“Nothing. Just messing around,” he said, finishing with a flourish. “I wrote it a long time ago. Haven’t played much until recently.” He rested his arms on the side of the guitar body.
“Well, it’s beautiful.”
“Thanks. So, the other day,” he began.
“The other day,” she repeated.
His eyes twinkled. “You were going to ask me something.”
Audrey cleared her throat. “I was going to suggest that we go to Down Home. I still haven’t been.”
“Asking me out on a date, Linser?”
“For dinner, at least.”
***
Audrey hoisted her hair up on top of her head and looked in the mirror. Nope. She made a face and let it fall. Not for the first time, she contemplated grabbing the scissors out of her desk and chopping half of it off. Instead, she quickly brushed it out and braided it, letting it fall to her waist in a heavy rope.
She was annoyed with herself that she was spending so much time on her appearance, and more so that she found her wardrobe suddenly lacking. She’d always relied on her few, interchangeable pieces, and had never wanted for anything more.
It was just dinner. At a BBQ diner, of all places. So, why the butterflies?
Audrey finally settled on jeans and a casual tunic top in a deep turquoise. As she fastened the back of a small stud earring, she looked at herself in the mirror. Same as usual. As if she could be any different.
A light knock on the door sent the butterflies spinning. She took a deep breath and willed them away. What the hell was up with that? She grabbed her wallet and keys and shoved her phone in her back pocket before she opened the door.
“That color is beautiful on you,” Simon said.
“Hello to you, too.”
“Are you ready?” he asked. At her nod, he stepped out of the doorway to let her exit.
They were silent until they got to the ground floor. Simon pointed toward his car. “Figured I would drive, unless you’d rather?”
“No, that’s fine. I still don’t know the area all that well,” she said, walking around to the passenger side and getting in.
The restaurant was in an older area of downtown, about 15 minutes down away. For the first few minutes, they rode in silence.
“Do you wa—”
“How lo—”
They glanced at each other and started laughing. “You first,” Simon told her.
“I was just going to ask how long the afternoon was with that case,” Audrey said.
He smiled over at her, and those little butterflies spun around a couple times.
“It was dull as hell,” he said. “But, let’s leave the work talk for another time, okay?”
“Sorry,” Audrey said. “It’s my default setting. What were you going to ask?”
“If you wanted to catch a movie after dinner.”
“As long as it’s the next Marvel, I’m in.” She returned the smile that broke out on his face.
Simon pulled the car up in front of the restaurant. Down Home was in an old building, or one that had been made to look old. Audrey looked around. Given the condition of the other buildings, this one was old. It had a flat roof like so many other buildings in the area, and the white painted bricks were grey with age. A steady stream of smoke rose from behind the building, where she’d seen the pile of wood and smokers going at full production. Two large windows framed a glass door. They entered and she took in the booths, high backed and covered in black, fake leather that was cracked around the edges. Pendant lights hung from the ceiling over each booth and the tables in the open seating area. There were quite a few people, but not so many that there was a wait. Families took up most of the open table seating.
Simon waved to a man behind the counter, who gave him an exaggerated salute in return and pointed toward a back corner. He led Audrey to the booth and they slid in, seated across from each other.
“Regular here?”
Simon smiled. “Yeah. I’ve known the owner for years.”
“Years?” Audrey asked. “How long have you been here?”
“Well, I’ve been stationed here for two years this tour. My first tour was also here, and they decided I needed to come back. I was also here as a kid.”
Audrey had been watching his face as he spoke. Something about his last statement caught her. “Brat?” she asked.
“Yep. Dad was . . . is, in.”
“Yeah? What does he do?”
Simon hesitated. “He’s a lawyer. JAG officer.”
“That must make for some fun dinner conversation.”
“We try not to talk about work when we get together. He was always good about keeping that stuff away from the family.” Simon fussed with the silverware in front of him. “So. Where were you before you got here?”
Audrey had just taken a drink and spluttered a little before swallowing. “To the point. Well, I can appreciate that.” She sat back in the booth, putting a little distance between them. “I’ve spent most of my time on special assignments.”
“I figured. Ant’s not made a secret of his snooping.”
“Yeah, helpful, he is.”
“So, what brought you here so fast?”
He was going to find out anyway, so Audrey told him the short tale. He was intently watching her, and the overhead lights reflected in his eyes. They were light hazel, leaning toward green.
She first noticed the furrow between his eyes, and then the stiffening of his shoulders. By the time she got to the part about getting back to her apartment and finding out she had to leave the country, his eyes had glazed. Keeping things factual wasn’t working out so well for her, and it mortified her she’d set him off. She leaned forward and grasped his hand, warming his chilled flesh with a caress. She ran her thumb slowly over the back of his hand. He had small scars, light pink, that marred the surface of his skin and ran up his arm. She was silent, watching as his vision cleared and his breathing slowed. He blinked and looked down at her hand and squeezed it.
“Sorry,” he whispered. Color flushed his cheeks, where they’d just been pale.
“No. I’m sorry.”
Simon shook his head. “It’s weird. I don’t know where I went . . .” he drifted off.
Audrey continued running her thumb over his hand, enjoying the warmth of his skin while he settled himself.
“What about your family?” he asked suddenly. He watched her eyes dim and his gut dropped.
“My mother died when I was young,” she said. “My father isn’t present. I was raised by my uncle—my mother’s brother.”
The picture on her desk. He squeezed her hand again. “My turn to be sorry now.”
Simon silently thanked the server as she came up and set down plates full of food. The wait at the restaurant varied a lot, depending on the crowd, but they’d gotten lucky, especially since it was Friday.
They ate in silence for a few minutes. Simon was oddly pleased when, after the first bite, Audrey’s eyelids fluttered and she proclaimed that this place was, in fact, better than Antony’s pick.
“Told you. Something wrong with Ramos’ taste buds or something.” Simon grinned slyly. “Or, could be he got turned down flat by the owner’s daughter a few months back.”
Audrey grinned. “He’s a bit of a shit-stirrer, yeah?”
“Yes. He is.” Simon grew somber. “But there’s no one else I’d rather have at my back. He’s solid, Audrey. A pain in the ass, but solid.”
She nodded. “And nosy, but I guess that’s normal in our work.”
“What’s the worst that can happen? He gonna find skeletons dancing in your closet?”
Audrey bristled a little, tension setting in around her shoulders. Simon realized he’d come a little too close to something and regretted it.
“It looks like I shouldn’t have gone there,” he said, wiping his hands on his napkin and leaning back in his chair. “This isn’t quite how I expected tonight to go.”
Audrey shook her h
ead. “No, you’re fine. I came blowing in all mysterious, so of course there are questions.” She took a breath. “Look, I don’t spend a lot of time getting close to people. I’m awkward as hell. If I had the choice, I’d be back out there in a heartbeat.”
Her message was clear: don’t get attached. She was here for a good time, not a long one. Simon could relate. He had never spent a lot of time fostering serious relationships, and the few he had had ended poorly. Over the last year, something else had crept into his subconscious, some vague sensation telling him there was more out there. It warred with the desire to live in the moment, especially after the attack that took his teammates and almost took him. Even so, that small voice in the back of his head that told him to slow his ass down could be heard over the din.
He tamped it down as best he could. If she wanted fun, he was good with that. Maybe he’d get back into the groove. Besides, she was smart and beautiful and they’d had fun on the job. Her wit made him laugh, and her presence made him feel things he hadn’t in far too long. He’d hold on to that, even if it was only temporary.
“I hear you,” he said. “I like doing the field work, too, though I haven’t gotten to do it often. Doubt I’ll be able to do much for a long time.” He touched the lower edge of his scar. “I’m still not released for full duty.”
“It adds to the mystery,” she said, relieved. He seemed to understand what she was saying about relationships. She could go into whatever happened next with a clear conscience.
“You’re not going to ask about it?”
“Charlie told me a bit. And I think we’ve had enough awkward chat for one night,” she said, smiling. “So tell me, Simon, what do you like to do in Sierra Vista, Arizona?”
“Go to Tuscon.”
“Night life that good around here, huh?”
“There are a couple clubs here that aren’t so bad, but trainees are all over the place.”
“Oh, come on. It’s easy to pick them out. They smell new.” Audrey sipped her water. “So, what else?”
“Lately?” He looked a little sheepish. “I like driving out into the country at night. Not a lot of light pollution out here. It’s nice.”
“Midnight drives,” Audrey raised her eyebrow and winked. “How romantic.”
Simon gave her a wry smile. “Yep. Solo drives are some hot stuff.” He looked down at their hands, and glimpsed his watch. “I think we missed the movie, by about an hour.”
“Oops.” Audrey smiled. “Distracted by your solo romantic drives, I guess.”
“Funny woman,” he said, grinning. “I know you’re angling to get out into the desert with me.”
“I am not that kind of woman, Simon Carwell!” she said, clutching the neckline of her blouse. “But yeah, maybe sometime.”
“Maybe sometime we’ll go for that drive.” He looked at her for a long moment until she felt warm. His eyes had a glint to them that matched her own. She glanced down at his mouth and turned away when he gave her a little smirk. “Let me check showtimes,” he said, a little roughly, as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.
Audrey watched as he tapped on his screen, his fingers quick. Oh, she wanted him. He wanted her, too. She was glad that the evening didn’t turn out to be the disaster it could have easily been. In fact, the evening had been one of the best she’d had in . . . hell, she didn’t know how long. Or if she ever had. She enjoyed that buzz of new attraction, feeling it prickle just below the surface, and she was content to drag it out for a while. For reasons she wasn’t willing to examine, she wanted to spend more time getting to know this man next to her. Simon was easy to talk with, and she found herself comfortable. He also seemed to understand that she liked her life, as complicated as it was, and that was a tremendous relief.
After a minute of tapping, Simon put his phone back in his pocket. “Looks like there’s another showing in half an hour. You still game?”
“Absolutely.”
They sat in the dark movie theatre, watching the latest superhero flick and sharing popcorn. A few minutes in, Audrey flipped up the armrest and smiled up at Simon as she snuggled in close. Simon put his arm around her and she tucked into his side. The smell of her hair filled his nose. Clean, with a hint of spice. She was warm and soft, and when she laid her hand softly on his thigh, he jumped a little and felt her chuckle softly next to him.
Simon didn’t want to move, to break the spell. She fit perfectly against him. It’d been a long, long time since he’d had physical contact, and he soaked it up. He spent the rest of the movie watching it through her actions, her jumps and flinches when the fighting scenes began, and laughing at the silly points. He wanted to do this again, soon. Often. For as long as she was around.
He didn’t ask if she wanted to stop in, and she didn’t offer her place. He hadn’t expected it and was oddly relieved that it didn’t come up. They stopped between their doors on the landing, and Audrey stepped toward him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I had fun, even with the awkward at dinner.”
Simon wrapped his arms around her shoulders and squeezed. “It was. We might need to do this again.”
Audrey raised her head from his chest and pressed a kiss to his cheek, just below his scar. Her lips were warm, and her perfume hung lightly in the air. A moment later, she stepped away and smiled.
“Yes.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Simon heard Audrey’s door slam, and the quick pace of her footsteps leading away, toward the stairwell. He looked out the front window and saw her jogging away. She went running a few times a week. He’d gone with her a few times, but begged off that morning for his appointment.
He turned away from the window and walked over to his coffee cup, picking it up and draining it in one gulp. He filled his travel mug, grabbed his notebook and folder, and headed to the hospital.
“Simon, come in and have a seat,” Dr. K. said, smiling at him. “I’ll just be a moment.” She stepped out of the room.
Simon looked around the room. Her diplomas were on the wall behind her desk. Stanford. Harvard. Scattered around were her many awards for service to the troops. Leather-bound books and texts filled the shelves. Random pictures in small frames were scattered in small spaces on the shelves. He moved toward one. It was her, in an Air Force uniform. He heard the door softly close behind him and spun around.
“It’s just me, Simon,” she said, carrying a cup of coffee. She saw what he was looking at. “Six years active duty. I’m still a reservist. Retiring next year.”
He nodded and sat on the couch. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth. And shut it again.
The doctor sat down and waited.
“Should I wait to start a relationship?” he blurted.
“Is there any reason you’d want to wait?” she asked in reply.
“Well, I’ve just started with therapy, and with as long as it’s been, I . . .” he trailed off.
Dr. K. took a sip of her coffee and put her mug down. “Simon, there are married people who have been in your position. I don’t recommend that they separate during therapy. If you want to date, date. If you don’t, well, don’t. It is that simple.”
“I started dating someone. Couple weeks ago.”
“And how are things going? Do you feel good?”
“God, it is weird talking about this like I’m some high schooler,” Simon said, rubbing his eye with the heel of his hand.
“Simon, out of all the things I’ve heard, this doesn’t even register as mildly odd.”
Simon laughed. “Yeah, I bet.”
“Have you told her what happened?” Dr. K asked.
“Well, she knows enough,” Simon touched the scar on his face. “Kinda hard to not.”
“But no details.”
“No. Not yet. Not from me.”
“You didn’t answer earlier. How are things going?”
“Well, slowly. We’ve gone out a few times and haven’t even kissed.”
/>
“Is that unusual for you?”
Simon half-smiled. “I don’t know anymore. She’s the first person I’ve gone out with since deployment.”
“How would things have gone before?”
“Before? I’d have sealed the deal by now. Probably on the first date.” It was so easy, before he found his mortality.
Dr. K. made a note in the folder she was holding. If she thought anything about his revelation, she didn’t show it. “Obviously, your worldview has changed,” she said. “People don’t go through what you did and come out unchanged. Do you think your lack of sealing the deal relates to your depression? Has your desire for physical contact diminished?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you said you haven’t kissed her. And you haven’t gone out with anyone. Perhaps I assumed that you’d not been physical?”
Simon coughed a little. “No. I haven’t. It’s weird. I haven’t wanted to go out. I tried a couple times, right after we got back, but the women I’d known before just,” he paused. “They irritated me. No. That’s not right. It wasn’t them. They were the same people, and they’re all still okay. I couldn’t do the small talk anymore. Couldn’t play the game.” He grabbed his mug and took a drink. “To answer your other question, I really hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about sex or dating until now.”
“There’s the depression talking.”
“I feel silly asking about this stuff.”
“Don’t. It shows consideration for others. The only thing you should do is let your romantic partner know of the troubles you’re experiencing. Not the first date, of course, but if the relationship progresses. It really wouldn’t do for them to experience a night terror with no warning, right?”
Simon hadn’t considered that. “No. That would be shitty.”
By the end of their session, Simon felt like he’d been through a car wash without the car. The doctor was setting him up to recount his experience. Desensitization training. It was going to suck. They’d talked about antidepressants, but after Simon’s hesitation, they tabled it with the agreement that if his symptoms didn’t abate with therapy, he’d try them. His rational mind understood that they’d help him balance, but he was stubborn. She was letting him be that way for now.
Wayward (A Soldier's Heart Book 1) Page 5
