by Eden Fortae
“You want me to meet your family?”
“Don’t think of it that way. See it as me wanting to spend my birthday with everyone I care about.”
Still, that meant meeting the parents he cherished and other people she couldn’t relate to. The thought, scary in itself. She didn’t need to overthink for it to be such. Swallowing past the sudden fear swarming her heart, she nodded. “What time?”
“Six. El Arrecife. It’s a Spanish restaurant near the East River.”
“Hmm. Guess I should go. I have to do something with this face and hair.”
“And burn those jeans?”
“No, Sir,” she turned her hips from side to side. “These are the only pair that I can move freely in.”
“That’s the problem. I watched you walk down the hall on camera. Put me in the mood for colossal cinnamon rolls. Each cheek screamed ‘bite me.’ I’m going to have to scrub the footage and issue a threat after you leave.”
“Can’t have anyone fantasizing about these buns, huh?”
“Hell no. They’re mine. I’m just waiting for you to realize it.”
“And on that note,” she swatted at him, “I’ll see you later.”
He caught her hand before it connected with his arm and held her in place with a mischievous smile. “I’ll see you out.”
“You just want to watch my ass in person.”
“Correct.”
His honesty was unexpected. All she could do was laugh. As they made it to the front door, she attempted to cover her butt as he playfully slapped at it.
The dark yellow dress clung to her curves more than those jeans. The cut provided a decent view of cleavage but left enough to the imagination. Where it stopped just below her knees paired with a long, dressy, white cardigan made her look classy. The neat, low bun and light makeup added the perfect touch. All he wanted to do was touch.
As he parked the car along the busy street, his mind strayed to what was about to happen. Eden fidgeted the whole way. She flipped down the mirror to check her face at every light. Each time, her hands were shaking. The attempts to calm her lasted all of five minutes. Then she was back to checking her reflection and biting her lip.
Donny helped her out of his truck. He was sneaking a feel or two while his hands were on her hips. Abstaining from sex this long hadn’t been in the plans, but it was best for their situation.
The closer they drew to the venue, he felt Eden trembling. At the door, he held her shoulders, forcing her to look up at him. He kissed her forehead, stroking her arms. “Remember, you’ve made it this far. You got this.”
Her smile comforted him. Although unsure, there was determination behind it. Donny led Eden inside by hand, speaking to the hostess in Spanish. Eden’s eyes touched every part of the rooms they walked through. Most likely in search of the people he’d told her so much about.
The hostess pulled back the sheer curtains but didn’t go inside. Carefully and calculated, Donny’s steps faltered. He let Eden go into the reserve space first and waited for her to face him before closing the distance.
The moment she did, he saw her confusion as she took in the table for two, topped with red and white roses identical to the mixed dozen the hostess slyly slipped him.
“If anyone had asked me what I wanted for my birthday, the answer would have been a date with you.”
She looked around the room again, her eyes lingering on the lit candles and scattered petals on the table. “You tricked me?”
He nodded, “Yes. I’m not sorry. When you showed up at my office today with one of the best gifts I’ve ever received, I knew I had to make this happen. I meant what I said at the door. You’ve come so far. I have no right, but I’m asking you to go a little further by allowing me this one night.”
Her loss for words unnerved him. The last thing he wanted was to cause regression. When he put these plans together, that’d been a thought that sat several rows behind the growing need to become more than friends.
“If you want to go home, I’ll take you.”
“No,” she whispered. Once more, her eyes touched every inch of the room but with this round was a small smile. “You surprised me with a date for your birthday. Do you understand how ass-backward that is?”
“I do,” he managed a smile of his own. Her laughter, a welcomed reaction. As it grew, he closed the remaining distance, placing the flowers in her hand. “Is this the calm before the storm? Are you going to chew me out when this stops being funny?”
“No, but the monster in my stomach is going to tear this room apart if it’s not fed soon.” She said between laughter.
All smiles now, Donny pulled out Eden’s chair and grabbed another for her roses. Every now and then, she graced him with that laughter. The nervousness behind it became more apparent. When she realized the menu was in Spanish and had to rely on him to communicate her needs to the waiter, she laughed. When the music played in the background, sung in the same language, she laughed. The only time she didn’t laugh was during their meal, and even then, he saw the smile in her eyes.
Through the sheer curtains, they could see the other couples dancing by their tables. The sight held her attention with child-like fascination. Ever so slightly, she swayed in her chair.
“Would you like to dance?”
Her laughter returned. “I can’t dance, Donovan. Why doesn’t it surprise me that you can?”
“Because you know I grew up with the love doctor as a dad. I can teach you.”
In the time it took her to think it over, Donny stood and held out his hand. She accepted it with narrowed eyes and that nervous laughter. He took pleasure in holding her against him. The waiter coming in with the bill was enough for Eden. She pulled away from him, blushing so hard the color filled her cheeks. Donny didn’t want to push his luck. Therefore, he put a small amount of distance between them as they headed out. The warm, taking hold of his wrist after they crossed the street brought him to a stop.
“I–just–thank you for tonight. I’ve never been on a date before. Not like this. I apologize for the giggle fits.”
“Don’t. Giggles tell me I’m doing something right.”
“More than something. Everything. I’ve never had someone make me question everything I am. Not since…”
He took hold of her chin with his thumb and index finger. She was on the verge of tears. “Every time you cry, I want to fix it, kiss it away, or do whatever it takes.”
She tried to look down again, but he wouldn’t let her. The resistance must have been her breaking point because the tears began to flow.
“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. When I think you’re about to kiss me, I want to back away. At the same time, I want you to take the fear away.”
“Which do you want more?” Unknowingly, he was holding his breath. Never in his life had he prayed for something so eagerly. Just like he’d refrained from sex for the benefit of Eden, he’d done his best not to push affection on her. Underneath the armor he wore for her, he wanted it all with her.
As she looked up at him, her lower lip quivering, she sent his heart rocketing through his ribs with her answer. “I want to be fearless.”
His lips touched hers gently at first. The feel of her tongue at the seam of his lips and he lost it. Eden’s back hit the aged brick wall of the building. They didn’t break the kiss until large drops of rain began to fall. They looked up at the cloudy night sky and back at each other, laughing. By the time they reached his truck, they were soaked to the bone but happy.
NINETEEN
If social media was good for anything, it was good for determining someone's whereabouts. Finding him was surprisingly easy. Getting in was the hard part. Security with the size and build of Donny protected the door. Gatekeepers, hellbent on seeing her member pass. Even as she told them her name, they wouldn't budge. Reluctantly, the smallest of the two—a man with long hair styled into two braids—accepted her ID and walked her inside. Rather than taking her to her father, Ed
en was told to wait in the lobby.
Forever the rebel, wait there, she didn't. Wandering around the large building led her to a massive auditorium. It looked nothing like the old church made of mostly wood, stained glass, and crumbling plaster. This new location came with changes that made it feel nothing like a house of worship. Plush seats replaced wooden pews. Rectangular lights embedded in the ceiling, now, recessed lighting. Instead of a pulpit, there was a stage with three screens in the back.
Eden continued down the sloped aisle. She touched every seat along the way. She filled them in her mind. The families would sit in the back for convenience. The gossiping old ladies sat in front of them alongside the nice older gentlemen quipped with stories about their youth. Near the front, the single ladies dressed in their best with hopes of catching the eye of one of the men whose family was sitting in the front row. Without those people, it felt nothing like a church. It was a show-room.
She heard his voice as if he were on that platform delivering the word of God applying current events to resonate with the younger members. Claps and cheers as they received his message. Just as easily, she saw herself sitting one row behind her mother and sisters. The words meant for her, the message lost.
"Eden."
She turned mid-step, facing her father as he approached her. He was without a suit and looked just as tired as the last time she'd seen him. He stopped in front of her with a small smile she didn't share. He looked her over briefly. This time, her hair was down. The summer dress she wore clung to her body. Half expecting him to remark about her choice of clothing, she steeled herself. Yet, he said nothing. His focus seemed to be on her face with something unreadable written on his.
"Dad."
"I'm sorry if they gave you a hard time at the door. There aren't many visitors during the off-days. I'll get you a pass, so that doesn't happen again. You want to have a seat, or would you like a tour."
"Neither," she shook her head, "I won't be here long. I just came to tell you something."
Long gone was his smile. In its place, a pronounced frown.
Eden breathed in and released it with an audible sigh. To reclaim her life, this had to be done. To heal, she had to speak. "I'm forever grateful to you for choosing me. So many children never find a home. I could have been one of them. I thank you for that, but I can no longer be a part of your family. Please tell Eve she has no reason to contact me after today."
She was trembling by the time she walked away. At some point, her fingers curled into her palms, the nails painfully pressing into her skin.
"Ephesians 4:32, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
"See," She stopped and turned, "that's the problem. There's no talking. No listening. No understanding. You throw bible scriptures at me to tell me how to feel or conduct myself, but I have never seen you do that to your wife or blood daughters. Did you tell them to be kind to me? Tenderhearted? No, because that was only your expectation for me. I took that abuse and your hypocrisy for far too long. I'm done." Being so far apart, her voice carried throughout the room.
"It seems your mind is made." He clasped his hands in front of him. "There's nothing I can say to change that, but I'm listening, Eden."
She laughed, spinning to face him once more. "You couldn't hear me crying all those years, but you hear me screaming now? That's rich!"
"My actions may have shown otherwise, but I heard you then, too, Eden. I just—" He sighed, leaning against the nearest seat as if he needed to rest. "Get it off of your chest, child. All of it. Right now. I'm listening."
She wanted to leave. To turn her back and let him live with the tension between them, but her anger was exacerbated by his sudden willingness to listen. Although she was smiling, her blood was boiling. All the hurt she felt living under his roof, rolled to the surface and followed a bubble of laughter.
"Where were you when I needed you to listen? I'll tell you where you were—right there! More focused on building a life in the spotlight, but you saw and heard everything, and you did nothing. I was a defenseless child mentally and emotionally abused by someone who was supposed to be my mother. She never did anything with me. I called her mom, and she harshly told me, 'I'm not your fucking mother.' She didn't come to school events. She never taught me how to be a woman. Kya's mom tried to teach me that.
"She showed me how to do my hair, and she tried to build me up the way a mother should. Egypt would hold her hand over my mouth and nose and let go at the last second. Pull my hair and tell me my mother sold me to you so she could buy enough drugs to forget I existed. They tried to turn Eve against me by bullying her every time they caught her being nice to me and now look at her! She doesn't think or speak for herself. You saw most of that and did nothing!
"This family tried to make me out to be a demon and tried to scare me out of speaking up for myself. All of that ends today! I let you all push me to the point that I lost myself. I've done things that I will never be able to live down or forgive myself for because I was searching for something—anything to fill the void. Instead of being strong enough to stand through the bullshit, I let it minimize me. I realized you didn't have my back when you pushed me off on Kenneth. And that motherfucker," she laughed again, wiping the tears from her face, "you showed me who mattered more when you took his side. You can pretend you give a fuck now, but I know you don't."
The pause she took to catch her breath was filled with silence. Her father hadn't moved, but from where she stood, she could see that he, too, was crying. She didn't get it and didn't care. He had years to show he cared. Just like Eve, he could have reached out to her.
"For all the pain this family has caused me, there's ten times more happiness waiting for me to grab it. I'm going to brand my lingerie until I make millions. Then I'm going to use that money to nurture aspiring artists' with no one to cheer for them. I'm going to create my own family composed of friends who support me through my faults and celebrate my wins as if it were their own. And one day, I pray I'll be able to let a man show me that I'm capable of being loved so I can love him back. I don't have to wish you the best because even if you didn't have it, you're great at pretending. Good-bye, Pastor Parks."
Eden saw him pull the handkerchief from the inside of his jacket pocket and remove his glasses. Determined not to be swayed by his emotion, she pivoted, taking quick steps to leave. So badly, Eden wanted to call Donny or Karrina and cry, but no one knew about this. When it occurred to her that she'd been trading a dependency on sex for a dependency on her friends, she began to keep things to herself. The point was to reclaim her life even if it meant crying spells and mental breakdowns.
Somehow, she hadn't expected to see her brother-in-law when she turned. He was the closest thing her father had gotten to have a son, and his love for ministry was the icing on the cake. It made sense for him to be there, yet she hadn't planned for it.
Without looking at him, Eden tried to hurry by. He stepped in front of her causing her to step back. She kept her eyes trained on the floor even as he tried to gain her attention.
"I suppose you have words for me as well?"
The question was ballsy. If he'd been there long enough to hear the conversation with her father, he would have known she was in no mood to sugarcoat. Knowing him, he'd been on the other side of the wall the entire time, and the question was an intimidation tactic.
Bravely, Eden looked him in the eyes, "I wouldn't have a fuck to give if that's all it cost to save your life."
His smile was so small it wouldn't have been visible to her father. Seeing it caused her stomach to turn.
"So much fire in you these days." He looked up at her father briefly with a nod then back at her, "It seems you've forgotten how to speak to me but don't worry, I'll enjoy reminding you."
Summoning the strength she thought she'd picked up from Donny and Kya, Eden withheld all her emotions to continue looking her brother-in-law in the eyes. "No, you won't. I'm no longe
r in your age range."
Before he could say anything else, she side-stepped him and rushed back to the lobby, lighter and proud of herself. The large glass door closing behind her felt symbolic. It was the end of a painful chapter leading to blank pages she was excited to fill.
A kiss as a greeting was something Eden hadn't known she was missing. There were no words—just a smile as she opened the door with a quick and seemingly innocent kiss on the lips. Things hadn't gone any further since the kiss in the rain weeks before. That detail was the reason she didn't allow herself to make more of their intimacy. The feelings coursing through her each time he did, though, caused her to lose the battle.
"Hola, hermosa."
"Hi, Donovan."
"No," he pulled back for her to see his seriousness. "Dilo en español." His breath fanned her lips. Something sweet on his breath with the depth of his voice aroused her. Seeing him excited her so much, she'd forgotten about their deal. When he spoke to her in Spanish, she had to reply the same.
She bit her bottom lip to hide her smile. "Hola Donovan."
"Mucho mejor." He tipped his head with approval and gave a half-smile. "¿Cómo estás?"
"¿Estoy bien y tú?" She replied slowly with some hesitation. Further approval produced a grin.
"I'm great now." The sensual caress of his hand along her jaw forced her eyes closed.
"No. Dee-low en español" She knew she butchered it by the way he laughed.
“Dilo. Mejor ahora que estoy contigo.”
"I don't know exactly what you said, but yes!"
His laughter once again sent chills through her. "I said, I'm better now that I'm with you." This time when he kissed her, he let it linger a little longer.
"Just what I thought. Hot. Come in before Mr. Krane catches me groping you in the hall."
"Now, that's hot. Grope me, baby. ¡Por favor!"
"How did I know you'd be down for that?"
"Because I'm nasty. I'm also sure the old guy wouldn't mind a live show." Donny backed her up and closed the door behind them. Immediately, he pulled her into a hug. His embrace was as warm as his smile. The scent of his cologne, forever intoxicating. He was the perfect beginning of this new chapter. A positively influential force she hadn't known she needed until he ripped down her walls and proved that he could help her build stronger ones. Trying not to feel anything for him had become so difficult, Eden gave up. Her only fighting chance was to utilize his stance on there being no sex until she accepted all of him. It was as simple as pretending she was still holding on to her rules. In reality, he was depriving her, and there wasn't enough masturbation in the world to satisfy her hunger.
