by Nikki Ash
“I hope you’re right.”
The doorbell chimes and a wave of nausea assails me. I rub a hand over my stomach. If anyone had told me two days ago that I’d be standing here, I’d have thought they were crazy. I hear Juliet pause on the other side of the door. Her shoes clicking on the floor give her away. When I hear the knob turn, I’m tempted to retreat, but I force myself to inhale and exhale slowly.
Tugging open the door, Juliet smiles and I force a matching one on my face. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she repeats, looking as uncomfortable as I am.
“Come on in.” Stepping inside, my eyes make a quick scan of the foyer while she closes the door. “Emmett is in the living room. I wanted to talk for a minute before the two of you meet.”
“Does he know who I am?”
“Not yet. I told him an old friend of mine was coming to visit,” she explains.
“How long do you plan to wait until you share that I’m really his father?” I can hear the tension in my voice, even though I’m trying my hardest to remain calm.
“I don’t have a particular amount of time in mind. I thought we could see how it goes and decide when it’s right. I thought you might like to be here when I do have the talk with him.”
“I would, thank you.”
“Are you ready?” she asks.
I give her the first genuine smile in four years. “Hell yeah.”
She angles her head toward the living room and then walks with me. The sound of Emmett giggling greets us, and I chuckle.
“Emmett, I want you to meet a very special friend of mine.” He turns, looking away from the TV, and I gasp when I get a clear glance at him. He rises from the couch and hurries our way.
“He looks like me,” I whisper. Overcome with emotion, my voice cracks.
“He does,” she agrees. “Aside from the lighter hair he got from me, he’s a shrunken version of you.”
“Emmett, this is Emmett.”
“We have the same name,” he exclaims.
I nod, beaming. “We do. I’m so happy to meet you.” I bend down, extending the wrapped box in my hands. “I brought you a present.”
He takes it from me. “Thank you.”
“Nice manners, Emmett,” I tell him.
“Can I open it, Mommy?” His eyes sparkle with excitement.
“Sure.” Juliet glances at me. “You look just as excited as,” she pauses, “Emmett.” Was she going to say our son? It’s going to take some time for both of us to get used to my new role.
“Mommy, look.” Emmett holds up a box with a t-ball set. “Can we play now?”
“Why don’t we save it for tomorrow,” she suggests.
“Please, Mommy.”
“I need to finish making dinner.”
“I can play with him,” I offer. “If that’s okay.”
“Can he, Mommy?” Emmett bounces up and down. He’s so adorable, I bet it’s tough to refuse him. Besides, I’ve been deprived of enough time with my son. No matter how much of an adjustment this is for her, it’s harder for me.
“Go for it. I’ll be busy cooking dinner. I’ll let you know when it’s done.”
“Come on.” Emmett takes my hand like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and my heart climbs to my throat, forming a giant emotion-clogged lump. My fingers close around his tiny hand and I never want to let go. My vision blurs with tears and I quickly swipe them away, but I feel Juliet watching me.
“I’ve got a roast cooking in the oven and I baked chocolate chip cookies for you. Not that I expect cookies to fix anything, but they used to be your favorite…and when have homemade cookies ever hurt?”
Chapter Ten
Emmett
I can’t believe this little, perfect human is mine, that he’s part of me. His tiny hand wrapped in mine is the thing I was missing most and didn’t even realize. He points to the back door. “Open this.”
“Say, please open this,” I correct.
“Please open this.” He does as I instructed, and I grin.
“Good boy.” I’m so proud of him.
A beautiful blue-sky day, the weather couldn’t be better for us to be outside. I set up the blue base and add the red T. “Emmett, grab a ball.” He picks up two, bringing them to me. I set one on the base where there’s a space allocated specifically for that and place the other on the T. I hand the oversized bat to my son and position him the correct distance away. “Bend your knees and choke up on the bat.” He bends lower but doesn’t move his hands, and I realize he’s too young to know what I mean. I take his hands and move them up a little before assisting him through a slow-motion swing. He giggles when the bat connects with the ball and it falls to the ground. “Now, you try it without me.”
“Okay,” he shouts with eagerness. Getting into position, he swings the bat like we practiced, making contact with the ball and sending it off the T. It rolls about six feet before stopping. He jumps up and down. “I did it.”
I tousle his fair hair. “You sure did. Try again.”
He places a ball on the T twice and it falls to the ground before he gets it settled on the right place. His tongue sticking out of his mouth as he concentrates, he swings harder this time. The bat makes contact with the ball with a cracking sound, and this time it gets some air under it and lands about ten feet away. He spins to face me, wide eyes taking up a sizable portion of his tiny face. “It flew.”
I hold my hand up for a high five and he slaps his palm against mine. At least Juliet taught him the importance of high fiving. “That was awesome, little man. You’re going to be hitting the ball out of this yard before you know it.” He nods emphatically. “Do you want to keep practicing?” I ask.
“Yep. I want to hit it out of the yard.”
Like father, like son. He’s already competitive with himself, like I am. Sports are in my blood and I have a feeling he’ll be no different.
We spend the next hour “practicing” before we head inside to wash up for dinner. I’ve had a total of eighty minutes in my son’s company and I’m already head over heels in love with him. If anyone doubts love at first sight, all they need to do is look at their child for the first time to experience it. I’m a full believer now.
How could I not be?
I fell for Juliet the first time I saw her, but this is a different feeling. It’s my heart wrapped in warmth and radiating outward through every cell I’m made of. It’s happiness filling me from head to toe like the stuffing inside a teddy bear, leaving room for nothing else.
How can I ever be angry again?
All the disappointment I experienced last night when I first found out about Emmett is behind me. I should be upset with Juliet for her deceit, and though we still have so much to work out, it's taking the backseat to my love for our son. In a split second’s time, he became the most important person to me, and he always will be.
“You guys looked like you were having a great time,” Juliet tells me as I finish washing my hands at her kitchen sink.
I smile. “We did. He’s an amazing kid, Juliet. You’ve done a great job raising him.”
“That’s kind of you to say, especially under the circumstances. You should be resentful toward me.”
“While I’m not okay with how you’ve handled everything, I’m grateful he’s such a happy, well-adjusted child. That’s obviously because of you.”
“Can you stay for a bit after dinner? Once Emmett goes to sleep, we can talk some more. Maybe we can iron out some of the things that are up in the air right now.”
“Sure, I can do that.”
She smiles at me, and it’s like a punch to my gut. I’m eighteen all over again, wondering how I’m lucky enough to be standing in her kitchen. I’ve never been able to completely push her out of my mind, no matter how many miles were between us or how many years had passed. I always assumed it was because she was my first in a lot of ways—first blowjob, first older woman, first taboo relationship, and first woman to steal a piece of my he
art. They say you never get over your first love, so I chalked my lingering feelings up to that. But now I’m beginning to wonder if we were always meant to get to this point.
“Dinner was amazing. Thank you for going through all that effort,” I say, relaxing back against the cushion on her front porch swing.
“I’m glad you enjoyed everything.” She stretches her bare legs out in front of her like she’s on a high-flying swing. Of course my gaze skips right over to rake along the mile of golden flesh. Her legs are still fantastic.
“You still make the best chocolate chip cookies. My mom made me some last week and I’m not going to tell her this, but they couldn’t compare to yours.”
She laughs. “Your secret is safe with me. How are your parents?”
“They’re doing well. In the few months I’ve been back in the area, my mom can’t do enough for me. It’s like she realized she could’ve done more for me when I was younger and is trying to make up for it now.”
“That’s kind of sweet when you think about it,” Juliet replies.
“It is, but it’s unnecessary. I’m a grown man, and I don’t have regrets about my childhood. Could they have done more for me, spent more time with me? Yes. But they were busy working to provide everything I needed. And they made me capable of taking care of myself at a young age. Independence isn’t a bad thing.”
She turns sideways on the swing, her knee touching the side of my thigh. “Will you do things differently with Emmett?”
I meet her curious gaze. “I guess a lot of that will depend on you.”
“Why me?” she questions.
“I’m assuming you want this to be his primary residence.”
“I do.”
I take a quick glance around the surrounding neighbors’ front yards. Everything is well manicured and there isn’t a lot of traffic since this is a cul-de-sac. “This is a great neighborhood for him to grow up in.”
“That’s why I chose this house. The yard’s big enough to add a pool when he’s older and there are other kids his age nearby.”
“You made a great choice. Let me ask you, did you sell the other house because you didn’t want my parents to see that you were pregnant?”
“That was part of the reason. The other being that I couldn’t get you out of my mind and I didn’t want reminders around.”
I grin crookedly. “You have a permanent reminder for at least eighteen years. How’s that working out for you?”
She half shrugs. “I didn’t take that into consideration at the time,” she admits, and I chuckle.
“This is a nicer place to raise a child. The old neighborhood was all older families. He wouldn’t have any friends to play with.”
“That’s what I tell myself.” She smiles.
“I know it’s only been twenty-four hours, but have you given any more thought to how we’re going to tell him I’m his father?”
“Yeah, I didn’t sleep much last night.”
“Me either. It felt like the night before Christmas to me. So much anticipation I could barely restrain myself from coming over here as soon as I woke up this morning. If it hadn’t been for needing to go to work, I might have shown up on your doorstep.”
“I would’ve made you coffee and breakfast if you had.”
“Don’t tell me that or I might.”
“It’s all good. I have a feeling you’ll be spending a lot of time here.”
“It’s good that you’re preparing yourself, because you’re going to be sick of me soon.”
“I never asked you what you’re doing for work.”
“We had other things to talk about. I’m currently working as a producer for a sports network. In another month, I’ll have my own show on there.”
“You’ll talk about sports for the duration?”
“Yep. Every day, we’ll talk about what’s going on and people will call in to offer their opinions.”
“That sounds like every guy’s dream job, getting paid to talk about sports.”
“It wasn’t my original dream, but plans change. We adapt and make the most of what life doles out. I wanted to play football professionally, but if I hadn’t injured my knee, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. I wouldn’t know I had a son.”
She grimaces. “I’m so sorry, Emmett. There’s nothing adequate for me to say to excuse what I did. All I can say is I was in a bad headspace. I missed you, but I also knew I’d be judged for sleeping with you. I didn’t want to be the Mrs. Robinson of the neighborhood.”
“You didn’t mind when you were sucking my cock or riding me.”
“Ouch. You’re right, I didn’t.”
I shake my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’m sorry. That was a low blow.”
“No, it’s true. I loved everything we did together and I wasn’t ready for us to end.”
Christ. Four years too late she tells me, and my dick still gets hard. She’s always held this power over me. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as her. She’s the one who got away. Her eyes lower to my lap, noticing my problem. “Juliet, why did you insist we respect the four-day time limit? I didn’t go away to school for a few more weeks. We could’ve had more time together.”
Her eyes slowly climb to lock with mine. “I was in love with you.”
Chapter Eleven
Emmett
She was in love with me? How could I not know this?
I blow out a mouthful of air and confess, “I was in love with you too.”
“You were?” She sounds as surprised as I was. I guess the two of us need to work on communicating our feelings. We’re both clueless when it comes to love.
I nod. “Yes. I’m surprised you couldn’t tell. I figured I was someone you wanted to dip your toes back into the sex pool with. I never imagined you’d have real feelings for me.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” she asks. “We had fun together and shared secrets I’ve never told anyone else. You became my best friend. All of those things are a great foundation for a relationship.”
“You don’t need to sell me on it. You wouldn’t have needed to back then either. Had I known you were in love with me, I would’ve found a way to make us work out despite going to college.”
“But I don’t think we would’ve worked. I stand by my decision to let you go.” She’s being stubborn.
“Even though we’ve missed out on four years we can never have back?”
“Yes. There’s no guarantee that if we’d stayed together it would’ve panned out for us,” she justifies.
“You’re right. But it could’ve. We would’ve had a chance to be a couple instead of having no possibility at all.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?” She cringes, as if she didn’t want to ask me.
I slide my arm along the back of the swing behind her. “No. Do you have a boyfriend?”
She shakes her head from side to side. “Nope. I haven’t been with anyone since you.” Her words floor me. “Does this really come as a surprise?” she questions. I guess the shock must be clear on my face.
“It’s been over four years.”
“When do you think I’d squeeze in a date—between diaper changes and work?”
“I didn’t think about it that way. I was thinking more about four years as a whole. That’s a long time to go without sex.”
“Don’t worry, I know you weren’t lacking female companionship.”
I scratch my chin. “Yeah, I…uh, I can’t say I showed as much restraint as you. But I think you’d be surprised that I didn’t sleep with anyone until sophomore year.”
“Why not?” she prods.
“I was in love with you, and I wasn’t ready to give up hope that you might reach out to me. And I don’t mean with another painting. Although, I love your artwork.”
“Where’s the painting now?” she asks.
“It’s hanging on the wall in my apartment.”
She smiles. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”
“Hey, I kn
ew that sucker would be worth big money someday,” I tease.
“Ha, I don’t know about big money. I’m at the mediocre stage, but it beats the shit-money stage.”
“I think you’re being overly humble. I know what a big deal you are now. Only extremely talented artists get to show their work at Metropolis.”
“I’m not gonna lie, it was an incredible honor, but one of my friends is the manager there, so that helped.”
“How long have you guys been friends for?” I ask.
“Three years. Why?”
My hand on the back of the swing shifts forward, catching a strand of her hair between my fingers. “You just made my point for me. If you got the show because of him, wouldn’t it have happened much sooner?”
“Maybe.”
“Jesus, stop disagreeing with me. I’m not wrong. You’re just too stubborn to admit it. Like you were too stubborn to tell me about Emmett.”
The smile leaves her eyes, a somber expression replacing the lightness. “I’m not too stubborn to tell you I’m sorry. I hope you know how much I mean that.” She places her hand on my thigh, squeezing. “I don't know how I’ll ever make it up to you, but I’ll find a way or die trying.”
“You carried our son alone for nine months. I can’t imagine how scared and lonely you must’ve been.”
“I kept him from you all this time. How can you be so understanding? You should hate me.”
“Juliet, I could never hate you. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I had found out I was going to be a dad at eighteen years old. I like to think I would’ve handled it, but there’s no way to know that for certain. But I can tell you that at twenty-two I’m ready to be the best father I can be. I fell in love with our son the moment I set eyes on him.”
For the past week, I’ve been spending all my free time with Emmett and Juliet. Tonight’s the big night—we’re going to tell him I’m his dad. I’ve been anxious about it all day. What if he’s disappointed? Or even worse, he cries? I think my heart would split in two.
