That daily allotment of energy is the food of both the Archetypal Male and Archetypal Female. If our Archetypal energy is eaten by other things, then we have no resources to work with. It is Archetypal Man’s and Woman’s job to create and manage their own resources. To create and manage energy, both Archetypal Man and Archetypal Woman can intentionally establish a different practice with their attention. They can start playing a new game.
Conservation of Energy – A New Game
The game starts like this: Track where your attention is directing your energy during the day. How much energy are you giving to what and when? And especially, why? Before you try to change anything about what you are doing, it is counterintuitive but very important to watch first. Watch for a long time. Spend weeks, maybe even months, watching what you do with your energy. You have to watch what you are doing for so long that you get sick of it. The only thing strong enough to change habits of energy flow is deep authentic remorse about the results you presently create. When the pain of watching yourself waste away your energy gets strong enough, you will automatically change your habits without having to effort. If your habits of flowing energy have not changed, it is because you have not yet let the pain of awareness about what you are doing get intense enough.
When you contain and consciously direct how you are flowing your energy, more and more you start building new kinds of muscles. The new muscles allow you to direct and focus your attention and energy through new capacities. Imagine what resources you would accumulate if you were able to conserve most of your energy during the day. This does not mean that you lie in bed all day. Conserving your energy involves going about your day, paying attention to your attention in two specific ways:
1. Pay attention to avoid flowing energy any where unconsciously. That is, make your attention harder to get (except for your children or your partner).
2. Pay attention to flow only the exact amount of energy needed to accomplish what you want, not too much or too little.
Following these two practices gives you energy in reserve. But, be careful about managing your new reserves of energy. The present design of your Box can only tolerate a certain maximum level of energy reserves and has many conscious and unconscious ways to quickly blow off more energy than it can handle. By conserving energy, your Box will quickly be faced with more energy than it can process. “Quickly” in this case means within even a few hours of practice.
Conserving energy produces evolution by reflex. When your newly conserved energy has exceeded a certain limit, your Box’s self-regulation mechanisms destabilize, and your Box will have a tendency to automatically reorder itself into a more elegant and refined design – one that can flow and direct even more energy than before. On the way to this new, refined design, your Box will go through liquid states, so be forewarned: Be gentle with yourself. Having liquid states does not mean that anything is wrong, only that your Box is evolving to a new shape. Be careful to conserve energy also during the liquid states. Do not go bingeing on sweets or go emotionally cathartic while liquid. Be patient, do something with your hands like needlework or woodwork, read a good book, clean the house, watch a movie, meditate, go for a long walk, wait it out. In a few days you will get accustomed to the condition of having more energy in your system. Then, you can start exploring what new things are possible for you to create.
If you have conserved your energy, and you make it through the liquid states, and your Box reorders, then, when you consciously place your attention on something or someone, that thing (or one) receives the full dose of your energy. With practice, your attention energy can become quite strong. Conserving your energy and then consciously arranging to place your attention on your partner, for example, for an extended period of time, can cause some quite amazing results.
CHAPTER 9
A Short Course on Archetypal Man and Woman
Probably most of the men and women you have ever met demonstrated only ordinary human behaviors. Therefore, you could see what they saw, listen to what they heard, and understand what they thought. If you were lucky, perhaps you encountered a few people here and there who saw things very differently from you – perhaps a teacher who listened in an extraordinarily human way, or a boss who took responsibility from a perspective that seemed most unusual. Once or twice in your life you may have come face to face with Archetypal Man or Woman, someone who interacted with the world in ways you never dreamed of.
In other cultures or other times, encountering living, breathing, Archetypal role models was far more common. Not for us. We are disadvantaged by having a lack of Archetypal role models to imitate. In our society, people are able to gain decision-making authority without having to grow up. Such authority, however, is not enough to merit entry into Archetypal spaces.
The human body is hardwired with Archetypal structures ready to be initiated into action when we are about fifteen years old. It is only the beginning of our troubles that we have no guides, no role models to follow, and no map for the waking-up process. Initiation is further complicated by the fact that our nervous system was most optimal for transitioning into Archetypal awareness and responsibilities in our mid-teens, and most of us are significantly past our “Sell by:” date. Nevertheless, the Archetypal structures wait within us.
This chapter presents characteristic qualities of the Archetypal Masculine and Archetypal Feminine. If, at first, Archetypal characteristics seem difficult to understand, this merely indicates the size of the gap between human and Archetypal domains. Considerable experimenting may be needed before these ideas begin making sense in your everyday experience. In the meantime, frequent discussion of this chapter would be well worth the effort, especially with other men and / or women gathered for the purpose of strengthening relationship skills and building men’s and women’s culture.
SECTION 9-A
From Pain to Rocket Fuel
We can enter Archetypal Relationship domains only by continuously paying the entrance fee. The entrance fee is conscientious practice that builds the matrix upon which our being can expand into the Archetypal. In the process of paying the entrance fee, we are often required to consciously feel pain – not pain as suffering, but pain as one or more of the four feelings (felt distinctly, not mixed!). As we discussed in Section 5A, the redeeming value of pain comes through feeling our pain consciously. Feeling pain consciously changes it from pain into rocket fuel.
The pain you might feel while moving toward Archetypal Relationship could well come from realizing that you (as a man, for example) have been directing your energies toward subtly dominating, repressing and/or hating women. Maybe you did not realize that before. Your grandfather was doing it. Your father was doing it. Is it any surprise that you are doing it too?
Perhaps your pain comes from realizing that you (as a woman) long ago exchanged the possibility of true Love for seeking revenge against men because they built the patriarchy. With destruction as your goal, is there any question as to why nothing “relationally interesting” has worked out for you so far? Any doubts why you are living the same relationship life that your mother created for herself?
Perhaps you feel pain from realizing how you have ignored children, controlled children, or condemned your children’s exuberance and imagination, rather than holding a safe harbor for children so they can establish and step into their own world responsibly. You unconsciously did to children what was unconsciously done to you.
The invitation here is not to avoid realizations just because they are painful. Instead, seek to keep the intensity of each insight alive. Then, practice with an impeccability made necessary by the acute pain of your insights.
It is easy to let the Box perform its usual procedure of selectively erasing “negative” or “bad” experiences from your awareness. The Box wants to consider your painful insights as if they were a one-time phenomenon, like stubbing your toe, the pain fading quickly into nonexistence. Do not let your Box dilute or wash away what you worked so hard to prep
are yourself to receive. Learn to live with continuous disturbance, instead.
If you realize, for example, that you have been exhibiting the behavior of a pathological liar, and you see it clearly enough to sense the pain you have caused everyone who loves you, that painful clarity can take you to a new level of internal vigilance in self-honesty. Continuous pain about lying fuels an attention to truth-saying. If you ever, for a moment, forget the pain of realizing that you are in fact a pathological liar, then the behavior is unchecked and leaps back into action – full throttle. The pain of realization instills true remorse with its transformative power, and true remorse never fades, ever. It becomes part of your constitution, part of your overall perspective. True remorse builds the foundation you will stand on to encounter the next painful realization, the next conscious incompetence. Allowing realization-pain to fade away slides you back into ordinary human relationship behaviors quicker than you can say, “How could anyone be so stupid?”
When we imagine what it would be like trying to continuously remember painful realizations, it is nearly impossible for us not to equate this to guilt. But, being responsible is different from being guilty. We are far more familiar with being guilty. Beating ourselves up for being “bad” or “worthless” is not responsibility – it is guilt. There is a difference between remembering painful realizations as a reminding tool, and remembering painful realizations as a way of beating ourselves up. Useful pain does not come from judgment or criticism. Useful pain comes from responsible, clear seeing.
MAP OF GUILT vs. RESPONSIBILITY
No one is ever immune to the risk of sliding backward. You may even be sliding backward in those exact moments when you would swear that you are making specific efforts not to slide backward! The Box can be much slyer than we think. As Samuel Johnson, George Bernard Shaw, William James, Karl Marx, Lee Lozowick and Saint Bernard of Clairvaux, among others, have told us in one form or another, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
SECTION 9-B
Archetypal Man and Archetypal Woman: the Notes
In Archetypal domains we enter a new game between men and women. Since Archetypal domains function outside the reaches of the patriarchy, there is no longer motivation for competition or war between the sexes.
The new game starts with a new distinction: There are no problems between men and women because there are no longer men and women. There are Archetypal Men and there are Archetypal Women. Each has their own dominion, over which there is no contest.
But exactly what constitutes Archetypal Man? Archetypal Woman? And what clarifications establish relationships between them, such that there could be no problems? The following notes build a foundation for understanding the whys and wherefores of relationship between Archetypal Man and Archetypal Woman.
1. Archetypally, Men are Nothing
Not nothing as in worthlessness or emptiness, but Nothing as in the unknown, as in unlimited possibility. The central Nothingness of the Archetypal Masculine is why men’s egos are so thin and fragile. One questionable comment by a woman shatters ordinary man’s ego, and he frantically tries to reestablish his false self-esteem by flying back in a rage. That reaction is because Nothing is really there. The experience of being Nothing is terrifying for ordinary men who are not trained in how to powerfully use their Nothingness. Ordinary men hate being Nothing and neurotically try to be something. This is why men are attracted to anything that can give them an identity, like a wall full of university degrees, being publicized in the media for wild escapades, or trying to compete and be “the winner.” Men’s ordinary neurotic attempts to try to be something, anything, instead of relaxing powerfully into being Nothing, makes women furious. Being afraid of anything makes ordinary men angry. Men hide their fear of Nothingness with a cover of Box-defending anger, but underneath their anger is terror about being Nothing. If a man does not use his Nothingness wisely, then his Nothingness is used to serve unconscious purposes. The unconscious negative manifestation of the masculine is stupid aggression that destroys love. (Women, if you ever thought that men are stupid and aggressive, you were right.)
2. Archetypally, Women are Everything
This is why women notice every smudge of dirt, every bit of dust, every stain, every wrinkle, every task that is not done, and every little thing that is not working. The experience of seeing so much disharmony, so much disorder and so much work to do causes a deep and abiding rage in the Archetypal Feminine. This rage is like a volcano, immense enough to explode cities. The rage of the Archetypal Feminine is so big that it frightens ordinary women. Women are not trained in how to apply their rage, and how to use rage energy practically, so they cover their rage with fear – the fear of how much rage they hold and what might happen if it ever came out. Ordinary women get neurotic about being Everything when they try to choose (out of the Everything) one particular identity to be. Instead of being the richly abundant, diverse, totally connected Earth Mother, modern woman frantically flips through the catalog trying to find a singular identity for herself with the right matching outfit, the right hair style, and the right look. Ordinary woman’s neurotic indecision about the one particular thing “to be,” instead of relaxing into being Everything, makes men furious. On the surface ordinary women appear weak, fearful, delicate, and confused, but just underneath is searing clarity and a roaring furnace. If a woman does not use her Everythingness wisely, then her Everythingness is used to serve unconscious purposes. The unconscious negative manifestation of the feminine is evil. Evil uses the intimate knowledge and all-encompassing experience of the Everything to manipulate and destroy love.
MAP OF ORDINARY vs. ARCHETYPAL ENERGETIC RELATIONSHIP DIAGRAMS
These are energetic diagrams, not the usual symbolic diagrams.
3. No Solution to the Differences
Men and women, stupid and evil, the fly and the spider. Between the fly and the spider there is no contest. You have just discovered the reason for the patriarchy. We will never solve the differences between men and women. We are not supposed to. These differences are the most precious ingredients for consistently creating ecstasy.
4. The Need for Relationship Cultures
A practical challenge these days is for Archetypal Man and Woman to establish relationship cultures that are independent of the dominant Western patriarchal culture. Men in Archetypal Men’s culture would be encouraged to hold space for his extraordinary relationship and for his Archetypal Relationship. His ability to pay finer and more disciplined attention would feed his hungry senses in experiential reality; and his increased ability to be Nothing, and still create, would provide him with a livelihood outside of stifling hierarchies. Archetypal Woman would be encouraged to make use of her vast resources of perception and intuition to heal her competitive regard for other women, and build a Women’s culture that is rich and dynamic enough to be more interesting than a Macy’s catalog. (Think how solidly women’s unconsciously spent Archetypal Feminine resources support the patriarchy. Think how quickly patriarchal structures would crumble if they were suddenly unsupported by the time, energy and money of a majority of women. When women behave like unconscious predictable consumers is it any wonder they are milked like cows?)
By “double space-holding” (simultaneously “holding space” within the extraordinary and Archetypal domains), Man could sustain an Archetypal context even while living in ordinary Western culture with his extraordinary relationship. He would not have to retreat to some cave or monastery to do Archetypal Relationship experiments. Through relying on the coaching and support of his actively experimenting fellows, a man’s intimacy Edgework experiments could turn out to be more interesting than football, films and fast cars.
By reclaiming true sisterhood, women could rejuvenate their Archetypal abilities to heal, teach, and lead groups of people through steps in their own personal development. Her ministrations would reach beyond the defined borders of Western cultures, to connect with Archetypal Women in cultures arou
nd the world. The sharing would be reciprocal, and through sane and practical exchanges, Western culture would evolve toward sustainability.
“Double space-holding” as a Man, and embodying matriarchal realities as a Woman, would not happen by force, but as a result of clarity. (See map on page 294.) Clarity is a higher technology than making forceful boundaries – it uses less energy and creates more sustainable results. Through clearly observing what is really going on in Western culture (viewed from the Archetypal perspective), changes in behavior and relationship would result. The first step for both men and women is to observe our culture from the perspective of Archetypal Relationship, rather than looking at Archetypal Relationship from the ordinary perspective of our cultural distortions.
5. Looking into the Void
The Nothing at the center of Archetypal Man is the Archetypal Void, the great emptiness out of which Everything was created. The real use of Man’s Nothingness is for creating what has never been created before, for staying unhookable, for revealing clarity, and for holding a particular space as the framework out of which Archetypal Relationship can unfold. Archetypal Man is the space holder in relationship, just like a zero is a space holder in mathematics. The zero is the place in a number where presently there is nothing but could be anything. In particular, Archetypal Man is the space holder for Bright Principles, for stellated Archetypes, and for a dynamic and evolving relationship with the Archetypal Feminine.
6. Space Holding and Space Filling
Man sets and holds context like a wall defines the possibility of a garden. Woman fills the context held by Man with the Archetypal “Garden of Woman” – in the same way that flowers, fruits and vegetables, stones, waterfalls, fish, trees, pathways, gazebos and benches fill a biological garden. Man is the space holder. Woman is the space filler. Man fixes the leaking faucet, traps mice, kills cockroaches and spiders, keeps the neighbors in line, changes the light bulbs, manages the heater repair man, and keeps the car in good running order. Woman decorates the rooms, creates and maintains the elegance of the sanctuary, chooses the menu, arranges the flowers, heals the children, keeps the cupboards and refrigerator filled with abundance and health, manages the relationships among the helper team, invites the guests to dinner, and fills the space with a never-ending profusion of love and beauty and grace.
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