by Lynn Painter
We headed into Ballroom C, and the second we walked through the doors, it was like entering a different world. No, it wasn’t magical. It was a brightly colored, way-too-loud wedding reception world. The theme was Mardi Gras, which basically just meant that everything was a jarring purple, yellow, or green color.
“Hey—there’s Wesley. Over by the papier-mâché baby.”
I followed Michael’s gaze and yes, there was an enormous papier-mâché baby sitting atop an even bigger papier-mâché cake. My eyes scanned the crowd for Joss, but I didn’t see her anywhere. My stomach flittered a little bit as Michael led me toward Wes.
Stop it, Liz.
I took a deep breath, put my hands in my delightful pockets, and walked across the room, concentrating on not stumbling in my heels. “We Are Young” by fun. was blaring, and it still felt like it always had—as if the band was trying to convince us of something.
“That is one huge baby,” I said, smiling as we got closer.
“Right? Bizarre.” Michael grinned up at it, and I was looking at him when a voice yelled,
“Mrs. Potato Head!”
I looked past the baby and there was Adam. I really did like Wes’s friends. I said, “Hey.”
“Don’t call her that anymore; her face is normal again.”
I rolled my eyes at Noah, who was standing behind him. “Gee, thanks.”
“I could’ve said almost normal; you should be grateful.”
That made me smile. “And I am. Thanks for the kindness.”
“You’re welcome.”
“A Louisville tie?” I rolled my eyes at his ridiculous sports tie that was covered in red cardinals and big, obnoxious Ls and said, “That’s, um… unconventional.”
“But dope, yes?” He ran a hand over it and said, “Cardinal-chic.”
“That tie is awful,” Laney said. She’d just exited the dance floor with Ashley. “It’s like you lost a bet or something.”
“Liz likes it.”
“No, she doesn’t,” Adam said, looking at me with a question on his face. “Do you?”
I just smiled and shrugged as “New Year’s Day” by Taylor Swift came on.
“See, she’s too nice to tell you she hates it.”
“Or she’s too nice to tell you that she loves it and you have no fashion sense.”
“Bennett’s over there,” Noah yelled over the music, and pointed to the dance floor. “With Alex.”
I looked in the direction his finger was pointing, and my stomach sank when I saw them. They were dancing, Wes’s arms around Alex’s waist as hers were locked around his neck. She was wearing a red dress that made her stand out from the crowd, and I couldn’t come up with anything but compliments for her. Quite a catch. He was leaning down so he could hear whatever she was saying, and they were both smiling.
I felt queasy.
Had he always looked so impossibly handsome? And had he always smiled with such warmth? I could feel his fondness for her from across the room just by staring at his really nice mouth.
The mouth that had been on my mouth.
When I attacked him. Ugh.
I took a breath.
I really had fallen hard for him, hadn’t I? I stared at them, the picture-perfect couple, as Taylor Swift made my soul ache.
Please don’t ever become a stranger
Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere—
“Do you want to dance?” Michael looked down at me, and I realized he’d probably misinterpreted my stare of longing as a wallflower’s wishful gaze.
“Um, not yet,” I said, pinning a smile on my lips even though my cheeks were warm and I felt ill all of a sudden. “Unless you want to?”
“Nah, I’m good.” He gave a shake of his head that was all relief. “Want something to drink?”
What I wanted was for him to stop trying to make us a thing. We both knew it wasn’t there with us, but Michael seemed hellbent on going through all the romantic motions, I’d started the evening guilty of the same thing but quickly realized I couldn’t force it.
I should’ve said something when we saw Laney at the restaurant, because if I’d learned anything lately, it was that honesty was the best policy.
So I said, “I’d love a Diet Coke, but don’t hit concessions until after you find Laney and talk to her.”
His eyes narrowed. “Come again?”
It came with a smile and an extra helping of Texas on top, yet it still did nothing for me. I was fully recovered, filled with Michael antibodies, so I looked at his face that had been a part of so many childhood memories, and I said, “She isn’t hung up on her ex; she’s hung up on you. Go find her.”
He stared at me for a second, looking like he had no idea what to say.
I smiled at him and nodded, just to show I didn’t care.
“You sure?” He looked concerned, gazing at me the exact same way he had so many times when I’d been crying dramatically over neighborhood shenanigans, and it hurt my heart a little. I was letting him go, the dream of him, and Little Liz had never allowed herself to imagine that would ever happen.
“Yes, I’m sure.” I laughed and pointed toward the mass of overdressed students. “Now go find her!”
“C’mere.” He pulled me into a hug, and it was weird how emotional I felt. He drawled into the top of my head, “Thank you, Lizzie.”
I rolled my eyes and pushed at his shoulders. “Will you go, please?”
He grinned and saluted me, which should’ve been dorky but was a little adorable. “Here I go!”
I watched him head off in search of his happy ending, and then I pulled my phone out of my pocket. No messages. I shut it off and put it back, letting my hands settle into the pockets. I looked at Giant Baby, at the lack of detail on his papier-mâché face, and tried counting how many little smoodges of paper it’d taken to create that thing. Because I needed something—anything—to look at other than Wes.
I looked at that baby for a solid five seconds before my gaze shifted back to the dance floor.
And oh, dear God—Wes was looking at me. He was dancing with Alex but our eyes met over her head. My heart beat hard in my chest and my breath froze as those dark eyes dipped down over my dress, then ran up to my hair, before settling back onto my face.
I raised an eyebrow as if to say, So?
I’d meant it to be playful, like a diluted attempt at recapturing our banter, but all it did was make his face tighten. He frowned before he and Alex moved a little and he was no longer facing me.
“I’ll be right back,” I muttered, not that anyone was listening, and I headed out the door in the back of the ballroom. I didn’t really know where I was going in the enormous convention center, but I needed to get away. I couldn’t stand another minute of prom, and I definitely couldn’t stand Wes looking at me like he hated me.
I wandered all the way down to the end of the long hallway, and then I saw a stairwell, which was the perfect place to hide for a while. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure no one was watching me, and then I pulled open one of the heavy metal doors and ducked inside.
“Oh my God!”
“Oh!” I put my hand on my chest and looked at Jocelyn, who was sitting by herself on the steps with her orange stilettos on the floor in front of her. It was almost like she had to be a hallucination, because what were the odds that she and I would be hiding out in the same stairwell? “Geez. Sorry. You scared the crap out of me.”
“Same.” She tilted her head and looked annoyed to see me. “Did Charlie send you to find me?”
“No.” I’d heard that when Kate had gotten an actual date-date, Cassidy and Joss had decided to follow suit so it wouldn’t be just the two of them, but I still couldn’t believe Joss had agreed to go with Charlie Hawk. “I haven’t seen him.”
I hated that I had no idea what to say to my best friend. I missed her and wished so badly that I could go back in time and not hide things from her. “I’m just hiding.”
“Trouble in par
adise?” She looked up at me like she didn’t like me. At all.
“Nah—I’m just bored.” I knew I probably shouldn’t admit my foolishness to someone who already thought I was a fool, but I couldn’t stop myself. “As it turns out, I don’t really like Michael that way. And he and Laney are super into each other but just really terrible communicators.”
She studied her nails as she said, “Is that right.”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat and leaned my backside against the door. “It also turns out that I actually do like Wes, but he actually does like Alex now. So.”
“Um—”
“And,” I said, swallowing. “And it turns out that I’m so, so sorry. I miss you.”
Joss coughed out a little laugh noise but didn’t smile. “Do you think the fact that everything blew up in your face is going to make me forgive you?”
“Of course not.” I dug my hands deeper into my dress pockets, my face getting instant sweat beads as I realized my safe spot in the stairwell was about to become all about confrontation. “But at least you can take comfort in the fact that I’m suffering.”
“I don’t want you to suffer.”
“Listen.” I sighed. I just missed her so much. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I am so sorry for lying to you. I knew you’d call me out for trying to land Michael, and instead of thinking that through, I just went ahead and kept it from you so I wouldn’t have to deal.”
She wrapped her arms around her knees. “Such a wimp move.”
“Right? And I shouldn’t have let you think that I liked Wes, either. I mean, it ended up being a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it was pretty despicable.”
“Yeah, it was.”
“Yeah.” I inhaled and said, “I’m gonna go back now so you—”
“Sit.” She pointed her head toward the step beside her and said, “I miss you, too. I’m about to forgive you over the whole prom debacle. But.”
I sat and waited.
“I feel like something is wrong with us lately. Like I’m constantly chasing you.” Joss’s pretty face was sad, and I hated that it was my fault.
She said, “It’s our senior year. I kind of pictured us doing, like, everything together and making the most of every second we have because we’re going to be living in different places in a few months.”
She reached up and took the pins out of her updo. “Homecoming, prom, senior pictures, senior pranks—I thought we’d make all of those things totally epic. But you just keep disappearing on me for the big things.”
“I know.” I had never thought of it from her perspective. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re there for everything else, every little thing that doesn’t matter. But, like—are you even going to show for graduation? Am I going to have to walk alone? I don’t know what your deal is.”
“It’s complicated.” It seemed like those two words explained everything about me. I swallowed and tried to make her understand. “I know we weren’t friends when my mom died, but it sucked. Like, of course losing a parent sucks, but it suck-sucked. Everything felt lonely and sad—every single thing. You could’ve given me ice-cream cones at Disney World with Tom Hanks doling out pony rides, and I still would’ve cried every night because she wasn’t there.”
I slid out of my shoes, leaned my head against the cement block wall, and closed my eyes. “But eventually it started getting better. Not quite so terrible. I learned that if I could make it through the day without crying, I could go home and watch her movies, which always made her feel close.”
“I’m sorry, Liz.” She leaned her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my right bicep.
“It all became normal and fine, but lately it’s just… different.”
“Different how?”
I opened my eyes and focused on the OPEN DOOR SLOWLY sticker on the stairwell exit. “I’m a senior. Everything is tagged with ‘last time’ and secretly all wrapped up in family. Last homecoming dance—‘Parents, gather round for pictures of your babies.’ College visits—‘Oh my God, my mom was so embarrassing when we toured the dorms.’ It’s my stuff, but every single milestone feels empty without her, so I don’t even feel like doing it.”
She lifted her head and gave me a look. “Dress shopping?”
I took a shaky breath. “Bingo.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” She looked genuinely hurt. “I know I can be quick to judge, but I’m your best friend. You can tell me anything.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I need to you listen to me. You know that, right? That you can always talk to me?”
I nodded and leaned into her, sighing and telling her everything. How I felt when it seemed like she was dismissing my mom’s absence, what Wes had said about my mom and how I lived my life like I was in one of her screenplays.
I said, “I hate to say it, but I think he might be right.”
“Think?” She shook her head and said, “Bennett has you pegged.”
“Right?” I wiped my cheeks and wondered when I’d become such a crier. “I’m so sorry I’ve been such a tool.”
“Well, I’m sorry I’ve been a tool too, and let’s move on. We’ll both do better.” She leaned back on the step and said, “So what’s happening in the ballroom?”
I wanted to hug her and gush, but I was also good with moving on. “I heard Jessica Roberts describing your shoes earlier.”
“Not shocked—they’re incredibly sexy.”
I moved down another step and turned sideways so I could lean against the wall. “So are you having any fun?”
She pursed her lips. “I’m sitting in a deserted stairwell—by choice. Do the math.”
“I’m sorry I ditched you.”
“No worries—this’ll make for a better memory. I mean, my imagination could never have reached far enough to consider a situation where I’d be going to Chili’s in a prom dress with a guy wearing a denim tuxedo.”
I laughed. Charlie was liked by everyone because he was great at football, but he was out there. During sophomore year, he wore suits to school every day because he thought he looked sophisticated. “He took you to Chili’s?”
“In a motherloving jean tux, Liz—you’re missing the most important part.”
“Was he being ironic?”
“Girl, he bought it on Amazon because the model wearing it looked cool.” She grinned and shook her head. “He doesn’t know the word ‘ironic.’ ”
I bit down on my lip to keep from cackling. “At least he’s nice.”
Joss gave me side-eye and said, “He tried to touch my butt—with both hands—the first time we danced.”
“Is he okay? Or did you stuff his body in a janitor’s closet?”
“Puh-leeze; like I’m going to do time for a guy in a Levi’s suit.” She gave a little shrug and said, “I am leaving his ass here, though. I drove since he doesn’t have a license, and my goal is to stay missing until it’s too late for him to find another ride. Make the fool call his mom for a ride.”
We both lost it then. We were cackling so hard that we were both crying when the doors to the stairwell flew open. We gasped in unison as Wes’s friend Noah stepped into our space.
He looked as confused by our presence as we were about his. I said, “Noah?” at the same time he said, “Dammit, you guys scared me.”
Jocelyn leaned back on her elbows, and I gestured to the step below us and said, “What are you doing all the way down here? I thought the cool kids were still down in the ballroom.”
He sat down and said, “I couldn’t take it anymore. Prom is painful. You can either stand around with your friends and talk while wearing uncomfortable tuxedos, or you can dance to shitty music while your friends talk about you and think they’re funny. And so much planning and money goes into this one night, but there is no way the joy derived equals the effort. Absolutely no way.”
Was it weird that I still thought it was possible that the joy could equal the effort? Even though
it hadn’t worked out for me, my heart still thought prom magic was a sparkling thing. Maybe that was just my obnoxious optimism messing with my head.
“So why did you come?” Jocelyn had a smirk on her face, but looked interested in how he’d answer. “I totally agree, by the way, but why did you come if you feel that way?”
“Same reason as you.”
“And that is…?”
He raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know why you’re here?”
She rolled her eyes. “I know why I’m here, but you don’t, so there’s no way you could know that we share a reason.”
I crossed my arms and watched them. The little I knew of Noah was that he was the king of arguing; he seemed to enjoy the debate process. Joss, on the other hand, had no patience for people who argued with her.
Most didn’t because they knew better.
He said, “You sure?”
She gave him a look.
He said around a smart-ass grin, “I thought we both came to see what a clown in a denim tuxedo actually looks like.”
That made her chuckle. “You came here for Charlie too?”
“Oh, yeah.” His face went into his natural sarcastic state as he smirked and said, “That blue suit really makes his eyes pop.”
“What could he have been thinking?” Jocelyn started laughing again and Noah’s smirk turned into a full-fledged smile. I felt like I should slip away, but I knew that would ruin the moment. Also, I wasn’t ready to put space between me and Joss.
He kicked his legs out and leaned back on his elbows too, the male version of Jocelyn’s lean. “That guy was thinking with his ego. He knew he looked good in denim, so much so that he wanted to be swathed from head to toe in that scratchy, rigid, unstretching fabric that totally shows off his amazing ass.”
“Oh my God,” Jocelyn said. “You have to shut up. You have to.”
We spent the next hour in the stairwell, just talking. It would have been fun if my brain hadn’t been so stuck on reminding me about Wes and Alex. I’d let him go before I’d ever fully realized that I even wanted him, and now Alex was making him forget he’d ever kissed me.
After laugh-crying at Jocelyn’s impression of the PE teacher, we decided we were done with prom. We each texted our respective dates with excuses, and Michael seemed fine with it. He even sent a thank you, btw message, which gave me hope that he and Laney would be official before morning.
