The under responded to my sister in a way it never had for any of the rest of us, save for Father. The very land itself chose its successor. It was clear to me that Anahita had been born to rule. It was also obvious that my sister harbored more powerful feelings of resentment toward me than I’d first imagined. I held up my hands and took a step back. “I didn’t come here to argue with you.”
“Then why have you come?” She bristled but slowly sat back down. All of the fight in her deflated, and though she was still stunning, I could again note the strains of weariness eating at her.
She might never believe me, but I’d only ever wished her joy. I’d loved Anahita in a way I’d loved few others, and I’d begun to see that those feelings had never waned. I might have moved on with my life and they with theirs, but I loved her still and always would.
That knowledge, rather than making me glad, made me feel the opposite. Even my beloved sister did not want me here anymore. Whatever bond we’d once shared was no more. I was a stranger in a strange land, and I would do well to remember that. I wet my lips. “I’ve come to ask if it’s you who holds my wards?” I held up my wrists, shaking the golden cuffs at her.
She lifted a brow, acknowledging without words that she was.
“Then I would ask you to give me leave to speak with Jacamoe about a matter concerning my powers now?”
“Already I’ve given much and yet you still ask for more. Greedy as ever, Arielle.”
I scowled. “What the devil do you mean by that?” My words came out waspish because I was suddenly feeling highly offended. I’d not asked her for a damned thing since coming here.
She thinned her lips. “Are you not walking free? Do you not work a case with your Agent friend? Why do you think you are not locked up? Or has that question never even entered your mind?”
I blinked. Suddenly realizing that she was right. By rights I should be locked away in that dungeon still. The crime I was being charged for was a very grave and serious offense. The fact that I was free to work on Crowley’s case alongside him meant she must have intervened, she was also right that until just now the thought had never entered my mind.
Wetting my lips, I glanced off toward the side. Gods, I hated this feeling of indebtedness, and yet I knew that I was. But I also knew that I had no choice but to train with Jacamoe, not if I had any hope of learning to control this sudden darkness that now lived in me.
“And what kind of powers have you, baby sister?” she asked softly but with a hint of wary intellect, as though she’d read my thoughts of just a moment ago. I looked up at her, and gave my head a slight shake.
Funny to me how my sister still seemed to just know me. We’d often been accused of being twins because of how well we’d been able to read one another. Our bond had been that strong. I rubbed at my aching chest.
It hurt to imagine that she might not love me as well as she once did. Though she’d be well within her rights not to, considering all that I’d done in the intervening years to father and in some small way to her, too. Deciding to be completely honest and transparent with her, I said, “I don’t know.”
She snorted inelegantly, and I almost chuckled, doubting very much that my prim-and-proper sister would ever break character that way in front of others. It gave me hope that maybe she didn’t hate me quite as much as it seemed.
I rolled my wrists. “I’m serious. I don’t know, Anahita. And it worries me that I don’t. I don’t know what I can do now or even who I am anymore.” The last came out in a shame-filled squeak of sound. “All my life, I was a siren. A siren with some fragment of soul, who tried to become better than she’d been made to be. But now…” I threw out my arms and shrugged. “I don’t know who I am, what I can do, or even why the Sea Witch said all that she did to me.”
She winced just slightly. “Don’t… don’t tell me more about your time with the Sea Witch. I shouldn’t know more than I already do. The tribunal should be the first to hear your testimony.”
I nodded solemnly. If father did lose his battle, then Anahita would be crowned queen, and the last thing she needed was the scandal of her sister’s run-in with the bogey monster. No doubt the tribunal meant to keep Anahita far away from any association with me in court. I released a long, slow breath. “Of course. But if you hold my mark, I need your permission to— ”
“If you think it will help you, Arielle,” she whispered, “then you’ve got my blessing.”
I felt a pulse of warmth rush through me at her words. The cuffs recognized her authority, and I would be able to learn the true depths of what I’d lost or gained from my time with the witch. I nodded. “Thank you.” I turned to leave.
“Arielle,” she said faintly but with authority.
I looked at her over my shoulder.
Her hand was outstretched, and there was a strange look, almost a little like yearning, upon her face. But she quickly smoothed it. “I’ve followed your exploits on Grimm.”
I waited to hear if she would say more, but she was silent for several moments. Her jaw flexed, and the muscles in her throat worked. I could tell she wanted to say more about it, and yet she didn’t. “What have you learned about our sister?” she asked instead.
I blinked, needing a second to adjust my frame of mind to the sudden shift in topic. “Er.” I cleared my throat then turned fully around. I opened my mouth, ready to tell her about the nothingness Crowley and I had found, but then I remembered his words of caution, and though I didn’t have a damned clue why I was actually going to take his warning to heart, I did . “Nothing yet,” I said, feeling only the slightest twinge of shame at the deception. “We plan to go back out tonight to double-check and see if we’ve overlooked anything. Of course, I’ll inform you right away if we find anything.”
Her brows furrowed, and I plastered on a smile so tight that I knew must have looked like plastic on my face.
She nodded. “Fine. Tell me the moment you learn of anything. Be careful, Arielle, Undine is not what you remembered.” With those cryptic words, she turned her attention back to the sheaves before her, and I knew that our moment of bonding was done.
What in the hells did she mean by that? I couldn’t help but wonder if my sister was hiding a secret just as I was.
It dawned on me as I began to turn that I’d not asked her about Hook. In all the drama, I’d almost forgotten that he was being kept here. I almost didn’t ask, doubtful that she’d tell me much. But at least if he was alive, I would gain some measure of peace.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I loudly cleared my throat.
Anahita’s brow twitched and she looked up slowly. “Is there something you still need?”
Don’t fidget , I told myself sternly, even as I began picking at my nails. For the life of me, I could never understand why being in Undine always made me feel more like a child than the intelligent woman I was. Giving myself a slight shake, I straightened my shoulders and lifted my chin. “I only wondered if you knew anything about Hook?”
If anyone in Undine did, it would be the acting queen, but I’d worded my question as politely as I could.
Her lips had thinned. Anahita had never been a fan of his. Feeling heat rise in my neck, I quickly stammered, “I-It’s only that when I last saw him, I wasn’t sure if he’d survived, and I’m anxious to learn— ”
“The legger lives.”
My heart almost lurched out of my chest, beating like a fist against my ribs, and my knees turned to jelly. I had to brace myself against the wall beside me. “H-He lives? Is he awa— ”
“The legger is not your concern. Not anymore.” There was true anger in her tone, which helped me to realize that how she’d been just seconds before had actually been more of an act that anything. She had always despised Hook, and it seemed that her feelings hadn’t shifted in the slightest. “Now.” She jerked her chin toward the door in a clear directive that it was past time for me to take my leave of her.
My nostrils flared. Hope and disapp
ointment warred within me like rival factions, tearing and clawing my innards. He lived. But to what extent, I wasn’t sure. Perhaps Jacamoe had him. I could go see, check in. He might be more forthcoming than my sister.
With a swift nod that she did not see, I turned on my heel and marched slowly toward the door. But before I left, I looked up at the massive portrait of my mother, with her vivid red hair and sparkling green eyes, her skin as bone-white as Anahita’s own, and her beauty as equally legendary. I could see bits of each of my sisters in my mother’s face.
But I was not in there. I never had been, and I wondered all over again if the Sea Witch had told me the truth of my parentage. I was a witch—I could feel the power of the darkness curling like smoke within me. But I was also siren, and whether I had the powers or not, she couldn’t strip my identity from me. The only problem was that I didn’t know which part of me was more real, the siren I’d been or the new person I’d been fashioned into. I knew absolutely nothing about what had happened, but it felt more and more real as time moved on.
My palms began to tingle as the swirls of dark magick were nulled by the cuffs on my wrists, making me grit my teeth. All that power had no place else to go but back inside of me.
Sweat trickled down my spine as the waves of magick settled down once more. I took a trembling breath and straightened my shoulders. Swallowing hard, I opened the door and left without a backwards glance.
CHAPTER 40
ELLE
IN NO TIME, I found myself returning to the section of the castle that only a select few were given access to, the left wing, where Father could escape when the crown he wore grew too heavy. Mother had most often been found there, usually in one of her dozen or so solariums, warming herself in the rays of the Undine sun as she read a book or drank some seaweed tea.
I actually had a few fond memories here. Adella and Adrina, the most artistic of my sisters, would put on massive productions for sirens as young as they had been, with much help from the staff, to be sure. But Adella would paint the entire set and sing with a voice that could make anyone willingly fall to their death, just so long as they could hear her a little bit longer.
Both of them had been darker of complexion, like Father, but with Mother’s piercing jewel-green eyes. Adella wasn’t as beautiful as Anahita but had been the first of us to marry into a strong siren house.
I didn’t realize I’d been staring into the library, replaying visions of yesteryear until a voice spoke over my shoulder. Instantly, the visions scattered like chaff on the wind.
“I assume you have come all this way to speak with me, Little Fish.” Jacamoe’s exotic accent sounded amused and a touch curious, even as he studied me with dark eyes tinged with curiosity and a smidge of concern.
Clearing my throat, I brushed my hands down the front of my gown with nervous fingers and gave him a crooked smile. “Are you the only one who still maintains a residence here?”
“I like being solitary,” he said by way of explanation.
I nodded. “I always did know that about you. I’d swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were more my father than my own dad has been.”
He laughed robustly. It was rare to hear Jacamoe let loose in that way, though I’d gotten him to do it a time or two in my day. “Would not that be miraculous. I believe if I had, my peers would have taken me back long ago, if for no other reason than to gawk at the curiosity.”
It was well known that Djinn were created sterile. That way, there was no chance of ever passing that much power through one family tree. It effectively cut off any ability for them to create an uprising against their puppet masters. I wasn’t quite sure who had crafted the Djinn, mostly because Jacamoe would never share it with me, but I reckoned it had to have been someone or something of exceedingly great power. Definitely a god, but I didn’t have a clue which one.
Jacamoe was quickly stuffing an oblong-shaped item into his pocket. I frowned, and catching my look, he said, “Anahita summoned me to retrieve her spy glass.” He patted his pocket.
I snorted. “Do you mean to tell me that my straight-laced sister who never, ever breaks the rules means to spy? Scandalous.”
His face was long and serious as he said, “Go easy on her, Little Fish. Your sister does her very best in these most trying times.”
His reminder was as good as throwing a bucket of ice on my face. Twisting my lips, I nodded. “Do they all blame me, then?”
Normally, I wouldn’t have cared. Once upon a time, I hadn’t cared if all of Undine had known that I’d been the one to violently butcher Anders. In truth, I still didn’t care. The perverted bastard had deserved his fate.
But for some damned reason, I found myself caring all of a sudden, and I suspected I knew why. Much as I’d told myself I no longer needed these people, the crown, the title, or the wealth, the truth was that being here and recalling my past was reminding me that not all of it had been bad. The material things could go hang, but my family, well, I’d missed them more than I’d imagined. It was like a wound in my heart I hadn’t realized until my return. And it throbbed, all day and all night. I gently skimmed my fingers over my breastbone.
“Truth?” he simply asked.
My heart sank, but I snorted. “You don’t have to say more, Jacamoe. You’ve already said enough.”
He spread his hands as though in apology, but I shook my head and latched onto his fingers. “It’s okay, my friend. I think I would blame me too if I were them. I am, after all, a traitor .”
We stood in contemplative silence for a moment longer before he cleared his throat and gestured for me to walk with him.
I did with a grateful nod in return.
“Tell me, Little Fish, did you come all this way simply to visit an old man?”
I chuckled softly. “You’re not an old man, Jacamoe. That’s a silly notion. Why, if I didn’t look at you practically as my own father, I might even be tempted to— ”
He laughed and held up his hand. “My heart cannot take such flatteries, but truth, tell me what I can do for you.”
He thought I lied, but I hadn’t. I’d always found Jacamoe strangely beautiful and appealing in a forbidden way, but Djinn weren’t just sterile—they were eunuchs capable of platonic love but not Eros love.
I’d once walked in on Jacamoe while he’d been in his private chambers, and it revealed a truth I would never forget seeing, one forever burned into my heart and mind. Not only had his berries been taken, but his twig had been terribly disfigured as well, serving only to be used for the most basic of human functions.
He’d simply stood there in the center of his room, his legs bowed and withered, his sex monstrously disfigured, and he had stared at me with dark and broken eyes. What I recalled most was that he didn’t shout at me to go away or scream that I’d violated a sacred trust by entering his private chambers with the zeal of a silly ten-year-old who’d only wanted to share a happy moment with her friend. I’d seen humiliation, pain, and pride burning in his eyes. He hadn’t wanted my pity, and even as a vain little girl, I’d known it. All I remembered was murmuring nonsensical words before I’d promptly run away, vowing to myself that I would never, ever mention it to him. And I never had, though we both knew what I’d seen. There’d been an unspoken pact crafted between us that day.
I lifted my cuffed wrists. “I came to you because you’re the only one who can help me figure out what’s been done to me.”
He glanced at my wrists with a softly furrowed brow. “The witch, you mean?”
“Aye.” I nodded. “I need to know what I’m capable of, how far she’s changed me, or if she’s even changed me at all.”
“You would need Princess Anahita’s— ”
“I’ve gotten her approval.”
He nodded then stepped into my space and took my wrists in his hands. He bowed his head, and my pulse quickened. He smelled of jasmine, myrrh, and frankincense, lush scents that always made me think of the glittering jewel of East Grimm.
The East was as different from the West as could possibly have been imagined. I’d been sent on a case there once. The sights, sounds, and smells had all made me think painfully of my friend and how much he must have missed it. There were flying carpets and women dressed in pants crafted of rich silks and bursting with every color of the rainbow. It’d been like walking through a garden—not of flowers, but of people. Their skin had been as dark and rich as gleaming mahogany, with hair as thick as roped vines and accents that were strangely sensual and erotic.
I’d loved it there, mostly because it’d made me think of my beloved friend. I’d almost sent him a letter detailing my exotic travels, but though I’d gotten as far as writing it, I’d never actually sent it. I told myself it was because Father’s spies would never have delivered it to him, but I think the truth was more that I was too chicken to crack open his wounds, which had only begun to heal.
“There is a dark magick within you,” he said, cutting me off from my thoughts.
I quickly yanked my hands out of his, still feeling the electric currents of his warm magical pulses rush through me. Mine had made me feel pain back in Father’s study, but Jacamoe’s magick felt like soothing waters. I rubbed my fingers together, trying to shake off the last of the tingles. “A lot? A little?”
He looked straight into my eyes, and I knew before he even spoke that it wasn’t good. His eyes gleamed. “It is vast and it is very wild. Dark. Very dark, Little Fish.”
I shivered and hugged my arms to my chest. “So even if the tribunal decides I’m not guilty of being an accessory to my sister’s murder, I’m still going to hang for having such black magick coursing through my soul.”
He shook his head then cupped my left cheek with his warm hand, patting gently, and the memories of all the other countless times he’d done so when he’d been proud of me—or even put out with me—blasted right through my mind.
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