by Tina T. Kove
‘Give me a minute to change clothes, and I’ll go have that bloody lunch with you.’ It was better to just do it than to have him hover over me here.
‘Great.’ He stepped back. ‘I’ll wait upstairs.’
He left and I stared down at the tent still evident in the joggers.
‘Bloody dick. Go down.’ I pressed my palm against it, but that didn’t help any. If anything, it only made it perk up more. ‘Fuck you then.’
Once in the bathroom, with a new change of clothes, I realised it would be difficult to first get an erect dick into my skinny jeans, and then to hide it once it was in. Skinny jeans were skinny for a reason. They were tight. They showed everything.
So I positioned myself over the toilet, pulled up that image of Tarjei all fucked out, and stroked myself off in two minutes. My aim wasn’t all that good, because instead of simply going in the toilet, my come dripped to both the floor and the toilet seat.
Which meant I had to clean it all up before I could get dressed.
Jo was totally going to know I finished myself off with all the time I spent. At least Jo was a guy. He’d understand. It would’ve been worse if it had been any of the girls. They’d just laugh at me, think it was hilarious that they’d caught me in the act.
‘So where’s Kristina?’ I asked Jo once I got upstairs. He was in the kitchen speaking with Thomas.
‘At work.’
So just me and Jo then. Oh joy.
‘So where are we eating lunch?’
‘At Steam.’
‘I don’t want to go there.’ I grimaced. That was where Nik had told me off and Marcus had beat me up.
‘I get a discount there,’ Jo pointed out patiently. ‘So it’s cheapest. And they have great food.’
I didn’t have an argument for this. I couldn’t very well tell him I hated the place, when he worked there. So I waved goodbye to Thomas and got into the passenger seat of Jo’s car.
It rained outside, but not all that much. The skies were grey in the distance though, promising a lot more rain.
We found a table inside, hidden away in a nook. We ordered at the bar—Jo even paid for my lunch, which, well… if he insisted…
Once we sat back down on the table with our drinks, my phone vibrated across the wood. I could see on the home-screen who it was from and what it said.
‘Aren’t you going to answer?’ Jo asked.
‘Nope.’ I crossed my arms on the table. ‘It’s only Nik, asking if I’m ignoring him.’
‘Considering you’re not answering, I’ll say you are. Why?’
I shrugged. I didn’t really want to get into that whole business.
‘Isn’t he your best friend?’
‘Things happened. Words were said. I was beaten up.’ Didn’t he catch my dismissive tone? Didn’t he understand I didn’t want to talk about this?
‘But that was some other guy.’ Jo frowned. ‘What does that have to do with your best friend?’
I shrugged again, searching for words. Might as well just tell him then, since he wasn’t going to let the subject drop.
‘He said some things to me, and I was hurt. So when Marcus came around, calling me a poof, I goaded him. I wanted him to hit me. Because I was hurt that Nik said he wouldn’t ever like me back the way I like him.’
Jo’s frown deepened.
A lot of shrugging and frowning was going on here.
‘So let me see if I get this correctly. You like your best friend, but you’ve been shagging his brother for years instead?’
‘Yeah, pretty much.’ Had we kissed last night too? No, it must definitely have been a dream. Tarjei wouldn’t kiss me now. Not after the ultimatum he’d given. Relationship or nothing. He wouldn’t suck me off either, come to that. It was all in my head.
‘Why have you been with Tarjei for so long?’
I glanced up, initially surprised he knew Tarjei—but that was stupid. Tarjei was his twin brother’s best friend. We all knew each other. That was probably why this thing between Tarjei and me wasn’t as secret as I’d want it to be.
‘I don’t know. We have good sex.’ Or so I’d always thought.
‘So many years for just the sex?’ He stared at me. ‘As a guy, who likes sex just as much as the next guy, I got to say I don’t get it. I mean, all these years having sex with one person, and it’s amazing sex, yet nothing else has developed?’ He shook his head. ‘That’s weird.’
I scowled down at the table.
‘You do know that research shows that for us guys sex helps us move into a deeper connection, right? I read that somewhere a while ago. Women want that deeper connection before the sex, but for us it’s different.’
I snorted. ‘So what? If I say I miss him, is that because of all the sex we’ve been having for over four years has led to a “deeper connection”?’ I made the quotation marks with my fingers.
‘Is that so hard to believe?’
‘Is that what happened with you and Kristina?’ I shot back at him, not quite sure what I was angry about, only knowing I was.
‘Kristina and I are different. Our situation was very different.’ He leant back in his chair, crossing his arms. ‘We forged our connection long before we got together. But when we did, it felt right.’
‘Even if she’s your cousin?’ It was still weird.
He nodded.
‘When did you get together?’
Kristina wasn’t very forthcoming about her relationship with Jo. Probably because we were a family that didn’t ask about every single detail about every single thing, but also because I suspected she’d kept it a secret long before she’d told anyone.
‘When I moved back from Trondheim.’
So last year then.
‘Wow, you kept that a secret long enough.’
Jo smiled slightly. ‘We didn’t know how people would react.’
‘Oh, come on. We’re all quite liberal.’ To say the least. ‘I’m gay, Andreas’s bi. Thomas let Alex, Andreas’s boyfriend, live with us. In the same room as Andreas. I don’t think anyone would’ve ever had a problem with it.’
‘It was new, it was weird to go back to that when we’d been apart for a year.’ Jo pursed his lips. ‘And she was scared.’
‘Scared of what?’ Thomas would’ve never thrown her out or disowned her. Also, ‘go back to’? Did that mean they’d had a thing before he moved away?
‘What are you scared of, Ben?’ Jo’s eyes narrowed.
‘Nothing,’ I answered quickly, knowing it was total bullocks.
‘Yeah, sure,’ he huffed.
Our food arrived, ending our conversation for the time being. Jo dug into his burger immediately. It wasn’t a regular burger like you bought at takeaway places or the gas station. No, it was some fancy-arsed shit you ate with a fork and knife.
I’d ordered a caesar salad because I wasn’t all that hungry. Also, because my face was all beat up and my jaw hurt, so I couldn’t gape over a burger or a sandwich. Also, third, my stomach was queasy.
‘You know what I think, Ben?’
‘Do I want to know?’ I grumbled.
‘It doesn’t matter, because I’m going to tell you anyway.’ He chewed another piece of burger and swallowed before he spoke again. ‘I think you should give it a shot.’
‘Give what a shot?’
‘Tarjei. According to Kristina, that guy’s really hung up on you.’
Now I pursed my lips and I pushed my salad around my plate.
‘And you’ve been shagging him for four years.’
‘Over four years.’
‘That only rests my point,’ he said, chuckling. ‘Why don’t you try it out? A relationship? Maybe you’ll like it. Get over that friend of yours. If he’s told you he’s never going to like you that way, then there’s no hope anyway. Get over it.’
‘Like it’s that easy.’ But I hadn’t thought about Nik much all week. I’d thought more about Tarjei than him. I hadn’t had a wank to a picture of Nik, but to one of
Tarjei.
‘You’re in a depressive funk, Ben, and you need to get out of it. Let people help you. Let the people who care about you care. Try something new. If it doesn’t work out, at least you’ve tried, right?’ Jo’s gaze was intense. ‘That’s what I thought about Kristina in the beginning. I’d try, we’d see where it went… and we’re still together.’
‘Next up’s marriage and kids and mortgage on a house and a dog.’ I couldn’t help the mocking tone my voice took.
He only laughed. ‘Now that’s taking it a bit too far. But we’re good. We’re in a very good place. That’s all that matters. What makes you feel good?’
Images of Tarjei sucking my dick, of Tarjei in my lap riding me, of Tarjei fucking me hard from behind… I cleared my throat and looked away. I was pretty sure my face had turned all flushed.
Jo only laughed, the fucker. ‘That’s what I thought.’
I spent the rest of the day in my room, trying to figure out what to do. Instead of lying listlessly on my bed, like I’d done most days this week when I was home, I paced. Because I was nervous, and anxious, and bloody out of my depth.
The clock was already eleven by the time I found the courage to pick up my phone. I did not find the courage to give him a ring, so I settled for a text message.
Me: Can we talk?
Then I paced some more while I waited for his answer. Maybe he’d already gone to bed. He didn’t have work in the morning, but still.
When my phone vibrated, I was so startled I almost lost it.
Tarjei: Sure.
Me: Can I come over to your place?
Thank God for autocorrect on the phone. My dyslexia was horrible.
He took a while longer to reply now, and I tapped my phone against my leg.
Tarjei: How about we meet at BK?
Neutral ground. There wouldn’t be a chance of us ending up in bed out in public.
Maybe it was better—but I’d like it more if I could just skip over to his flat. The possibility of ending up in bed was better than to sit opposite each other and stutter. Because I had no idea what to say, or what to do.
Me: OK. Leaving now.
Tarjei: See you soon then.
I went upstairs. Thomas was at work, and Maria and Kristina were nowhere to be seen. Andreas and Alex were likely cooped up in their room. Shagging, maybe. At least that’s what I would be doing if I had a boyfriend live with me.
I stuffed my Converse trainers on my feet and laced them around my ankle, then shrugged into a jacket. Once I opened the door, I regretted asking us to meet at all, because it was pouring outside.
I should’ve asked if Tarjei could come to me. At least he had a car. Since Thomas was at work, the driveway was empty.
‘Dammit.’ That meant I had to walk. In the pouring rain. And get soaked.
I had to go. I’d told him I was on my way. We’d agreed to meet. I couldn’t pull out. I didn’t know if I’d get the courage again if I postponed now. I also didn’t know if he’d give me more of his time then.
So I headed out into the dark night. It was windy too, the rain hitting my face. Good thing I hadn’t thought to apply eyeliner, because it would’ve been running down my cheeks the minute I stepped outside.
I saw the building that housed Burger King first, then spotted Tarjei outside the door. Was he waiting out in the rain for me?
But no. Looking behind him, I saw that the chairs inside were put up on the tables, and most lights were off.
I hurried closer.
Tarjei turned around, peering out into the rain at me.
‘It’s closed,’ he said.
I stopped when I was on the sidewalk. Rain still poured down over me, and I watched him where he stood under cover. He was wet too, but nowhere close to as wet as I was. He lived just around the corner; he hadn’t had to walk all the way downtown.
‘I really want to talk to you,’ I said, for lack of anything else. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Not the two of us standing outside in the rain.
‘About what?’ He watched me carefully as if he didn’t trust me. ‘Come on, Ben, get over here. Get out of the rain.’
‘I’ve been thinking.’ I took three steps forward, bringing me under cover as well. It didn’t help any. The rain had soaked me. My hair lay flat against my head and over my forehead. I must look horrible, especially with my bruised face added to it all. ‘I miss you.’
‘I can’t keep having sex with you, Ben.’ He grimaced, glanced away, everywhere but at me. ‘And I can’t be just your friend.’
‘What if I don’t want you to be just my friend?’ My teeth started to chatter, so I bit down on my lower lip to try and stop it. ‘What if I want to be more than friends?’
Now he glanced at me, but it was quick. ‘When’d you figure that out?’
‘Earlier today,’ I answered truthfully. ‘I’ve missed you. The sex too, obviously.’ I wrapped my arms around myself. It was bloody cold outside. ‘Jo asked me earlier what made me feel good.’ I swallowed.
‘And what’s that?’ He kicked a loose, small stone away.
‘You do.’ I was starting to shake from the cold now, my teeth chattering so loud he must hear it. ‘Being with you. And yes, it’s the sex, it’s amazing. And I want it. If you still want, I’m willing to try this—this relationship thing.’
He blinked at me.
‘You are?’ He seemed utterly taken aback.
I nodded quickly. ‘I don’t think I’ll be any good at it. I’ve never had one before. But I’m willing to try. I don’t want t-to never see you again.’
‘Do you really want it?’ His eyes narrowed. ‘Or are you doing this just because you want the sex that I’m not willing to give anymore? Because the sex comes with strings now?’
‘What? No! Tarjei…’ My whole body shook from the cold and the wet, but I had to get the words out there. ‘I do want this. I want to try. I’m getting over Nik, and I—’ I sighed. ‘I like being with you. Let’s try, see if we work. What’s the harm, right? If it doesn’t, at least we tried.’
He stared down at his feet for a long, cold minute. ‘We’ll be exclusive?’
‘Yes.’ I’d been exclusive for months. He was the only one I’d been with in ages. ‘Exclusive. Done. Deal.’
It might be April outside, but it was nowhere near spring yet. It was the wind that was the worst because it was so freaking cold. I felt like jumping up and down to try and regain some warmth, but that would be too silly. So I just stood there, trembling, teeth chattering, and hoped he’d say yes.
He lifted his head, took me in. Our gazes met. I tried to give him a sincere look, tell him without words that I did want to try us out.
‘We’ll tell people?’ he asked, still hesitant.
‘I’ll post it on fucking Facebook.’ If I didn’t get bloody pneumonia from this, it would be a miracle. ‘I’m standing here, soaking wet, freezing to death. I walked all the way down here in this weather to meet you. I’m serious.’
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. Then he pulled his jacket off and draped it around my shoulders, rubbing my arms and back.
‘Okay then. Let’s try. Let’s be boyfriends.’
I tried to smile, but it was like my face had frozen. My lips wouldn’t fucking lift. There was only one way I could think of warming them.
His lips were cold too, but his tongue wasn’t. It ran over both my lips before plunging into my mouth. I kissed him with everything I had—but I wasn’t as good at kissing as I was with sex. Sex had always been more important to me. Kissing had been too intimate.
But kissing him was good, even if my whole body shook.
‘You need to warm up.’ He stepped back, hands still on my shoulder. ‘Come on.’ And he wrapped an arm around my shoulder as he steered me back out into the rain. ‘Can you run?’
I shook my head, splashing rain everywhere. Not that it mattered, since it was everywhere.
‘Don’t think I want to attempt that, no.’ M
y ribs already ached from walking all the way down here.
He was only in a thin jumper now, which was already soaked through. His jacket stayed around my shoulder. Not that it helped much, except to keep more rain from soaking into my clothes.
What did make me feel a tiny bit warmer was his strong, sure arm draped over my shoulder. That felt good.
My mood, which had been utterly miserable for at least the past month, already started to lift a little.
‘So sex is no longer off the table, right?’
He laughed. ‘No, Ben, it isn’t.’ He squeezed my shoulders.
I smiled to myself as we rounded the corner, only minutes away from his flat. Something fluttered in my stomach, and I realised with a jolt what it was. Hope.
And I thought that maybe, just maybe… I could do this boyfriend thing after all.
Saturday, April 27th
I wasn’t very good at this boyfriend thing. I’d already known that before I agreed to be a boyfriend—or begged, as had been the case. I’d never had one before, after all.
But waking up naked in bed with an arm around my waist, a body pressed up against mine, and a hard dick poking insistently against my arse was definitely something I could get used to.
I threw my leg over Tarjei’s and moved around so his cock slid under my arse, to nudge against my balls instead.
‘You awake?’ He nuzzled my neck.
‘Yeah. So are you.’
He chuckled. ‘I want to fuck you, Ben.’
My ribs didn’t hurt right now. If we didn’t go at it hard, I reckoned I would be perfectly okay. ‘Do it.’
‘You sure?’ He splayed his palm over my chest, moved it down a little towards my stomach. ‘It won’t hurt you?’
‘Just do it. It’s been ages since you fucked me.’ Last night I’d fucked him. I didn’t care if I was top or bottom—both were equally good. But my arse had been lonely for days and I needed his dick in it right now.
He rolled away to search for the lube and find a new condom packet.
I stayed where I was, listening to him rip the packet open. I imagined him rolling the rubber down his hard length—not that I needed to imagine it, because I knew exactly how he looked when he suited up.
