by Kay Lyons
She wanted to scream. “I’m trying to get you to see that if you have problems with reading, it’s because you have a problem and not because you’re a loser or lacking intelligence.” Jenn hesitated, then put her hands on his back, smoothing them over the taut muscles. She used brute force to turn him around and was surprised when he let her. “While we worked out and spent time together, I told you things. Now it’s your turn. Talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say?”
Her eyes stung, but she forced herself to maintain contact. “I want to hear you say that you’ll let me help you. Knowing this? What you just said? It doesn’t change who you are, Nick. Not to me.”
A rough laugh rumbled out of his chest.
“What?”
“You. You’re actually going to stand there and tell me you don’t look at me and see a big, dumb jock?”
“I see someone who knows what it’s like to not be the person other people say they should be. I see a loving, caring father, an astute businessman who’s attuned to his employees’ needs and limitations. And I see a man I want to help, not change.”
Nick stared at her a long moment, searching her eyes, her expression, for any sign of hypocrisy. “I’ve liked spending time with you.” He lifted a hand and stroked her hair away from her cheek. “But for a brainy teacher you’re not very smart. Dixon would say you should run.”
“Todd has nothing to do with this—or me.”
“It doesn’t bother you that I’m this way?”
Jenn turned her face into his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm. Bother her? Yes. But not the way he meant. “Does it bother me that you went out of your way to get Matt the help he needed? That you’re a great trainer and an honorable man? No, it doesn’t. Nick, you’re not an ogre. If it bothers me at all, it’s because now that I know, I understand the struggle you’ve had to accomplish everything. I can only imagine what you’ve been through to get where you are today.” He looked away as if it weren’t true—or maybe the praise was hard to accept? Were they both products of their upbringing? “You’ve had to work ten times harder than anyone else, but you’ve done it and I admire you more for it.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw, a slow, thready pulse. “My father used to call me lazy. He said I wasn’t trying hard enough, that I fit the stereotype to a T, even though I sucked at sports. I wasn’t a big, dumb jock, I was just big and dumb.”
Her heart broke. Nick’s hands were clenched, his face lined with pain, and however strong he was, he was equally vulnerable. “He didn’t know what you were dealing with.” To look at Nick one would think he had everything, but inside he was as flawed and messed up as she was. “Do you really think a person lacking intelligence could have had the success that you have? Nick, most dropouts only dream of owning their own businesses, much less owning two and running them successfully. It’s a testament to the quality of your mind. To your drive to succeed despite the odds.”
“Be careful,” he murmured. “You’re laying it on a little thick.”
“Every word is true.”
Nick slid his hand to the nape of her neck and tugged her closer. There they stood in his shadowy living room, their pasts laid bare, finding solace in each other.
“If it’s so obvious to you that I’m intelligent, why isn’t it obvious that you’re every bit the diva that you want to be?” he asked gruffly. “You think someone other than a diva would have confronted me like this?”
A pleased smile pulled at her lips. “Really?”
“Like I said, it’s a state of mind.” He stroked her cheek. “Right now I’m seeing major diva qualities. And I like it. I like it a lot, sweetheart.”
Meaning he liked her. It was there in his eyes. She saw it, wished he could say more, be more specific. But she knew better than to push. It was too soon, especially after what they’d just shared.
Jenn stared up at him, knowing from the human development class she’d taken that men saw acceptance differently than women. Women were emotional and men were physical. And right now Nick equated her acceptance of his reading ability or lack thereof with her physical acceptance of him. Her presence there in his arms. She knew that, but it didn’t stop her heart from wanting it to mean even more.
He leaned his head back against the wall and sighed. “I don’t ever remember being this tired. All I’ve done is sit in hospital chairs, but I feel as if I’ve run a marathon.”
He practically had, pacing back and forth for an entire day. Working two jobs of his own plus managing his uncle’s business for the last few weeks. Poor guy. “Worry will do that to you. Come on.”
She took his hand in hers to lead him to the living room couch since the bedroom might prove to be too tempting.
He didn’t move. “Are you sure you want to stay?”
Her heart pounded. What was she doing? What had Suzanne gotten her into? She felt way too much for her guy friend. “I’d love to,” she whispered. Because it was the closest thing to I love you that she would allow herself to say.
Chapter 18
NICK LISTENED TO THE shower running in the bathroom and thought about the woman inside.
Jenn still stressed the excess weight she carried but all he saw was the kindness in her beautiful eyes, the way she scrunched her nose when confronted with a vegetable, or know the way she’d made him feel by offering to help instead of treating him as if he were mentally deficient. She’d meant what she said.
It was right there on her sweet, heart-shaped face and in her smoky eyes. She meant it. And it changed everything. He felt free, able to speak to her without guarding every word. Something he couldn’t do—hadn’t done—with anyone else.
He stared up at the living room ceiling, beyond exhausted but unable to sleep. The shower turned off, and he heard the noise of the curtain rings as she exited. He sat up a little straighter and twisted his head to see her the moment the door opened.
She came out wearing an oversized T-shirt that touched her knees, her hair wrapped in a towel. She took it off as she walked into the living room and dried the long strands briskly, but stopped when she saw him watching her.
“I thought you’d be asleep by now.”
“Can’t sleep. Come ’ere.”
“I need to dry my hair. At least run a brush through it.”
“In a second. Come here.” He held out his hand.
Jenn bit her lip and gave him a shy look before padding over and sitting on the edge of the couch, her hand warm and moist in his. Not happy with the distance between them, he tugged her sideways. She laid down with her back to his chest. He buried his nose in her neck and Jenn shivered at the brush of his chin against her skin. Her response humbled him. Jenn was such a good person, a woman any man would be lucky to call his own. Sexy and smart, soft. His.
“You called the hospital?”
“Yeah. No change. Eth said Matt’s asleep and doing great. I told him we’d be there first thing in the morning.” He wrapped a hand around her waist. Sure enough Jenn sucked in her stomach. “Stop that,” he ordered, gruffly.
“What? Oh. Well, if I had a stomach like yours…”
“I wouldn’t be nearly as attracted to you.” He ran his hand up her side, rubbed her back and shoulder. “I like your curves, sweetheart. All of them.”
“I like your…The way you’re hard all over.”
He grinned and snuggled her closer. Now that she was in his arms, he felt as if he could rest. “Then I guess we like each other, don’t we?” Nick closed his eyes. A weight had been lifted from him and he felt exhausted from carrying the load. It wouldn’t be easy, it might not even work, but they’d take it slow and figure things out as they went.
“I guess we do.”
He squeezed her again. “Good.”
HAVE YOU BEEN LAID?”
Jenn froze, the turkey taco halfway to her mouth. Embarrassment flooded her face and she glanced quickly around the restaurant to see if anyone had overheard Suzanne’s question. “What, um, mak
es you think that?”
“I don’t, um, know. Maybe the way you can’t get that syrupy expression off your face.”
Jen set the taco on her plate. Syrupy? “What’s got you in a mood?”
Suzanne waved a hand in front of her face.
“Oh, I see. Tuck Junior’s giving you fits and you’re taking it out on me, huh?”
Her friend leaned backward in their padded booth and groaned, her face as green as the guacamole she’d asked them to keep in the kitchen. “Morning sickness is only part of the game. Apparently the little bundle has decided it would be great to make me sick the entire time he’s in there.”
“Oh. Yikes.”
“Exactly. Which is why I have to concentrate on someone else—and that someone else is you.” Suzanne fixed her with a steady gaze. “And Nick. Come on, spill. I want details.”
Her face turned red. “Sorry. Nick and I are…friends. And I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t talk about this to anyone or make any other public-service announcements about my love life.”
“Meaning, you now have a love life?”
She couldn’t discuss it. She and Nick both needed time to figure out their feelings. They’d spent most every day at the hospital with Matt until his release this afternoon, three days after his accident. She’d helped Nick move Matt and his many bouquets of balloons, gifts and cards home, then left father and son to spend some quality time together. “We’ve gotten closer and…it’s nice.”
“Closer meaning?”
“Suzanne, give me some room to sort things out for myself, okay? Then I’ll fill you in. In the meantime, I could use some help with something else.”
“What?”
“Matt.” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “I think he might be dyslexic.” Maybe Nick, too. That was a subject she had yet to broach with him. One step at a time.
“Oh, no.”
She nodded. “Maybe a touch of hyperactivity, too. He can’t sit still after the first few minutes of working on something. I know boys learn differently than girls when it comes to how they study and work, but Matt is constantly in motion. Didn’t you have a student last year who was diagnosed with dyslexia?”
“Yeah, but technically it’s still not confirmed. It takes a long time to get an ‘official’ diagnosis because there’s no specific test for the problem. It’s more like a trial-and-error method of testing to see what works and what doesn’t until a consensus is formed.”
She chewed, but the remainder of her turkey-taco had lost its appeal. Then and there, she made a decision. No more worrying about her body image or her flaws or anything else. It was time to grow up and be comfortable with who she was, whatever her size. She’d learn to love the body she’d been given, instead of taking her problems and frustrations out on herself. Some people cut themselves, some people took drugs or made themselves throw up. She ate too much.
No. Correction—she used to eat too much.
“So what are you going to do?”
“Well, I’m going to have to do a lot of research to help Matt, but I’m thinking I’ll incorporate it into my paper for my HD class. It’s the only way I’ll be able to do them both this summer.”
“And be with Nick,” Suzanne added. “Jenn, just reassure me here. Things are good? I love Nick because he’s a great guy, but I don’t want either of you to get hurt.”
She felt her lips pull up in a genuine smile. “Things are way, way better than good.”
“But you’re not going to talk about it?” Suzanne sighed. “That’s just cruel. It’s always the quiet ones who are the teases.”
COME ON, Ms. Rose says we need to do this.”
Matt looked up at him with a wary frown. “But my leg’s broke.”
Nick smirked. “Good try, bub. Your leg is broken, but not your brain. Let’s go. She printed an extra paper for me to do, too. We’ll take the test together and practice.”
“Why do you have to take it?”
Good question. One he wasn’t sure how to answer. Except maybe by finally telling Matt the truth?
“How come you don’t have to read, but I do?”
Yeah, definitely time. “Matt, whenever you were with Grandma or Nana, did they ever say anything to you about me not doing very well in school?”
“You didn’t?”
Matt’s eyes resembled saucers. Apparently he hadn’t given his family enough credit for not discrediting him in front of Matt. The thought shamed him.
“But you’re smart.”
“So are you. But, yeah, I had a lot of trouble in school and I kept getting into trouble. Kids…Some of the kids made fun of me whenever I was called on to read, and I’d get mad and act up. Eventually they stopped calling on me, because I kept landing in the principal’s office afterward.”
“I only got sent there once. How many times did you have to go?”
He smiled grimly. “A lot. Which is why, when I still had trouble after I started high school, I dropped out.”
Matt couldn’t have looked any more surprised. “You did?”
Nick nodded slowly. “I did. But I’ve always wished I had stuck with it and graduated. That’s why, when I found out you were having trouble, I wanted to do whatever it took to help you—so you won’t make the same mistake I did. This is important, Matt. Not something to take lightly.”
“What did Nana and Grandpa say when you told them? Were they mad?”
“Yeah. They were mad. I wound up moving out and getting a job. For a while it was like an adventure, but when my friends were going to the prom and football games and having fun, I had to work. I missed out on a lot because of what I did.”
“Wouldn’t Grandpa and Nana let you go home?”
Treading these waters would be tricky. His parents hadn’t dissed him and he had to give them the same respect. “They would have if I’d agreed to go back to school, but I was stubborn and too hardheaded for my own good. We fought a lot.”
“Like you do now.”
“You picked up on that, huh?”
Matt shrugged. “I miss not being able to go see ’em. Nana bakes really good cookies.”
“That she does. And I’m sorry you’re missing out, Matt. I never meant for you to be in the middle. Your grandparents love you.”
“That’s what Ms. Rose said.”
Nick sat down on the bed beside Matt, careful not to jar his son’s injured leg, which was propped up by a mound of pillows. “Yeah?”
“She said that they love me, even if I don’t see them much. That grandmas and grandpas are like that.” Matt scooted closer and put his head on Nick’s chest the way he used to when he was younger. “She said it would get better, too. One day.”
Maybe it would. Maybe one day soon.
Nick snuggled Matt against his chest and thought about that for a moment. Yeah, he could see that happening. So long as Jenn was by his side. She’d stepped in at the hospital and taken care of the paperwork without making him feel any less a man or embarrassing him in front of his family.
And now she knew everything there was to know about him and she’d stayed with him anyway, never once looked at him as if he were a loser.
And that light he saw shining in her eyes when she looked at him? Did she love him, too? A woman like Jenn made emotional connections. He might not be book smart, but he was smart enough to realize that.
He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve her, but when he thought of the summer and beyond, he saw more. He saw a future. Jenn was the perfect woman to help him deal with his family. In the three days Matt had spent in the hospital, Jenn had smoothed over problems, eased the tension and had them all smiling on numerous occasions. Thanks to her, Nick had actually managed a couple of long conversations with his family without anyone getting mad or walking out. With her at his side, he could actually see a more amiable future for them all.
But she needed more time. Jenn’s marriage had taken a toll and she still considered herself to be missing some indefinable quali
ty. She wasn’t, but until she realized that, she would need space to grow within herself. And when she was ready…When she was ready, he’d be there.
“You like her, don’t you?”
Matt’s question pulled him out of his thoughts. “Ms. Rose? Yeah. Do you?”
“She’s cool. She signed my cast.”
“I saw that.” He’d watched her do it. Smiled as she’d teased Matt while carefully scrawling her name in loopy, feminine strokes. “She is pretty cool, isn’t she?”
“Yeah. Will you sign it?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Absolutely.”
Matt rolled toward the bedside table and grabbed a Sharpie from his stash. Nick knew exactly where he wanted to sign the cast and chose the spot over Jenn’s name. Frowning, he blinked, and wondered if his eyes were playing tricks on him.
“Dad, do you like her like her?”
Nick signed his name carefully and capped the marker, tossing it aside. “Yeah. Now, work on that test and quit trying to distract me, or we’ll both be in trouble with Ms. Rose.”
A WEEK LATER Jenn turned one of the many tests she’d had Matt and Nick take around for Matt to see, hoping the solution to their problems could be straightforward in the end.
Please work. Nick’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect. He’d mentioned, in passing, that when he’d signed Matt’s blue cast he’d been able to read the other signatures perfectly, and that very morning she’d spent hours online researching the different forms of dyslexia. On one of the Web sites, she ran across a mention of something referred to as Irlen Syndrome. Instantly, her hopes were raised.
“Okay. Remember this?” Matt nodded and Jenn noticed he’d automatically squinted upon looking down at the paper. Excitement soared. “Read the first couple sentences.”
“Mr. Baker…ran to the—the…” Matt lifted his hand and rubbed his eye, then began shifting back and forth on the seat where he sat. “Ran to the. Gate?”
“Yes.”
“Gate. That’s why…”
“When,” she corrected softly.
