by Gemma James
I hadn’t wanted to face it. I still didn’t want to. But life without him was incomprehensible. I’d pay, and dearly, but for now I’d take every second of him fucking me like he’d never fuck me again.
“Let’s just freeze this moment, Rafe. Stay inside me forever.”
He shoved my hands over my head, his fingers a tight band around my wrists, and stilled inside me. “We’re both gonna come hard, then I’m taking your ass home to be punished. You’re not getting out of it.”
“What are you gonna do? Tell me.” That way, I could prepare.
“And ruin the fun? Don’t think so.” He jutted his hips forward, and we settled into a lazy, pussy-drenching tempo.
“Oh…ohhhh…fuuuuck.”
“You’re so wet,” he said with a gruff whisper.
“You do this to me.” It was building…something that scared and excited me because I sensed the drop from that euphoric cloud would be devastating. “I need to touch you.” I fisted my hands, wishing I could escape the circle of his grip.
In answer, he entwined our fingers. “You are touching me. You touch me just by loving me.” He kissed me long and deep, his tongue exploring every part of my mouth as his cock slid in and out at a slow, maddening pace.
“Marry me,” he gasped, severing our mouths. He stilled inside me again, and I was sure my eyes bulged. Huge. Full of disbelief.
“Wh-what?”
“You heard me.”
“But—”
“You’re not allowed to tell me no.” His lips brushed over mine, twitching at the corners.
I was at a loss for words, but telling him no had never been an option anyway. Me married to Rafe Mason. I stuttered a yes. At least I think I did. He was moving again in that slow way he was such a fucking expert at.
And I was coming…again.
A groan rumbled from his chest as I liquefied around his cock. “Right now. Marry me.”
“Now? Rafe…Oh God!” My spine bowed, and my neck veered back as I held onto his hands. Fuuuuck. I thought I was done, but he still had me going, still kept the unhurried rhythm that hit my sweet spot just right.
“Baby, ‘Oh God’ isn’t the vow I’m looking for.”
I cried out his name again. “I-I can’t…think…when you’re fucking me like this…”
“I can stop fucking you like this.”
I whimpered. “Don’t you dare.”
“Marry me now, while I’m deep inside of you.”
I squeezed his fingers. “I promise to love you—” I gasped, groaned, cursed to the heavens. All of the above. I was lost.
“Keep going,” he said.
“I promise to give you my tears.” A drop slid down my cheek, and he licked it up with a sigh. “Promise to give you my body, my soul,” my voice cracked. “Promise to give you my pain. Always.”
“That’s what I wanna hear.” He gathered my wrists in one hand and gripped my throat with the other. “I promise to cherish you.” His voice was laden with the oath of so much more. “I’ll spend forever earning your trust.” His fingers tightened, pressing against the staccato thump-thump-thump of my heartbeat pulsing in my neck, and my head started swimming. “I’ll fucking protect you with my life.”
“Rafe?” I rasped.
“What is it, baby?”
“I’m scared.” I thought I could handle him choking me, but the terror of him taking my air in his sleep held me captive. Something in him had changed—recovering his memories and spending six months apart had changed him. Changed us both.
“What are you scared of?”
“I don’t know.”
“Close your eyes.”
I did so, and he pounded into me with rough thrusts, increasing the pace, his breathing labored as he neared climax. “Feel me inside you? I’ll never hurt you. Do you trust me?”
“Y-yes.” I wanted to trust him.
“You’re mine. I never harm what’s mine.” The pressure on my throat intensified, and my eyes flew open. I couldn’t help it—I panicked. Screeching like a tortured animal, I tried wrenching my hands from his large fist, but he wouldn’t let go—of my wrists or my neck.
I flailed under the weight of him, my efforts useless, and eventually gave in to the inevitable, reminding myself that this was what I’d pleaded for months ago.
To be at his mercy. For him to take control.
To hurt me.
Be careful what you wish for.
He’d owned the darkness inside him, and nothing I did or said would stop him. He choked the breath from me without reservation, and the last thing I remembered was his whispered vow that he’d never let me go.
14. ADDICTION
Rafe
I clung to the high, to the memory of her struggle as I squeezed the breath from her. The last time I remembered coming that fucking hard was…
Back on the island, the first time I’d fucked her. The first time I’d choked her.
Oh hell.
This could become an addiction. Forget heroin or cocaine or even fucking ecstasy. All I needed was Alex’s throat trapped in the vise of my fingers while her deviant cunt gloved my cock.
A weak beam of moonlight filtered through her curtains, bathing her pale, sweat-doused skin. I traced the letters of my name and felt her belly rumble underneath my touch. Lifting my head, I took in her glazed-over expression, her limp arms above her head. She looked thoroughly fucked and much too satisfied.
“You back down from that cloud yet?”
A small smile teased the corners of her mouth. “No.”
Choking her had scared the fuck out of her, but when she’d returned to consciousness, my cock had sent her even higher. My fucking cock might’ve knocked her up too. I had more self-control than this…as least I thought I did.
Her stomach groaned again.
“What did you eat today?” I asked.
“Um…not much.”
Not surprising, knowing what I knew about her eating habits. I pushed onto my elbows and slid from the mattress. “Be right back.”
“Where’re you going?” she asked, her lazy gaze following me across the room toward the door we’d left wide open in our haste to fuck on her bed.
“To find food.”
“Okay,” she mumbled, and I think she would have agreed even if I’d said I was going to talk to aliens.
I searched the living room for my discarded clothes and pulled on my sweats before entering the kitchen. I turned on the stove light and listened for a few seconds to make sure she hadn’t followed. I didn’t need her overhearing the phone call I was about to make, so I turned on the stove fan as well. Opening the fridge, I eyed the meager contents as I dialed Jax. He answered almost immediately.
“You find her?”
“Yeah.” I also fucked her brains out. Shit. “How’s the birth control situation coming?”
“You fucked her.” Not a question, but a statement. “I figured it was gonna happen, so I picked up a magic everything’s-all-right pill with the prescription.”
I let out a breath. “I owe you.”
“Let’s not get into who owes who, okay? Just get her ass back here because I want to be there when you punish her. She cocked that fucking gun at me, man.”
I pulled some questionable looking lunch meat from the second shelf, followed by cheese and Mayo.” The bread on the counter was a bit dry, but it hadn’t molded over yet, so I figured it was edible. Cradling the phone between my shoulder and ear, I began putting together two sandwiches. “I’ll let you punish her yourself if you do something else for me.”
He whistled. “Didn’t see that one coming.”
My eyes veered to the darkened hall. “She’s earned it. She was reckless. Not only did she threaten you, but she put herself in danger.” Not to mention she could have fucking killed me when that gun went off. She was too damn smart to pull shit like that.
“I’m all ears. Whaddya have in mind?”
As I finished making the food, I told Jax my pla
ns and what I needed him to do. “It’s late, so we’re gonna crash here, but we’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll give you a heads up when I’m on my way.” Ending the call, I pocketed my cell and grabbed both plates. I found her dozing, sprawled in the middle of the bed like she owned it…which I guess she did.
I switched on the light, and her eyes fluttered open. With a yawn, she scooted over as I approached.
“I’m sorry for fucking you like that,” I said, my weight depressing the mattress. I handed her a plate, but she set it beside her on the bed and looked at me in confusion.
“How can you say that to me?” Or maybe hurt was etched into her face instead. Hard to tell, but she pulled the sheet to her chest, instantly erecting walls between us. “Tonight was—”
“Fucking amazing,” I whispered, leaning forward and stealing her mouth for a few seconds. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not sorry for fucking you. I’m sorry for doing it without a condom.”
Her eyes widened as if she only now realized the colossal mistake we’d made. “Oh God.”
“Hey,” I said, taking her chin in my hand. “I’m taking care of it. I never want to put us in this position again.”
She bit her lip, and I couldn’t stop from taking her mouth, one hand cradling her head as I plunged deep. Fucking hell, amazing didn’t even do it justice, and all I could think about was doing it again. And again. We’d never leave this bed.
Before we got carried away—again—I broke away and nudged her plate. “Eat. I know you’re hungry.”
She picked up the sandwich and bit into it, chewed slowly, but her gaze held a question.
“Something on your mind?”
“When are you taking me back to the boat?”
I settled beside her and started in on my own dry, tasteless dinner. “It’s late. We’ll stay here tonight.” And just because I couldn’t resist messing with her head, I added, “You better get some sleep, sweetheart. You’re gonna need your strength for tomorrow, trust me.”
15. BURN
Alex
After a breakfast of cereal and two overripe bananas the next morning, Rafe told me to get cleaned up. “Wear a skirt, no panties.” His kiss fractured clear thought, and my core flooded with desire. I stared at him like a dumbass as he left and closed the door behind him.
I used the bathroom first, taking a hot shower and tempting myself with the idea of sliding my fingers between my legs. Last night replayed in my mind like a dirty fantasy, but every moment had been real. Before I gave in to temptation, I shut off the water and stepped out with steam rising off my skin.
Last thing I wanted was to provoke him, so I followed his orders and dressed in a longer skirt to protect my legs from the cold. I was feeling good, the confrontation of yesterday diminished by our free-fall into bed last night. Still riding that wave, I was not prepared for the sight that greeted me in the living room. He sat on the couch dangling the same type of cuffs I’d used on Jax yesterday. Maybe even the same set.
I skidded to a stop, alarmed. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“You stole my gun and left the boat. You could’ve killed me when it went off in your tantrum.” He rose slowly and came toward me, cuffs gripped in his hands. “I’m not letting that slide.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“Punish your ass when we get back. What else do you think I’m gonna do?”
Guess the honeymoon was over. “This is ridiculous.” I retreated another step, heading toward the other end of the sofa. “What if I don’t wanna go back?”
His mouth veered up in a lopsided, know-it-all-smirk. “You didn’t have permission to leave the boat, and you sure as fuck didn’t have my okay to take my gun and go all badass chick on Jax with it.” He gestured toward my hands. “Consequences, sweetheart. Turn the fuck around.”
“No way!” I zipped to the other side of the couch.
“Get over here now.”
Oh, he was pissed. The thin line of his lips captivated me, the gravelly timbre of his voice. Something primal in me responded, as it always did when he took that tone. Shit, I was wet already, and he hadn’t laid a finger on me.
“You want me over there?” I taunted, pointing to where he stood, primed to move in an instant.
“Stupid question, babe.” He held up the cuffs and dangled them with a smug grin.
I stepped right, but so did he. “What do I get in return?”
“A sore ass?”
I gnawed on my lip to hide a moan, but I figured he saw right through me. This felt a bit like a game; one we both knew the plays to. I knew he was going to punish me, and he knew I wasn’t putting up a real fight.
But I did want something.
“Fine, I’ll give you my hands if you promise me something.”
“I don’t negotiate, sweetheart. You’re gonna give me your hands anyway.”
“Please,” I begged, my fingers slowly undoing the first two buttons of my top. I slipped a hand inside and fondled my left breast.
“You’re fucking pushing it, Alex.” He sauntered closer, his fingers flexing around the metal shackles. He wanted my wrists locked in them badly—I could tell by the twitch in his jaw and the heat in his eyes. “What do you want?”
“Answers,” I said.
He tilted his head. “Answers?”
“Yeah.” I withdrew my hand from my shirt and gestured between us. “You know, where you actually talk to me?”
He rounded the sofa, careful to keep his steps light and easy, preying on me as if I were a skittish animal.
“I’ll give you two questions after you’re done taking your punishment.”
“Two questions?” I raised an indignant brow. “Is that all my surrender is worth to you?”
“Three questions,” he bit out through clenched teeth.
“Four.” I retreated a couple of inches.
“Three. That’s my final offer.”
There was no offer. If I said yes, if I said no…he’d still have my hands in those cuffs and my ass in his truck headed back to the boat. I could fight him. I could run.
But I didn’t want to. Running from Rafe Mason seemed counter-intuitive.
The heavy weight of reality pressed on my chest, leaving no space for light-hearted fun. Not when my insanity held me captive. Rafe would let me go if I put up a good enough fight. I knew he would. For all the black desires and demons he battled, his conscience ruled the better part of him, or he wouldn’t have left me six months ago.
My eyes burned with helplessness, and I turned my face away, hating how he witnessed my weakness. His soft footfalls grew closer, and warm fingertips slid along my arms, over my hideous scars. With no effort at all, he turned me and locked my wrists in place at the small of my back. Whirling me around again, he tried to get my attention, but I refused to look at him. The brush of his fingers on my chin demanded I meet his gaze.
“Are you scared of the water? Do you need me to drug you?”
It wasn’t a threat. He was asking out of genuine concern, and in some fucked-up way, that only made me love him more. I was a prisoner of my traitorous heart. The damn bloody organ didn’t know what was good for me. “I’ll manage.”
“Okay, let’s get this over with.” He grabbed me by the shoulder and ushered me into the morning chill.
“Three questions,” I reminded him as he locked the front door behind us. We descended the steps, careful not to slip on ice, and made our way to his red truck. I wondered what my neighbors would think if they peeked between their curtains and saw Rafe herding me down the street with my hands cuffed at my back. But my street was quiet with most of the driveways empty and the drapes closed. Typical for a Monday morning.
He opened the passenger side, helped me slide onto the seat, and strapped me in the confines of the safety belt. I wasn’t sure why he’d felt the need to cuff my hands at all—it wasn’t like I was going to fight him.
Not really.
He had to know that.
&n
bsp; “Three questions,” he said, brushing a stray curl from my eyes. “Whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you the truth, I promise.”
But my pain would come first, and considering Jax’s vow that he’d be present when Rafe dished out punishment, probably my degradation as well. I blinked several times but ultimately let the tears fall. I didn’t want to piss him off more by breaking yet another rule.
“Jax is going to be there for this, isn’t he?”
He caught a teardrop on his thumb and dipped it between his lips. “You threatened to shoot him,” was all he said before shutting the door.
Answer enough. He started the ignition, and I watched with growing dread as my house faded in the distance. At some point, I dozed off, my head lopsided on my neck and resting against the cool glass. By the time he silenced the engine, my shoulders were on fire from being restrained.
He helped me from the rig and circled behind me. “Close your eyes,” he said, shuttering my vision with his hands. Slowly, he pushed us forward, and the instant we stepped onto the dock and it swayed, my stomach took a nosedive.
“Rafe!”
“I’ve got you,” he said, tightening his hold. “Almost there.” We shuffled a few more feet, our shoes gliding over the slick dock. With a steady hand, he helped me onto the boat. The whole time, I kept my eyes sealed shut. We descended the stairs, and only then did I open them to find Jax waiting in the galley with his arms crossed.
Rafe gestured for me to sit down, and when Jax saw my cuffed hands, he grinned. At least he had the grace not to say anything about it.
He passed Rafe a small bag. “Instructions are in there.”
“I won’t even ask how you got your hands on this.”
“I know people. Contraceptives are easy as fuck to get when you’ve got contacts in the sex trade.”
“Yeah, I don’t need the reminder of your underground contacts, but thanks.”
“No problem.”
“Everything ready?”
“You bet it is.” Jax flexed his hands, eyes raking over me, and not in a lascivious way, but in an I’m gonna make you pay way.
