by Addison Fox
It was a stray thought. A reminder that even little things proved how much her life had changed.
Shaking it off, unwilling to dwell too long, she took the plates and the silverware over to the table. Nikolas had already cleared off his computer and made a place for them to eat.
Within a matter of minutes, they had a feast set out before them, and Nova was helping herself to a precut slice of lasagna. “This smells like heaven.”
“I think you said that about fish and chips earlier today at lunch.”
“I might’ve said that.” She tried valiantly, but the smile peeked out anyway. “Okay. Yes. I did say that today.”
“Nothing wrong with an appetite.”
“I’d like to blame it on the baby, but honestly, I’ve always loved to eat. Ferdy used to say—” She broke off, shocked that her ex-boyfriend’s name had come out of her mouth.
“Ferdy?”
“Yeah. Just a guy I used to know.”
“Is that what we’re calling him?” Nikolas’s words were careful, but she didn’t miss his point.
“Call him what you will. He is a guy I used to know.”
“Right. Fine.”
They each finished serving themselves, the easy atmosphere between them gone. Even though the awkwardness couldn’t stem her hunger, Nova found the Italian food to be delicious, yet strangely empty of...something.
Unlike at lunch, when they had spoken throughout the meal, dinner conversation was quiet and stilted. She tried to ask him about his afternoon, and to his credit, she got decent enough answers. But something had been quelled when she shut down telling him about her ex.
Empirically, she knew she had a right to her private and personal thoughts. More, she was protecting herself. For all the tentative trust that she’d built toward Nikolas Slater, she still didn’t really know the man. And he couldn’t know what a problem Ferdy was.
Or potentially open things up if he decided to investigate so that her ex became a more direct threat.
“Would you like anything more?” Nikolas had moved in the kitchen to pour himself a second glass of wine and held up a pitcher of filtered water he left on the counter.
“Sure. That would be great.”
He came back to the table and placed his wineglass down before pouring her water. Thinking he had finished, she lifted her hand, accidentally colliding with his. The motion was just enough to push him off kilter and water spilled everywhere as the pitcher faltered in his hand.
Nova leaped up, grabbing whatever she could off the table to mop up the water. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
When the few napkins they had had with their meal did little to pick up the water, she raced to the kitchen to get paper towels, a supportive hand under her heavy belly. The combination of rushed movements, distended belly altering her center of gravity, and the unfamiliar kitchen, all were enough to throw her off base.
She slammed into the entryway, pain ringing from her shoulder to her elbow and back again as her body connected with the doorjamb.
“Nova!” Nikolas ran to her, pulling her close. “Are you okay?”
His large hands were on her shoulder, stilling her, and Nova fought against the simple warmth of his touch, convinced it would vanish in an instant. “I’m so sorry. I really am. I’m just so sorry.”
Even as the words spilled from her lips, a weird sort of repetitive chant—“stupid, stupid, stupid”—kept running through her mind, an unceasing loop.
What had she done? How could she have been so dumb?
She had to apologize again. She had to make it right. She had to calm whatever anger he might have.
“Shh now. It’s fine. It’s just a bit of water and even if it wasn’t, it’s not fatal.”
The litany of self-recrimination didn’t stop but slowly she felt the soothing circles of his palm moving over her back. A bit later she heard the gentle words as he continued to croon to her in comfort.
She didn’t withdraw from his touch, but her voice was quiet when she spoke. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” He didn’t stop the gentle circles but he did move her away from the kitchen toward the large couch in his living room. The overstuffed leather was a match for the one in his office and she abstractly thought the man had good taste.
And that he knew what a couch was supposed to be. Big. Fluffy. Deep. Ready to swallow her whole in warmth and comfort.
Nikolas settled her in before turning to face her, taking her hands in his. “I’m sorry I pressed you at dinner.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.”
“No.” His eyes were serious as he brushed back a small lock of hair that had fallen out of her braid and over her eyes. “I think I do.”
They sat like that for a few minutes. Normally it made her uncomfortable to be stared at too long, like an object on display. But something in Nikolas’s kind, searching gaze didn’t bother her.
Rather, for the first time in longer than she could name, she felt as if someone saw her. Actually saw her.
Not as a colleague. Or as a toy to be manipulated. Or, even though her mother had loved her, as the residual effect of a love affair gone unfulfilled.
Nikolas looked at her—just her—when they were together.
“I’m sorry if I pushed you in a way you’re not ready. We just met this morning and I need to keep reminding myself of that. It’s just that—” He broke off, his eyes slightly unfocused before he centered back on her. “Did we really just meet this morning?”
She nodded, the fear that had suddenly swamped her in the kitchen fading to a subtle apprehension. “We did.”
“It seems like longer.”
“It does.”
And it did feel like longer. Like she and Nikolas had a genuine connection. As if something inside of her recognized the same inside of him.
Only she’d felt that before. With Ferdy. From that very first date, she’d felt a connection. She’d spent the rest of their time together trying to remember if it had been real and how to get it back.
Because after that first date, they’d never quite replicated it.
“I mean it. I won’t keep pressing you. But if there is anything you want to talk about, I will listen. Without judgment or recrimination.”
Nova nodded. For all her misgivings, there was a quality in his earnestness that spoke to her. Even the fact that he recognized she was spooked and was willing to back off said something, didn’t it?
Tell Nikolas.
Once again, that voice whispered in her head, encouraging her to trust her gut. Only this time, there was an added directive.
Trust him.
Such a simple, tantalizing thought.
One she’d sleep on and reconsider in the morning.
If she was right about him, she’d have someone to lean on. Someone who might even be able to protect her and the baby.
And if she was wrong...
She’d risk him going to the cops and bringing Ferdy down on both of them.
Chapter 7
Nikolas stared at his computer screen, willing answers to come to life from the depths of its pixels. Although he meant what he said and wanted to give Nova space, he wasn’t immune to the signs of abuse. Her response to a bit of spilled water had put him on high alert and he wanted to know what she was up against.
He’d also spent most of the evening picturing her faceless ex, pummeling the man into oblivion.
He didn’t want to disrespect her privacy, but a public internet search wasn’t exactly a major violation. And hey, he was a PI. Curiosity came with the territory.
Rationalize much, Slater?
He diligently ignored the thought and typed Nova Ellis into the search bar. He may be rationalizing but he also needed to understand what she might be running from. And how to protect her if it came to that.
Because now that he had a sense of her vulnerability, there was no way he was leaving her to deal with this jerk all on her own. He might have said it was none of his business, but there had been something in the very depths of those green eyes as he’d wrapped her in his arms in the kitchen that had called to him, way down deep inside.
He wouldn’t let any harm come to her or her baby.
The relative uniqueness of her first name brought back several responses on the search and he began clicking on them. Although she hadn’t shared her mother’s first name, it was easy to see the resemblance between Nova and the woman named in society photos with her as Allegra Ellis.
Nikolas clicked through a lot more of the same. New York charity functions, with both women clad in gowns, their hair done high.
And now she doesn’t have a cell phone or enough money to eat.
He considered that fact as he filtered through the photos, each more blue-blooded than the next.
Although he’d thought her beautiful, he hadn’t quite pegged her as high society. But there was a subtle substance to her. It had been easy to miss in her eagerness to find her father, but the more he thought about it, the more he saw it. The ease with which she spoke to him was a big clue.
Twenty-three wasn’t a child, but most people he knew in that age bracket were still trying to figure out who they were by day while they drank their nights away. Yet Nova had already nursed her mother through the end of an illness and had a child on the way.
Enough to make anyone grow up quickly.
And then there was what looked to be abuse.
He still hadn’t figured out if her situation had progressed to physically abusive but there was certainly emotional abuse. He’d bet his PI’s license on it.
Ferdy used to say...
Her words over dinner flashed through his mind once more.
Ferdy.
It was a unique name, too. Did he dare look for a “Ferdy” online? He could quickly string a search query together, her name and the mysterious Ferdy, and see what popped.
His hands hovered over the keyboard, prepared to make one more search when Nikolas stilled.
Nova trusted him.
That trust might have a few guardrails on it, but she was here under his protection and she’d at least settled in enough to allow him to keep an eye on her.
Did he dare betray that?
He wasn’t exactly a pro at trust and commitment, but he did know what it meant when someone gave you theirs. His father’s cynicism—or heck, even Nikolas’s own—wasn’t so far gone that he couldn’t appreciate what that meant.
Looking up her name online and seeing what came up wasn’t the same as going hunting for a name Nova had been plainly mad at herself for using. While he could justify what he’d done so far, something about taking that next step didn’t sit well.
He wanted to know more. But he also wanted all her trust, guardrail free.
If he took that next step, he’d be hard-pressed to defend himself.
Curious as to what a fresh day would bring, Nikolas closed the search engine. He jotted down a few notes on a small steno pad he kept on his home office desk. Things he needed to do or didn’t want to forget.
His list for tomorrow was already in progress, begun earlier, when he’d wrapped up for the evening.
Call hospital to check status on Payne Colton.
Update call to Selina Barnes Colton.
Consider man named Ferdy.
He wrote down the last in a rush as his computer powered down.
And hoped like hell Nova would tell him what he needed to know first.
* * *
Ferdy stared down at the sightless eyes of the man who’d double-crossed his boss, attempting to skim several percent off the top of a very lucrative cocaine shipment, and wondered what his life had become. When had he freaking become a damn hit man?
He was an entrepreneur, damn it. A connoisseur of fine wines and good restaurants and fancy cars.
He was not some run-of-the mill thug who killed when it suited the big boss.
Yet here he was, taking care of business and seeing that the boss’s message was delivered with swift justice.
The small park in the Bronx was well lit but not even daylight normally penetrated the deep copse of trees that he’d used to cover up the hit. What he still couldn’t figure out was how dumb a guy had to be to follow a near stranger into the trees to begin with.
Ferdy had made some excuse about avoiding late-night joggers and dog walkers and the stupid son of a bitch had shrugged his shoulders and followed him into the darkened area. The additional enticement—that he had some hot kilos he’d needed to unload—had sweetened the deal and in a matter of moments the dumbass was following him into the trees.
The thug had fallen into a pile of leaves and Ferdy was tempted to move a few to cover up the guy but he didn’t dare touch anything. Besides, his shoes were soggy enough.
He’d never had a real taste for killing, which might have been why he was good at it. It was a means to an end, nothing more. He was a man who went after what he wanted and if something stood in his way, then he dealt with it. This guy had the bad luck of pissing off the boss and since Ferdy was still trying to worm his way back into good graces, he’d drawn the short straw. But he took no pleasure in the act.
In fact, he’d believed himself above all this, at a stage of his career where he could let others do his dirty work.
But that damn shipment had fouled it all up.
Satisfied the thick layer of leaves had masked his footprints, Ferdy walked back to the concrete path that wove its way through the park. His gaze was sharp as he looked for those imaginary joggers but he didn’t see anyone. Nor was there a dog walker in sight.
Just him and his thoughts.
Invariably, those thoughts traveled a path back toward Nova.
It galled the hell out of him that he couldn’t find her. Her disappearance smacked of disrespect and it wasn’t something he would tolerate.
He’d already begun to bore of her before she’d left on her own, those big green eyes often looking crushed after he’d correct her over something. He wanted to keep her in line but he was annoyed he never saw her damn spine. That’d have been fun to beat out of her.
Instead, she looked like a damn sad sack and he was sick of her. Besides, the boss had a pretty hot daughter and he was already thinking of ways he could court some additional favor by marrying in and then continuing to work his way up from there.
All in the family.
Only he still had to find Nova. She was a loose end and he still got an itch between his shoulder blades about why she’d run.
The only reason she’d have done it so suddenly was because she knew something. It hadn’t been a coincidence that she’d run the same day the shipment got held up. No freaking way.
Which meant she knew something.
What, he had no idea. Because if she had information, she hadn’t bothered to use any of it. His work had continued, unabated. Even that shipment had eventually been sorted out, all to the positive aside from the delayed delivery and the continued need to prove himself as cheap, thug labor.
So what did she know?
He exited the park and heard the distant rumble of the subway. Although he’d rather call a car or jump in a cab, he wasn’t going to put himself anywhere near this destination with a credit card payment or someone else’s testimony. It was the same reason he’d used cash to head uptown and he’d do the same to ride the subway back down.
Those sightless eyes that had stared up at him from the leaves filled his thoughts once more. He pulled the single ride fare from his pocket and swiped it through the turnstile, heading for the downtown trains.
As he flew down the metal stairs, the gaze in his mind’s eye morphed into another one.
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Nova, with those sad green eyes, filled his thoughts. Only instead of sadness, he imagined them as they would look.
When they saw nothing—not one single thing—for the rest of her life.
* * *
Nova’s eyes popped open in a rush, her usual path from dead asleep to wide-awake undeterred by her new surroundings. As this was the second time she’d woken in the bed, she wasn’t as surprised as the first. She took in the beige walls and modest furnishings. Tasteful, but bland, was the order of the day in Nikolas’s guest room.
And yours for as long as you need it, she quickly reminded herself.
A fair reminder that paint colors and a fancy bedroom suite didn’t make a home.
In fact, if she were honest with herself, she had to admit that she felt safer here than she had anywhere for almost the past year. Those nights she’d slept at her mother’s apartment, in the last days of Allegra’s illness, had been restless and unsettling. Yes, she’d been in her old bedroom but she’d been so scared of what was to come.
And then her time with Ferdy, so wondrous and new at the start, only to turn unpleasant in a matter of months.
She considered it now, secure in a room more than two thousand miles away from him, and wondered what she’d ever seen in Ferdinand Adler. Or how she’d been so incredibly wrong about him.
Why hadn’t she left sooner? While she was incredibly excited for the new life growing inside of her, what had possibly possessed her to continue a relationship with the man?
Last night’s freak-out in Nikolas’s kitchen over the water was a prime example. How had she let things get that bad? So bad that even now, after months away from him, she could get so upset about some spilled water.
While he’d never actually hit her, his terse tone and genuinely dismissive attitude had grown worse in the months they were together. Would it have progressed to physical abuse?
She laid a hand protectively over her belly, concerned at the idea that her child might have been exposed to something like that eventually.
