He looked up. “What kind of a thing?”
I didn’t want to say it was the Sunshine Club and ruin our delicate peace.
“A dentist appointment,” I said. “Maybe Thursday?”
“Yeah,” he said. “That should be fine.”
“How was your party?” I asked, eager to change the subject.
“Oh my God,” he said, reflexively reaching up and covering his ears. “Shrill. Those girls are nice, but when they get excited, they do this screaming thing.”
“I’m sorry I missed it,” I said, leaning my head on his shoulder.
He laughed. “I’ll bet you are.”
And I knew we were good again.
For the rest of the day, I was so overwhelmed with relief that I couldn’t even get upset about my greasy face or my disproportionate feet or the scaly skin on the back of my hands. I sat next to Carter at lunch and focused on how good it felt to be forgiven, and how great he was for caring about me despite all of my very obvious shortcomings.
Kasey stood in my doorway, a strange look on her face. “Want to do some research?”
I sighed and sat up. “What hopeless cause are we Googling today?”
She didn’t answer. And instead of turning down the hall to our parents’ room, she went back to hers. I followed her.
“Kasey?” I asked. “What are you doing? Did you bring Mom’s computer in here?”
Kasey sat on the floor. “No,” she said. “We’re not using the computer.”
She reached under the dust ruffle and pulled out a Ouija board.
“We’re asking Elspeth.”
“What?” I asked. “No way! Where did you even get that thing?”
“Lexi, she knew about the libris exanimus. She might know more. She tried to warn us—she wants to help.”
“But she could be lying, for all we know!”
“We’re just looking for information,” Kasey said. “We don’t have to do what she says.” She pointed to a spot on the carpet. “Sit.”
Despite my reservations, the idea of maybe getting some real answers was tempting. So I sat and let my fingers rest on the planchette next to Kasey’s.
She looked at me. “What do we say? I’ve never done this before.”
I leaned over. “Um…hello? We’re looking for Elspeth?” I looked up at Kasey, who shrugged. “It’s Alexis and Kasey Warren from Surrey, California?”
Kasey sighed. “Somehow I don’t think that’s going to work.”
“Maybe there are multiple Elspeths,” I said. “Maybe one lives in Lydia’s board and one lives in this one.”
Kasey shook her head. “Don’t make jokes.”
My fingers lurched.
Kasey and I looked at each other as the pointer began to move across the board.
“For the record, I really don’t like doing this,” I said. “And I don’t like you doing it. I think we should find another way.”
“Stay,” Kasey said, her voice shaking.
“What?”
“That’s what she just spelled—stay.”
My stomach churned. We already had one supernatural problem. Wouldn’t inviting Elspeth back potentially make things twice as bad?
We still had two options: stay, or leave. I was leaning heavily toward leave, but Kasey swallowed hard and charged ahead.
“Elspeth, we need your help,” she said. “Can you tell us about Aralt?”
For a long, tense minute, there was no response.
This is useless.
But then the pointer began to move. We awkwardly tried to keep our fingers steady.
Utterly pointless. A waste of time.
I looked up at Kasey, her eyes wide and afraid, stretching her upper body to allow the planchette to travel across the board.
What kind of fool would think you could solve a ghost problem with another ghost?
T-R-Y
The movement was agonizingly slow, like watching a little old lady cross the street on the “Don’t Walk” signal. My frustration grew until I was on the verge of pulling my fingers away and telling Kasey I was done.
Without warning, the pointer jerked out from under our hands.
It moved fine—better, actually—without our help. I huddled close to my sister, gripping her elbow.
A-G-A-N
“Try what again?” I said, slumping back. I didn’t want to try again. I wanted to stop this, opening doors we didn’t know how to shut. Inviting trouble for ourselves.
She could be dangerous. We have no reason to trust her.
N-O-J-U-S-T-T-E-A-S-I-N-G
“See?” I said aloud, even though I hadn’t actually voiced any of my doubts.
“No, just teasing,” Kasey read. She sat back on her heels. “So…don’t try again?”
“Wow, Elspeth, how incredibly helpful,” I said, patting the pointer as if it were a dog.
Kasey slapped my hand. “Be nice!”
“I don’t want to be nice,” I said, feeling my face begin to flush. “She’s messing with us, Kasey!”
“I’m sure she can explain,” Kasey said, shifting her body slightly away from me. “Elspeth, please tell us something so we’ll know you’re on our side.”
“Like she couldn’t just lie,” I sniffed, crossing my arms and turning away.
But as she began spelling again, I turned back.
A-B-A-N
Staring down at it, I realized that I was holding my breath, bracing for some sort of impact. And then, before I could stop myself, all of that energy focused into a little bomb of anger, and I brought my fist down on top of the pointer.
Kasey gasped. “Why’d you do that, Lexi?”
Her eyes were wide, wary.
“I don’t know,” I said. Another flush was spreading through my cheeks, but this one was embarrassment. Avoiding my sister’s eyes, I focused on collecting dust bunnies from the edge of her bed skirt. “I guess I’m tired of being yanked around.”
“She wasn’t yanking us around—she was giving us answers! To questions we asked! And now she’s gone.”
Kasey flopped sideways onto the carpet. I turned away, just in time to hear her inhale sharply. “Lexi, what’s going on with the board?”
I looked down at it. Seeping out of its seams, almost like an oozing wound, was a thick black goo, chalky and opaque.
“What is that?” Kasey asked. She started to reach her hand toward it, but I grabbed her arm.
“I don’t know,” I said. “But don’t touch it.”
As the black stuff reached the edge of the planchette, the little wooden piece gave a startled jolt and tried to move away. It struggled to get across the board, but with a sizzling sound, the substance bubbled up and covered it completely. It was like one of those nature shows where the crocodile grabs a zebra at the watering hole. Kasey and I watched breathlessly as all of the blackness on the board converged on the big blob in the center. It pulsed lightly, like it was breathing, and then made another furious bubbling sound and evaporated, revealing the undamaged pointer.
Kasey reached down and touched it timidly. “Elspeth?”
She tried a few more times, but Elspeth was gone.
“What was that?” Kasey asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. But there was something familiar about it. The way it absorbed light absolutely, without any luminance of its own. The creature in Lakewood had been that same kind of shadowy black. I almost said something, but Kasey spoke first.
“I hope she’s okay.” Kasey stared down at the lifeless planchette. “That kind of looked like it hurt.”
I was relieved when she began to box up the Ouija board.
Elspeth wasn’t helpful, anyway—another gut feeling.
“I’m not sure if it’s worth it, to be honest,” I said. “She was just joking around! She even said so. And we don’t want to know what happens if more of that black stuff shows up.”
Kasey shook her head slowly. “No,” she said. “I guess not.” She carried the box to her closet
and buried it under a pile of clutter.
My childish anger had melted away, leaving me feeling slightly guilty. “Anything else you want to try?”
She shook her head and looked up from behind her hair. “I think I’m done for the day.”
My heart began to flutter in my chest. “That’s too bad,” I said.
But it was a lie.
Because something inside of me was glad.
THE NEXT MORNING, I sat down next to Carter. Was it just me, or did he seem distant? Distracted?
“Carter,” I said, just wanting his attention. When he looked straight at me, I regretted it, imagining how grotesque I must look—my wide, shiny face washed out in the sunlight, revealing my yellow teeth with every word I spoke.
“Did you floss this morning?” he asked.
I reared away—was he trying to hint at something?
“I’ll be right back,” I said, hurrying toward the girls’ restroom.
I leaned in to inspect my teeth in the hazy mirror. They were the color of old mayonnaise, and thanks to my wisdom teeth starting to grow, the bottom ones were crowding in toward one another like a mob of miscreants—but there was nothing actually stuck between them.
Then I recalled my fictional dentist appointment. I sighed, blotted my skin with a paper towel, and went back outside.
Carter was talking to a girl.
As I got closer, I recognized Zoe. At the party I’d found her dull, but now she struck me as beguilingly wholesome. Her pale blond hair reached almost all the way down her back, glowing in the sunlight like corn silk. Her skin was peachy and fresh, and her features were elfin. I felt like an elephant trundling across the courtyard toward them.
Carter held his hand out to me when I got close. But I didn’t take it. Instead, I stuck my hands in the pockets of my skirt to hide my ragged fingernails and sat down.
“You guys haven’t officially met, have you?” Carter asked. “Alexis, this is Zoe…Zoe, my girlfriend…Alexis.”
“Hi, Alexis,” Zoe said, smiling like a skin-cream model.
Zoe, my girlfriend was all I heard. Why would you ever want Alexis, my girlfriend if you could have this beaming, healthy young thing?
I felt something rise in my chest as humiliated tears pricked at my tear ducts. I wiped them away and stared at the sky, trying not to hear the happy lilt of Carter and Zoe’s conversation.
“I have to go,” I said, standing abruptly. In answer to Carter’s questioning look, I added, “—talk to my sister.”
“Okay,” Zoe said. “Nice to meet you!”
Even her voice was sweet and springlike. I wanted to knock her down.
“Hey, Lex, you’ve got a spot,” Carter said, grabbing my shirt to hold me still. I looked down to find a dark gray smear on the side of my jeans.
“Oh, no! You should probably try to wash that off,” Zoe said, clucking with fake concern.
“It won’t come off,” I said, pulling my shirt out of Carter’s reach. “See you later.”
Now I had a giant sloppy stain on my pants, which was reason enough to flee. But more than that, I wanted to get away, hide my hideous self from Carter before he had the chance to realize the enormous mistake he’d made when he decided to be my boyfriend.
I got up early the next morning and spent an extra twenty minutes picking out a cute skirt and white shirt, wrestling with my hair, and slathering on makeup. I pictured Carter’s face lighting up when I found him, enchanted, enthralled, captivated—all the Disney princess words.
But he hardly even looked up from his book.
“No cavities?” Carter asked.
This time, I remembered the lie. “Nope,” I said, sitting down, trying to spread my skirt out beneath my legs so the grit of the wall didn’t touch my skin.
“Are you all right?” he asked. “You seem…”
“I’m fine,” I said, sucking in my stomach.
“Looking forward to dinner tonight?” he asked.
“Oh,” I said. “Yeah.” Another chance to gain a pound or two. Just what I needed.
“Hey, do you mind if I pick you up at seven instead of eight?” he asked. “I kind of need to get home early so I can finish my speech.”
Right. Student government speeches were tomorrow. That meant an assembly in the auditorium, bright lights, me in the front row. Everybody looking at me.
I shook my head. “Not at all,” I said.
Finally, he lowered the book and turned to me. “Lex, what’s wrong? All week you’ve been kind of out of it. Is your sister doing all right?”
I told myself to focus and gave him as much of a smile as I could muster. “Kasey’s good. I’m good too.”
“Okay,” he said. “I’ve just been worried.”
Worried how? I wanted to ask. Worried that when the school sees the drab chubster you’re dating, it will make them question your judgment and cost you the election?
Miss Nagesh noticed my efforts, at least. She gave me the once-over and said, “Ooh la la! Check out Miss Fancypants!”
She was cataloguing a new shipment of audiovisual equipment, and I was starting the 400s—Languages. Eager to do something that would take my mind off Carter, I lost myself in the work.
“We’re going to have to clean off some shelves in the equipment room,” Miss Nagesh said, interrupting me.
I glanced up to see her holding an ancient film canister.
“I hate to lose these cheesy old filmstrips, but they take up so much room,” she said. “Oh, well. How are you?”
“I’m up to…” I looked down and blinked.
“What?” she said.
“The five-forties,” I said.
She gave me a confused smile. “No, you just started the four hundreds.”
“I know,” I said. “But I…”
She knelt and looked at the shelves. “Wow,” she said at last. “Okay, well. Great.”
I stared at the hundreds of books I’d reshelved.
“Maybe you should wear your fancypants more often,” Miss Nagesh said, carrying the film can away.
When she was gone, I started back at the beginning of the section and skimmed every single number on every single book.
They were perfect.
* * *
The Sunshine Club called a special meeting that day. I tried to tuck myself into a far corner so no one would notice me. I was hyperaware of how much less polished I looked than the other girls, and a sense of certainty grew inside me that someone was going to know I was a fraud and call me on it. No way could a real member be so awkward and ugly.
Part of me was convinced that the whole reason for the meeting was to expose my lies.
What would they do to me when the truth came out?
I held my breath during Betterment, petrified that someone would bring up my lack of sunniness. My hands went cold when Lydia stood up and her eyes brushed over mine.
“Being part of this club involves a commitment,” she said. “Not just to come to the meetings and try hard to be your best, but to accept the gifts that Aralt wants to give you.”
Like they needed gifts. Every time I looked at another Sunshine Club member, I was reminded again. They all seemed to get prettier every day, while I felt uglier and more like a reject. It was completely unfair that Aralt would keep showering them with beauty and poise while I was left out.
And all because I’d gamed the system by swearing with the wrong hand.
We were up to twelve girls, and I would have sworn there were twenty-two eyes on me as Lydia spoke. I waited to hear my name. To hear an accusation that I was a faker, an imposter.
But then Lydia smiled. “I just wanted to remind everyone. Remember, Aralt loves you—not just for who you are, but for who you can be.”
And that was it. That was the whole meeting. No one outed me, no one even seemed suspicious.
They still don’t know, I thought.
I ducked away as quickly as possible. I was outside waiting by Megan’s car when she and Ka
sey came out.
“What’s wrong, Alexis?” Megan asked.
“I have to get home,” I said. My voice was brittle. “I have dinner with Carter tonight.”
At home I locked my bedroom door and threw my closet open, searching for something that might look okay. I found a simple black dress and put it on, then slipped on a pair of black shoes and went to the bathroom to do my hair. I brushed my hair back into a high ponytail and put on red lipstick and mascara.
Then I inspected myself.
Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. On so many levels I couldn’t even explain it. The boxy shoes made my legs look stumpy. The sleeves of the dress stopped on the fattest point of my arms, and the high neckline made me look about eighty. Plus my severe pink hair and red lips made me look like a decommissioned Russian spy robot from the 1980s.
I stared at the mirror, wondering what Carter would say if he saw me.…
What the Sunshine Club would say.
He deserves better than this.
And I thought of the way everyone else managed to look like they were right out of the pages of one of the fashion magazines that were passed around the lunch table every day.
The clock said it was five. Two hours—was that enough time?
What difference did it make? I had no choice. Worst-case scenario was staring at me in the mirror.
I called Lydia.
Forty-five minutes later, I sat on the edge of the tub while she massaged dye into my scalp. While it processed, she read a magazine, and I tried to focus on the book I was supposed to be reading for English.
Finally, the timer dinged and Lydia rinsed the dye out. I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was still shiny and puffy, my eyes were too close together, and I saw with alarming clarity the bushiness of my eyebrows.
But my hair, which just an hour earlier had looked like a Brillo pad on a bad day, was a relief. It was soaking wet, but it was dark and healthy looking. Pink hair had been part of my identity for years, but already I knew I wasn’t going to miss it.
“Ready for a cut?” Lydia asked, smiling. She wore a crisp black apron over her white button-down shirt and pleated red skirt. With her hair turned under, she looked like a retro housewife. In a million years, I’d never try to handle hair dye in a white shirt, but she didn’t get so much as a droplet on herself. She picked up a pair of wicked-looking scissors. “I was thinking longish layers that end around your shoulders.”
From Bad to Cursed Page 12
