Ren turned off the road, pulled into the driveway and into the garage. Sal and I drove to the edge of the house, where he let me out before driving off to park the truck.
“Joss,” Sal said before I shut the truck door.
I stared at him.
“Be careful.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond given that I wasn’t sure what he meant with those two words. So, I nodded. I had a hunch it may have had something to do with the embrace at the hospital.
_______________
When I stood in my bathroom, I stared in the mirror at the black soot covering my face. That dirty face was what Ren had seen at the hospital, yet she had still sought the comfort of my hug. In the shower, I scrubbed my skin and hair, washing the remnants of the fire down the drain. Outside of the shower, even though my skin was clean, a coughing fit hit me. I could feel the smoke trapped in my lungs. I could only imagine what Cal’s lungs felt like. I couldn’t help but blame myself for him being in the hospital; he had rushed right into the smoke when he saw me in there. I’ll never forget that.
When I flipped on the light in my room, Ren lay tucked beneath the covers on my bed with the prettiest of smiles. I stopped dead in my tracks. I’d never seen someone more fuckable and all I could see is her head.
“Ren. You can’t,” I said softly and with little fight in my tone. This is exactly how things went south the last time.
“Please don’t tell me I can’t. I just want you to hold me. Only for a little bit.”
There were times when Abby had wanted to be held. After chemo treatments especially. Times when thoughts about the future upset her. Holding her was easy; she didn’t feel much like doing more, and I knew her limitations. Ren was different. She didn’t have limitations. I had wanted to comfort Abby. I wanted to violate Ren. In my eyes and heart, Abby was breakable. Ren was more fragile than I had realized, but certainly not breakable.
“Hold you? Do you really think you being in my bed is a good idea?” I walked over to my dresser to get a pair of shorts.
“Can you just ever do something I ask rather than fight me? Is it that hard?” she smiled, tossing back the covers and patting the mattress. God. She was beautiful. Her blonde hair splayed over my pillows. Her beautiful tan a sharp contrast from the white sheets.
“What’s going to be hard is not ripping that t-shirt off and tasting every inch of your body.”
Her eyes rounded, and her lips parted as a flush of pink crept into her cheeks. I loved leaving her speechless. She only replied with a heavy swallow.
“Relax, Ren. I’ll just hold you, if that’s what you want.”
I gingerly slid into the bed next to her, and she nuzzled up against me, draping her leg over mine as she rested her head on my chest. The smell of her hair floated through my nose, driving me wild. This was going to be harder than I thought.
“Can I ask you something without making you mad?”
That was a question no man ever wants to hear. “Yes.”
“Promise?”
“Yes.”
Silence. Was I that intimidating?
“What was she like?”
I knew who she meant. “Who?”
“Abby.”
My chest filled to capacity. “She was sunshine and goodness. She was a pouter,” I laughed. And for the first time since it happened, it felt nice to talk about her.
“A pouter like when she didn’t get what she wanted?”
“Yep.”
Ren’s fingertips traced circles on my bare chest, distracting me.
“Where is what’s his name tonight?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she whispered, planting a soft kiss on my chin through my unruly beard as her fingers continued to tease my self control.
“Ren, I know you maybe want something from me. I’m not sure what I have to give you. Abby, she, uh, got the best of me. I’m not sure what’s left.” With my arm wrapped around Ren, I allowed my thumb and finger to stroke her arm. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I knew my words might be hurtful.
“Joss, I’ll take whatever you’ll give. You’re like no one I’ve ever met.”
Compliments were so fucking hard, if that was one.
“You deserve someone better,” I said softly, unsure if the words actually made it out of my mouth.
Surprising me, she flipped onto her stomach beside me. I couldn’t see her eyes very well, but I could tell she was looking at me.
“I wish you knew how wonderful I think you are.”
Scooting a few inches away from her, I sat a little more upright.
“Ren. Do you understand why I’m here? This isn’t some bar where you met some guy and can take him home to dad. I’m not the type of guy you introduce to your dad. Don’t you get that?”
Before I could register the movement, she straddled me, her hair dangling in my face. My hands instinctively fell to her hips. The heat radiating from beneath her panties started a chain reaction in my own body.
“You deserve to be loved,” she whispered.
She couldn’t possibly know what I was and wasn’t capable of. But for some reason, she thought she wanted me, so who was I to deny her? Keeping one hand on her hip, my other hand moved up to her hair—where my fingers clawed through her mane, wrapped around her neck and then pulled her down to me. Our mouths collided in the softest of ways. I felt an urgency in her lips and her tongue as she dominated my mouth until I flipped her body over and took control in the matter of a second.
Our kiss deepened. Thoughts of my conversation with Sal filled my head. How Ren had been ignored. Forgotten. There was no way I would ever forget Ren or her mouth. I wanted her to remember my kiss. Once I was done on the ranch, it would be my kiss that haunted her forever.
My teeth came down softly on her bottom lip, and her hips instinctively arched up, rubbing against me. The intensity of our kiss ignited something in me. God this girl turned me on. Our tongues twisted slowly around each other, meeting, greeting and retreating only to repeat the dance. Both our breaths came quicker. She moaned into my mouth as her hands frantically skimmed from my ass to my shoulders in search of a place to land.
It drove me crazy not knowing if anyone had touched her like this before. If I was the first to explore her beautiful body. I broke free from the kiss, nestled my nose to her ear.
“Jesus, Ren,” I said softly in her ear as I nudged her earlobe out of the way. As trashy as it sounds, I sucked the skin right behind her ear to leave my mark. No one would see it, but I would know.
Being Cal’s daughter made her completely off limits. Yet, the power she had over me scared me. Hell, Cal scared me even more, but none of it was enough to make me stop. My hands skated down her neck, traced over her collarbone and then inched down her sternum. She gasped as my hand gently cupped her breast. I hated that damn T-shirt. My skin burned to touch hers…bare. Her nipple hardened immediately beneath my touch. Not until she arched her hips again did I realize my hips ground into her too.
I felt confused. Lightheaded. Sex wasn’t new to me, but my reaction to her puzzled me. I wanted all of her in a way that I had never wanted anyone before. There was no part of me that wanted to wait. My mouth came down over her nipple, teasing it, teasing her with that layer of cotton between us.
She inhaled so sharply it sounded like the hiss of a snake. When a tremor quaked through her body, I stopped, raising up on my arms and staring down at her.
“You ok?” I whispered.
She nodded. “Perfect.”
I grinned, wondering if she could see. Her ‘perfect’ served as a green light. It wasn’t until I exposed her stomach that I realized she only wore panties. No shorts.
“Ren…” a cautionary threat swam through my tone.
She giggled, squirming beneath me, having no idea that the fire burning out on the ranch was safer than what was burning inside of me. I firmly gripped her exposed hip bones while I dropped kisses near her ribcage, lengthways across her abdomen and along the l
ace of her panties. Her entire stomach quivered when my kisses were replaced by simply blowing on her skin.
Once again, I rose above her. The moonlight cast its light across her eyes. My head spun with thoughts of wanting to take her right then and there. Evan would never touch her again. I tried to talk myself out of it. To rationalize that this wouldn’t be good for either of us. As I hesitated, suddenly, her little hand tried to cup my dick. Given that it was harder than concrete, she gripped starting at the top and slowly began a squeeze and release tactic all the way down. Her legs came together slightly.
“Joss,” she said so softly. “I’m a little scared.”
Immediately, I scooted off to the side of her body. “Don’t be. I’m not going to fuck you. Not tonight.”
That elicited a giggle from her, but even though I wasn’t going to fuck her, I wasn’t ready to stop touching her either. As her body shook with fading desire and laughter, I traced her nipple with my finger and thumb, applying enough pressure that desire soon overruled the laughter. I covered her mouth with mine once again, feeling the catch in her breath with every stroke of my hand. I wanted to stimulate more than that.
As she made little whimpering noises in my mouth, I wondered if she’d ever come before. The thought drove me mad. I’d made enough girls come that I knew the first time was the easiest. Sometimes, it only took a couple of rubs in that sweet spot to send a girl over the edge. So, as I kissed her, my hand ventured south right back over the abs I’d just kissed. My fingers slipped over her panties and down to where I felt the wetness seeping through the lace.
An involuntary, ‘Mmm’ crept up my throat as I felt the evidence of her desire, and a slight whimper echoed up hers.
“Jesus, Ren.”
I wanted her to have no question of how good I could make her feel. I stopped kissing her only long enough to see her eyes when I pushed her panties to the side. The rounded orbits stared up at me, putting all her trust in me not to hurt her.
My fingers slid through her wetness—slowly inching inside of her. The same legs that earlier had closed together in fear, suddenly fell open in desire. That simple movement pleased me more than I wanted to admit. Ren was giving her body to me. As my finger slid in and out of her wetness in slow methodical thrusts, slight groans came alive from within her. Her head shook back and forth on the pillows, so I covered her mouth again with mine, treating her to a series of kisses. I was the best multitasker alive.
Once her hips began to keep pace with my finger, my thumb joined the party and began to circle the sweetest spot known to women. Instantly, Ren’s eyes shot wide.
“Oh,” she gasped, startled.
And there it was. She’d never come, and I was going to be her first.
Planting a series of kisses around her mouth and nose, my thumb continued to do its work. One of her hands clawed at the depth of her abdomen as she searched for the root of the growing feeling; the other hand ran through my hair.
“Oh, God, Joss.” Her voice shook as her tiny body wriggled around. My thumb keeping a pace of its own. “Please.”
“Please what?” I asked, wanting to make sure stop or no was not in her vocabulary.
“Please. Whatever it is you’re doing, don’t stop.” Each word was said with a full breath in between. “God.” Her breaths were coming quicker. “Oh, God,” she cried. My finger felt her insides constrict around it as her body stiffened in a beautiful release. I didn’t move. I lay there frozen, allowing her to ride out the pleasure and to know I was the one that provided it.
Her hands shot up covering her face as her breathing returned to normal.
“Don’t,” I argued, pushing her hands away and brushing a kiss over her forehead.
“Oh. My. God,” she panted. “That was amazing but a little embarrassing,” she whispered.
“Embarrassing? No, it’s not. At all. It’s sexy as hell.”
“I’ve never done that.”
I knew that was her first time, but I didn’t want to make her self-conscious by acknowledging that. Laying down next to her felt natural. Felt right. Her heart beat thrummed against my lips when I pressed them to her temples. Ren was very much alive, not just next to me but inside of me. I was fucked.
She reached down between my legs, finding me still hard and ready. But we were done for tonight even if she didn’t know that yet. For just a few minutes, I relished her touch over my shorts, wishing the material could evaporate. When she slid out from beneath my arm, moving in a downward motion, I caught her arms.
“Not tonight, ok?”
“Why? I want to make you feel good too.”
“It’s late, Ren. And, honestly, I just wanted to please you. That’s enough for tonight.”
“OK,” she said softly, and I worried I had hurt her.
Once she joined me back up on the pillow, I hugged her. I had pleased Abby many times without my own release. I was used to it.
The knock on the door startled us both. My hand covered her mouth, softly and I placed a finger to my lips. “Shh. Did anyone see you come in here?”
She shook her head.
I hopped out of bed, jogging out to the living room. Keyona was coming in the door. Shit.
“Hey. Sorry, I was sleeping. What’s up?”
“I’m sorry for letting myself in. Mr. Briscoe asked that I make sure you had everything you needed. I didn’t know you were back from the hospital already. How are you feeling?”
“I feel good. Just tired. Thank you for checking on me.”
“Joss.”
My heart pounded so hard it jarred my ribs. I needed her gone. “I’m tired, Key.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Listen, please.” Given her accent and the complete silence, there was no way Ren couldn’t hear her and know exactly who it was.
“It’s just….Ren. She’s like a daughter to me.”
I felt sick the more she talked.
“I worry she has fallen for you,” she spoke softly. Her eyes never met mine but rather focused on the floor. “She talks about you. Joss, it would kill her to know about what happened between us. As little as it was.”
Fuck me. Surely, she didn’t think I’d ever mention the damn kiss.
“Please.”
I simply nodded. This conversation needed to end five minutes ago, and we’d only been talking for three. My mind was already preparing for how I was going to explain this when Keyona quietly closed the door and left.
“Key?”
I swiveled around nearly losing my balance. Oh God, I was fucked six ways from Sunday.
“What did she mean? What did you two do?”
Nervously, I licked my lips. “Ren.” I swiped my hand down my face, searching for words. She stood with her perfect little legs sticking out from under the t-shirt.
“Joss?”
I took two measured steps in her direction, but she backed away, killing me.
“You and Key?”
“Ren, please listen.”
“Oh. My. God. She is like my MOTHER! How did I miss this?”
“You didn’t see it because there’s nothing to see. Listen to me.”
“What do you mean nothing? Did something happen or not?”
She rotated around the room until she stood closest to the door.
“It’s not what you think.”
“WHAT isn’t?”
“I had just gotten here.”
Ren laced her fingers behind her head squeezing her eyes shut. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her.
“She caught me in the pool at a vulnerable moment.”
When she touched the doorknob, an unfamiliar feeling wedged in my chest.
“How do I ever unsee that in my head, Joss?” she whispered.
“Please listen to me,” I begged, and I hated myself for sounding pathetic. “I stopped her.” I didn’t want to throw Keyona under the bus. “We stopped before anything happened.”
Ren’s mouth parted but no words came out.
She sh
ook her head denying the thoughts filling her head. Denying me. Then she walked out the door.
Chapter 19
Bro…
Ren
EVERY SINGLE MORNING over the next two weeks, I stayed in bed through breakfast to miss seeing Joss. I didn’t want to see Key either. I’d ignored Juliet. I’d ignored my friends. The only person I texted was Evan and that was out of some ridiculous obligation because I hadn’t broken up with him yet. Most days, I’d lay in bed, thinking about how perfect things felt being in Joss’s arms. By hiding in my room, I didn’t have to see what I was missing. My body felt it though. Some nights, I’d lay awake for hours craving what he’d done to me. It scared me to think of never feeling his touch again.
One morning, while writing in my journal to try to distract myself from those Joss thoughts, the doorbell rang. No one ever rang our doorbell. Mainly because you had to be let in at the gate to begin with. It wasn’t all together appropriate to answer the door only in my sleep tank and shorts, but I was living in a ‘I don’t give a shit’ fog, so I answered it anyway.
Flinging open the door, I found myself face to face with a gorgeous man dressed in jeans and Pink Floyd shirt. When he cocked an eyebrow, I knew there was something I recognized but still couldn’t place him.
“Who are you?”
“I’m Braxton Hess.”
Suddenly self-conscious in my barely there tank, I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Are you hear for my father?”
“No, ma’am. I’m here to see my brother, Joss.”
Joss? His brother…I guess Joss still had some secrets. I opened the door to allow him entry. He stepped inside. I could see it now. Braxton reminded me of Joss in so many ways. And that damn eyebrow arch.
“This is where he’s living?” Braxton asked.
I nodded. “Yes.”
From my peripheral, I saw him swallow. He glanced around the house as we walked through. When we stepped out back by the pool, he scanned the entire area and then huffed a bit of laughter beneath his breath. I wasn’t sure what that meant.
I led him to the pool house, knocking, which I didn’t do at this door often. My pulse pounded in my ears as I waited for Joss to respond.
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