by Jet Mykles
“Fuck!” His scream filled the house but didn’t help the ache in his chest. “Do I want you? I love you!” He said the words now, when Reese couldn’t hear them. Because he was pretty sure if he’d said them when they threatened to burst from his chest, Reese would have refused to hear him. Just as he’d refused a fucking statement of fact. Why couldn’t Luc say that he was beautiful? Was he so far gone up his ass that he couldn’t even believe that?
Taking a few deep breaths, Luc replayed what he’d said. Don’t make this more than what it is… I need to go on after you’re gone. It had fucking hurt to hear Reese say anything like that, to know that Reese didn’t expect any more from him than to take what he wanted then leave. But what could he say, what more could he do, to convince him otherwise? The offer for Italy hadn’t gone over well and an offer to support him for the rest of his life probably wouldn’t have been believed.
Even if he meant it. With all his heart.
Shit!
Frustrated beyond belief, he grabbed the pillows from the futon then took them upstairs to the bed. He couldn’t stand to sleep alone downstairs without Reese, but he took the pillows to have his smell.
God, he was so far gone so fast! If he didn’t figure something out soon, he was going to do something drastic. And that didn’t always end well.
Chapter Nine
Luc sat on the edge of the stage, plucking morosely at the strings of his guitar. It wasn’t hooked into the amp so he was the only one who heard the discordant thumps. After a restless night—alone—and a fucked up morning going over and over what he might and probably shouldn’t do about Reese, he was cranky and quiet. Everyone was giving him a wide berth as they set up for tomorrow’s show. Even in his current state, it had been novel to set up his own gear since they’d left the roadies and assistants behind on this trip, but that had been a brief distraction. His setup wasn’t all that elaborate and now he had to wait while Darien fussed over his drum kit and Brent and Johnnie fussed over everything else.
He was considering ducking out for a smoke when Johnnie sat down on the stage next to him. He held out a sweating bottle of soda with a silent eyebrow arch. Equally silent, Luc took it with a nod of thanks. They sat for a bit, watching Brent and Garth direct the handful of helpers to move and stow gear. A snare drum crashed to the stage behind them and Darien cursed. Looked like Brent was carting out one of his keyboards, which prompted a mental list of songs in Luc’s head that they might be playing. While the rest of them had some say, Brent usually decided the playlist. He was just better at musical arrangement and they’d learned to trust his judgement.
“This is strange.”
Luc half-grinned. A glance showed Johnnie turning his gaze around the empty club, at the black walls, scuffed floor and dark bar beyond the glare of the stage lights. It was a good-sized club and seemed cavernous when there weren’t people in it.
Johnnie met his grin with one of his own. “Just like old times.”
This had been their life for years as the house band for Purgatory. The same life had morphed and grown when they’d left, fine-tuning into the beast that was its own self: Heaven Sent. It had grown from the four of them, to ten with them, their managing team and their engineering team, to the hundreds it could be now at any given moment. They’d gone from playing clubs like this to playing arenas and stadiums.
“It’s kind of nice to let it be small.” Setting aside his drink, he bent his head back over the strings, stroking them more lightly now to coax a more soothing sound. “Sometimes.”
“Sometimes,” Johnnie agreed. His hands were empty, his mic waiting in its stand center stage. He wore torn jeans and a T-shirt from one of their European tours. His abundant hair was tamed in a queue down his back, which made him look almost normal. Almost. He never could be completely normal. “How’s Reese?”
Luc had told them all. He’d also told them all not to say anything, that Reese was clinging to this I’m-not-gay thing. They’d taken it so well that Luc was pretty sure Brent had said something before he had. “He’s good.”
“Is he?”
Luc’s grin crooked at the mildly sly insinuation, trying to play along and keep it light. “Very.”
Johnnie chuckled. “Good. He coming tomorrow?”
“Yep.”
“Can I ask a favor?”
He had to look up, intrigued by what a favor would have to do with Reese. “Shoot.”
“Would you ask him to stick close to Tyler?”
That made him laugh, because he knew exactly why. “You think he’ll bolt?”
“He might.” Johnnie’s frown was just mild frustration. His husband had not yet warmed to being in crowds for any period of time. He was fine during performances, but he had an almost magical ability to disappear shortly after.
“I’ll ask him.” Now he had his own frown. “But, he might not stick too close.”
Green eyes studied him. “He still wants to keep you guys a secret?”
“Yep.”
“Well, I guess if it’s short term, that’s understandable.”
Luc’s back teeth ground together, fingers still making idle sounds on the strings.
“It is short term, yeah?”
He didn’t want to answer. Did he say what Reese thought, that it was just a hookup—God, he hated that Reese used that term—or did he admit that he wanted more and get Johnnie’s advice? The singer certainly had the most experience dealing with guys who didn’t think or didn’t want to admit to feelings for another guy.
“Wow. You do have feelings for him.”
He sighed and still said nothing, waiting for Johnnie to take advantage and tease him mercilessly. Turn about was fair play, after all, and Luc had given him hell when he was first with Tyler.
But no teasing came. “Reegan asked about you two at the wedding.”
“What?”
“After you guys left, we chatted.”
A few choice curses spilled from Luc’s lips. “What’d she tell you?”
“Just that Reese was in love with you and you broke his heart.”
Luc couldn’t help the flinch. He hadn’t told Johnnie or Darien the bitter details of what he’d done and how he’d reacted, only Brent. Johnnie and Darien only knew about the current situation. “Yeah, she would put it that way.”
“Not true?”
He pushed breath through his teeth. “No. It’s true. But she probably made me out to be the heartless villain.”
“Actually, she didn’t.” His voice was still soft and he let his gaze wander over the club rather than pinning Luc. “She didn’t even tell me much of what happened, just that it happened right after you two broke up. I’m sure it’s an interesting story.”
“Leave it.”
“Right. What she really wanted to know was if you could be interested in Reese now.”
Luc’s eyebrows shot up. “The fuck?” He hadn’t even made a move at that point.
“Yep. I couldn’t tell her anything because I didn’t know…” With a pointed look, he waited. When Luc said nothing, he shrugged. “Asked her why she didn’t ask Brent but she said he’d just protect you at all costs.”
He arched a brow. “And you?”
Grinning, Johnnie tipped his head to the side. “She thought I might be more open.”
“What’d you tell her?”
He shrugged. “That I didn’t know anything about you and Reese, but I did know for a fact that you weren’t homophobic these days.”
Luc cringed. “I’ll bet she loved that. She tell you to make me stay away?” Although, she had called the next morning…
Johnnie’s gaze came back to him and the grin slipped away. “She doesn’t want you to stay away, but she doesn’t want you to hurt Reese again.”
He had Reegan on his side? Could he get her help? “I have no intention of hurting Reese again.” Shit, was she back from her honeymoon yet?
The grin was a smile this time. “Good.”
Putting though
ts of Reegan aside, he took a chance and opened up a little. “I asked him to come to Italy with me.”
“Whoa. What’d he say?”
“No.”
Johnnie frowned. “Too soon?”
“I guess. He said something about not wanting to be a kept woman.”
Johnnie laughed. “Okay. That almost makes sense.”
“It does?”
“Sure. After you broke his heart, he’s got to wonder if this thing you’ve got going is just a nostalgia thing.”
“Nostalgia?”
“Yeah. The one that got away and all that. Though, in this case, I guess it’d be the one you tossed away.”
He narrowed his eyes, starting to get pissed. “Watch it.”
“Truth. Tell me I’m wrong.”
He growled. The trouble with being a guy who was rarely serious about anything is people never believed you when you finally were serious about something. Someone. “This is not a nostalgia thing.” Or a hookup.
Johnnie nodded. “Good. Does he know that?”
“I’m having a hard time convincing him.”
“I get that. Tyler made me work for it too.” His eyes did that faraway thing they always did when he thought of his husband. There was that goofy grin too. “But it was worth it.”
Suddenly, Luc wanted very much to have that stupid look on his face, to have it caused by the knowledge that the one he loved, loved him. “So? How do I convince him?”
“You’re asking me?”
He rolled his eyes. “Obviously.”
Johnnie lay a hand coyly over his heart. “I’m touched.”
“Fuck you.”
Which made the singer laugh. “You should bring him to dinner tonight,” Johnnie suggested after he sobered.
They’d all been invited to Darien’s parents’ house that night. It was going to be a huge family gathering with a lot of people who he used to know pretty well. The garage at that house had been one of two that had birthed the band, the other being at Brent’s. He’d looked forward to going.
“Can’t. He begged off tonight.” He bent his head over the strings again, afraid Johnnie would see the hurt that might be in his eyes. “Said he was tired because someone has been keeping him up late all week.” It was absolutely true, but he put a grin on to lend some levity.
“Mmm. Can’t say I blame that someone. I’d bet that Reese is hard to resist, in or out of bed.”
He could have taken offense, could have warned Johnnie from any such thoughts about Reese, but since he’d endlessly teased Johnnie about Tyler, had even kissed Tyler early on, he chose to let it go.
“I guess my best advice is to keep after him. Show him how you feel. Tell him how you feel, even if he doesn’t want to hear it.”
“Even if it scares him away?”
“That’s where the keep after him comes in. It all doesn’t have to happen in one week.”
He took the advice at face value. No, he didn’t have to make Reese love him in a week. But he couldn’t ignore a drive to make him understand before Luc had to leave.
They rehearsed. It was good. It was easy. In a familiar place without a slew of other people in the mix, they got their shit together, ran through the playlist then they were done. Early. It amused them all.
By that time, Luc had made a decision. After stowing his gear, he tracked down Darien. The animated blond was behind the main bar, mixing a drink. He’d been a bartender among other things back when Purgatory had been home.
“Hey.”
“Hey! You want something? This is so cool, I thought I’d forgot how to do this.” He spun a bottle over the back of his hand and giggled. Yes, giggled. It couldn’t be called anything else though Luc would never use the label aloud unless he wanted to provoke a fight.
As often happened, he found himself grinning at his friend. Darien had enough energy in him to power a small city and was helpless to contain it. “Nah. Hey, I’m going to bow out of tonight.”
Darien didn’t look up from squirting tonic water into the glass. “You going to see Reese?”
Luc just stared.
The drummer was grinning when he looked up. “What? That wasn’t obvious?”
“Fucker.”
“You know it.” He set a full highball down on the bar then braced his hands on the wooden edge. “You know you can bring him, right? I mean, I know you’re probably going to fuck like bunnies all night but if you wanted to take a break and, y’know, actually see and talk to other people, he’s welcome. Mom won’t mind.”
He tried to glare but he couldn’t help laughing. “I am not, and never have been, a bunny.”
“Whatever.” Darien waved off the comment, turning around to grab another glass. No, he hadn’t touched the full drink that sat on the bar.
“And he’s still wanting to keep this secret.” He said it with meaning, still glaring. “Right? Secret?”
“Yesyesyes. Secret.” Darien mimed a key to his lips, dunking the glass in a vat of ice cubes. “I get it. I mean I don’t because why does it need to be secret but I hear you and I won’t say anything.” Big brown eyes were sincere when they finally met his. “Promise.”
Luc nodded. Darien had a supreme and long-lasting case of diarrhea of the mouth, but he did have a few brain cells and he wouldn’t knowingly hurt anyone, especially not one of his friends. He pointed at the full drink. “You gonna drink that?”
“God, no.” Back to him, Darien reached high for a bottle of vodka. “I hate gin.”
“Why’d you make it?”
“Practice. You can have it if you want.”
His lips twitched in suppressed laughter, eyeing what looked like a Gin Rickey. “You going back to tending bar?”
“Maybe. Y’know, if this drumming thing doesn’t pan out.”
“You’re a nut.”
Darien winked at him as clear liquid spouted into the second glass. “You know it.”
◆◆◆
“Reese!”
About to open his car door, Reese paused to turn. Toni Butcher was hailing him, heading his way. It was Thursday and a few other teachers were in the parking lot, heading for their cars. The general roar sounded from the front of the school where kids were boarding buses or starting their walks home.
She stopped at his side, juggling an armful of books. “I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to make sure you’re coming to the barbecue next weekend? You and your girlfriend?”
He blinked at her. Holy hell. Only her mention of it reminded him that the teachers were having an end-of-the-year barbecue at Toni’s house. He’d agreed to go and had invited Piper. Piper. Who he hadn’t thought about for days.
“Oh. Right. I… Piper and I broke up.”
Toni’s face fell. “Oh no. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Of course he was fine. He had a freaking sexy-as-hell bass player doing his damnedest to turn his world upside down, one fuck at a time. “But, um, she won’t be coming with me.”
“Of course not.” Toni swatted his arm with her free hand. “That’s fine, you can come stag. I could even set you up.”
“Please don’t.”
“Oh don’t worry, it’ll be casual. But my cousin would be perfect for you.”
He stared, caught completely off guard when his brain noted, only if she’s a guy.
“It’s okay.” Toni patted his shoulder, thinking his deer-in-the-headlights stare had to do with her offer. “She’s a sweetheart. I’ll bet you’ll hit it off.”
“Uh…”
Toni backed away, pointing at him. “You’ll be there.”
He didn’t say yes but she didn’t seem to need further confirmation.
Dumbfounded, Reese lowered himself into his car and closed the door.
Piper. The woman he’d been dating. The woman who’d gone with him to functions, both his and hers. The girl he’d considered spending the rest of his life with. He hadn’t even thought about her for nearly a week. Wasn’t that wrong? He cou
ld be excused, of course, because… well, Luc Sloane. Enough said. Luc who’d barreled into his life, into his bed and made him question the life he’d made for himself. The life he’d been comfortable with. The life he’d intended to lead until Luc came back with his arrogance, his ridiculously good looks, his magical dick and his offer to whisk Reese away for the summer. They’d not gotten back to that, certainly not after his blow up the previous day. It wasn’t going to happen. It couldn’t. To think otherwise was madness. Luc was here and Reese was enjoying the hell out of him because soon he’d be gone and Reese would be back to teaching and going to barbecues and playing softball. He’d find a new girlfriend, maybe Toni’s cousin. The thought did not fill him with joy.
Damn Luc! Grumbling, Reese started the car. Damn him and his sexy body and velvet voice, reminding Reese of all the things he’d wanted once and couldn’t have. Shouldn’t have. That way led to madness. Damn him for telling Reese that he was beautiful and saying it like he meant it, so much so that the compliment kept repeating in his head, warming his heart every time. He couldn’t be that naive boy again, chasing a dream. He couldn’t be broken again. He’d had dreams and they’d been dashed. While Luc was skyrocketing to fame, Reese had tried to find a replacement for him and failed miserably. That was the most awful, self-destructive time of his life and he would not go back there.
He headed home but a part of him wanted to go to the rental house. But, no, he’d meant what he’d said. He’d been there every night since Monday and he needed some sleep. He was yawning all day. It was a darn good thing that his kids were mostly self-sufficient because he’d zoned out more than once. He’d caught himself nodding off during third period, and he’d completely spaced out during a teachers’ meeting after school. So much so that Mr. Tarkington had asked if he was all right. He groaned, bonking his head on the steering wheel he waited for the light at the end of his street. Sure, I’m fine. Just getting soundly fucked every night this week. Wears on a guy, y’know?
