“You ok?” he asked.
My eyes flashed open. I nodded. “You make me forget how to breathe.”
“In through your nose out through your mouth,” he said with a grin.
My lips automatically pursed. “You rode Juliet?” I asked.
“Yes. How’d you know?”
I reached down by his front jean pocket and plucked a long piece of her mane that was attached to his jeans without thinking about how close my hand was to something else. I pulled my hand back like it had been burned, my cheeks flaming in response. I seriously think I touched it!
“What are you doing?” Evan asked with disgust as he approached us, reminding me where we were.
Joss reared around, looming over Evan by a good three to four inches.
“She wanted to see if it would fit right,” Joss said sarcastically, pointing to his dick.
“Joss!”
Evan’s face hardened as his lip pulled up. I quickly stepped between them, but Joss jerked me back out of the way.
“What’s your problem, convict?”
“Evan!”
“My problem? I don’t have a problem. You have the problem.” Joss’s words slurred a bit. Obviously, he had already had plenty to drink.
“Is that right? What’s my problem then?” Evan stepped closer to Joss…stepped closer to death.
“Your problem is, I’m gonna fuck your girlfriend, and there’s not a god damn thing you can do about it.”
What? When Joss shoved Evan knocking him completely off balance, Jack jumped over the bar, hauling a baseball bat with him. Joss’s hands shot up in surrender, but Evan’s fist came around, smashing into Joss’s face. Jack trapped Evan’s arms at his sides in a giant vice grip to keep him from hitting Joss again.
Joss wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, leaving dab of blood behind. Jack shoved Evan backward, waving the bat between the two of them.
“This shit is not going down here, gentlemen.”
Seething with anger, I faced Joss. “What the hell was that?”
He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and back stepped away from me.
“Truth,” he said spitting a glob of blood on the floor. Then he walked out without another word.
Chapter 14
The protector…
Joss
EVAN’S PUSSY ASS fist had landed where my father’s always did, reminding me once again that fighting wasn’t the way to go. I wanted no resemblance of my father in me. But Jesus, I wanted to destroy that kid. The fact that he landed a damn punch when me throwing one could result in leaving the ranch—I took a deep breath searching for composure. Getting away from him was the only answer. The itch deep inside me would only be scratched if I threw hands with him. The judge’s words haunted me.
Sliding my foot into the stirrup proved more difficult than getting my ass up on the horse. Alcohol and rage coursed through my veins. What I had said to Ren was shitty, but I hated losing. No one would win a word war with me. Ever. I would not only win a physical fight but a verbal fight too. I’d learned well from my oldest brother, Jake.
Juliet was in full stride, her reins gripped tight in my fists, while I rode her hard across the fields back to the ranch. This was my first time to ride in a full gallop with the wind against my face. A rush I never expected. Once I saw the lights of the house, I slowed her to a trot, catching my breath as she caught hers.
The stars speckled across the dark sky, and once again, as my brain caught up to my actions, I wasn’t proud of myself. God and I had disagreed several times over my life. I still remembered singing God loves all the children of the world with my Mom before she left. After she left, it felt like God left with her. We lived in a world measured by dicks and fists rather than by what people stood for. People were too busy judging, and if they were judging, that meant they weren’t loving. There was no doubt I was the kid from the wrong side of the tracks. I’d been judged more times than I could count. But Abby loved me for who I was. The reality that I’d failed her still clung to our memories.
While Juliet found her own way home, I stared up at the stars, wondering if Abby was disappointed in me tonight. For my words. At that moment, a star fell from the sky. I didn’t know if that was a message from above or if it was a yes or a no. Would she want me to move on? My thoughts turned to Ren Briscoe. Why couldn’t I stay away from her? Why did she make me crazy? I didn’t have the answers to those questions. There was one thing of which I was certain, however, Calvin Briscoe hadn’t judged me. He’d given me an opportunity. A monumental one. He had probably saved my life. I owed him everything and had to somehow find out if touching Ren…his daughter… was a deal breaker. The more I saw her, the closer I got, I wasn’t sure if not touching her was an option.
Back in my quarters, I crashed in the recliner, wishing I could talk to Braxton. Almost four months had passed since I’d seen him. I could only imagine what he might say. He’d tell me to steer clear of trouble. To play it safe. Actually, he’d probably pop me in the back of my head and ask me what the hell I was thinking.
The motion lights on the patio flashed on. Dear God, this was becoming a nightly ritual. I would be lying to myself if I said I didn’t hope they’d come back here and swim. Even though there were four pretty girls in bikinis out there, Ren was the only one I watched. Back at the tavern, something snapped inside of me. Something that said there was no going back with her. I had crossed some kind of line and wasn’t sure where that left me at this point. I knew I wanted something from her, I just wasn’t sure what. Brax taught me to never take something from a girl that I couldn’t give back. She had told me she didn’t want to have sex with the douche bag, but I wasn’t sure if it was only about him, or if she hadn’t ever been with anyone.
The girls headed back inside the French door leading into the house, Ren on their heels. She didn’t go inside with them, however. Instead, she looked over at the windows to my living quarters and flipped off the patio lights. She’d turned off the lights, so I couldn’t see either. Then I saw her walk across the front of the windows. She was coming in…shit.
She marched her hot little self straight over to my chair.
“Ren, I understand this is your ranch, but these are my quarters, and you can’t just come in here as you see fit.” I kept my eyes on the empty pool.
“Oh, I’m the one out of line?” She propped her hands on her hips. Two white pockets peeked out of what little bit of denim was left of her jeans. The shorts were loose on her tiny legs and cut off at her upper-thigh.
“You said it, not me.”
She hissed, shaking her head. “You told my boyfriend you and I are going to fuck!”
I chuckled. That was a pretty good one. I silently applauded myself.
“What is wrong with you?” she squealed.
“What do you mean?”
Her eyes searched around the room. “Do you have some crayons, so I can explain it to you at your emotional level?”
Bad habits were hard to break. She was trying to be mean. Her meanness factor was that of a hamster. I answered her with silence.
When she stepped between my legs, my eyes rose to meet hers. She had no way to know she was treading on dangerous ground.
“Why’d you say that to him?” Her tone had softened.
My mind whirled faster than ever before. I undoubtedly wanted to lay her down. Right then, in fact, and make good on that promise I had made to Evan earlier. Licking my lips, I stared into her eyes while her smell teased me. Damn that smell.
“How can you ignore me like that?” Her brows pulled together in a sad way.
“I’m not ignoring you.” I captured my beard in my hand, rubbing down the sides.
“You don’t answer my questions.”
My eyes zoned into hers.
“See!” she said, raising her voice two octaves.
“That wasn’t a question.”
Exasperated or frustrated, I wasn’t sure which, she sighed and headed for
the door. I braced for the slam that typically came when she left.
“You know what’s funny, Joss. I’d take this yarn off my finger for you. In a second.”
I forced myself to stay glued to the seat or I would have gone to her. I wanted to go to her. She was so different than Abby. Ren was mouthy, full of sass. Her mouth is what made me lose all focus. I fought myself not to go after her. My brain fought a battle of its own knowing that Ren could be my absolute best and worst mistake.
When the other girls came back out to the pool, Ren was back in her chair as if nothing had happened. Then, as if on cue, the douche bag and his buddy stumbled out from inside of the house. Blood began to boil in my veins. Instantly, I was ready to finish what had started earlier.
“Give up, asshole,” I said to no one but myself.
Ren didn’t smile, only waved. As she got closer, he pulled out a bottle of fireball from behind his back. A big bottle.
Irritation with Mr. Briscoe sprouted inside of me. I didn’t understand him allowing this. A tavern where she could go drink. Booze by the pool. There was no doubt Mr. Briscoe had his hands full with her. But, everything about it was illegal. I wasn’t sure I was up for the challenge of him, or Ren.
Shrieking laughter out by the pool drew my attention. One of the girls threw her bikini top into the air before diving into the pool. The guys laughed and watched the girl. Ren tipped the handle of fireball back. The damn thing was almost too big for her hands. I watched her guzzle it…I tried to remember it was her birthday. But still. If her top came off, I’d lose my shit.
My buzz wore off quickly, and though I was tired as hell, I wouldn’t sleep until she did. The girls shared the fireball, and Ren’s bikini stayed in place, but it was obvious by her wobbly, baby-deer legs that she was lit. They all swam for another thirty minutes or so. Ren sat on the diving board, her head hung although she still laughed at things people said. She glanced toward my windows then suddenly, she fell forward into the water. I shot out of my chair standing at the window counting the seconds she was under. 1, 2, 3, 4… Every one of them laughed, waiting for her to come up. 6, 7, 8…By the time I reached ten seconds, I wasn’t waiting another second. Fuck it. I bolted out the door and dove straight into the deep end. Once I embraced her in my arms, I pushed hard off the bottom to propel us above the surface of the water. My legs thrust us to the shallow end, and then cradling her, I trotted up the steps and straight into my place—kicking the door shut behind us, drowning out the protests coming from douche bag and his friends. They could go to hell.
“Ren,” I said forcefully, and her eyes widened a bit before they closed again.
She must have held her breath under water because she appeared to be breathing fine, but she was nowhere close to fine. Using my elbow, I nudged the bathroom light and then knelt next to the toilet, angling her head over the bathtub. There was no way she was going to like this, but I opened her mouth and shoved two fingers down her throat. Immediately, she grabbed the side of the bathtub and hurled over the side. Once. Twice. Then relaxed back into my lap letting out a miserable groan.
I’d learned over the years there was a big difference between the smells of vomited liquor versus vomit when you’re sick. Vomited liquor was tolerable.
“Why’d you do that?” she slurred. I didn’t answer. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
I didn’t know what to say, but it obviously bothered her when I didn’t respond to her, so I just said, “Ok.”
The weight of her body against mine felt nice, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the closeness even if she was drunk. Water dripped from our bodies, making a pool of water around us on the floor.
“Why did you have to drink so much?” I asked quietly knowing she’d have a miserable night and morning.
“I wanted to see if you’d stop me,” she groaned.
I looked around the bathroom as if the rationale of her statement might be written on the walls.
“What?”
She tilted her head back staring up at me. This time her iris’s looked like raw honey—a bit cloudy, but they slowly appraised my face.
“You helpet me when I fell on your floor the firsht night I metchou.”
Drunk Ren talk was going to be fun to decipher. I didn’t respond.
“Then you walked me and Ju…Juliet down the mountain.”
I opened my mouth to respond, and her tiny fingertips covered my lips. God. A thud in my chest forced a swallow.
“You helped me when the foot got stuck in the stirrup, then with Evan. He grabbed my arm.” I remembered without her mentioning it. So, she wanted me to stop her from drinking. She wanted me to take care of the situation...of her.
“Ren. I’m not your caretaker or your protector or whatever you think I am.”
Her adorable giggle vibrated against my chest.
“Say it again,” she said softly.
“I’m not your caretaker…”
“No,” she interrupted. “My name, Josh.”
“You can’t even get my name right,” I teased, tickling her side until she squirmed.
“Please,” she begged in a whisper. “Please. Say it.”
We shared a full stare. A heavy, drunk stare.
“Bird,” I said faintly.
“Please…”
I inhaled. I loved saying her name. “Ren,” I whispered, and her fingers fisted into my chest as she nestled into me like a mattress, a slight smile on her lips.
My head fell back, hitting the stone wall. I pounded it repeatedly, increasing the pressure each time, frustrated with myself. She wasn’t wrong. She wanted me to be that protector, and I knew exactly what that felt like because I felt it too—the inherent need to protect her. I didn’t know why. Maybe it was because of what happened with Abby. Regardless, I had to back off. I had to show Ren that I wasn’t the guy she thought I was. She had to understand that I was bad for her.
Chapter 15
Peck the bird…
Ren
THE TREMORS SHOOK me awake. When I pushed off of Joss’s chest, he stirred but didn’t wake up. I was freezing. Giant goose bumps raced over my skin while my head screamed complaints of its own.
“You ok?” he asked, startling me.
“Yes,” I said, wobbling on my feet. “Actually, no.”
He shot to his feet. Like I knew he would. I stared up at him.
“I was really drunk last night, did anything happen?” I asked jokingly but barely smiling since any movement made my head spin more.
Joss’s lips twitched. “You wouldn’t be walking normal if anything happened.” He didn’t blink. He didn’t smile. A sexual threat lingered in his low words. My entire body clenched with a slew of unfamiliar but craved feelings. This. This is what I never experienced with Evan. This is what I wanted. Joss is what I wanted. But the last thing I wanted was our first kiss—if there ever was one—to be laced with hungover, morning breath so my gaze dropped to the floor.
“What time is it?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.
“I don’t know. It can’t be too late because I still feel drunk,” I said, shaking my head a little too much.
“You drank enough to feel it for days. Alcohol is way overrated, you know.”
I smiled up at him. “But I know you’ll take care of me, Joss. It’s who you are.”
Suddenly, my upper arm was in his hand, and he was shaking me. “Ren. Stop saying that. And, I’m serious. Nothing good ever comes out of drinking too much.”
“It was my birthday.”
He gave me a firm shake of his head. “I get it, but still.”
“Thank you for taking care of me. I need to find my friends.”
“Look. You have misunderstandings about me. I’ve hurt people. You don’t understand. You’ve never been around someone like me. I have a temper.”
My shoulders sagged. One step forward, ten steps back. Just when I thought he might feel something for me, he closed himself off again.
“You have goose bumps,”
he said softly as his fingers skidded down my arm over the raised bumps. I angled my body away from his touch as hard as it was. I was tired of making a fool of myself. Everything I said or did screamed desperation.
He was tough to crack. In the morning, once Daddy was gone, I was going to read the file on Joss. I needed to understand him. How he operated and where these walls of armor came from.
Before I left, I cast a glance back at him. He stood with his fingers laced behind his head staring out at the pool. No goodbye. Only what he did best, silence.
Liz and Anna were both sound asleep in the pool loungers. Evan and Justin were gone. I grabbed my phone off the table. It read 4 a.m. Five texts from Evan.
What the fuck is the deal, Ren?
How am I supposed to feel that you’re in there with him?
Fuck it, I’m outta here. Clearly, I mean nothing to you.
Ren. It’s been four hours. Are you kidding me?
We’re over.
I sighed, dropping my forehead into my palm. My head was splitting in half, I was sure of it. Evan gone. God, my life was ridiculous. I curled up in a lounger under the Texas sky praying for a better tomorrow.
The buzz of my cell phone woke me, but the blinding sun peeking around the silo was suffocating. I gasped for a breath then glanced at my phone. Evan.
“Hello?”
“Ren. Can you explain to me what the fuck is going on?”
I glanced at my phone to see what time it was. A little after 7 a.m.
“Nothing. He was just helping me. It’s who he is. I don’t know how to explain.”
“Why would you be in there for hours?”
“I fell asleep, Evan. Sorta passed out actually. Nothing happened.”
Someone snickered, and I glanced up to see Joss stepping over a wet towel after coming out of the main house.
“Need me to tell him?” Joss asked loudly as I tried to cover the receiver.
“Was that him?” Evan shouted.
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