my stance on whether winning a fight means that I’m not a washed-up old man.
There’s a lot of other ways to prove you’re tough besides lining up to get pulverized by a guy in his twenties when you’re 39.
Just saying.
But, back to the fight:
There’s a second where the roar of the crowd, the sounds of flesh hitting flesh, the smells that seem hyper-concentrated in situations like that just evaporated.
All my senses boil down to one point.
I can’t find Alix.
The week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve was filled with days – and nights, oh god, the nights – I’d never forget.
But I said something I’ve never said to a woman in the heat of the moment this morning.
And I am afraid I scared her.
I love you so much, Alexandra.
Yep. Just like that.
I’d said it, almost before I realized what I’d said.
But the second the words were out, I knew I meant them.
We’d let it go, not putting too much pressure on it.
The fight was today.
I’d said it in the heat of an intimate moment.
Maybe she just wasn’t ready.
Then she said she needed to run some errands and would meet me at the fight. It was hard being apart from her, even for a few hours.
Even after such a short time.
It’s such a strange thing because I’d spend my whole life “being away.”
But she wasn’t here.
What happened tonight, then, doesn’t really matter.
But, I’m not a man that quits.
I said I’d win, and I'll win.
For my son.
For Murphy and the guys at the Kildare.
And for myself, because no matter what happens, I promised to start really living.
But then something catches my eye. A shimmer. There’s a lot of glitz and glamor in the audience.
Apparently, half of Boston thinks taking their girl to a fight is a good New Year’s Eve plan.
Not that I disagree; it’s just, if you’ve got a beautiful woman on your arm, make sure you’re taking her somewhere she’s excited to go.
But one shimmer draws me to it: a long silver dress.
A silver dress I recognize.
From a night I’d never forget in a lighthouse overlooking Newburyport and the ocean beyond.
A silver dress molded to curves, an extended tumble of glossy dark hair, and wide blue eyes.
A soft smile.
Suddenly the only thing my opponent is doing is standing between me and getting to the woman I want more than anything in the world.
I take him dow
n so fast I hear the announcers say it was a one-shot knockout.
Thankfully, I’m not headlining, and someone else will give them a better show.
There’s only one thing that matters right now: getting to Alix.
Owen’s rapidly approaching the ring.
“Jack,” he says in a warning voice.
“You’re barefoot. You can’t just….”
I vault over the edge of the ring.
He’s right about the barefoot thing and I’m already regretting it.
But sticky feet or not, I take the stairs two at a time until I’m level with where Alix stands next to Molly.
The whole place seems quiet, but I am not paying attention.
My eyes are locked on her.
“You came.”
She looks slightly taken aback.
“You won,” she counters.
“Said I would.”
It’s a stupid thing to say.
This woman makes me crazy.
“And I said I’d come,” she says gently.
It hits me then.
She had.
I panicked.
Thought that I’d done the wrong thing and assumed everything had gone off the rails.
Old patterns, hitting hard in times of stress.
I’d been an idiot, as usual.
Nothing with this woman could ever be wrong.
Just going to have to make sure my lizard brain gets that message.
“I love you, Alexandra.”
I don’t mean to say it.
To boom it out for the second time today to Alix, who looks stunned. To Molly, who looks on with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.
To a bunch of smartass guys who report to me and I’ll be facing down Monday, getting razzed about this until the end of time.
Molly points up.
And apparent I’d declared my love to the entire arena, because the cameras followed me when I bounced out of the ring.
I’d just confessed my love to the most private woman in the world, for maybe tens of thousands of people.
Squaring my shoulders and lifting my chin, I wait.
There’s no taking this back.
No do-overs.
Murphy said he’s never regretted embracing love.
I’m starting to sweat.
Please let that advice hold in my case, I pray silently.
Still there is only silence, broken by the murmurs of a few onlookers.
It feels like a thousand years go by, but it’s barely been a second.
Ringer: A New Year's Romance: The Doyles, a Boston Irish Mafia Romance Page 15
