by Ellie Messe
“And they arrested them right?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you told Haley yet?”
“No, she’s still asleep. They want your statement and then they’re going to take hers.”
“I don’t see that going well.” I admit, taking a quick glance over my shoulder at her room.
“Yeah, me neither. But the important part is that with the footage and all of our statements she can’t play it off or try to pull that hero bullshit. They’re going to fucking pay and this time they aren’t going to get away with it.”
About fucking time too. I’ve seen what that family did to her. “They’re lucky the cops got to them first.”
“Agreed.”
After a few moments of hearing Josh’s side of what happened, I gave them my recount of events. It’s weird how little I actually remember, in fact it’s frustrating. They kept asking questions that I desperately wanted to be able to answer, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t see anyone other than Kaylan outside. I never saw a car. I never heard anything. Haley never mentioned anything. It just ended up frustrating me more. For fuck’s sake this day is already a dumpster fire for me.
I sat in the hall waiting to see Hales but the cops are taking forever. It’s already been over an hour. I’m going stir crazy and need to move. I have to do something.
It isn’t until I see a patient walking down the hall in one of those hospital gowns, that I realize Hales’ has an identical one. Short sleeve, no back, there’s no way she’s going to let anyone see her when she can’t hide her scars. I needed something to do to occupy my time and now I have the perfect thing to keep my mind away from the horror that is the last twenty-four hours.
Pulling myself off the bench, I head back out to the truck and pull up the closest department store near me. There’s a Walmart no more than ten minutes away so with a loud sigh, I turn over the engine and pull away.
Entering the store, I move over to menswear and find a double XL zip up hoodie, this should be big enough to allow her brace through sleeve, also lose enough not to catch grief from the staff that it’s hitting her IV lines.
Throwing that over my arm I move around trying to find shit she might like but with one hand in a brace and the other too sore to really move I come up empty. Starting this process frustrated isn’t helpful. Luckily enough I happen across a big ass box of holiday chocolates in the checkout aisle and throw that on the conveyor belt next to her hoodie, along with three Red Bulls.
Getting back to the truck, I down two of them on the way back to the hospital. The third I save just in case the cops are still in there talking to Hales. It’ll keep me energized enough to avoid falling asleep on the bench. Sleep is the last thing I want right now. No way I need to relive my parent’s death again.
Hitting Haley’s floor, I notice her door is finally open and Parker’s sitting beside her. Thank fuck. After her freak-out last night, I desperately need to put eyes on her, I need to see that she’s okay.
Approaching the room, I knock on her door before walking in. Making sure to keep my gaze on the floor even though I desperately want to look at her. She’s so damn weird about her scars and I couldn’t bare her ordering me away because of them.
Holding the sweater forward I wait for Parker to take it before giving her my back for privacy. Her sharp intake of air makes my chest constrict. God damnit, I just want to take all of it away. I don’t want her to have to endure this, I can do it for her if the universe would just let me.
"She's good," Parker says while sitting back down next to Hales, his hand immediately claiming her non-braced arm.
"Hey, sunshine."
Her face bunches in emotion before her arms reach out to me. I know she’s hurt and I shouldn’t but I fucking need her. Sitting against her legs, I wrap my arms around her middle and hug the fuck out her. Her arms seize my neck and the cold plastic of the brace damn near brings me to tears. I fight it but fuck it all if one doesn’t slip out. I can't speak, and she doesn’t either we just hold each other for a time and it’s too short. Pulling back I kiss the side of her head roughly before sitting back feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.
"I don't want to ask if you're okay because I know you're not but- Fuck, are you okay?"
She nods, and I want to strangle her for lying to me, I know she’s not, needing a moment I glance and Parker and he nods, it’s enough to let me breath. At least she’s alive. Feeling the burn in my eyes, I scrub my face trying rid the emotion, desperate to pour out.
"You scared the ever-loving crap out of me, Hales."
"I'm sorr-"
"Stop apologizing." Parker chastises gently, taking her hand again and kissing it, "He's not saying that because it's your fault. He's saying it because he wants you to know he cares about you, and he's relieved you're okay."
He’s absolutely right. I’m not mad at her and I sure as fuck don’t blame her for any of this. I’m pissed off at God. I’m mad that monsters exist. And I’m fucking devastated she’s had to endure it.
A knock on her door helps me put myself in check.
"Party city!" I call out.
Josh comes into the room with Maria on his heels, he’s holding a little brown bear with a balloon tied around its wrist.
“That’s sweet.” I mouth to Maria who nods.
"Heard you were up." He says approaching her. "Also heard that girls like gifts. So here ya go, kid. From me to you."
I smile at his attempt to be sweet. He’s more of a pat on the shoulder and nod kind of guy. Huge emotions are his weakness and he doesn’t do well with sadness. His biggest mistakes in life always follow tragedy and I hope like hell he doesn’t fuck it up with Maria again because of it. I don’t have much faith in hope at the moment.
"No one's ever given me a teddy bear before." Haley says crushing the little furry animal to her chest.
"Every girl should have a teddy," Maria says gently, laying out her usual spread of food. Never in my life have I had to get hospital food. Never. Because this woman is a saint.
"Hospital food tastes like dirt, so I made you some things. I've got a turkey club from VIN's if you've got an appetite, some soup if you don't, and some shortcake. There's also hard candy and some sodas in here."
"Thank you."
"Jules is bringing you some toiletries and other little knick knacks. They should be here soon."
The room grows eerily quiet and that heavy weight of dread, panic, and heartbreak is about to make me vomit.
"What's the appropriate length of time to wait in a situation like this before it's acceptable for me to start cracking jokes?"
I could fucking cry when Haley laughs a true genuine laugh, "For the love of everything holy, now. Start now."
A wide smile engulfs my face, I think her laugh is my favorite sound in the world at the moment. God, it sounds so much like my mom’s it’s ridiculous. Swallowing the emotion I try to pull something out to lift the weight in the room, "Remember when Haley confessed her undying love to Parker?"
Her laugh drops dead, "What?"
I ease back onto my elbow, "Yep. Right there, bleeding out on the floor at HEAT."
She sucked in her lips and nervously looks at Parker, he’s staring at the mattress with her hand against his chin, a goofy ass smile on his face.
"You don't remember that?" I egg her on. She shakes her head and I smile, trying to convince myself to be at least a little happy. "Well, wasn't the most romantic setting but I mean," I shrug, "You guys first slept together on Josh's desk- so whatever."
Leaning back was a mistake because she lifts her foot and kicks me right in the ear, "We did not sleep together!"
"OW!" I yell, rubbing my head. It didn’t hurt but my reaction makes her smile.
"Wuss."
Oh, now she asked for it. Grabbing her foot, I pin it against the mattress at her ankle and mercilessly tickle her foot. She thrashes and tries to kick me off but she’s at a severe disadvantage with all the things she’s
plugged into and the fact Parker is holding one of her arms up, so she doesn’t hit it on anything.
"Stop!" She laughs, "That's cheating! I'm plugged in and can't reach you!" When no one comes to her aid she attempts to glare through the fits of laughter, "Traitors!"
Maria gives me a slight nod to signal I should stop so I don’t hurt Haley, and I drop her foot. “Now who’s the wuss?”
“Still you.”
“Me? Pft, that’s a papercut,” I wave to her wrist, “You’re the one milking this whole thing.”
“Where else am I gonna get free needles shoved in my arm?”
“I’m sure you can find an alley somewhere. You’re just being lazy. You’re not even trying to get some hepatis here. Wuss.”
“Yeah, but they have the good drugs here.” She says wiggling on the lines attached to her arm.
“Well, valid I guess. But they can’t give you HIV like Stabby Steve can.”
“Ah, yes. Stabby Steve. He has the best cocaine.”
“I heard it’s laced with the blood of his enemies.”
She laughs and nudges me with her foot, “I’m glad you’re here. Thanks for the sweater.”
I nod, “Of course. Just try not to fuck in this one, huh?”
“Andrew!” Maria chastises just as Josh’s hand connects with the back of my head.
“Ah, fuck! What?”
“A little tact please.” He glowers at me.
“For fucks sake.” I whine, rubbing the back of my head. “God, Hales give me some of those drugs, we’re both victims right now.” I crawl over her legs and rest my chin on her stomach. “I’m so close to your vagina right now.”
Before Josh can get me, I fly off the bed like a bat out of hell, “What? I am! Just an observation!” Josh gives me the death glare and I laugh a little, “Smelled like Parker anyway.”
Maria gasps and Haley outright laughs as I try and fail to get around Josh.
“Boy!” Maria scolds. “What is wrong with you?”
“Everything.”
“Apparently. Jeez. Josh and I have to run down to the police station, I’m half tempted to force you along seeing as you can’t behave yourself.”
“He’s fine.” Haley speaks up.
“He’s inappropriate.” Josh glares, “A little empathy.”
“Hales, do you want me to baby you or act like my usual piggish self?”
“Pig.”
“See?”
Josh rolls his eyes, handing Maria her jacket. “We’ll be back. Text us if you need anything.” He tells Haley who nods and gently hugs Maria back.
I wait for them to leave the room before plopping back down at Haley’s feet.
“So when are you busting out of this joint?”
“I have no idea.” She rolls her eyes. “They want me to talk to some trauma counselor.”
“Ha! Yeah right.”
“I know!”
“Drew.” Parker pins me with a look and gently shakes his head.
“You want her to go?”
“Yeah. Actually, I do.”
“Why? She can talk to us.”
“Exactly!” She yells enthusiastically.
“But you won’t.” He looks at her, “By talking to a stranger you don’t have the urge to hold anything back. You can tell them things you think are too painful for us to hear.”
“Fuck that.” I pipe in, “Josh and Maria made me talk to a shrink and I wanted no part in that. No stranger is going to get me like you guys can.”
“But it helped.”
“Yeah, it helped me pretend so I could stop going.”
“But you got better.” He insists.
Seeing as I still have night terrors, I seriously doubt that. Though I keep that to myself, “Whatever, she doesn’t need some straight out of college asshole putting her on a bunch of pills when she can just talk to us. That’s all I’m saying.”
“At least someone understands.” Haley adds with a nod of unity in my direction.
“You’re not helping.” Parker sighs, “She needs to talk to someone.”
“And she can talk to us. Or you. Or to her little stuffed bear.”
“Awe,” Haley coos looking at the bear’s face, “He looks like a good listener.”
“The problem is the fact you aren’t going to talk.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Really?” He challenges. “Okay. So start talking.”
She groans, throwing her back. “I don’t want to do this now, okay? I’ll tell you all about it but please, just not right now.”
“Exactly.” He huffs, playing with fingers.
“Dude.” I give him a look to back down, “She’s had a shitty night, just let her be for a bit.”
“I hate when you guys gang up together.”
“Deal with it.” I shrug before offering Haley a wink.
“Have you guys seen Kaylan?” She asks, toying with the balloon string attached to her bear’s wrist.
“Not since last night.” I start, “He was still on the bench in the hall when Emma and I left last night.”
“Emma was here?” She asks, a bit alarmed.
“Yeah, she came with Josh and Maria. She stayed outside though, don’t worry.”
“Okay, good. It’s nothing against your girlfriend, it’s just..”
“I know.” I cut her off, “And she’s not my girlfriend.” Haley gives me a teasing look, “No really, I ended our arrangement this morning.”
“What? Why?” Both of them ask in unison.
“Cause she let me do something fucking stupid and now I can’t trust her.”
“What do you mean?” Parker asks and I really don’t want to answer but I feel the words leaving my tongue before I can stop them.
“I went in raw last night.”
“Whoa!” Parker pulls back and gawks at me, “Since when?”
“Never. That’s the point. I had too much on my mind and it just didn’t even cross my mind. I told her this morning and she told me she knew and that she didn’t stop me.”
“Is she trying to get pregnant?” Haley asks in a tone suggesting genuine confusion, nothing like the anger I feel towards that exact same question.
“Who the fuck knows. But that shit’s never happening again I can tell you that right now.”
“Isn’t she like the female version of you though? Why wouldn’t she tell you?”
“I have no idea. It doesn’t make sense. She said she was giving me what I needed and being stopped and told to wrap my shit apparently wasn’t it.” I shake my head in agitation.
“Well, were you upset?”
I glare at her, “Of fucking course I was upset. I thought you were gonna die dude and it gave me nightmares.”
“Same one?” Parker asks.
I shake my head even though it’s a lie. I haven’t admitted to having dreams of my parent’s death since I was teenager. It freaked everyone out thinking that I was going to shut the world out again that I just started lying about it. “No, but it was just as bad. I was a fucking wreck when I woke up. She was there and we just kind of fucked.”
“Did you pull out?”
I nod at him, “Thank fuck.”
“It doesn’t sound like that big of a deal.” Haley shrugs.
“A kid is a very big deal dude.”
“You love kids.”
“Yeah, other people’s.”
“Whatever. Parker and I never use condoms.”
“You’re on birth control.” I growl, “She isn’t.”
“She’s not going to get pregnant after one time, Drew.”
“You obviously didn’t pay attention in health class.”
“Shut up. Sure, it could happen but it wouldn’t. It sounds like she was just trying to help.”
“You’re fucking crazy.”
“It sucks that it happened,” Parker starts, “But I mean, it was just the one time. Is that really grounds for ending it?”
“Fuck. Yes.”
; “Well, you pulled out right?” He asks and I nod, “Then I mean at some point you had to have realized you weren’t wearing one. How come you didn’t stop and wrap it?”
“Cause it was fucking amazing being raw and I was too caught up in my own shit to think rationally.” Something I think I do often when Emma’s involved.
“Then how can you be angry with her?” Haley’s shrill response catches me off guard.
“Cause she didn’t stop me.”
“You didn’t stop yourself. That’s bullshit.”
“Who’s side are you on?”
“Yours. But I’m still going to call you out on your bullshit. You can’t be mad at her for something you had full control over. I think you’re mad at yourself and taking it out on her.”
“I’m with her.” Parker shrugs apologetically, “I’ve seen you consume enough alcohol to kill a person and still manage to wrap it. I think you trust her and that freaks you out.”
“What are you, a fucking shrink? And I don’t trust her, that’s the problem.”
“Nah,” He shakes his head, “You like her.”
“She’s a great fucking lay, of course I like her.”
“No, brother. I think you like her. Why else would you come up with this fuck-buddy system?”
“Why give up pussy on tap?”
“You didn’t make that arrangement with Danica.”
“He’s got a point.” Haley shrugs. “There’s nothing wrong with liking her.”
“God, you guys don’t get it.” I groan wanting out of this conversation.
“Of all people, I get it.” Haley’s stern eyes burn into mine. “It’s fucking hard to trust people. It’s hard to be loved and love someone else. And when you build walls you don’t know how to understand how you feel until it smacks you in the face. But I can tell you right now, pushing people away hurts you just as much as it hurts them and it’s not worth it.”
“Says the queen of pushing people away?”
She shakes her head, “I’m done with all that. I can’t do it anymore. Like I said, it’s not worth it.” God as my witness, I actually believe her. “I hate being touched, but I need Parker to touch me. I don’t want friends, but I can’t live without you. My family ruined the word, but yours reinvented it. Everything I’m against, every rule I’ve ever made doesn’t apply anymore. Everything I fought so hard against, I need or else I can’t breathe.”
