“I want answers. Why the hell did you bring me here?”
Cal released a soft breath.
“Joss.” He paused, staring at the wood floor. “I don’t know where to begin.”
“How about you start with why you were at Abby’s funeral? Your entire damn family.”
Sal flew into the room from behind me, obviously out of breath. I shot him a heavy glare and turned back to Cal.
“What’s going on, Joss?”
“I need some answers, Sal.”
“It’s alright, Sal,” Cal whispered.
“Abby Whitman was our niece. Abby’s mother is Ren’s mother’s sister.”
Raking my fingers through my hair, I spun around on my heels looking for some sense in all this. No sense was to be found, so I paced. “And?”
“The Whitman’s came to me after the accident. They knew that I’d taken other young men in to help on the ranch and…”
“Don’t you mean other young men to replace your son, Cal?”
“You love Ren?”
I shook my head trying to figure out where that question came from besides out of left field. “Well, I tell you what, I’m pretty sure I don’t feel about her the way I would a sister.” I paused, measuring his response. “You wanted me to replace your son, yes?”
Surprising me, he nodded. “Yes. That’s true. I was trying to fill that void in my life.” He scratched across his forehead. “Ren left here a few months ago, Joss, after what happened with you leaving and all.”
“Please don’t make it sound like I walked out of here on my own free will.”
“I know you didn’t. I also know that what Evan told me wasn’t completely accurate.”
“Evan?” I unintentionally said out loud.
Cal’s eyes flashed up to mine. “Evan was the one that came to me. He told me that you’d taken advantage of Ren.”
My fucking head was about to pull an exorcist and spin right off my damn neck. My body began to twitch in anger like it had so many times in the past. So many times, that I’d exploded and hurt things or people. I didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore, especially not here.
“Joss, sit down. Please.”
“I’ll stand.”
“Key, will you get me a bourbon, please. Would you like something?”
I shook my head. A gun perhaps to take care of Evan.
“After Ren left, she only come back if I talked to someone. She demanded I have therapy. I’d lost Reese and I wasn’t going to lose her too. So, I did therapy. I owe you an apology. I acted as a judge and jury in a situation that I took someone else’s word on. I promised you the world and then took it away in the blink of an eye.”
I found a seat to hear him out.
“I know you aren’t my son, just so you know.”
Those words had to be hard for him. “Maybe you don’t have to fight so hard to replace him,” I said. “But maybe just fight to remember him. And, forgive yourself.”
Cal nodded, covering his mouth. “I’m trying,” he choked out. “I miss him so much.”
Uncomfortable with his emotion, I glanced at Sal and Key, who handed Cal his bourbon.
“Joss.” Cal cleared his throat. “Phil and Kay Whitman came to me. We hadn’t spoken much since the divorce. But they asked that I offer you this. They said you were very good to Abby. They asked that I do this for them and for you.”
“Ren knew all along? She knew that I was her dead cousins’ boyfriend?”
“You’re in love with Ren?” he asked a second time.
This time, the question broke my train of thought momentarily. I paused, contemplating my response and maybe fearful of answering.
“Did she know, Cal?”
“Not in the beginning.”
“When? When did she know?”
“She’s in love with you, Joss. Does it really matter?”
“When?” I asked, raising my voice. Deception mattered to me on all levels.
“She read your file in my office and put it together.”
“When?”
“I can’t be certain but early last summer.”
I shook my head. Abby and Ren knew each other. They were fucking cousins. There was no possible way to wrap my head around it. The worst part of all of this—she’d kept it from me. At what point do you stop trusting someone. What is the final straw? Ren knew who Abby was, all the times she asked me about her. Why wouldn’t she just tell me? Suddenly, I wished I’d opened Ren’s letters. I wished I knew what she’d said. I needed to know if her deceit was forgivable.
All of our eyes turned toward the front door when it closed quietly. There she was. Ren. My Ren.
It took a minute for my eyes to take her in. Red rings circled around her lids, splotchy red face, a small cut with dried blood on her cheek bone. Instinctively, I stood, my eyebrows pulled together in confusion. A bare shoulder and half her arm bared—her t-shirt ripped. A mini skirt… When she saw me, a slight quiver met her chin just as her hands cupped over her eyes, and she collapsed in a heap to the floor, where she began to weep. I think all of us moved. The earth seemed to shift as something inside of me broke, seeing her broken. Every wrong just dissipated where she was concerned. When I swept her into my arms, her body language contradicted itself. Initially, her body melted into mine. Her cheek melded into my chest, but then, her fingers clawed at me as her silent tears found their voice.
“What happened?” I whispered, knowing that if Evan’s name was even slightly laced to this, I’d kill him. She shook her head repeatedly, choking on the words. “Ren,” I roughly murmured. “Talk to me.”
“Ren, honey, what’s wrong?” Cal asked too, standing next to us.
My eyes glanced up long enough to see Sal grab Ren’s father’s arm, holding him back.
She hiccupped twice before the words came out. “I went to find you,” she cried. “He said you were home,” the words trailed off as she clung to me.
He? “You saw Braxton?”
“No,” she whimpered. “I went to your trailer.”
At first, blood rushed to my face as embarrassment invaded all parts of me. That trailer is a piece of shit, and simply knowing she’d seen that part of who I was…then the blood on her face, the torn shirt, the tears…all of it sluggishly registered.
“What happened, Ren?” I growled with more fierceness than I intended.
Her gaze slowly lifted to mine as her hand swept over her cheek, drying her tears. “Your dad, he said you were there,” she gasped, wiping her nose with her backhand. “I followed him down the hall, but you weren’t there and…”
Her words finally flowed out, but my mind went numb. Everything around me blurred. I remembered kissing her forehead before gently resting her on the sofa. Dazed, I remembered her saying my name softly at first, then with more force. Even as I walked out of the room, hearing first Sal say my name, then Cal, yet it was as if I was anesthetized. Somehow sedated from responding. Or maybe just resolved in my thinking. When I threw my leg over the motorcycle, I’d never been more focused or driven—I was going to fucking kill my father, there was no other way around it.
Chapter 39
Revelation
Cal
“REN, DID HE sexually…”
“No! Daddy, he was so drunk and…”
“Sal, get the truck. Ren, get in now. You’re going to have to show us where to go. We have to get to Joss before he does something stupid. That boy would kill for you. And I think that maybe what he’s on his way to do.”
Everyone flew in opposite directions. I grabbed my loaded 12 gauge as I heard the truck engine rev. In my heart and head, Joss was like family. We would protect him as such.
We all three met at the truck, nodded to Key and headed the way Ren told us.
“What exactly happened?” Sal asked. We both wanted a play by play.
“I knocked. He answered. I asked if Joss was there. He said yes, and I went inside. The place was awful. Smelled disgusting. I couldn’t imagine Jo
ss being there. Living like that.”
“Ren, you can never say that to Joss. Do you understand? That would hurt him.” She nodded. “What happened to your cheek and your shirt.”
“I was in front of him and felt a funny vibe or maybe I was behind him. I don’t know, daddy.”
“It’s ok. What happened after the funny vibe?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know,” she paused. “He grabbed my shoulder and my shirt ripped when I pulled away.”
“What about your cheek?”
“He was so drunk, he fell. His head rammed into my cheek, knocking us both off balance. I was so scared. I had thoughts of Sean all over again. I just ran” she cried. “I feel awful because I was so shocked to see Joss just now in the living room, it just broke me.”
Sal reached over to pat her shoulder. In everything that had happened over the past few years, Reese, the divorce, Sean, Ren’s senior year, I’d neglected her in so many ways. I’d forgotten how to be her father. Sal had not only been good to me, he’d filled the space where I should have been.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you, honey. I want to be a better father,” I said out loud, hoping they would hold me more accountable.
Ren twisted in her seat. Her serious but swollen eyes rested on me. “Daddy.”
“When you know better, you do better. I know better. I swear, I’m going to do better.”
Sal smiled at us. “If I’d have known talking to someone would have healed this, I’d have encouraged it a long time ago,” he chuckled, but his tone was serious.
We rode in silence for another thirty minutes before Ren pointed and said, “turn here.”
Both Sal and I sat more upright, paying closer attention. The houses gradually grew more dilapidated the further we drove. After crossing some old, bumpy railroad tracks, Ren pointed left, and Sal took the turn onto a muddy road.
“Do you see the motorcycle?” she asked so I knew we were close. Having her wedged between us made me feel better.
“Nope,” Sal responded.
“He couldn’t have been that far ahead of us,” I added as my eyes scanned the area.
“Been here and gone?” Sal asked, backing into a graveled area behind a tree.
We sat with the truck idling for about ten minutes but turned our lights off. “Maybe we read him wrong,” I said softly.
“I don’t think so,” Sal said. “I know Joss. He will want to right this wrong.”
Only a few minutes after Sal spoke, a black, lifted truck, with tinted windows and offset wheels rolled up. The lights off. We couldn’t tell if it was Joss, but whoever it was didn’t seem to notice us. The minute we saw Joss hop out of the cab with a baseball bat in tow, Sal floored the gas, shooting gravel and getting us to Joss quicker.
Naturally, he spun around. Wide-eyed and full of rage, a mask of confusion covered his face. Ren climbed over me, hurtled out of the truck and rushed toward him. Sal and I immediately followed her.
Joss couldn’t take his eyes off Ren. My beautiful Ren. I don’t know how I didn’t see it. Right under my own roof. But, I saw it then, standing there and watching them. I saw his eyes turn from irate to tender as they took her in. I’d been searching out an older brother for Ren. Someone that would take care of her when I couldn’t. When I wasn’t around any longer. As I watched Joss vacillate between good and evil, I knew in my heart I’d found the man for the job. But not as a brother. Sal and I slowly started walking toward him.
Chapter 40
Family over everything…
Ren
SINCE THE MOMENT I’d met him, I knew his life hadn’t been easy. But, as I stood before Joss, still shaking, the damage in his eyes struck me. The hot nights he’d endured in this trailer. The cold, dark place he found himself in after all this time—it broke my heart.
“Joss…” I whispered as his eyes scoured me from head to toe. Just my presence had prevented him from going in the trailer. I was amazed at the courage I felt with him here and with Sal and Dad behind me. We could take on the world together.
Joss cast a glance behind him at the trailer.
“Look at me,” I said softly, reaching for the bat, but he lifted it out of my reach. “I’m ok. He didn’t hurt me,” I assured Joss.
He took two steps away from me…two steps closer to trouble.
“Don’t. Please don’t leave me,” I begged.
His eyes locked back with mine.
“You all shouldn’t be here,” he said in a rough voice.
“That’s what family does, Joss,” my dad’s voice came from behind me. “They support you when you need it. We are gonna help you make the right choice here. Trust me, if he hurt Ren, I’d go right on inside with you, but he didn’t.”
“He would have. That’s all he knows how to do is hurt.”
“Maybe. But you have three people that are gonna stand right beside you. We’ve got your back. No one is hurting Ren or you.”
As my father spoke, I continued to inch closer to Joss until my hand wrapped around the bat, tugging it from his grip. There was no fight. Our faces were only inches apart.
“I know that you’ve been hurt, Joss. I know that you’ve been broken,” tears spilled onto my cheeks. “You are everything to me. And, we are all a little bent and broken, but then we find people that help us fix us. This isn’t who you are anymore.”
Joss swallowed as his jaw ticked in and out. The chocolate eyes I loved flickered to my dad and to Sal.
“She’s right Joss. You’re one of us now. This isn’t who you are. You’ve come too far to come back to this.”
After raking his fingers through his hair, he glanced at the rundown trailer, back to us and then back at the trailer again. The internal struggle was real. The biting plea at the core of him to right this wrong. In the end, he conceded, nodding. I reached for his hand—my other hand held the bat. Joss glanced at my father before taking my hand. I followed Joss’s lead and my father nodded. I assume Joss was searching for his approval because subsequent to the nod, Joss’s hand gripped mine in the strongest, most tender hold.
Together we walked toward the black truck that he had driven here. For the first time, I truly felt like maybe we were going to be ok. We were going to be a we. My heart fluttered as my dad and Sal watched us.
“You outta jail, my lil convict.”
The words came from behind us, and I recognized the raspy slur from earlier. A deep breath hissed between Joss’s lips as a painful grimace flashed over his face. The unbearable ache in my heart shot a burst of adrenaline throughout my body. With baseball bat in tow, it was I that spun around, marching toward the asshole that had hurt Joss. One too many times.
“You asshole,” I screamed through tears. As I watched the man laugh, I reared the bat back. Not to hit him but to scare him.
Joss’s arms bear hugged around me, lifting my feet off the ground and turning me away from his father. Sal and Dad were both right there creating a barrier between me and Joss’s father.
“He’s a piece of shit, doll. Always has been.”
“That boy,” Sal shouted. “Is everything good.”
“Please put me down.”
Joss rested my feet on the ground, but his arms kept me next to him.
“You don’t have a clue how good he is,” Sal growled like I’d never heard. “I’d take him as a son any day. I watched this kid run into a fire to save an animal.” Spit shot out as Sal spoke. “You have no clue who he is anymore. He’s outgrown you. He’s learned what a real man is. And what a real man isn’t.” Sal turned his back to Joss’s dad. “Walk away, son,” Sal pleaded to Joss. I wondered if he threw in the son piece as a last jab.
Joss’s eyes fell on me and the chocolate had liquified, melted into a puddle of goop. Joss swiped at his eyes before any tears fell. Sal’s words touched us both. “You ready?”
I nodded. His fingers intertwined with mine as he led me to the truck, opened the driver door and waited for me to get in on his sid
e. My heart filled. Everything about what we did felt so natural. Like every problem we’d hurdled had its purpose. Our undeniable connection was fire from the start. For the longest time, I had wanted his attention, his time. But, now, all I wanted as I climbed into the truck was his heart. Forever… and I finally felt we were well on our way.
I nestled into the seat next to him as he stared at his father, who sat on a cinder block staring back at us.
“Let’s go, ok?” I asked with a pleading tone.
Turning the key, the engine started, and relief swarmed through me. I never wanted to come back here again. This request wouldn’t be one that I’d share yet, especially as he drove away. Deep down, I had a feeling he’d agree with me.
As we put distance between us and the trailer, I wanted him to be happier than what he seemed. Taking into consideration his father and what had happened, there was no way I was going to make a deal out of his quietness. I reached over and took his hand in mine. To my dismay he hesitated at the touch.
Chapter 41
Left behind…
Joss
FRANTIC THOUGHTS SPUTTERED through my mind. These people that mattered to me knew I’d come from trash. That I was trailer trash. When I lived at the ranch, all they knew is that I’d committed a crime. But here we were all driving away from the piece of shit trailer I’d grown up in.
That, on top of this truck. The truck that Abby was killed in. The entire series of events that led me to Ren. And, here she sat in the very seat that Abby…I shook off the thought. Cousins…
“You ok?” Ren asked, resting her hand on my thigh.
I nodded, throwing the truck into reverse and peeling away, shooting gravel behind us. A last glance into the rearview mirror left a parting memory of my father stumbling back into the trailer. The thought of him hurting Ren, touching her in any way, was nearly enough to turn me back around so I could annihilate him with the baseball bat.
At this point, there were more important things to deal with than my father. I wasn’t sure if it was ok with Cal, but I wasn’t taking her back to the ranch. We had some things to talk about first.
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