by Eden Fortae
Eden knew that question was coming and still hadn’t prepared for it. Slowly she tore the newspaper off the glass picture frame, avoiding Karrina’s gaze. “I’d be a terrible mother.”
“I felt like that, too. When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t think I deserved Christian, so I waited to tell him. This close to giving birth, I still can’t believe it. I hope I don’t fuck up.”
“You’re the type of person that chose friendship despite a conflict of interest. You practically nursed Kya back to health and opened your home to her. That’s kindness, selflessness, and morality. Sounds like the makings of a good mother to me.” Eden turned to Karrina with a soft smile, “Thank you for that, by the way.”
Karrina smiled back, looked to the ceiling, and fanned herself. “Girl, you can’t talk to me like that. This kid has me softer than dryer lint. Thank you. That means a lot.” After a moment of silence and wiping away her tears, she turned to Eden again, “When Kya told me about you, I was worried. I’m blaming the kid for this, too, but I nearly cried thinking she’d kick me to the curb because I wasn’t always a good friend to her.”
“Leaving without word or contact, I wasn’t either. But she still loves us.”
“Because she’s crazy.”
“I tried to tell her that.”
“She laughed?”
“Yup.”
Karrina shook her head. “I want you to meet Chris and the rest of the family. They’re going to love you. Well, Chris might not so much since I’m leaving him the second you give me the green light—do you hear buzzing?”
Both looked around, settling on Eden’s purse. When she pulled her phone from the inside pocket, she looked down at the screen, frowning. Eve was calling again, and with each, there was voicemail. Declining the call, she moved to put her phone back and stilled when a new text crossed her screen.
“Stop ignoring my calls! Daddy had a heart attack! We’re at…”
“I have to go.” She snatched her purse and almost fell over a box on her way to the door.
“Edy?”
“My dad. I’m sorry. I’ll call you.”
Saying no more, she rushed out the door, shrugging into her coat with her purse tucked under her arm and her heart in her throat.
FIVE
Thankful that no one else was in the room when she got there, Eden lingered just outside the door. Along the way, all she felt was panic. Without Eve answering, his condition was a mystery. Seeing him now, the panic became indifference. There was actually no need to go into the room, yet she hadn’t left. Reasoning with herself brought back memories of how he only spoke to express disappointment, and her mind was made.
Pushing off the doorframe, Kya’s place was her destination until he called out to her.
“At least say hello before you disappear again.”
She froze, debating before taking a few steps into the room. Immediately, she took note of the wires going from his chest and arm to the machines behind him and to his left. His eyes were barely open and had bags beneath his glasses she wasn’t used to seeing. His hair and beard were almost entirely gray. He looked stressed.
“I just wanted to make sure you were ok, not disturb you.”
He bookmarked his Bible, setting it on the tray hanging over his lap. “You aren’t disturbing me. Sit.” He motioned to the foot of his bed.
Momentarily stunned, Eden took a few more steps, choosing to stand at his side rather than accept his offer. He took in her appearance as he always did. Missing was the shame she’d become accustomed to.
“How are you feeling?” Not knowing what to say but needing to cut through the silence, she went for the obvious.
“Tired, but alive.” Eden nodded, unable to look anywhere other than his saddened eyes. “How about you?”
“I’m alive, too.” She shook her head, “I mean, I’m well.”
He was studying her again. Everything from her open coat, exposed tight black sweater, form-fitting jeans, and knee boots to her neatly styled bun. His gaze was unnerving. Forever intimidating. Yet his tone was the complete opposite.
“You look like a little girl with your hair like that.” Eden scoffed, fighting the urge to touch it. Then, a rare smile graced his face, “Yes, I was complimenting you.”
Caught off guard once again, she tilted her head, narrowing her eyes, “It’s a compliment because it doesn’t remind you of the woman I became?”
His smile faded, his eyes reflected seriousness. “It was a compliment of your beauty and youthfulness. That’s all.”
“Did they give you bad news or something?”
Surprising her again, he smiled a second time, “Other than the reason why I’m here?—no. How’s life? Evie said you changed careers? What do you do now? Are you dating?”
She hesitated, scanning every inch of his exposed brown skin and every marking on the machines. There was nothing she could see. Nothing outward to answer for his odd behavior.
“Am I not allowed to ask?”
“I’m trying to understand why you are.”
“You’re my daughter.”
“Since when?”
Seemingly thrown by her retort, he patted the bed in search of the remote. Out of instinct, Eden grabbed it and held it out to him. Slow to take it, he moved into a sitting position and sighed.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6.” Removing his glasses, he massaged the bridge of his nose. Without them, the signs of stress and aging were more prominent. “I once took this to mean raising a child with full knowledge and love for the Lord would amount to a life living by the word. I’ve come to learn of a different meaning. Egypt and Evie walked in a straight line behind me. You preferred to skip and sometimes didn’t move at all. I wanted you to go the way I envisioned. God gave you the will to create your own path. My actions said otherwise, but you were always my daughter.”
Her heart thumped, a lump formed in her throat. All she’d ever wanted as a little girl and teenager shunned by the rest of the family was to be loved like a biological child. To be spoken to like she was an actual part of the family. For someone to at least take up for her. Now, he was offering acceptance?
Confused and not wanting to fall for it, Eden shook her head, adjusting her purse strap. “Eve didn’t respond, and I had to make sure you were alright. I should get going.”
“You want an apology.”
“I want to know why you didn’t feel like this before your near-death experience.” She whipped around, her voice rising. “You went from ignoring my cries for love and attention to suddenly wanting the details of my life. You can’t expect me to be receptive of this just like I could never expect you to have my back.”
“With God as my witness and all of my heart, Eden, I apologize.”
Her throat felt tight. The onset of tears stung her eyes. In all her years living under his roof, she’d never heard him sound so sincere or even speak those words. Despite that fact, she couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that there was a hidden motive.
She looked up at the ceiling, dragging her fingers beneath her eyes, “For what, exactly?”
Memories of him dressed impeccably, preparing to deliver a powerful sermon flooded her mind as he grabbed his Bible and clasped his hands on top of it. Staring down at it, he looked nothing like that man.
“For your anger. For your unhappiness. For the reasons, you felt you had no other choice but to move away and live a life of sin. For that, I apologize.”
A life of sin. That particular part crawled beneath her skin and burrowed into the tightly sealed box of her buried emotions. Each breath felt like a struggle, but she had to hold on.
“Do you understand what makes me sad and unhappy?” When he failed to respond quick enough, Eden chuckled, “Do you acknowledge the reason for either of those emotions?”
“I know there are too many to name, Eden.”
“And why is th
at? Huh? You can sit there and tell me you’re sorry for how I feel, but you can’t tell me why I feel that way because you don’t know. Never once in my years of dying my hair ridiculous colors, cutting my clothes, and getting expelled from school did you or anyone ask me why. But you can look me in my eyes now and tell me you’re sorry I felt like I had no choice but to live a life of sin. Guess what?—I didn’t have to move away to live a life of sin because I lived it under your roof and inside the walls of your church. You literally placed me on the path of sin. I moved away and harnessed the skills that sin taught me while you and everyone else gave sin the welcome I never received.”
Realizing her father was looking over her shoulder, Eden turned, and her stomach fell to her feet. All she was able to take in was his neatly cut hair and his goatee groomed to match before the first signs of a panic attack revealed themselves.
Quickly, she faced her father, her chest heaving as she tried to calm herself. “Coming here was a mistake. I hope you feel better.” Ignoring her father’s calls for her to wait, Eden moved toward the door keeping her eyes to the floor. Passing her brother-in-law, she held her breath and nearly jumped out of her skin when he said her name.
She couldn’t speak and recoiled at his touch. The fire once threatening to torch that room fizzled out. The smoldering ash and fumes were suffocating as his fingers burned a hole through the sleeve of her coat.
Just as she pulled away, her mother entered the room with her sisters and Eve’s husband.
“You made it!” Eve approached her for a hug, removing his grip on her.
Out of the three different expressions they harbored, she locked in on her older sister before lowering her eyes to a noticeable baby bump.
Seeing that, Egypt rubbed it with a smirk, moving to her husband’s side, where she looped her arm with his and looked Eden from head to toe. What their father lacked in disgust, Egypt made up for it while her mother spared her a single glance and acted as if she weren’t there.
Saying nothing, Eden proceeded to leave, but Eve wouldn’t let go.
“Why are you leaving so soon?”
“The question is, why is she here at all?” Egypt quipped. “How can daddy get better if the cause of so much hell is standing in the way, as usual.”
Looking back at her father, she realized he wouldn’t defend her. Instead, he put his head down and sighed. It was just like old times. Apology be damned.
“Then you should be leaving, too,” Eden fired back.
“You jealous, yellow, slut! I belong here, unlike you! Go before I hurt your feelings!”
This time when she walked out, no one was stopping her. Shoving her hand into her purse, her fingers wrapped around her vibrator. Half-way there, she counted her steps, breathing between each.
When the elevators pinged, she kept her head down, not wanting anyone on it to see her on the brink of tears. With no one inside the small car, she exhaled sharply. The doors were almost wholly shut when a foot slid between them, opening enough to allow her brother-in-law entry.
Eden’s first reaction was to let go of her vibrator and back into the wall. Her second thought was to try to get the doors open so she could get out, but it was too late. He’d hit the small button to prevent further movement. With a single step forward, she flinched, looking to the floor.
“We need to talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m not signing anything.” She bit out, pressing into the wall as if it would provide distance.
“I’m not worried about the NDA right now, and I beg to differ.”
Her entire body was heated with embarrassment and nervousness. “Your wife is going to know you came after me.”
He cracked a smile and shook his head, “She won’t, and even if she did, she’d survive.”
“But, I won’t.” Reaching around him, she tried to press the button, but he blocked her.
“I’m not upset anymore, but I understand why you are. I never meant to hurt you. You know that, right?”
“I don’t care.”
“You do. That’s why you won’t look at me.” With that, he took hold of her chin, raising it enough to level their eyes. Bile rose to the back of her throat. The sudden wave of nausea made her tremble. Closing her eyes seemed so childish, but it was all she could do to stay grounded and pretend he wasn’t there. “This fear you’re exhibiting is solely psychological. You and I, now, are no different than we were. I’m still your only source of comfort.”
“Please,” she spoke just above a whisper, trying her hardest not to shake, “don’t touch me.”
“How can you say that to me? I loved you when no one else did. I was your shoulder and your friend. I protected you!”
“You lied to me, and you used me,” her voice cracked, tears pushing through her closed lids.
His grip on her chin tightened painfully, “I used you? No, I gave you what you needed and turned your back on me! Look me in my eyes and tell me your smiles weren’t real. That you weren’t happy. Tell me you don’t feel it, still.” When she didn’t, he practically growled, squeezing her jaw, “Look at me!”
She opened her eyes and immediately looked to the camera in the corner. Internally, she smiled as he followed her line of sight.
Rather than creating a comfortable space between them, he scanned her face and loosened his grip. “For years, I’ve prayed for strength. I’ve spoken to God, repented, and continued his work. Then you come back and,” he trailed off, running his thumb across her lips, “you’re still beautiful.”
She felt the heat from his breath brush against her lips before his hand brush against her. After he released her, Eden slowly looked up. In the curled palm of his hand was her vibrator. He smirked, holding it beneath his nose before licking it and dropping it back in her purse.
“Studies show that women who travel with sexual devices often suffer from Nymphomania. It’s a severe condition that requires extensive psychotherapy. Imagine the shame of this condition trickling down to your parents after they’ve spent years repairing the damage you left behind. Your father would have to step down, most likely. And you’d never gain Sandra’s love, now would you?” More tears filtered through her lashes. Kenneth kissed one and licked the other. “Come see me, and your secret is safe. Or don’t and remain an outcast.”
Hitting the button, he backed out, watching her until thick metal separated them. It wasn’t until the elevator reached the lobby that Eden let out the breath she was holding along with a sob. She walked rapidly through the halls and made it outside where she hugged herself and cried. Her skin burned where he touched her. Her lips throbbing from the words nearly whispered on them.
The thought of going to the police entered her mind. Events of the past prevented it.
Still silently crying, she grabbed her vibrator and slammed it so hard in the closest garbage bin that she heard it break. She had to rid herself of everything he touched, but she couldn’t. Her skin burned more, and she felt the desperate need for gratification and to forget.
Large pulls of air did nothing. Counting didn’t help. Spotting the neon sign for a bar put her on a new path. Solo satisfaction wouldn’t work this time. She needed reassurance.
With the sleeve of her coat, Eden wiped her eyes. As she crossed the street and moved along the sidewalk, she pulled her hair free and shook her curls loose. She raked it with her fingers as best she could to collect herself.
For it to be as early as it was, the place was nearly packed. Brushing by every man on her way to the bar was intentional. Looking back with a soft smile and a wink, had a purpose.
Barely out of her coat, she caught the attention of the guy beside her. His dark gaze lingered longer than it should have. He brought his drink to his lips and stilled as she purposely touched his thigh when easing onto the stool.
She never spoke first. Allowing a man to make the first move ensured that she wasn’t reading him wrong and walking into rejection. However, the circumstances require the leas
t amount of talking as possible.
“Hello,” it was quick and cute, spoken with the slightest hint of flirtation.
“Hi,” he finally took a sip of his drink. After watching her settle in and order a drink, he set his glass down, slyly bringing them closer. “I mean no disrespect by staring. You’re gorgeous.”
“Thank you,” she smiled sweetly, purposely licking her bottom lip.
“Are you waiting for someone?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Why?” There was a smile in his eyes not present on lips that were already at work in her mind.
“Your answer would determine my next move. If you said yes, I’d respect that and wish you well.”
“And if I’m not waiting for someone?”
Finally, a smile spread across his face; bright white teeth made his dark skin and equally dark locs more appealing. “It would be my lucky day.”
Eden nodded, casually looking over the drink specials. “I guess luck is on your side, then.”
“Oh yeah? Well, I’m Ty. What’s your name, sweetheart?”
“Eden,” she spared him only a quick glance, secretly hating that term of endearment.
“What are you drinking, Eden?”
“I don’t know. The kind of day I had, I could use something stronger than watered-down screwdrivers. The bar inside the Days Inn has the best drinks.”
“Days Inn, huh?”
“Mhmm. Cheap rooms, great drinks, a hell of a good time.”
“You want to go?”
She pretended to think about it. Playing coy made them try a little harder. Looking his way, he raised his eyebrows and nodded. Pushing his half-full glass across the bar, he nudged his friend, stood to help Eden into her coat, and shrugged on his own.
Out on the street, they walked closely. The idea of going to a hotel with a guy she barely knew would have put fear in the heart of any other woman. In no way was she like any other woman.
The words of her sister were etched in her mind. The touch of her brother-in-law still made her want to claw at her skin. The memories she worked so hard to lock away were running over, and the only remedy was risky.
