by Lane Hart
“No, of course not.”
“That’s what I thought. Give her time and then annoy the shit out of her until she’s finally ready to admit that her husband wasn’t an angel.”
“But she’s leaving today.”
“Let her go,” Winston suggests, which is absolutely ridiculous.
“Let her just head out? I thought you said not to give up!”
“She needs time to think. I bet that as soon as she’s out of the city she’ll realize how much she misses your ass.”
“You think?” I ask with a half grin.
“Hell yes. Charlotte needs time to grieve the husband she lost. The Adam she buried years ago isn’t the man she thought he was. She has to process that, and this time, let him go with his flaws and all.”
“I hope you’re right,” I tell him. Just sitting back and doing nothing isn’t really my style.
Charlotte
* * *
“Are you sure you’re ready to leave?” I ask Tessa when I find her sitting in the chair in her room with her luggage and things piled up next to her.
“Not really, no,” she says, which is surprising. I’ve asked her that question every day for the past week and she always said yes, sometimes even hell yes, that she’s bored and ready to go home.
“You’re not?”
“No,” she says again with a cringe. “Do you think Roman…I mean, he’s already done so much, but is there any chance he would help pay for me to stay another month?”
“You want to stay another month?” I repeat. This day is just full of freaking surprises.
“Yes, but you don’t have to stay. I know you want to go home. I’ll be fine. Verek visits everyday lately…”
“He does?”
“Ah, yeah, he does.”
“Could I ask why you let Verek come see you but not Paul?”
“Because Verek didn’t really know me before…know the person I used to be. And I guess because he was there. He knows Charlotte. I don’t have to talk to him about what happened or how I feel. He feels the same things…the anger, the disgust. Paul doesn’t. Paul may think he wants to know all of the gory details, but he doesn’t, and I don’t want to fill him in. Ever.”
“Do you talk to anyone about the details?” I ask in concern.
“I was raped by four men,” she says, making my lungs freeze in my chest. It’s the first time Tessa has ever said the word we’ve all been carefully tiptoeing around. “The ‘how’ of it doesn’t really matter. It happened in this big blur of violence and humiliation, but now it’s over,” she adds with a sigh. “I don’t know the ‘why’. Why someone would do something so cruel to a stranger. I probably never will get the why of it figured out. And I have no clue who they were. They were horrible men who I assume just hurt people for sport. Some people are just evil, and that’s all that they are. So, what more is there to talk about?”
“Are you still worried that they’ll find you?” I ask, and she nods.
“Which is another reason why I like having Verek around,” Tessa explains. “Between him and Paul, who do you think could take on those assholes?”
Verek. The Savage King always has a gun strapped to him just like Roman and the other guys, ready and eager to use it if necessary. It takes less than a second to come to a decision between which of the two men can protect Tessa better.
“Point taken,” I agree.
“Verek and I, we just talk, you know? He’s become a good friend. Mostly he just talks about that club, Fluid. He’s the manager; he runs it for that motorcycle club all these guys are with. He talks about music, about living at the beach, all sorts of stuff to take my mind off things. Will…will you talk to Roman for me? Or should I ask Verek to talk to him since they’re closer?”
“I-I don’t know,” I say when I flop down into a chair and scrub my palms over my face as a massive headache begins to form. “I don’t know anything right now.”
“Is everything okay? I thought you would want to stay another month, but if I’m wrong, just go home, Charlotte.”
“Roman asked me to stay with him this morning, like permanently,” I explain.
“Wow. That’s great news, right? I thought you were having fun with him.”
“I am. We were having fun,” I agree. “I thought it was just fun, nothing serious, and then he hit me with a Mack truck load of information today.”
“What information?” Tessa asks.
“You know how I told you that Roman knew Adam from their time in the military?”
“Yes.”
“Well, he says that he knew him so well that Adam told Roman that he was having an affair and that he — that Adam has a son…”
“A son?” Tessa gasps. “With whom?”
“A woman named Meredith who was serving with them.”
“That’s…that’s crazy, though. Adam would’ve told you if he cheated on you, right?” she asks.
“I thought he would, but what if Roman is telling the truth?” I reply. “If he is, then I’m not sure if I really knew my husband.”
“Maybe Roman’s wrong and it was just some gossip on the base or whatever,” Tessa offers.
“Roman showed me a photo of the boy,” I admit to her while chewing on my thumbnail. “There’s definitely a resemblance. I’ve seen Adam’s baby photos, and the two of them are…very similar.”
“Do you believe him?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Of course you don’t!” she exclaims. “Who wants to believe that their dead husband had an affair and a child with another woman?”
“I know! And I’m just…I’m so freaking angry at Roman!”
Tessa’s brow creases. “You’re angry at Roman? Why are you angry at him?”
“Because he knew about this and didn’t tell me!”
“You’re angry at the poor man for being honest with you when your own husband wasn’t?” she asks, which of course sounds ridiculous when she says it out loud.
“Yes. It’s crazy, I know, but Roman did other things too!”
“Like what?” Tessa asks.
“The flowers on Valentine’s Day and the beach house rental every week for our anniversary, to name a few…”
“That was all Roman?”
“Yes. It was wrong of him to make me think it was Adam!”
“Charlotte, honey, do you think maybe your anger should be redirected to someone else?”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Why are you angry at Roman when, to me, it sounds like you should be pissed at Adam?”
“How can I be angry at a dead man?” I huff. “He’s gone. Adam isn’t here for me to yell at him!”
“No, he’s not here in the flesh. But that doesn’t mean you can’t yell at Adam or be mad at him. And, girl, if anyone deserves your wrath, it’s your cheating husband. He impregnated another woman! His child that he should’ve had with you is out there in the world, running around, looking like him! If that doesn’t make your blood boil, then I don’t know what will.”
“I hear what you’re saying, I do,” I tell her. “It’s just, I feel so blindsided by Roman, like he told me now so that I would choose him over Adam.”
“But that’s not even a choice, right?” Tessa says. “Only one of them is alive and head over heels in love with you…”
“It just, it doesn’t feel right. None of this makes any sense!”
“It makes sense to me,” she replies. “Roman cared about you before he even knew you, so much so that he made you feel special at least two times every year. And then these past few weeks, he’s made it obvious to anyone who can see that he would do anything for you. If you walk away from him, I don’t think you’ll ever forgive yourself, Charlotte.”
“I don’t know how to feel about him hiding all this from me…” I try to explain.
“What was he supposed to do?” Tessa demands. “Show up at the memorial and make a scene in front of you and both of your families? When would have been a
good time for you, really? I don’t think he ever would have told you if he didn’t care for you so much. You’re letting your life slip by mourning the memory of a man who did deserve your love, and who was your best friend. But while you’ve been hanging onto this idea that Adam was your one and only, forever and ever, the truth is that he was out there loving someone else. He even gave her the child you had wanted to share with him.”
Tessa stops talking when she sees the tears rolling down my face and reaches over to grab the box of Kleenex from the table. “There are still a few left in there,” she says softly, “though I think that’s the hundredth box I’ve used.”
“Thanks,” I manage to snort as I take it from her.
“If Adam had survived, and he had a chance to sit down and explain himself to you, maybe you could make some sense out of his betrayal,” Tessa sighs. “But he didn’t, and we can’t ever know what was going on with him when he…when he did all that. The only thing you can do now is hang on to the good memories of the man you loved, cherish them, and try to forgive him for the rest. But you’ll never find peace unless you move on, Charlotte.”
“Then I guess I know what I have to do,” I say as I dry my eyes and dab at my face. “Thanks, Tessa. Counseling has been really good for you. Maybe I should stay here a while too!” I tell her with a smile.
Chapter Nineteen
Roman
* * *
I’m in such a foul mood after talking to Winston that I shut myself in my office the rest of the morning. I needed to go over the ledgers sent in by all of our business managers anyhow; so, for the next few hours, I dig through our costs, expenses, and revenues to calculate our chapter’s quarterly bonuses. Seeing that we’re solidly in the black, even in the off season, finally begins to put me in a better mood, at least until Leo suddenly barges into my office.
“Goddammit, Leo, knock!” I snarl.
“Oh, yeah, sorry, prez,” he stammers. “Just thought you’d want to know that Charlotte lady just pulled into the parking lot. Winston told me to get you if she called the clubhouse or anything.”
“Thanks, Leo,” I sigh. “Show her in for me. Just knock from now on, okay?”
“Sure, sure,” Leo says dismissively. “I’ll remember. Well, probably, you know I get excited…”
“Go get Charlotte,” I interrupt him.
“Yes, sir!” Leo says as he quickly backs out the door. Only a few seconds later, Charlotte appears in the entryway.
“Hey! I thought you would be halfway to Raleigh by now,” I say to her.
“Tessa isn’t ready to go home yet. That’s why I’m here actually,” she explains. “Would you be willing to help her stay at the facility another month? I can help with the payment…” she trails off as I walk past her and close the door to my office so we can talk in private.
“Of course I can. You don’t need to pay a penny, baby,” I tell her.
“Thanks.”
“No problem,” I reply. “What about you? Are you staying in town too?”
“Yeah, I guess I am,” she answers with a nod.
“With me?” I ask, so glad she’s staying that I risk a smile at her.
“No,” Charlotte replies, which is a ballbuster.
“So, where are you going to stay?” I ask as my grin fades, remembering what Winston said about giving her time.
“Maybe in a hotel until I can find an apartment. I’m starting to think Tessa may be here for a while…”
“Do you need me to help you look for one? I know people.”
“That’s okay. I’ll figure something out, but thanks for offering. I need some time alone.”
“Sure, yeah. I get it.”
“So, when will we be able to go see the woman my husband had an affair with and knocked up?” she asks.
“Tomorrow hopefully. I’m waiting for Meredith to call me back.”
“Oh,” she says. “Do you talk to her often?”
“I do, yeah,” I admit. “She’s a single mother with no family around to help out.”
“So you help her out?”
“I do.”
“Oh my god,” Charlotte mutters.
“What?”
“Did you sleep with her too?”
“Huh? Why are you…what…why would you ask me that?”
“Did you sleep with Meredith, Roman?”
Fuck. I consider lying for a second, but Charlotte deserves the full truth. Besides, it was barely even a thing.
“Just once,” I admit. “Well, one night,” I explain with a cringe.
“I knew it!” Charlotte exclaims indignantly. “You…you…”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen!” I tell her. “I was just down there visiting for Aiden’s first birthday. After her friends from work left, I stayed to help Meredith clean up afterwards. It was late, so she told me I could spend the night. I didn’t know she was asking me to spend the night with her until, well, you know…”
“You’re telling me that you fell into bed with her because of a misunderstanding?” Charlotte scoffs.
“You can’t be mad at me for sleeping with a woman years before I even met you!” I exclaim.
“Sure I can!” she yells back. “Apparently this is what you do! I’m just a project for you like she is! So you ride in on your white horse, or more accurately, your black Harley, to help out widows and single mothers, and then you sleep with them because you have a hero complex a mile wide!”
“I’m not married to anyone, am I? I’m free to fuck whoever I want. Besides, Charlotte, you’re one to talk,” I mutter. “You won’t take off your fucking wedding band or fuck me in the bed we sleep in because it’s too ‘intimate’!”
She stares at me with heat filling her eyes, and I know I went too far, but dammit, I’ve been patient long enough.
“You know what, Roman? Just give me this woman’s address. I can go see her on my own.”
“No,” I grit out.
“Yes!”
“No! I’m going with you.”
“Why? Because you’re scared of what she might say about you? Do you send her flowers on Valentine’s? Do her and Adam have an anniversary you never miss?”
“No, I didn’t do any of those things for her,” I grumble. “All I do is send her money for her kid that your wonderful husband left behind!”
“And screw her when she gets lonely?” Charlotte asks with a fake pout.
“It was one time! One night!” I correct myself again while simultaneously kicking myself in the ass for the stupid decision I made in the past that’s coming back to haunt me. Damn Adam and his mistress!
“Send me her address and tell her I’m coming to see her,” she says through clenched teeth. I know from her demeanor she’s not going to bend on this.
“Fine,” I agree with a sigh. “But just, please go easy on her, okay? Adam put her through hell too. She didn’t know he was married at first.”
“At first!” Charlotte shouts. “But she did know eventually, and that didn’t stop her from having an affair, did it?”
“No, I guess not.”
“Then I don’t owe her anything, do I?” she asks before she storms out.
Charlotte
* * *
Some of my anger fades when I pull up to the address Roman sent me and see how tiny and rundown the house is that my husband’s mistress and their son live in.
For the millionth time, I check my rearview, fully expecting to see a Harley drive up behind me because he’s too hard-headed to let me come alone. But there’s no bike and no other cars on the rural road on this bright Monday afternoon. I’m both relieved and a little disappointed.
Before I can second-guess my decision about coming, the red front door opens and then a raven-haired woman is filling it. She lifts her palm in an awkward wave that I return.
Guess it’s now or never.
Tossing my keys into my purse, I throw it over my shoulder and climb out of my car to walk up the cracked sidewalk.
“Hey, you must be Charlotte,” she says with a hint of an exotic accent when I approach her.
“And you must be Meredith, my dead husband’s girlfriend.”
“Go ahead and say it,” she replies with a sigh as she holds the door open for me to come inside the living room where toys are strewn everywhere. “Call me a bitch. I know you want to, and Aiden is playing across the street for a few minutes to give us some adult time to talk.”
“Well, where should we begin?” I ask when she moves a pile of laundry from the sofa for me to sit down, while she takes a seat on the floor with her legs crossed. “How about why you didn’t stay away from Adam after you found out he was married?”
“I did. We didn’t…fool around again after I found out. But by that time I was pregnant.”
“Oh, that’s just great.”
“He didn’t want to hurt you,” she says. “Adam felt so guilty, but he really cared about me too. We didn’t mean to fall in love. It just happened over time.”
“Yeah, right,” I mutter.
“I was working on the base as an interpreter. Adam and I met one day in the cafeteria. It took months of us talking and flirting before he ever touched me,” she says as if that’s supposed to make me feel better.
“Months? It only took a few months to ruin my marriage?”
“I’m sorry,” Meredith says. “Is that what you want to hear? I’m so very sorry, Charlotte. But I don’t regret being with him. I miss Adam like crazy, you know? And having Aiden, it’s like I got to keep a little piece of him here with me. I can apologize for what we did, but I would still do it all over again if I had the chance.”
“Maybe that’s what I’m having the hardest part with – he left something behind for you but not me. I always wanted kids too, Adam’s kids…”
“I’m sorry,” Meredith says again. “But if it’s any consolation, being a single mother is really fucking hard.”
“Good,” I say through the sniffles as I swipe my fingers under my damp eyes and we both chuckle.
