by A. E. Lucky
***
"What in the heck are you doing in there?" Aaron yelled as he pounded on the bathroom door. "We just missed the bus!"
The toilet flushed. Water ran in the sink. Then Derrick emerged with a satisfied, "Ahhh!"
Aaron's eyes bulged. "You're not even dressed!" Now, before you get carried away with all sorts of nasty images in your heads, let me assure you that Derrick was, in fact, still wearing his PJs--blue with cute little pictures of space rockets, smiling moons and chubby stars.
Derrick found himself oddly intimidated by Aaron. It had never really occurred to him that a scaredy-cat could actually be scary. Even so, he drew himself up and answered as coolly as he could, "So?"
Aaron growled, "What, were you trying to make us late for the bus?"
As a matter of fact, that was precisely what Derrick had been doing. He had been doodling in the mirror with a sliver of soap, waiting for Aaron to say they had missed the bus. Now Derrick shrugged. "Well, looks like we won't be going to school today! You know what that means?"
"I've ruined my perfect attendance?"
"We can now do whatever we want! What do you want to watch?"
Now some of you might be wondering, How are Derrick and Aaron going to avoid getting caught by Derrick's parents? Believe it or not, I have an answer for that. Both of Derrick's parents worked when he was usually at school. And now some of you more persistent critics are probably wondering, But won't the school call his parents to ask about his absence? The thing is I don't have an answer for that one.
Oh, quit gloating! I'm still the narrator of this story!
So skating over that awkward question, Derrick's hands were full keeping Aaron entertained. He thought it would be easy just having him and Aaron watching The Tales of Canter Burry. But he was shocked when Canter got a pie in the face and Aaron didn't even crack a smile! Instead, this staunch embodiment of solemnity asked rather derogatively, "So is there any humor in here that isn't childish?"
"Do you even have a sense of humor?" Derrick retorted, now thoroughly annoyed.
It was a relief to Derrick when school finally ended and he and Darrin could figure out what to do with the clones. They all met in Darrin's bedroom. The two Superkids sat on the bed. Though Derrick was standing next to Darrin, he cleverly positioned himself so that he faced Darrin, thus deflecting all attention to him.
Darrin shrugged and held out his hands helplessly, "I don't have any ideas. Both of you answered all the questions we gave you, neither of you made any mistakes, and both of you responded the same way to your other name!" He threw up his hands. "As far as I know, you're both the real Superkid!"
"There has to be some way of proving the real Superkid," said one of the Superkids insistently. "There can't be two Superkids running around town."
"So you were planning to take my place then?" the other Superkid sneered, leaning toward his counterpart.
"Take your place?! I was here first!"
"Yeah, like when someone leaves his seat and you take it and when he comes back and wants it back, you tell him, 'I was here first!'"
Superkid shoved his face into Superkid's face and snarled, "It's nothing like that, you slithering snake!"
Darrin groaned as he rubbed his forehead. "I don't know what to do. Derrick, any ideas?"
He shrugged indifferently. "Just wait until one of them slips up?"
Since Darrin didn't have a better suggestion, that's what they did. They watched the Superkids as their argument got louder and louder, with neither side relenting or showing any sign of making a mistake.
The two Superkids were arguing so loudly and Darrin and Derrick were watching them so closely that none of them heard when Mrs. Snoll yelled to stop yelling in the house. Nor did they hear her when she started marching through the house toward Darrin's bedroom to put a stop to their nonsense. And they definitely didn't hear her when she wrenched the doorknob bad-temperedly. But when she thrust her head into the room and opened her mouth, they definitely heard her then.
"QUIEEEEEET!
They all jumped and turned to her with their mouths open in horror.
Mrs. Snoll took a second to regain her composure and then began, "You kids should know better than to yell in the house. If you're going to raise your voice, then you go outside. The house should be a place for peace and quiet, not noise and chaos... do I make myself clear?" She gave each kid a stern glance, from Darrin to Derrick to Aaron to Aaron...
She did a double-take... and then another. Then she took a step backwards with a cry of shock.
"T-there's two Aarons!" she cried.
"Superkid!" Darrin said hastily as the two Superkids recoiled in response to their alternate name.
"T-two of them!" She seemed to be struggling for breath for she fanned her face. Then she finally asked, "How?"
"That's what we're trying to find out," Derrick answered her.
"Does his mother know about this?" she asked, looking horrified.
Darrin's face became strained. "We were hoping she wouldn't have to."
Mrs. Snoll gulped and then took in a huge breath as though steeling herself for an unpleasant task. "I think I'd better give her a call..."
"Wait, no!" Both Superkids jumped to their feet and took a step toward her. Mrs. Snoll gave a gasp of surprise and took another step backwards away from the doubles.
"She might not take it very well," one of the Superkids explained.
"Still, she needs to know," said Mrs. Snoll as she took another gulp.
As bad as the situation would be if Mrs. Purn discovered she had two sons, it was about to get much worse. For everyone heard the front door open and a young voice call, "Mom! Guess what? I got an A on my spelling test today! Mom?" Then they heard excited feet pattering across the house until they reached the room.
"Hey, guess what, Mom?" said a young curly-haired boy, bouncing excitedly on his feet, "I got an A in spelling today." Then before she could tell him "Good job," he looked into Darrin's room and said, "Hey, how come Darrin's friends are here? Can my friends come over too?" Then he spotted the two Superkids.
His eyes bugged out and his mouth dropped open. Then he began bouncing up and down as he cried in an outdoor voice, "Holy cow! Twins! Hey Darrin, isn't one of them your friend who turns into Superkid?"
"One of them," Darrin said heavily.
Darrin's little brother bounced on his feet. "Wait 'til my friends see this! I'm gonna call them, okay Mom? Thanks!"
Darrin bounded toward the door, "N-n-n-n-no, wait, Wally! Don't!"
But it was too late. Wally was gone and soon the whole town was going to know about the two Superkids.
Kids are probably the fastest way of attracting crowds--especially in small towns. While grown-ups like to ask lots and lots of questions before they make a move, kids only need the words, "Come look!" to bring them running. Ah, but reporters are the perfect blend of kid and grown-up for they immediately run where there's a story and then ask lots and lots of questions. And then came the grown-ups.
It was quite a gathering at Mrs. Snoll's house. The poor woman was caught off guard and wasn't sure if she had enough cheese and crackers to accommodate everyone. It didn't matter much since everyone was too enraptured by the fact that there were now two Superkids. Everyone jostled each other to get a glimpse of the duplicates while the two Superkids were busy trying not to get trampled.
One of the reporters shoved his notepad into the face of one of the Superkids. "When did you discover you had a twin?"
Another reporter elbowed him and leaned forward. "Is it true that one of you is an evil clone created by Dr. Red?"
And yet another reporter used her pencil to poke him in the arm. When he turned away with a yell of pain, she shoved through and asked, "Which one of you is the evil clone?"
The Superkids were never given their chance to give an answer. After one reporter finished asking a question, another reporter would start another. And when that reporter had finished, another would ask a
different question. And even before that reporter had finished, another would ask a question.
One Superkid leaned toward his duplicate with a smirk. "What? Is being interviewed by a dozen reporters a new experience for you?"
The other replied, "I don't see you jumping in with answers."
Which was a fair point. There were just too many talking too fast. But finally after the reporters had yelled over each other and about clawed each other's eyes out without any success, they decided to try a different tactic. One group grabbed one of the Superkids and dragged him to one corner of the room, and another group grabbed the other Superkid to another corner of the room. Darrin was grabbed by another group of reporters, Mrs. Snoll was kindly offered a seat by another group, and Derrick--like the poor kid picked last in basketball--was taken by the last group who had been too slow to grab anyone else. And in this way, piece by piece, the reporters were able to get an idea of what was going on.
"...I thought the giant spider had some innocent citizen up there, so naturally I had to go up there and rescue him..."
"...somehow, the evil doctor managed to knock me out and take me back to his sinister lair. But I did escape eventually..."
"...thought it was just a kid, but he could have been Superkid being held hostage while his clone tried to replace him..."
"...I heard all this yelling, which of course is something my husband and I forbid in this house, so I marched up there..."
"...I was the first to discover there were two of them, back at the old, creepy theater. It was also my idea to test them..."
Soon it was all pieced together--all the stories had been told; all the viewpoints had been taken into account; all the questions had been answered...
Except one. And it was asked by the solidly built reporter with a handsome mustache, "So which of you is the evil clone?"
Both Superkids glanced at each other but didn't reply. Both knew by now that it was pointless to point at each other and play the blame game.
The reporter waved his hand around. "Doesn't anybody know? Does no one know the real Superkid well enough to know if he's real or not? Not his friends?"
Darrin and Derrick exchanged glances but didn't say anything either. No they didn't know who the real Superkid was, but it wasn't from a lack of trying!
Then a female reporter raised her hand and suggested, "What about his mother? You know, the mother knows her child best?"
Suddenly all the reporters were yelling and running for the door. Both Superkids reacted in alarm and yelled, "No!" at the same time. They raced each other out the door, trying to be the first to find their mom so that they could shield her from the ugly truth and its hideous messengers.
But they were too late. How ironic that while Superkid could prevent certain doom in time, he could not stop a bunch of reporters from reaching his mom and telling her the dreaded secret. And as you can imagine, she didn't take it well.
"Aaron! What are these people doing in my living room? And what are they talking about saying which Superkid is real?"
The two Superkids, who had been forcing their way through the mob of reporters, reacted violently at their alternate name, which caused them to clonk heads together. They clonked heads again when they heard "Superkid" and collapsed on top of some reporters, but the reporters pushed them back upright and forward toward their mom.
Right then, she resembled an angry bullfrog--bulging eyes, swelling cheeks, ballooning chest... and everyone else suddenly felt like a cluster of flies about to be snatched up by her long tongue, including her two "sons" --that is, her real son and the clone of her son.
"What... how... who..." she croaked.
"Hi, Mom," the two Superkids said, both at the same time and both with "here it comes" expressions.
And boy did it come. It came so forcefully that it sent most of the reporters staggering backwards. They got a full-on lecture about "no-good hypnotists" and "immature villain wannabes who disrupt society just to get their fifteen minutes of fame." A few of the braver reporters tried to interrupt her to ask her a few questions but it was like trying to stop a barreling train with bare hands. One relatively smart reporter just kept his mouth shut and wrote down everything she yelled.
Superkid-mania was in full swing over the next few days. Debates got pretty heated over which of the two were the real Superkids. People jabbed their fingers at the grainy black-and-white photo of the two Superkids glaring at each other and yelled, "That's the real Superkid! You can tell; just look at the other one's evil smile!"
"You're crazy!" yelled other people. "That's the real Superkid! The other one looks scared like we'll find out he's the fake one!"
This couldn't be settled by comparing the Superkids in a photo though. So the people set to work. The Superkids soon found themselves surrounded by people determined to question them both to death to find out who the real Superkid was. The questions, however, weren't much better than Darrin and Derrick's questions. In fact, they were quite a bit more ridiculous.
"Who's the mayor of this town?"
"What's the name of this town?"
"What's the name of your biggest fan?"
With such unsatisfactory results, questions became physical examinations: the Superkids stood back to back to compare heights, the Superkids arm-wrestled to compare strengths, the Superkids ran races to compare speeds, the Superkids held their breaths to compare, uh, breath-holding...ness. And there were even more tests after that!
"This is ridiculous," one of the Superkids grunted as he tried to do the splits.
"This is getting us nowhere," the other agreed. Then he fell onto his back with a loud cry of pain.
They got something of a break at bedtime--if you could call their mom nagging them about getting their identities straightened a break. They went to their bedroom wearily but paused at the single bed that they just remembered fit only one. They looked at each other.
"Mine!" Both leaped for the bed. The Superkid on the left bumped into the Superkid on the right and ended up crashing into the wall. The Superkid on the right bounced to the floor. They were both immediately on the bed again.
After a few minutes of wrestling with each other, one Superkid ended up the victor... which--with both being Superkid--probably should have been obvious. He ended up taking the bed while the other Superkid wound up on the floor. The one on the bed fell asleep almost immediately, but the one on the floor had to mutter first, "Darn clone. What did Doctor Red have to make an evil copy of me for? Once I fix this mess, I'm looking for that evil doctor and straightening him out!" before he was able to slip off to dreamland.
