by Nikki Ash
I drop my fork with a clatter. “Your suspicions?” I ask, irritated to no end.
“If he’s my son or not.”
I close my eyes and count to five. When I open then, they lock on the hazel ones across the table. “I’ve already told you he is,” I whisper, pain lacerating my heart all over again.
When I found out I was pregnant, I knew whose baby it was. There was only one possibility. I couldn’t ask my brother for his best friend’s phone number without throwing up every red flag known to man, so I sought him out on social media. No, not the best place to contact someone, but I was desperate. It’s not like I was gonna drop the baby bomb on Facebook, but I was at least looking for a way to contact him.
He told me to get lost.
It’s like my words register suddenly, and he becomes a little pale. “When? When did you tell me?” he asks. It’s not anger in his voice, but more confusion than anything.
“After I found out, Tate. I looked you up on social media. You told me it wasn’t yours and to go away or you’d involve your lawyers,” I state, recalling all those horrible feelings when I read his final message.
Tate suddenly stands up, the chair flying backward and falling with a crash. I sit, shocked, as he paces the kitchen floor and lets out a frustrated growl. His hands are in his hair, a sure sign of aggravation. “That wasn’t me.” His eyes are closed and his head hangs.
“What?”
He picks up the chair and settles back down, this time, directly beside me. “That wasn’t me, Ash. I don’t manage my social media. I have my PR team do it for me.”
Realization sets in. Could it be true? Was the person responding to me from Tate’s account really not him? I guess it would make sense as to why he was so cold. That or he’s an exceptional liar, and he’s covering his ass right now.
Tate reaches for my hand. I didn’t even realize mine was shaking until he holds it in his much bigger, warmer one. “Start at the beginning, Ash. Please.”
I tell him about moving to St. Louis and peeing on the stick. “I waited until after my first appointment before I reached out to you. You never replied to that message. After a few weeks, I tried again. This time, you responded, but with a simple denial. I reached out again, asking to meet with you face-to-face, but your response was a legal notification. You were going to sue me for defamation of character if I went public with my claim. You even offered me money to go away.”
I’m not sure when the tear fell, but I knew the moment it was caught. The rough pad of Tate’s thumb swipes across my cheek before threading into my hair. “I’m sorry, Ash. So fucking sorry,” he mumbles, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against mine. “I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t take the money. I didn’t want it. I could have pursued child support after proving paternity, but if you didn’t want your son, I wanted no part of you either.”
Our eyes meet again. “So you did it all yourself. Alone.”
I shrug. “It hasn’t been so bad. Sure, I get a little tired sometimes, but he’s worth it,” I reply with a smile on my lips.
Tate grins in return. “He is. I just wish I would have been here for you. I can’t believe Todd didn’t tell me.”
“I guess I should have tried harder to contact you, but I assumed it was you I was speaking to. I’m sorry.”
He’s already shaking his head. “No, please don’t apologize.”
“I should have just told my brother and gotten your number through him. I was prepared to do it after my first message didn’t get answered, but then you replied, and I thought you wanted nothing to do with us.”
He closes his eyes again. “Your brother would have killed me if he found out. Shit, it’s probably still going to happen.”
“I’m an adult,” I state, and even though I know my twin wouldn’t actually kill someone, this doesn’t bode well for their friendship.
“He’s always had a rule, and I broke it.”
“I was a rule?”
“More like a guideline. Don’t mess with you, plain and simple.”
My breathing becomes thicker as I recall that night at my brother’s place almost ten months ago. “But you did.”
His eyes darken. They remind me of that night, so full of desire and lust. “Yeah, I did. Turns out, it was a pretty damn good decision.”
I feel the blush heat my cheeks and glance down at my now-cold chicken. “So, where do we go from here?” I whisper.
Tate pushes my plate toward me. “Now, you eat, Sweetness. The rest, we’ll figure out as we go. But one thing is certain, Ash. You’re not alone anymore.”
Chapter Seven
Tate
“You have to move quickly. That little thing is like a firehose, waiting to spray.”
I turn and lock eyes with Ashtyn. Her words don’t exactly boost my confidence here. It’s my very first diaper change, and now I have to move quickly or risk getting peed on? I glance down at Rowan, who’s staring up at us with wide, hazel eyes. “Go easy on me, Champ. This is my first time.” Rowan doesn’t seem impressed with my pleas for leniency.
“Just have the fresh diaper ready. This one won’t be too bad. It’s only urine, but that little thing will go off with no notice.”
I halt, my hands poised on the little sticky tabs, and glance her way. “Stop calling it a little thing. He has my genes. No way is it little.” Then I throw her a panty-melting grin that causes a blush to creep up her neck and spread across her face. One hundred bucks says her chest is just as pink as the rest of her.
Ashtyn tries to brush off my cock reference, ignoring it completely. “Anyway, I’m just warning you. Be quick.”
I make sure the clean diaper and wipes are even closer and slowly pull the tabs. Little legs and arms move, which makes it harder yet, especially since the moment I pull down the soiled diaper, a water fountain of piss shoots out. “Shit!” I holler, replacing the diaper to stop the flow.
“I told you,” Ashtyn says through her laughter. “The good news is, he’s already peed. So you have a little more time to get him cleaned up and the new one in place now.”
“Swell,” I mumble, returning my focus on the task at hand. I use the wipes and clean his body. “See what I mean? My son,” I state, pointing down.
I’m smacked on the shoulder and laugh when she shakes her hand. “Ouch.”
“That’s what you get for hitting me,” I tell her, as I start to maneuver the clean diaper around his body.
“You’re impossible.”
“You might be right, but look what I did,” I state proudly, pointing down to the fresh diaper.
Ashtyn snickers, closing the dirty diaper and throwing it at me. “The quarterback has quick hands.”
“What if I would have dropped it? It could have hit Row.”
She gives me a sassy look. “I was pretty sure you weren’t going to let it hit the ground.”
“Hell no, I wasn’t. I always make my play,” I reply, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively and making her laugh.
After tossing the dirty diaper in the bin thingy, I scoop up Rowan, inhaling his skin as I bring him to my chest. What is it about babies that makes them smell so good? I’ve always preferred Chanel or the sweet scent of a naked woman, but I admit, this little guy is quickly becoming a favorite too. Weird. Before today I wouldn’t be caught dead sniffing a baby’s head.
“He seems pretty content if you want to hold him for a few minutes before he eats,” she suggests, just as we hear the front door open and close. A few seconds later, Alex comes around the corner, still wearing a navy blue suit and a wide smile.
“Hey,” he says, his eyes softening as he takes in his nephew. When he looks back up at me, there’s a hint of a question in those brown orbs. “You’re still here?”
“Where else would I be? I said I’d stay,” I reply, bouncing from side to side like I’ve seen Ashtyn do.
Alex shrugs, removing his suit jacket. “I just figured you’d have plans tonight. I’m sure th
is isn’t your usual Saturday night.”
He wouldn’t be wrong. Nothing about tonight is my norm, except enjoying the company of a beautiful woman.
“So how did it go?” Ashtyn asks, excitement laced in her question.
Alex instantly grins. “I got the job. They want me to start ASAP. Like tomorrow.”
“Holy shit, that’s awesome!” I congratulate my friend. His news means he’s going to be moving here, closer to his sister and nephew. And me.
Ashtyn throws her arms around his waist and hugs him tight. “What does this mean? You still work in South Bend.”
Alex sighs. “I’m meeting with my boss tomorrow morning at eight. I was honest with him when I told him I was coming here. He knows I want to be closer to my family. It just sucks I can’t give him any real notice.”
“So you’re quitting tomorrow morning? Wow,” she says.
“Yeah, formally. As I said, he knows. I just refuse to actually do it over the phone or an email. They’ve been too good to me there to not give them the courtesy of quitting face-to-face.”
“That means you’re leaving tonight, if you’re meeting tomorrow morning,” I realize.
“Yeah, my plane leaves in two hours. I have to run back to the hotel and grab my stuff. They’re putting me in an executive apartment for up to six months, so I’ll have time to find my own place. There’s just so much to do, you know? I have to arrange a packing company, move, and be here Monday morning,” he says, shaking his head as if the thought is already stressing him out.
“I’ll help,” Ashtyn says, hugging him again. “I’m just so happy for you.”
He squeezes her tight and smiles. “Thanks, Ash. Listen, I know I’m supposed to be here another day, but I have to go. I’ll be back Monday though, okay? Maybe we can do dinner? I’ll bring something over.”
She waves him off. “It can wait a few days. You’ll need to get settled,” she insists, but her brother is already disagreeing.
“Nope. Monday night. I’ll bring pizza.” With another quick hug to his sister, Alex turns to me. He meets my eyes first before they drop to his nephew. Those all-knowing brown eyes seem to linger on the baby before he steps forward and kisses the top of his head. “Are you heading out too?”
Shit. As much as I’d rather stay, it would be very suspicious if I insisted on hanging back and leaving after him. “Yeah, that’s probably best.”
As I carefully hand Rowan over to Ashtyn, something in my chest tugs hard. Suddenly, I don’t want to leave Ash or the baby.
My son.
I run my hand through my hair in agitation as we make our way to the front door. “Thank you for hanging out with me tonight for a bit. It was nice to have company,” Ashtyn says politely.
Fuck that polite. I want to pull her into my arms and kiss the air out of her lungs. I want to watch as her body sways my way as if an invisible string were pulling her to me. I want to feel her soft skin under my hand and against my body. “You’re welcome. I’ll get your number from Alex and send you mine. He mentioned sharing it, in case you need to get a hold of me.”
Her eyes widen. “Oh, uh…”
“I know you’re moving here, but probably still a good idea, right?” I ask my friend.
“Yeah, definitely. I’ll give it to him,” Alex says, kissing his sister’s cheek one last time before we exit the house.
I turn around and give her a look as if to say I’ll call you later. Ashtyn averts her eyes, but I know she saw me. We still have a ton of shit to discuss, probably sooner rather than later.
I can’t sleep. I’ve lain in bed for the better part of an hour and am nowhere near close enough to falling asleep. Usually, when this happens, I either workout in my home gym or call a friend. And by friend, I mean someone who’ll help work me out in the bedroom.
That thought nauseates me. There’s only one woman I want to work out with in bed.
After I got the number I was hoping for and said goodbye to Alex outside of Ashtyn’s place, he took off for his hotel and then the airport. He sent me a message a few minutes ago, just to let me know he landed. Ever since, I’ve stared at his sister’s contact information in my phone, contemplating on whether or not it’s a good idea to reach out. I’ve convinced myself it’s late, she needs her sleep and I don’t want to wake Rowan.
But here I am, retyping a message for the fourteenth time that doesn’t make me sound too desperate or too clingy.
Me: I know we have a lot still to discuss, but I hope you know I’m not going anywhere.
I’m surprised when the bubbles appear a few seconds later.
Ashtyn: Thank you
Me: Why are you up? Is everything okay?
I glance at the alarm clock and see it’s after midnight.
Ashtyn: Yeah, all is good. Rowan was hungry.
I instantly smile at seeing his name on the screen. I smile even more when a photo comes through a few seconds later. He’s cradled in the crook of her arm, his mouth hanging open as he saws logs.
Ashtyn: He just burped, and we’re getting ready to go back to bed.
I run my hand through my hair, wishing I were there. Fuck, I hate being here. Ever since I got home, I’ve felt like the walls have started to close in on me. Usually, silence is sweet, but tonight, it’s suffocating.
Me: I can let you go.
She doesn’t reply right away, and I wonder if she’s already in bed. In a way, I hope she is. I hope she laid down and fell asleep right away, so she can get as much rest as possible before his next feeding and diaper change. I just set my phone down, when it pings with a text.
Ashtyn: What are you still doing up?
Me: Can’t sleep. Wish I was there.
Ashtyn: There’s nothing you can do here.
Me: I can help, Sweetness. That’s better than pacing the floors here, wishing I were at your place. I should have never left.
Frustration fills my soul once more as I think about leaving them alone. There’s no doubt in my mind Ashtyn can handle it, but she shouldn’t have to, dammit. I should be there, do whatever needs to be done, whether it’s a midnight diaper change or running a load of laundry. Admittedly, I’d probably need a refresher on the whole laundry bit, since mine is done by my housekeeper, but I’m a quick learner. I’ll figure it out.
Ashtyn: It’s late.
Me: I know.
I take a deep breath and let it out.
Me: Can I come over? I’ll sleep on the couch or the floor, but I can’t stay here, Ash. I feel helpless and I fucking hate it.
She doesn’t respond right away, which starts to worry me. Maybe I stepped over some invisible line and am pushing too hard. I’m about to apologize when her reply comes through.
Ashtyn: Okay
That’s it.
Okay.
One simple word that feels equivalent to winning the fucking lottery.
I’m already up and moving. I grab a duffel bag from my closet and throw in some clean shorts, tees, and boxers. I add my travel shaving bag, only because I know it’ll have everything else I need, and grab my phone charger.
Me: I’ll be there in thirty minutes.
Ashtyn: There’s a code on the front door. It’s 030422
Me: Get some sleep. I won’t bother you when I get there.
Before I shove my phone in my pocket, I add:
Me: Thank you, Ash. For including me and allowing me into your home like this.
Ashtyn: I never wanted to exclude you, Tate. I’ve always wanted you to be a part of his life.
“And I am,” I say aloud, slipping my phone into the pocket of my shorts.
Because as long as I live, I’m going to be the father that boy deserves. I may not have pictured my life going this way, but fuck am I glad it did. That night changed my life, in more ways than one. It opened my eyes to the beauty of one woman and connected me with her forever.
I drive a little too fast as I head over to her house. It’s on the other side of St. Louis, in an older neighborho
od filled with ranch-style homes, elementary schools, and churches. It wouldn’t be my first choice to live, but it’d be at the top of my list for my son. Maybe not these older, smaller places, but one of the big ones with a huge yard. Plenty of room to throw a ball back and forth and maybe add a pool.
Slowing my car, I notice a single light on in her house. I pull my sports car into her driveway, all the way up to the small garage. My red Lamborghini Aventador stands out like a neon sign most places, but in suburbia, it’s worse. Thankfully, she has a thick row of hedges between her place and her neighbor’s, so it’s a little easier to hide the car. Though, all you’d have to do is simply look up the driveway to see it, and considering there are only three in this part of the country, it’s not very inconspicuous.
I should have brought the BMW SUV.
Mental note to switch vehicles tomorrow…
With my bag in hand, I lock the car and set the alarm before heading to her front door. I enter the code and quietly slip inside, making sure the door is locked behind me. There’s not a sound anywhere, and I hope that means Ashtyn fell back asleep.
I drop my bag on the chair, kick off my shoes, and slip down the hall. I know Rowan’s room will be empty since he’s sleeping in one of those bassinet things beside Ash’s bed. The door is wide open, so I go ahead and peek inside. What I wasn’t expecting was a sight that will forever be ingrained in my memory. The most beautiful picture I’ve ever seen.
Ashtyn is sleeping on her side with Rowan beside her. He’s swaddled in a blanket, his arms extended over his head. Her right hand is resting on his legs as if she needs constant contact with him. Her hair is wild on her pillow, which only adds to her beauty.
I retrieve my phone and turn on the camera app. I take two photos of mother and baby sleeping soundly before I retreat from the room. I’m guessing he woke up again after she fed him, and so she moved him to her bed, probably only meant for a few minutes, but then she fell asleep. I’m not sure if I should wake her, but my gut says to let them be.
