by Harlow James
This is what my parent’s marriage looks like. On the outside to their friends and other members of the country club, they’re the perfect couple—rich, good-looking, and have the scholarly, handsome son to show off when appearances matter most. But when we’re at home, behind closed doors where no one can see the façade they put on, they’re two people who have nothing but hatred for one another, who can’t stand to be in the same room with each other, and apparently no longer value monogamy at all.
This is the example of marriage I’ve been provided with for the last two years, since I was old enough to realize that something was amiss. But apparently, this has been going on long before I was aware. I guess now that I’m a teenager, they just no longer feel the need to hide it.
“You’re a bastard, Herald! I can’t believe I ever married you!”
“Yeah, you can. You married me for my money and because you got pregnant. Let’s be honest, Delaney. If it weren’t for Cash, we wouldn’t be together. But my parents couldn’t risk a scandal with my father’s election to the senate so close, and you were the daughter of the maid that I was fucking behind closed doors. So I did what I had to do to keep up appearances and guess what? Now you’re doing the same for me.”
“Fuck you! I can’t wait for that boy to be an adult. And then I’m gone! You hear me? Gone!”
“Fine by me. You’ve put in your time. Your spousal support will be more than enough to live off of thanks to the pre-nup you signed, and then we can be out of each other’s lives for good.”
Resting my head against the wall, I process the truth about my parent’s marriage, the one that only exists because I was the sperm that won the race. But true to any child’s dreams, the doting family that truly loves one another and wants to be around each other is all I’ve ever wanted. Unluckily for me, that wasn’t the one I was born into.
It wasn’t always like this. Mom and Dad used to be affectionate, thoughtful, and didn’t raise their voices at one another every time they were in the same room. We used to do things as a family—vacations, beach trips, and they would go to every one of my soccer games as I grew up. Now, I’m lucky if they even acknowledge that I’m in the house, let alone think about attending one of my games, where I now play on Varsity as a junior and am the leading scoring forward in the league.
And as I listen to them bicker and yell some more, something in me snaps.
“Why wait until I’m eighteen?” I push into the room where my parents are standing. “Let me emancipate myself and get the hell out of here so you two can go on and live your lives and count me out of it! Don’t use me as an excuse anymore for being miserable… I don’t need you… either of you. It’s not like you care about me at all anyway…”
“Cash, that’s not true. We love you, son… marriage is complicated…” my mother pleads, but she can sense that the damage has been done.
“You think I don’t hear you two screaming at each other every night? And hell, right now, you’re not even trying to hide it! Sorry you knocked up Mom, Dad… sorry that I’m the reason you’re stuck here with us. Who cares about what people think anymore? I sure as hell don’t! I don’t listen to the gossip around school when kids talk about our family. You may think you’re being slick, Dad, but people know you’re acting like a whore!”
“That’s enough!” My dad’s voice bellows in the room, anger coming off of him in waves. And if I didn’t think we weren’t such an even match, I’d be halfway tempted to punch him in the face right now for treating my mother and I this way—for devaluing our family, the way he has for years.
“No one is going anywhere, not until Cash is eighteen. We can’t afford the scandal.”
“That’s all you care about, huh? Your precious reputation! What about me? What about Mom?”
“Us getting married was a mistake, Cash. I’m sorry to tell you this, but it never should have happened. I’m proud of you son for all that you’ve accomplished, but…”
“How can you even say that??!!” I scream, blood boiling dangerously hot beneath my skin. “You don’t give a shit about me and what I do! You can’t be bothered to attend my soccer games and you sure as hell don’t support my dreams!”
“Going into law enforcement is a waste of your looks and family name, Cash… I wish you could see that.”
I shake my head. “That’s all the matters to you—appearances. Well, guess what? I will no longer be a part of it. You want me to keep my mouth shut, then I will no longer be a part of your charade or I will air all of your dirty laundry, starting with the voice recording of this fight,” I threaten as I remove my phone from my pocket, displaying the recording of the entire conversation.
“You little fucker…” my dad lunges for me, but my mother steps in front of him.
“Don’t you dare, Herald. Cash is right. I will no longer stand by this either. Two years and we’re gone,” she stands tall as my father’s eyes bounce back and forth between us.
“Leave me the hell alone… both of you,” I say before turning and walking back to my room.
“Pssst…” Birdies’ call garners my attention as I twist my head to where she stands down the hallway, just outside of my bedroom. She waves me to her and I instantly move faster. Walking through my door, she follows closely behind me and then quietly presses it shut.
“Hi, my boy,” she slightly grimaces as I take a seat on my bed and she follows suit.
“Hey, Birdie.” My body is shaking so violently, I clench my fists at my sides, resting on my bed to stop myself from punching a hole in the wall.
“Do you think that was the best idea, Cash?”
I huff, her question resonating as I contemplate my sarcastic answer. “I think anyone with ears could have heard that fight, Birdie… but at least now I have something to keep my father’s bullshit attitude in check.”
“I’m sorry, Cash. No child should have to be subjected to the misery of their parents like that.”
“But didn’t you hear, Birdie? I’m the reason for their misery. If it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t even be together.”
She tilts her head and then rests her hand on top of mine. “But I would be miserable without you, my boy.”
Emotion clogs my throat. Thank fuck for Birdie. Even as a teenager, I know she’s the only person I can count on. It would be really easy for me to act out, blame every stupid decision I make on the fact that my parents are pieces of shit. But she’s the one who makes me see the light. Always. She’s the one who told me to focus on my education because that is what I can fall back on later. She’s the one who steers me in the right direction of morality when I have an issue with someone at school. And she’s the one who treats me like her own son, more than my parents ever have.
I’d be lost without Birdie—the realization so terrifying, I don’t even like to think about it.
Instead, I listen to everything she says, soak in every morsel of wisdom and truth, and try to keep my head down while counting down the days until I can leave this life behind.
“I’d be miserable without you too, Birdie. I have two more years in this hellhole, and then I’m out. I can’t wait for college so I can move away and never speak to them again.”
“You may not like them right now, but they’re still your parents, Cash. You shouldn’t cut them out completely, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t set hard limits to what you put up with from them.”
I sigh and then veer my eyes around my room, the four walls I feel the safest in, even though their screaming matches still resonate through the drywall. This is my little sanctuary from the family I claim to the outside world, even though the only person who has ever acted like my family is sitting right next to me.
“Promise me no matter what happens, we will always be in each other’s lives, Cash,” Birdie draws me in for a hug, and I cling to her like the lifeline she is.
“Always, Birdie. I was looking at Oregon State for College, so at least I can get the hell out of Washington.”
“Then that’s the plan. You and me against the world, Birdie.”
She chuckles and then reaches up to push my blonde hair that’s fallen forward out of my face. I’m due for a haircut soon. “You say that now, until you find some girl and she becomes your entire world. I won’t mind coming in second place, but you better never forget about little old me.”
“Ha! You’re funny, Birdie. But I’m never getting married. I don’t want to fall in love if that’s what happens,” I say as I point to the door, referencing my parents’ fight from earlier.
“Not all marriages are like that, Cash. My husband and I had a beautiful relationship until I lost him.” Tears fill her eyes as she mentions Preston, her husband that died in a car accident just after their fifth wedding anniversary. Birdie and Preston never had kids, and she never remarried. Instead, she stayed single and worked as a housekeeper in our affluent community for a few years, until she was recommended to my parents to work for our family. Birdie and I took a liking to each other immediately, so my parents kept her on and used her as a part-time nanny as well, giving them the freedom to be the selfish assholes they are while I had someone who raised me like their own and taught me everything I know about being a young man.
“Then you’re lucky, Birdie. But I just don’t think I ever want that. Girls are drama and then the longer you’re with them, the more hatred you have for one another. I don’t want to be miserable. I’ll be just fine on my own.”
“You say that now, my boy. But one day, the right woman will knock you off your feet, crash into your world you think is perfect, and then all the things you thought you knew about love will be thrown out the window. You’re still young. Don’t make huge decisions about your future now when you still haven’t truly lived.”
I shake my head at her. “Nope. Not gonna happen.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll remind you of this conversation then so I can say, I told you so.”
“You do that, Birdie. I’ll be waiting…”
Chapter 7
Cash
“There, I think that will do it.” I stand back and admire my handy work, checking to make sure the shelves are sturdy and level. It’s my day off and Birdie had a piece of furniture she needed help building, so I made a point to head over to the retirement center before my impending date tonight.
“They look perfect. Now for me to stack all of these books finally,” Birdie comes up behind me and starts to unload her collection of literature from the box on the floor.
“Let me at least get that box off the floor so you don’t have to bend over and hurt your back, Birdie,” I say, pushing her hands out of the way and lifting the cardboard box onto the coffee table.
“Thank you, son. Okay, where do I start first?”
“Well, I think the Stephen King collection should get the top shelf, but that’s just my opinion,” I casually throw my hands in the air before setting down my tool belt and then reaching for a bottle of water.
“Funny, because I think Danielle Steel deserves the top spot.”
“Of course you would put love at the top,” I tease.
“Love should always come first.”
“You know how I feel about love, Birdie.” The bite of my words comes out too harshly, but this conversation always pops up when I’m not in the right state of mind. And today it’s only exacerbated by the fact that tonight I have my date with Misty.
“Any plans for tonight?” Birdie turns to me as she places a picture of the two of us on the center shelf, eye-level if you stand right in front of the structure.
“Uh, yeah. I have a date actually,” I mumble, but of course Birdie doesn’t miss a word.
“A date? With whom?” Excitement fills her voice with the prospect, but I quickly shut her down.
“Just this woman. It’s actually part of a bet between Cooper and me…”
Smack!
“Hey! What the hell?” I rub the spot on my head where Birdie’s hand just connected, now even more irritated than I was a minute ago.
“Cash Williams, when are you going to stop acting like a child when it comes to women? I taught you better than that! I know you like your female company as much as the next man, but going on a date with a women because of a bet? I’m ashamed of you…”
I cringe. Fuck, I hate when Birdie says shit like that. “Look, I’d rather not go through with it, but I already made the plans. Don’t worry, I’m gonna let her down gently.”
“Why do you do this? Aren’t you ever going to get past this belief of yours that you can’t find love?”
“I don’t want to find love, Birdie. You saw what my parent’s marriage was like…”
“That was NOT love, Cash. Love is accepting a person for all of their flaws and never being able to imagine your life without them. Love is putting another person’s happiness before your own. Love is living your life one day, and the next day realizing you weren’t really living without that person beside you before…”
A stray tear slides down Birdie’s face, making me reach out to pull her close to me.
“I’m sorry, Birdie. I know you think everyone should have what you had with Preston and now with Samuel, but I just don’t think that’s in the cards for me.”
“I worry about you, Cash, but I’m not giving up hope. Even you getting in that accident a week ago reminds me how fragile life is.” She reaches up and strokes the scar still healing minus the stitches. I called Birdie while I was in the hospital to let her know what happened, and of course she rushed down to make sure I was okay. I let her be the worrisome mother for the day, but once she saw I was intact, she relaxed, but still seems a bit shaken up about the whole thing. “I think that woman is out there for you. And who knows, maybe you’ve already met her…” Birdie’s words trail off, but it isn’t lost on me that Piper’s face flashes through my mind and is gone as quickly as her words.
“We still have time for a game of Scrabble before I have to leave, if you want?” I release my hold on her and stare down into her eyes, hoping that changing the subject will alleviate this emotional cloud I feel like I’m suffocating under.
“I have time to teach you a lesson or two,” she winks. “But don’t think this conversation is over,” she continues, brushing aside her tears before we leave to the game room and she hands me my ass.
A few hours later after a shower and change of clothes, I arrive at Tony’s, itching with nerves over this date with Misty—all the while Birdie’s words play back through my mind.
I’m ashamed of you…
Yeah, well truth is, I’m a little ashamed of me too right now—and Cooper. We may be grown men, but this is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. Not just because I’m putting myself in Misty’s line of fire, but because she’s oblivious to the real reason she’s here, which is fucked up for sure.
“So, Cash… I’m really glad we’re finally doing this,” Misty purrs at me from across the table, her cleavage about ready to spill out the top of her tube-top as her curly hair bounces with each of her movements. I swear, one wrong move and we’re going to have a Janet Jackson nipple-slip situation on our hands. And by the way those peaks are hard and drawing attention to themselves beneath the fabric of her shirt, I’d bet good money she’s not wearing a bra. I’m fighting the urge to stare down at them, but even a person with bad eyesight could see those things in their peripheral vision.
“Uh, yeah. So, how are things for you?” I ask, trying to be polite and chat, but internally I’m counting down the minutes until Cooper calls with a fake emergency to get me out of this. Murmurs of conversation filter around us and the clinking of glasses echo around the room. Tony’s Bar is the place to be on a Thursday night, a spot for the locals to unwind and converse with friends after a hard day’s work. Normally I would search the crowd for my next physical companion here on any given night, but tonight I’m fulfilling
the stakes of my bet with Cooper in a place full of witnesses. And Cooper and Clara may also be watching from across the room to make sure I don’t chicken out.
I know, I know… it’s my fault I’m in this predicament to begin with. And yes, it’s Cooper’s fault that I’m currently on this date. But even though he’s the dick that gave my number to Misty, he’s still my best friend. So we made the agreement that I had to last at least one hour with her and then he would rescue me before things went too far. From his carefully perched spy position across the bar in a booth with his fiancé Clara by his side, Cooper looks smugly at me over the rim of his beer as I mentally punch him in the face for putting me in this situation to begin with. Clara is grinning from ear to ear as well, clearly pleased with my uneasy state.
Of course, it’s not entirely his fault I’m here—it’s my loud mouth and cockiness that made me raise the stakes of the auction in the first place. And I swear, if Clara hadn’t freaked out at the prospect of Cooper dating someone else and hadn’t thrown down one-thousand dollars to claim him as her own, effectively making him surpass my final amount earned, I definitely would have won our bet and it would be his ass sitting across from the succubus known as Misty Chambers, not me.
“Oh, life is great! I love working at the school—can’t beat weekends and holidays off, am I right?” She licks her lips and leans over to reach for my hand. I fake like I have something in my eye so I can draw my hand away from hers before our skin touches and I contract a disease.
It’s just an hour, you can do this. Get this over with and then vow to never do something like this again.
“Yeah, I bet. I have to work most weekends and holidays though, so I don’t know what that’s like.”
“That sucks. But, you do get to wear that sexy uniform that makes my panties all wet.” She eye-fucks me across the table and my entire body shudders. Jesus, the woman has no filter or decency, does she? I mean, don’t get me wrong. A forward woman can be a turn on, if done correctly. But that’s a fine line to teeter on, and Misty has crossed the finish line and is going for lap two with her blatant intentions.
