Jarrett asks if everything is okay next, to which I lie and say of course. His agency is running a rally downtown for the guy they want to support in the next election for mayor. I know how important it is for him, and how hard he’s been working on it. I can’t steal him away just because my vendor left me in hot water.
My stomach twists as I pull up my next option — who would have been the first person I called, if I’m being honest with myself, had I not been avoiding him for weeks.
I just don’t know how to face him, now that I’ve spent time with Jarrett.
I don’t know how to tell him that I still have really intense feelings for his brother.
I don’t know how to tell him that I might…
No, I think to myself, shaking my head. These thoughts can wait for another night.
Before I can talk myself out of it by reminding myself just how shitty a person I am, I find Kade’s contact in my phone — heart squeezing at the photo of me on his back, arms wrapped around his neck, both of us smiling.
“Jess?” he answers on the second ring.
“I need you.”
And that’s all I have to say.
It’s an absolute masterpiece to watch, Kade and his brothers whipping a ballroom into immaculate event shape in under three hours. They’re all so brawny and attentive that I just point and instruct and like little worker bees, they do exactly what I ask of them.
Of course, it’s a little rowdy, too. After all, it’s a Friday night and I’ve suckered them into working. But when Kade said he could come and he’d have a crew, I immediately ran to the store and grabbed provisions — meaning lots and lots of booze.
And pizza, of course.
Someone hooked their phone up to one of the giant speakers and has been blasting dubstep all night, and I’ve seen just as many shots being taken as I’ve seen tables being set up.
But I don’t care.
Whatever gets the job done.
And as much as I’m running around and supervising everything, helping where I can, ensuring all the details are exactly as the bride described, I can’t keep my eyes from wandering to Kade.
He was emotionless when he got here — no hug or kiss for a greeting, just a thin smile and a What should we do first?
I can’t blame him. He knows I’ve been with Jarrett. He knows I haven’t been with him.
I know it’s killing him.
It’s killing me, too.
He must be working his frustrations out in the gym, because his already-impressive physique is even more cut than I remember, and I watch every muscle ebb and flow as he unstacks chairs and places them around the room, helps his brothers rebuild the dance floor, and sets up the band’s equipment on the stage.
It’s almost midnight by the time we get everything where we need it, and Kade dismisses his brothers after I hug them all and pay them cash out of my own pocket.
What Brittany doesn’t know won’t hurt her, and they saved my ass tonight.
When they’re gone, taking what’s left of the bottles and the music with them, the ballroom door swings shut and an eerie silence falls over me and Kade.
My soul wants to jump out of my body, the way he’s looking at me. His hands are in his pockets, eyes under folded brows, jaw tight. He still doesn’t have a shirt on, and I can see the band of his briefs peeking out above his basketball shorts — a sight that makes me ache for him right between my thighs.
“Thank you,” I finally manage. I open my mouth again to say that I would have been fucked without him, that he saved me, that I love him, that I’ve missed him.
But I close it just as quickly, because the menacing look in his eyes tells me he doesn’t want to hear it.
He watches me for so long I can’t bear to meet his gaze anymore, and I don’t know why, but my eyes sting with tears when I look away.
Kade sighs, and then he slowly crosses the space between us, until he’s just inches from me.
“Jess.”
I close my eyes at the sound of my name on his lips, at the tender way he says it.
I don’t deserve that tenderness.
“Look at me,” he commands, and when I don’t, his finger and thumb gently touch my chin, tilting it until I’m forced to meet his gaze.
And the way he’s watching me now, it’s like he’s the one who’s been a class A prick.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He nods, the gesture cutting me off before I can tell him all that I’m sorry for.
His eyes search mine, his tongue snaking out to wet his lips. “I never had to leave, you know.”
I frown, tilting my head, but Kade just steps into me, his palm sliding along my cheek as I lean into it and close my eyes to soak in the touch.
I have missed him — it wasn’t a lie.
And feeling that connection with him again, seeing him again, everything inside me swirls like a nasty storm. I want to vomit. I want to pitch myself off the nearest roof. I want to whip myself and lock myself up.
Because I still love him, with every cell in my body I love him.
And I’ve been fucking another man.
“I never had to lose you to know,” he continues, his voice soft, just a rumble over my skin as I let my eyes flutter open to meet his gaze once more. “I’ve known since the moment I saw you, since you thought I was just some douchebag frat boy,” he adds with a smirk that makes me smile, too — though the smile releases two hot tears down my cheeks. “And I was already so far gone, Jess. I was so far gone. There was no saving me, and there was no way I could ever live without having you.”
“Kade…”
“I know you’ve been with him,” he says, his jaw hardening, chest heaving with a deep breath. “And I meant it when I said it’s fucking killing me to know that.”
I roll my lips together as more silent tears slip free, but Kade wipes them away as quick as they come.
“As angry as it makes me, and as much as it fucking wrecks my heart,” he says, beating his fist on his chest with a break in his voice that I feel in my own soul. “I understand. I understand why you have to give him another chance, why you have to see if there… if there’s something still…”
He can’t finish the sentence.
I wrap my arms around his waist, and he pulls me in closer, letting out a long, slow breath as he drops his forehead to mine.
“Please,” he begs. “Give me my chance, too. Don’t write me out of the story yet.”
I shake my head because I haven’t — I can’t write him out.
But before I can answer, the ballroom door swings open.
And Jarrett flies into the room.
“Jess?” he calls, and then his head snaps in our direction, his eyes dilating when he sees us — Kade’s hands still framing my face, my hands on his hips.
His hands curl into fists at his sides, and Kade releases me with his jaw so tight I think he might chip a tooth.
Fuck.
“I got your voicemail,” Jarrett says, his eyes on his brother even though he’s talking to me. He doesn’t move an inch.
Kade blinks at that, a brief look of confusion washing over his face before he turns to me.
And the pain in his eyes makes my knees wobble.
“You called him first?” he asks me, but I can’t answer. I just swallow, reaching for him, wishing I had the words to make everything right, to make this all go away.
For both of them.
For all of us.
But he rips his arm away before I can touch him, sniffing as he grabs his shirt off the back of one of the chairs and storms toward Jarrett.
“Kade, wait,” I try, but he doesn’t so much as give me another glance.
Jarrett tries to catch his arm as he storms past, but Kade rips away from him, too, turning on him with a menacing glare. “Don’t you fucking touch me, you backstabbing bastard.”
He doesn’t react — not physically — but I see the way those words shred Jarrett, the way he knows he’
s hurting his little brother, but can’t help himself.
Kade shakes his head, stepping right up to Jarrett’s face, the two brothers chest to chest as he says, “You left.”
Jarrett closes his eyes, a long blink before he opens them to face his brother again.
“You fucking left her. You broke her. And you know who loved her when she was in pieces, who helped her find herself again, who watched her build an even stronger version of herself with you out of the picture?” He jabbed a thumb into his chest. “Me. And now you have the fucking nerve to show up again, rip open her wounds, play with her like you always played with every fucking girl growing up? They didn’t deserve that shit, and neither does she.”
I frown, but don’t have time to wonder what he’s referring to before Kade shoves Jarrett — hard.
“Wake the fuck up and let her go, let her be happy,” Kade says as Jarrett steps right back up into his space. “Because we all know you don’t have any intentions past fucking her until you’re bored again.”
“You don’t know shit,” Jarrett seethes.
Kade just laughs, shaking his head and looking his brother up and down as he puts space between them. “I know everything about you. And I know even more about her. I love her, you piece of shit,” he says.
My heart squeezes so violently I feel my ribs creak with the pressure.
“So do I,” Jarret responds. “And I loved her first.”
Kade’s jaw clamps shut at that, but after a moment, he shakes his head and shoves through the ballroom door, letting it slam shut behind him.
I flinch at the sound, closing my eyes as my throat burns.
When I open them again, Jarrett is already on his way over to me, but I hold up my hands. “Stop.”
He does.
I shake my head. “You should go, Jarrett.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I’m sorry I—”
“Jarrett, please,” I beg, and my eyes shine with fresh tears that make his shoulders slump, make him nearly cry out that I won’t let him come closer. “Please, I need to be alone. Please. Please.”
I can’t stop pleading, can’t stop crying, and though I can tell it kills him, Jarrett scrubs a hand over his jaw and nods, backing up, giving me space.
“Okay,” he says, holding up his hands. “Okay. Just… call me. Tomorrow. Please.”
I nod, but it’s a dismissive one, one that says I can’t make any promises.
To anyone.
Not even myself.
He watches me for a long moment before he finally rips his gaze from mine and leaves through the same door Kade did.
And I collapse onto the floor and succumb to every heartbreaking sob my body lashes me with.
THE HOLIDAY SEASON ALWAYS feels a little off in Florida.
While the rest of the country is bundled up, drinking hot spiced pumpkin drinks and reading by the fire, it’s business as usual in South Florida — which is to say it’s very, very hot.
My hair is already damp at my neck after talking outside with a few people from therapy, and a single bead of sweat slides down my back as I trek toward my car, a heavy sigh leaving my lips after a long day.
A long week, really.
Candice has been keeping me in the loop with the trial, but unfortunately, there won’t be any news one way or another until after Thanksgiving. So for now, there’s nothing more for me to do but try to forget about it all and enjoy myself.
Those were her words.
As if I could forget.
As if I could focus on school or on calling my mom to see if she wants me and Bear to come home for the holiday or literally anything else other than the fact that Landon and his brothers have been questioned, as have I, as have all other witnesses in question.
And a decision will be made.
A decision I have absolutely zero control over.
I’m so lost in thought — something that seems to be happening to me more and more lately — that I don’t notice Gavin leaning against my car door until I’m about ten steps away. He straightens at the soft beep of me unlocking the vehicle, and while he offers a sheepish smile, I only give him a glare in return.
“What?” I clip, moving around him to toss my purse in the car before I stand — door still open — waiting for whatever he wants before I climb in and peel out of here.
“You shared a lot in therapy today,” he said, tucking his hands in his pockets. “I… I didn’t realize you were going to court for… for what happened.”
“I might not be.”
He frowns. “But you said—”
“We were all questioned, yes. I’m trying to press charges, yes. But nothing is certain. The detectives and lawyers have done their jobs for now, and it’s up to the prosecutor what happens next.”
“They’re going to pay,” he says, his jaw tense. “They will, Erin.”
I shrug, mostly because I don’t want to cry — nor do I want to get caught up in this conversation with the boy who broke my heart and left me behind because he couldn’t handle me.
“I’m proud of you,” he says after a quiet pause from me. “I know it couldn’t have been easy, to come forward after all this time. But you’re setting an example. You’re doing the right thing. And I believe the justice system will do its job and make them pay for what they did.”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes.
“Is that all?” I ask.
His shoulders deflate, and it’s then that I see how though his eyes are red from what I assume is lack of sleep, he does look better than when I last saw him. He’s filled out, his skin a bronze instead of that translucent gray, his cheekbones no longer hollow. Maybe he did get help. Maybe he meant what he said in his letter to me.
Regardless, I don’t owe him anything — least of all this conversation.
“Erin, I truly am so sorry,” he says, his voice just above a whisper. “For hurting you, for leaving the way I did. For… everything. I know it doesn’t matter now, I know you’re happy with Bear and I’m happy for you. But…” He shakes his head, running a hand back through his hair as he looks away from me. Sweat beads along his neck. “Goddamnit, Erin, you are so fucking important to me. To my life. You were instrumental in my recovery. And I don’t know if I helped you the way you helped me,” he says, his eyes meeting mine then. “But I meant what I said. I would really like to be friends. Just friends. Not the creepy kind of friend who says that’s all they want and then tries to make a move.”
I can’t help how my nose stings, eyes pricking with tears that dry as soon as they appear. Because as he said those words, that I helped him, I know he helped me, too.
“I just don’t want to lose you in my life,” he pleads. “And with everything going on in yours… I want to be there.”
I sigh, biting my lip as I mull over his words. To his credit, he does seem genuine.
And in so many ways, I feel the same as he does.
I never wanted him to leave the way he did. In fact, him breaking up with me because I’m not pretty enough would have been easier to handle than that letter he left me with.
But if he really did check himself into a treatment center, if he really was in that low of a place… and now he’s back… and we can be friends?
I know how much it would mean to him.
Even more — I know how much it would mean to me.
He was there for me when no one else was — not because they wouldn’t have been if I’d have told them, but because I didn’t have the strength to own what had happened to me. He was the first to touch me, the first to make me desire after having something so viciously taken from me.
He was — is — part of my recovery.
And it seems I’m part of his.
After a long moment debating, I sigh again, extending my hand. “Friends,” I say, pulling back a little when he goes for the shake. “Just friends. The second you try to cross a line, it’s over.”
Gavin throws his hands up. “Just friends. I swear.
It’s all I want.”
I nod. “I’d like that, too.”
His smile is one of relief, his shoulders sagging with the breath, and then we shake hands.
And on that touch, the first time touching him since he broke my heart, I feel an all-too-familiar aching pain radiate right to my heart.
“What are you doing now? Want to go grab a drink, catch up?” he asks. Then, he laughs, grabbing the back of his neck. “Or, well, maybe grab you a drink. I don’t drink anymore.”
“At all?”
“Nope.”
I smile. “I think that’s a good thing.”
“I do, too.”
“I have plans tonight,” I lie. The only plans I have are with my bed, but this friendship is new, and I’m too tired to dive in deeper than just agreeing that it’s okay. “Maybe next time.”
Gavin’s smile is a bit flat, but he nods. “Sure, next time.”
He grabs my door to open it farther for me, waiting for me to climb in before he carefully shuts it and taps the top of my car.
“I JUST HOPE YOU’RE ready to barely leave the hotel room,” I tell Cassie under my breath, looking around the bar to make sure no one’s heard me. Of course, not that I really care — but I am trying to be polite to any innocent bystanders.
Cassie giggles into the phone. “I wish I could just talk to you all night.”
“Me too,” I tell her, my chest squeezing with the admission. “But we’ll see each other in just over a week. That’s not too long.”
“I might die waiting.”
“Better not. You’ve got your first cosplay convention to go to.”
She squeals a little at that. “You really think I look okay? I’m excited to dive into Tera’s world a little bit, but I don’t want to embarrass her.”
“Are you kidding? You make the absolute sexiest Daphne Blake I’ve ever seen…” I whistle. “I just wish I was there to be your Fred Jones.”
“You’d need a very good wig to pull that off.”
“And I’d wear it,” I say. “For you.”
A pause passes between us, and then Cassie sighs. “I really should get going. I’m picking Tera up from her dorm room across campus.”
Greek: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 7) Page 18
