by Wanda Amard
“Well, have no worries. We can schedule you an internal exam as soon as possible.”
“An internal exam?” Vinn asks, giving me the first clue he will be absolutely crazy during this pregnancy. Actually, not a first clue at all. Clue number 129.
The doctor gives him a well-rounded answer involving sonograms, calculation of conception dates and measuring babies. Vinn listens to every piece of information she gives, but I just stare at the two of them, smiling and nodding my head. I’m way too lost at the moment.
It’s true. I really am pregnant.
The doctor pats me on the knee, handing a bunch of pamphlets over with information about caring for a pregnant woman. She scribbles out a prescription for prenatal vitamins, handing it to Vinn when he snatches it before I can. “If you need anything else, let me know before then. Otherwise we’ll see you when they get you scheduled for your next exam.”
“Dr.,” Vinn calls stopping her exit. “One question.”
I internally groan as the doctor turns back. I’ve already guessed exactly what he’s going to ask. He’d put my safety above being embarrassed every time.
“Is it safe for us to have sex?”
He spits it out without embarrassment. The big S word and everything. I turn bright red, but he’s not fazed.
The doctor chuckles once and nods. “There’s a lot more information in the pamphlet I provided, but she should be fine resuming normal activities.”
Vinn smiles, and I shake my head, trying to hide behind the little booklets with happy pregnant people on them.
At least I know what we’re doing when we get home.
Chapter Four
Vinn
“Hey, close the bay door,” Charlie, an hourly employee, yells as he walks to the office. I take a small detour and flip the switch by the door, lowering it for Charlie before heading into Nick, the shop manager’s office.
He called in again this morning, the third time in a two-week period. I don’t think it’s the flu keeping him at home. Normally I wouldn’t care about the man’s business, as my plan is to keep my head down and do my own thing, but with Kimber’s pregnancy and the required doctor visit happening once every month, I need to make sure Nick’s here to cover when I need time off for baby stuff.
I don’t like the talk of this dildo cam they plan to use in my wife in the next week, but knowing soon I’ll get to see a picture of our new baby has me overlooking more than I normally would.
I want nothing more than to shout about Kimber’s pregnancy from the rooftops. I’d call my mom and every member of the family and tell them the good news, but the doctor suggested we wait until twelve weeks, and we won’t learn how far along Kimber is until the ultrasound.
I’m enjoying this secret being for the two of us for now, especially because I can’t decide what my mother’s reaction will be. My mom didn’t take Victor’s news very well. I hate that I can’t enjoy my time as a new dad because my brother fucked things up years ago. I hate the fact that my family looks at me and sees him.
My mother and siblings still question whether Stetsyn could be mine.
Regardless of what my mother suspects, Kimber’s baby is my first child, but I worry telling my mother will start up her demands I take responsibility for Stetsyn all over again. One twin was as good as another twin, she used to tell me. As if just because I match my brother, I could step in and be Stetsyn’s dad. Maybe I should have, but would he have been better off having a dad in prison over a deadbeat dad? Which would be worse?
I still hold out hope one day Victor will find his courage and get his ass back to Michigan to take care of his responsibilities. There’s no hope for Monica, but my brother might have it in him.
“Have you seen it today?” Charlie asks as I sit down on an office seat.
I shake my head and start rummaging through the desk, looking for a receipt for labor from last week. I’ve been stepping in to oversee Nick’s duties while he’s gone, but he isn’t one for organization and that makes it complicated.
Charlie sits down in the chair opposite me. “Are you allowed to approve time off?” he asks. “I really need next Thursday to go the doctor with my wife.”
My head jumps up at his statement. “Everything okay?” I haven’t gotten to know many of the guys in the shop, but with Kimber and me starting a family and my new position as a shift manager, I need to step it up, maybe befriend the men and learn about their lives.
Charlie smiles up at me. “Yeah, we just found out she’s having a baby in August.” His eyes convey so many emotions of happiness and wonder.
I question if I have the same expression whenever I talk about Kimber and now our baby. We made the agreement not to tell anyone, but I can’t help but share the news. “Congratulations, man. That’s awesome. My wife is expecting this fall, too.”
Saying the words out loud helps imprint the permanence of her condition. Pregnant.
“Congratulations,” Charlie holds out his hand for me to shake and I do. It’s like the two of us, after working together for months, have finally met for the first time.
“Look, technically I have to do the schedule today since Nick isn’t showing up. I’ll make sure you get next Thursday off.” Us dads have to stick together. Dads. Man.
Charlie beams. “Thanks, man.”
As he walks out of the office, my phone rings and I quickly snatch it off the desk. Though we have policy about not checking text or calls at work, with Kimber pregnant I don’t plan to be further away from her for a millisecond. Kimber comes first.
Except her name isn’t displayed in my messages field, but someone I’d rather not hear from ever again.
Chapter Five
Kimber
Vinn told me not to do it, but sometimes I question if I’m a glutton for punishment. She’s never been a mother before, but I keep hoping one day we will meet in the middle—maybe she can be a little less brass and me a little happier. Leave the drugs behind and embrace being the mother I’ve always wanted. I keep setting myself up for failure.
“So this is the way it’s gonna be, Mom?” I ask as my mom lies on the couch with her eyes rolled back in her head. It’s obvious she’s on something, but she won’t tell me what.
I’m angry. At her and myself and my brother. I’m angry there’s nothing I can do for her and I’m angry she won’t do it for herself. I’m angry none of us can seem to help one another. If we can’t pull ourselves out of the muck, how do we expect to pull somebody else out?
And at what point will she ever be able?
“Kim, nobody wants your shit right now. Let me enjoy my high.”
I stand from the chair, my hands by my side. “So you admit you’re high?”
She snorts, not answering.
“You’re not going to do anything?” I ask as my brother prepares a sandwich in the kitchen. He looks tired as black circles line under his eyes.
“What do you want me to do, Kimber? I can’t watch her all the time and everybody else too. I’ve got my own problems.”
He’s pissed, but he flinches, knowing this isn’t right. We all have problems and I can’t expect more from Hunter than I’m willing to give.
Mom moans, closing her eyes and leaving reality for her own world. The guilt crashes into my anger. How can she be so selfish? I realize it’s an addiction and hard to break, but Vinn risked everything to send her to rehab. She slips into a blissful sleep on the couch and I want to jump on top of her and shake sense into her being. Really wake her up once and for all.
“What do we do, Hunter? Let her kill herself?”
Hunter shakes his head, looking at the floor. There’s emotion lurking behind his eyes and it’s possible my mother’s addiction affects him as much as me. Neither of us know how to fix it, but both of us are slowly learning we can’t.
“I can’t keep doing this with her.” I tap my fingers on the kitchen island as Hunter makes another sandwich.
He squeezes the mustard on the bread and la
ys a piece of cheap meat on top. “I get it. I can’t either, Kim.”
“What do we do?”
He shakes his head slowly, the emotion thick. “I have to get out of this trailer. Away from this life.”
There’s anguish in his voice and I rest my hand on top of his. “You can stay with me if you need.” I’ve made the offer before, but as usual he turns me down with a quick head shake.
“Yeah, no thanks.”
He’s an ass, but he’s my brother.
There’s a knock on the door, and assuming it’s Vinn ready to chew me out for putting myself back in this situation, I open it without looking. A middle-aged man lacking a dragon tattoo on his neck holds out a rolled-up pile of papers wrapped in blue.
“Is Hunter Green here?” he asks looking inside the trailer nosily.
“Hunter,” I yell even though he’s feet from me.
Hunter’s body fills the space of the doorway and the man hands the papers to Hunter, pushing closer until Hunter grabs them from his outstretched hand. “Your divorce papers, sir. You’ve been served by Emily Hooker.”
My brother grunts, taking the roll of papers. “It’s about fucking time”
More turmoil hurts my heart. They weren’t even married long enough for her to change her name. Did living here, in this trailer, watching my mom kill herself cause the premature divorce between Hunter and Emily?
He slams the door in the guy’s face, mumbling under his breath about what a bitch Emily is. I haven’t forgotten how a few months ago the two sat at the kitchen table planning their wedding. How he left Melody for her. How she was the one. What happened? How can things change so quickly?
“That fucking bitch,” he yells making our mother stir on the couch as he reads the papers.
“What?”
Hunter twists the papers in his hands. “She wants my truck and to keep the ring.”
“Is it worth fighting over?” I ask.
His mouth drops open in anger and shock. “My truck is all I have left.”
I stare at the beat-up piece of crap parked sideways in the driveway and nod. It is the only thing he has left, and that’s sad. What else has his marriage to Emily taken from him? What parts can’t I see?
“I’m calling Terri,” Hunter states, like somehow his new girlfriend can solve all his problems. From one pan to the other, our grandma would say.
I don’t understand how another woman is going to get him out of the mess he made with the last two of them, but I hope it ends differently.
“I’m going home.” The front door didn’t close right from when Hunter slammed it and he doesn’t hear as I walk out headed back to my own piece of paradise.
Chapter Six
Vinn
I hate coming home to an empty house. Even though I’m not alone, it always causes a panic—one where I wonder where Kimber is. Has she left me for good? Has something happened to her? I never had these fears or worries before I met her, and now they’re a constant part of my daily life. One I wouldn’t get rid of.
I smile as I walk through the trailer door, at first, because the light is on, but I don’t even get my signature saying out before I realize she’s not here. The place is cold and not in a temperature way.
The only thing I’m left with now is deciding how long I wait for her to show up before I start texting. Kimber and I have an age difference and I don’t want to feel like her father, but at the same time I have a deep need to know where she is at all times. For her safety… and mine. So many weirdos live in this town and Ricky isn’t even the worst thing out there.
Tonight it’s just my drawing need to see my new wife and place my hand on her ever-growing belly. I also have news to share. I made a friend. Well, that’s what I’ll call him to Kimber, but in reality Charlie is the first person I haven’t wanted to punch in the face since I became a free man.
My old friends turned into major dicks to be around, leaving me wanting to leave them behind in my past. It’s given new clarity to the people I choose to spend my time with now and has forced me to own my choices in my past life. Many things and people I’d rather leave behind me.
Ten minutes pass and finally I decide to stop looking like a stupid fucker standing in the middle of the living room waiting for Kimber to get home. I head to the bedroom to change into something more comfortable. Jailbait is rather fond of my gray sweatpants.
The trailer door opens and slams hard. Kimber sniffles, but I don’t need to hear the evidence to figure out she’s upset. I’m not sure if I should give her space or make her hug it out — her saying not mine — so I stand at the entrance to the bedroom waiting to put my shirt on and watch her actions.
“Everything okay, JB?” I ask as she stares wildly in the living room wiping under her eyes.
She shakes her head. “No.”
“Come here, baby.” She walks into my open and outstretched arms, allowing me to wrap her in a comforting embrace. I walk backward, getting on the bed to snuggle with Kimber under the covers as she cries on my shoulder. My heart breaks because she hasn’t had to say a word and I’ve already figured out the problem. It’s her mother. No matter how normal I make her life here, I’ll never be able to get her away from the icy grasp of her mother’s drama. Her mother’s addiction. Her mother’s life.
The months I’ve known Kimber, I’ve never quite been able to figure out if her mother is selfish or if she really is unaware of how she’s tearing apart her family. Can a woman be so horrible to her own blood?
“I don’t know what to do, Vinn.” Kimber grabs onto my shoulders, bringing herself as close to me as possible. Her heart beats against my chest, the rhythmic beating slowing. “Can we just be happy?”
How I hate her mother. I squeeze her tightly. “Kimber, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. Just the privilege of getting to wake up next to you every morning is enough. I promise you that in time we’re going to work out what our own normal is and we won’t let anyone else interfere in it.”
“Even my mother?” She sniffles, rolling to lie on her back. I don’t want her to escape so I keep an arm latched around her middle, my pinky searching out her belly to rub small circles.
“The last thing I plan to do is let your mother get in the way. We’re starting our own family, Kimber, and I will work to make it perfect with you.” I’ll keep working on that promise forever.
She laughs, the sound distorted by her earlier tears. “I don’t need perfect, Vinn. I never have. I just want,” her sentence trails off as she thinks of the word.
“Better,” I fill in for her.
Kimber nods.
I place a few small kisses underneath her ear and down her neck for comfort. I’m not looking for anything else, but she squirms under my attention.
“I have more money, Kimber. If you think there’s something we can do to get your mom help, I’ll gladly cover it.” I get the constant need of trying to help your family even when they won’t help themselves. It’s a daily struggle I contend with for my own brother. How can I look to the side and let Victor continue to make the choices he does? It pains me — what he’s doing to himself and us. But I also get I can’t change him. True change has to come from within. He won’t come back to Michigan to make things right until he’s ready. The only thing I can do is hope that when the time comes things aren’t too fucked up to be fixed.
Kimber sighs, touching my bicep. “No. I can’t keep doing it for her. Eventually she has to find her own strength.”
I kiss her on the temple, letting my lips linger. It’s a hard point to come to in life, but I’m glad Kimber’s reached the realization. I expect her to have a few backtracks on occasion. She doesn’t think I know she spends at least two afternoons a week at her mother’s house doing the dishes and vacuuming. How will Sonia learn to make it on her own if she always has Kimber there to pick up the pieces? Is it inhumane or the right thing to do to let her mother truly fall on her ass? We won’t learn the answer until the puzzle b
reaks apart and the pieces land where they do.
Chapter Seven
Kimber
“Where are we going?” I ask for the zillionth time before getting into Vinn’s car.
He chuckles, the sound meaning he won’t tell me anything. “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.”
“Yes, but you know I hate surprises.” Growing up, surprises were never a good thing. It was always something like “Surprise we don’t have any food tonight,” or sometimes, “Surprise we’re eating stale pizza.”
Nobody has ever once in my life said, “Surprise, here is a million bucks.”
Vinn shakes his head. “I thought all girls loved surprises?”
I contemplate the scenery as he turns out of the trailer park and drives toward the north side of the city. “Maybe trusting girls.”
He narrows his head at me crossing the MLK bridge. “You can always trust me, Kimber.”
“I know. I was just kidding.” Kind of.
The car travels at a safe speed. I’ve never known Vinn to go over the speed limit. I can’t decide if it’s because I’m in the car with him or his past. Eventually he turns down a neighborhood right at the edge of the city’s downtown area. These streets are filled with larger homes that once belonged to rich families in Michigan who had a member working in Congress. Back in the 1880s and the years before this area was lined with Michigan’s richest.
Now, most of them have been turned into law offices or other small company business headquarters. A few streets past the downtown area, the large houses are multi-unit rentals or big historic stately homes. The crime rate is better here than it is in the rest the city. The streets are quiet, the yards mowed, and no dead cars litter the streets or driveways.
Vinn turns on a road and pulls beside one of the many parking ramps for the community college, whose campus is spread out amongst the city buildings.
