by Harley Wylde
My hands shook and I fisted them together, hoping he wouldn’t notice. I’d thought of him every day since that first night. In my dreams, I’d been back in his arms. Even before I’d known I was pregnant, I’d wanted to be with him again. Even considering he might not feel the same, that he might have another woman, made my emotions fly all over the place. I wanted to hit something and cry. Scream. And it felt like I might break. Hormones were a bitch.
He put two bottles of water on the table before taking a seat, then nudged a chair out with his foot. I took the hint and sat down. I didn’t have much of an appetite anymore, but knew I needed to eat. Since I was nursing Freya, I had to make sure I ate three meals a day. I tried to eat something better than junk food. Normally, I’d have cooked something. I was just too tired today, not to mention I didn’t know where everything was in Hawk’s house. Or if his fridge was even stocked.
“Are you sick?” Hawk asked quietly. “Have you really been throwing up because of stress or is something else going on?”
“It’s just stress,” I said.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “Did you see a doctor?”
I shook my head. No, I hadn’t been to a doctor about it. I’d felt fine until I’d lost my home. Okay, so not fine, but I hadn’t been throwing up until then. I figured the two were connected, and Viking had seemed to think the same thing. I couldn’t afford to be sick. Not just because I didn’t have insurance. Freya needed me.
“I’m going to ask the doctor to make a house call. I’d say we’d wait until tomorrow, but I’m worried about you, Hayley.”
“I’m fine,” I said.
“No, baby. You aren’t fine.” His brow furrowed and his jaw tightened. “When’s the last time you slept all night?”
“Before Freya was born,” I said. “The last few months of my pregnancy weren’t the most comfortable. I sleep when I can.”
He closed his eyes a moment, a flash of pain crossing his face. I didn’t understand why. None of this was his fault. I could have asked Preacher about him, but I didn’t. For that matter, I could have told my dad Hawk’s name when he asked who’d fathered Freya. I could have stayed home with my parents. Instead, I’d been stubborn and determined to make it on my own.
“We’re going to change that. I’m not sure how since you’re breastfeeding, but we’ll figure it out. You look like you’re about to drop, baby.”
He wasn’t wrong. I felt like I would drop at any moment.
“What do you think it means for you to be here? I thought I explained everything well enough before we got here, but I’m starting to think we aren’t on the same page. Because I don’t just open my home up to anyone, Hayley.”
I took a small bite of food and chewed while I thought about how to answer. I wanted to be honest, but there was also such a thing as too honest. If I said something that pissed him off, there was nothing that would keep him from tossing me out of the house. And since he’d decided to be a father to Freya, he could very well want to keep her and not me.
Crap. My bite of food tried to come back up my throat.
He reached over and squeezed my hand. “Breathe, Hayley! Jesus. Okay. Dinner can wait.”
He stood and lifted me into his arms, carrying me past the nursery. He kicked open another door and I looked around at what I assumed was his bedroom. Ours, I corrected as I saw my things in the corner. He sat on the bed with me on his lap, his arms banded around me.
Whether I liked it or not, it seemed like we were going to have a discussion about my place in his life. I only hoped I could handle what I found out.
Chapter Seven
Hawk
The thought of something being wrong with Hayley, of possibly losing her after just getting her back, made it feel like someone was driving a knife into my heart. The fact she kept throwing up scared me shitless. I knew from Beast’s griping about Lyssa’s pregnancy, or rather the lack of sex after Madison was born, Hayley couldn’t have had sex for at least six weeks after Freya was born. I supposed there was a chance she’d been with someone since then and could be pregnant, but it didn’t seem likely. She’d given me her innocence. If she’d had a boyfriend, she wouldn’t have been struggling so much. Of course, she could have been dating an asshole, but she hadn’t mentioned another guy, other than Viking. And he’d made it clear they were just friends.
“Hayley, when I said I wanted you to come live here, both you and Freya, I didn’t mean as a houseguest. The property cut means I’m claiming you as mine. I don’t think you fully understand what that means.”
“I guess I don’t,” she said.
“In some clubs, men still screw around with the club girls even when they have an old lady. Around here, that shit wouldn’t fly. Beast would beat the hell out of anyone who even thought of cheating on their woman. So when I say you’re mine, it means I’m yours too. I’m only going to be with you, just like you’ll only be with me.”
I watched her face, trying to judge her reaction. There was a haunted look to her eyes that concerned me. What the hell was she stressing about now? Did she think I just made all that shit up and didn’t plan to be faithful to her?
And then it hit me. I’d been worried about her finding someone else. Was she thinking I’d been with other women since the night we’d shared?
“Baby, look at me.” Her gaze focused on me, and I noticed her eyes were glassy from unshed tears. It fucking gutted me. “I won’t lie. I tried to be with other women after I came back home that first time. I’d told you I would be in town another day or two, and you hadn’t come back. I figured you weren’t interested in more than our one night together.”
She sucked in a breath and a tear rolled down her cheek. I quickly wiped it away.
“It didn’t work,” I said. “Couldn’t get hard for any of them. Only woman I wanted was back in Alabama.”
“Really?” she asked, her voice nearly a whisper.
“I swear it, Hayley. I’ve only wanted you since that night. Hell, I’ve jacked off to thoughts of you so often I’m surprised I don’t have blisters on my hand. It fucking killed me when I saw Viking holding Freya and you standing next to him. I thought I’d lost you for sure, that you’d started a family with someone else.”
She sniffled and leaned into me. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?”
I gave a humorless laugh. She wasn’t wrong. “Sit here for a second. I have something for you.”
I eased her off my lap. She sat on the edge of the bed. I dug through the things I’d taken with me to Alabama until I found the box I wanted. Opening the lid, I removed the silver bracelet and carried it over to Hayley. I reached down and took her left hand in mine and slipped the cuff bracelet onto her wrist.
“You already had this?” she asked.
“I made it,” I admitted. “A while ago.”
“How long is a while?”
I shifted on my feet, suddenly feeling like a nervous teen boy about to ask out his first crush. “In the last few months. Even though it seemed like you didn’t want anything to do with me, I guess part of me always hoped you’d end up here in my house. In my bed.”
“Hawk…”
“Call me Alex. But only when we’re alone. I know you saw the name on my credit card. No one’s called me anything other than Hawk in a really long fucking time. You’re not just anyone to me, Hayley. You’re my woman. My old lady. The mother of my children.”
Her eyes went wide. “Children? Plural?”
I smirked. “I figured we’d wait until Freya wasn’t keeping you up all night anymore before we start trying for a baby.”
“I’ll have to see if I can take birth control while I’m breastfeeding,” she said.
Shit. I hadn’t thought of that. I wasn’t about to wear a condom. Wouldn’t be a guarantee anyway, and I liked not having a barrier between us. Maybe there were other options open to us. Wouldn’t hurt to look into it.
“Looks like we’re leaving it up to fate. Again.” She opened her m
outh, probably to protest, but I held up a hand. “When you’re ready. It’s not like I’m going to strip right here and now, Hayley. I’m not a monster.”
She blinked at me like a sleepy owl for a moment before sighing. “As much as I don’t want to get pregnant again so soon after Freya, I already know I wouldn’t tell you no. All it would take is you kissing me, and any rational thought would fly out the window. I don’t seem to make good choices when it comes to the two of us being naked together.”
I knelt at her feet and cupped her cheek. “If you really want to wait, we’ll talk to a doctor and figure it out. I’m not about to force you to have another baby right now. Having you here with me, both you and Freya, is enough. We can take things as slow as you want.”
The tension seemed to drain from her. “I’ve been worried about how things would go when we got here. Part of it is that we don’t really know each other. The sex was amazing before, but I want more out of a relationship than sex.”
“We have the rest of our lives, Hayley. As badly as I want you, I can wait. I meant what I said. I’ll let you set the pace.” I smiled a little. “As long as my brothers don’t know about it. I have a reputation to protect after all. Until then, I can keep using my hand. At least I’ll have you here in my arms. It’s more than I had before.”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course, you’d be worried about your reputation. Heaven forbid they think you’re a nice guy and not some womanizing asshole.”
“Just part of being who I am, baby.” I pressed my lips to hers. I wanted to linger, to deepen the kiss, but I pulled back before the temptation became too great. Now that we were alone, I didn’t know if I’d be able to stop. Not entirely true. If she told me to, I would. But having Hayley in my room, on my bed? Yeah, I was semi-hard and would be ready to go if she even hinted she wanted sex right now. “Have you seen the master bathroom yet?”
She shook her head.
“Wait here, baby. I’m going to run you a hot bath. You can soak for a bit and relax. I’ll clear out a few drawers for you in the dresser and shift stuff around in the closet. We can worry about putting your things away tomorrow. You need sleep more than anything else right now.”
“Thank you, Alex.”
Hearing my name on her lips did funny things to me. My chest felt all warm and my stomach felt strange. Yeah, with Hayley, I was definitely turning into a teen boy with his first girlfriend. I hurried into the bathroom and rinsed out the tub before filling it with steaming hot water. I added some foaming bath with Epsom salts and eucalyptus. Lyssa had brought it over when I’d helped Forge rearrange some stuff at the shop and strained my back. Getting old was a bitch.
I’d not had the heart to tell her big, badass bikers didn’t take bubble baths. Right now, I was glad to have the stuff. It seemed like the perfect thing to add to Hayley’s bath. My woman looked like she was about to collapse and not get up for a long while. She’d been so focused on taking care of Freya, she hadn’t taken care of herself, and no one had been around to take up the slack.
After I filled the tub, I shut off the taps and went to get Hayley. She seemed so shaken, I didn’t want to leave her. I kept my gaze on her face as I helped her undress. I might have seen her body before, but it didn’t give me the right to look now. I’d be a gentleman, or at least try to be. Whatever she needed, I’d give it to her.
It about killed me to not put my hands on her. I wanted to place my hand over her belly. She’d nurtured our daughter inside her, and I’d missed it. I wondered what she’d looked like, swollen with our child. Her breasts seemed bigger than before, and I had a damn hard time not letting my gaze drop to check them out. I remembered how responsive her nipples had been. Were they still?
I helped her into the tub, put a towel within reach, and dimmed the lights. “Relax, Hayley. Soak as long as you want. We can reheat the food when you’re ready to eat.”
“I shouldn’t stay in here a long time,” she murmured, closing her eyes.
“You deserve a break, baby. I’ll listen for Freya, and I’ll work on making room for your things. Take some time for yourself.”
She smiled and held her hand up to me. I grasped it and kissed her fingers then backed out of the bathroom before I decided to stay and help with her bath. Making space in the dresser wasn’t too difficult. I managed to empty two drawers within a few minutes, but the closet would be a bit harder. I eyed the gun safe in the bottom and knew I needed to move it. Not by myself, and not tonight, but soon. The house only had three bedrooms, and on the off chance we had more kids, I didn’t want to take up the third room with my stuff.
I smiled. More kids. Yeah, I could get behind that idea. To think I’d been single, and fucking miserable, two days ago and now I had a woman and daughter. I just needed to get them both settled into their new home, make sure Hayley was healthy, and hope Freya’s purple crying ended soon. Whatever the fuck that was. I seriously needed to look it up and see if there was some way to ease Freya’s distress. I didn’t think Hayley could handle much more. Every time our sweet girl started screaming, my woman looked like she would fall apart.
I made some space for Hayley to hang up her things, with a mental note to figure out a new spot for my weapons. Then I called Dr. Kestral. He patched us up when things went sideways, but I knew he was a legit doctor and would be able to help Hayley. Or at least check her over and make sure she was healthy. He promised to stop by within the hour, which meant I needed to keep Hayley awake a little while longer.
But first, there was another matter to handle.
I called Torch.
“Hawk, do you have any idea what fucking time it is?” he demanded when he picked up the call. I glanced at the clock, realizing it was barely after eight. I doubted he went to bed this damn early.
“Uh, no. I didn’t really stop to look. I need Chief Daniels’ number, if you have it.”
It was quiet a moment. “Do I seem like the type to go golfing with the chief of police, or what the fuck ever guys like him do for fun? Call the damn station during daylight hours. You know, when people aren’t trying to get their fucking kids to sleep.”
I winced. Now that I had a daughter, I could sympathize. “Sorry, Torch. I just know it’s messing Hayley up that her family dumped her the way they did. I was hoping to talk to the chief and smooth things over, maybe make him see reason.”
“Good luck,” he muttered and ended the call.
Well, that hadn’t gone the way I’d hoped, but it could have been worse.
I heard Hayley call out for me and I rushed to her side, not wanting her to get out of the tub on her own. As tired as she was, she could easily slip and fall. I helped her dry off and change into her pajamas.
“The doctor will be here in a little while,” I said. “For now, let’s warm up our dinner and get some food into your stomach. I don’t think you’ve been eating enough.”
She snorted and smacked her hip. “You didn’t notice the extra padding?”
My lips twitched. “Oh, I noticed all the changes, baby. And I especially approve of the ‘extra padding,’ as you put it, on your hips and ass. You’re beautiful, Hayley. Having a baby didn’t change that. If anything, it just made you even more stunning.”
She shook her head. “I look more like Cuddles right now.”
Her eyes went wide, and she slapped a hand over her mouth. Shit. We’d forgotten about her raccoon.
“I’ll get him. You go sit in the kitchen.” I hesitated a moment. “Will he bite me? He seemed friendly enough at the Dixie Reaper’s place, but he’s in a new environment, and today hasn’t been the easiest day for any of us.”
She shook her head. “No, he’s really sweet, and he already met you once so it’s not like you’re a stranger. His harness and leash are by the carrier. He probably needs to go to the bathroom. There’s a litter box for him, but I haven’t set it up yet, and he has a cat tree he likes to hide inside.”
“I’ll take him outside. Don’t worry, Hayley. Just g
o sit.”
Once I knew she would listen, I let the raccoon out of his cage. He chittered and fussed, clearly pissed we’d forgotten about him. I was surprised at how easily I could get the harness on him, and he eagerly walked on a leash. We went out front and I led him away from the house so he wouldn’t leave any surprises where someone might step in it. After he’d finished, I took him inside and set him free in the house.
I found his litter box and other necessities and got everything set up. I opened the folding doors on the tiny hall closet and decided it would be a good spot for his litter box. I made sure Cuddles knew where I’d put it before I put his cat tree in the corner of the living room and his food and water dishes in the kitchen. Hayley put some fruit in his bowl, and he snacked while we ate our dinner.
By the time Dr. Kestral arrived, Hayley had fed Freya once more and looked like she was ready to fall asleep. He examined her in our bedroom, with me present for the entire thing. Hayley gripped my hand while he listened to her heart, checked her eyes, and went through whatever mental checklist doctors seem to have for a routine exam.
“I’d like to take some blood, but I’ll need you to come to my office for that. I didn’t have the right supplies at home or I’d have brought them with me. I just want to make sure you have enough iron and get a baseline to use for future visits.” Dr. Kestral patted her hand. “Mostly, I want you to get some rest. You won’t do anyone any good, least of all your daughter, if you collapse from exhaustion.”
“I’ll see that she gets more sleep,” I said.
“Welcome to the Reckless Kings family, Hayley.” Dr. Kestral gave her a wink. “I’m glad to see there’s someone who can keep this one in check.”
I shook my head, but he’d made her smile so I let the ribbing slide. And the wink. The doc was an unofficial member of the club and had been treating all of us for a long while. He knew how to keep his mouth shut, and he was damn good at his job. I trusted him with Hayley, and with Freya.
