by Zoe York
He made a face. He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to her about this, but he didn’t have anyone else. “We, uh…”
She waited.
“We’ve been spending more time together. Which I like. I love it. But she’s wary. You know, for good reason.”
“Have you talked about your feelings for her?”
“Yes and no. I told her. She doesn’t feel the same way, and I’m backing off.”
“But you’re still spending time together.”
“She wants to see other people. She wants both of us to see other people.”
“Are you ready to move on?”
“No.” He shifted on the couch, crossed his legs. “We’re not moving on.”
“What does seeing other people mean, then?”
“In addition to each other.”
“Ah. How do you feel about that?”
“I dunno. I don’t mind it, but it’s not really normal.”
“Who decides what’s normal?”
“We all do. There are societal norms.”
“Do those work for you?”
Brent frowned.
“I’m not talking about laws. Keeping people safe is one thing. But monogamy is only one option, as long as everyone is in agreement.”
She sounded like Jess. Except cool, and collected. Jess sounded excited and breathy when she talked about it.
The therapist leaned in. “Sometimes it’s useful to unpack where we learned our assumptions. Who decided for you that monogamy with one person was the best thing for you, provided that everyone involved knows about the arrangement and isn’t being hurt by it?”
He was stumped. “I dunno.”
“Do you want to be with Jessica?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to be with her and her alone?”
“Yeah, if that’s what she wanted.” Both answers came out fast, but Brent didn’t miss the difference. He didn’t need his therapist to point it out to him.
“We all make compromises to be in relationships. And sometimes what is best for the relationship is a third and separate thing from what is best for you and what is best for her. But most of the time, healthy relationships try to find the compromise point that is closest to both of those individual ideals.” She paused when he frowned. “Okay, put this another way. Does Jess want to be with you?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“And does Jess want to be with you and you alone?”
He thought of the look on her face when Evan touched her, when the other man showered her with concern and attention. “No,” he said softly. “I’m not sure she does.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
The question struck him sideways, like a glancing blow that didn’t hurt, but still startled him. After considering it for a beat, he shrugged. “Fine.” He grimaced. “I think that’s the wrong answer, though.”
She gave him a soft smile. “Says who?”
18
Evan had never spent so much time staring at his phone before. His fingers itched to tap out a quick message.
Evan: Hey. How’s it going?
But who to send it to? Jess? Brent? And what followed next, an inquiry as to whether or not they’d talked to their spouse?
It was like being in post-first-date limbo with one person, and an early flirtation with another person—maybe? What was Jess playing at?—when the most realistic next step would be the two of them to fight and make up, or fight and break up, and neither of them to ever talk to him again.
So he put his phone away.
And took it out.
Over and over again while he was on his trip, until he finally fired off the same text to both of them the day before he returned to Wardham because fuck it, he wasn’t twenty and didn’t need to play games.
He wanted to know how they were. Individually and together.
He cared far too much, but maybe the fact that they had a bond—messed-up and maybe doomed as it was—gave him some play there. Like, he could care about them, because no matter what, they cared about each other more.
No matter what, there was no happy ever after in his future with either Doran.
So in the meantime, while Brent figured out who he wanted to fuck and Jess figured out that she was worthy of being fucked, Evan could be a bit player in their larger game.
And how sad was it that he was suddenly more comfortable with the contact now?
Be messed up with me. Not much of a sales pitch. But it was all he had.
When his phone dinged fifteen minutes later, the raw flood of anticipation took him by surprise and made his throat dry. Which one was it?
Which one did he want it to be?
Both.
Damn it. He wanted them both. He reached for his phone.
Brent: Just getting off three shifts in a row. Exhausted, but looking forward to a few days off.
Evan: I’m going to be zonked when I get back, but I like to push myself a bit to get over my jet lag. Got any plans?
Brent: What were you thinking?
Evan: Do you like hiking?
“I’m almost there,” Brent told Jess through his truck’s Bluetooth as he navigated his truck down the bumpy dirt road. “This place is in the middle of nowhere.”
Technically, it was actually in the middle of the Brent/Jess and Evan/Highway 402 triangle, but middle of nowhere had a better ring to it. Evan had promised that exactly an hour and a quarter from Brent’s apartment from one direction and the same distance form Wardham in the other direction was a quiet hiking paradise they would have all to themselves.
A hike all to themselves sounded like something straight out of Brent’s X-rated fantasies. Like it might end with him getting on his knees.
It wasn’t going to go like that, though. He didn’t even want it to, but he liked the fantasy of it.
“Are you nervous?”
He blushed at her question, even though he was alone in his truck and she couldn’t see him. “Yeah, sure. The last two times we saw each other, it was pretty tense.”
“He likes you.”
“I’m not entirely sure that’s true, babe. He said we have chemistry. But he also growls and snarls at me at every opportunity.”
She laughed. “I like it when he growls and snarls, though.”
That was hotter than it should be. Says who? He reframed the thought in his head, and then out loud. “I like it that you like that. That’s hot.”
“Is it?” Jesus, she sounded so excited. “Good. Call me on your way home. Or you way to his place.”
He shifted in his seat, his cock thickening despite his nerves. “I’m not going back to his place. This is a first date, if you want to call it that, and I’m a traditional boy.”
“You are, and I like that about you. But still. If you wanted to.”
“I want to turn this truck around and come find you, that’s what I want to do.”
“But you also want to go hiking with Evan,” she said huskily.
He did. He really did. “I’m almost there.”
“Talk to you later.”
“Bye.” I love you.
His GPS warned him of a turn in a hundred metres, and then he saw Evan, leaning against the back of a dark blue BMW, wearing black running shorts and a tight grey t-shirt.
Of course he drove a Beamer. Where had that thing been when they’d moved Jess into her house? He parked his truck two spots over from the sports car, careful not to spray it with gravel. Then he grabbed his water bottle and hopped out.
Evan didn’t move. He watched Brent from behind mirrored aviators.
“Made it,” Brent said. “This is hidden.”
It was technically part of a provincial park system, but there had been no signage.
Evan nodded. “Welcome to the best kept hiking secret in the area.”
“Should I be honoured that you shared it with me?”
Evan laughed. “Damn straight.” He stood up and approached, pushing his sunglasses o
nto the top of his head. “Glad you could make it.”
“I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the invitation.”
“You texted me first.”
“That I did.” Brent took a deep breath. “I thought we could start over.”
Evan stuck out his hand. “I’m Ev. I help people make wine.”
“Brent. Firefighter.”
“Tough job.”
“It can be.” Brent shrugged. “I get a fair amount of down time, though.”
“So you get days off for hiking.”
“I do.”
Evan nodded. “Good.” He turned to his car and popped the trunk, grabbing a small backpack from it, before gesturing to the trail. “After you.”
A jolt of awareness zapped through Brent. There was something in the way—
Evan grinned. “So I can stare at your ass.”
Brent blushed. “We’ll have to take turns, then. Because…”
Evan stepped right up to him. “Say it.”
Brent lifted his head. Their mouths were millimetres apart. “Because I might want to stare you, too.”
“Good.” For a second, Brent was sure Evan was going to kiss him, but then the other man stepped back. “It’s about an hour and a half to the top of the ridge. Think we can do it in an hour?”
“You’re competitive.” Something inside Brent jolted to the fore.
“In the worst way.”
“Bring it on.” Brent pivoted and headed straight to the trailhead, checking his watch. “An hour, you say?”
“Anything under an hour and fifteen is a good time.”
It was a steeper climb than Brent had expected, but he powered forward. The spring run off had left the ground soft, which made the hike more challenging in spots, but at least it wasn’t scorching hot like at the height of summer.
“Good weather for this,” he said between pants when they hit a part of the trail that was two-man wide.
“Great weather.” Evan glanced at his wrist. “You’re just behind the pace for an hour, by the way. This meadow up ahead is the halfway point.”
“Then get going,” Brent said, thumping him on the shoulder.
Evan wiggled his eyebrows above those aviators and took off jogging.
Oh, it was like that, was it?
Brent settled in at the same pace behind him, and yes, he enjoyed the view in front of him. Evan was big and broad across the shoulders, with long legs covered in dark, fuzzy hair. And in between bobbed his ass.
Brent wanted to grind against him. Reach around and hold the other man’s cock, jerk him off, and—
He tripped over a root gutting over the ground. With a yell, he pinwheeled forward, his hands catching the dirt briefly before he righted himself.
His shoes were now fully caked in mid, God damn it.
“You okay?” Evan asked, turning around.
Brent huffed and nodded, then picked up speed. He needed to be in front. Let Evan be the gawker. He was more experienced with fantasizing about men and paying attention to what else he needed to do, anyway. Brent wasn’t at the multitasking stage of being actively queer yet.
His thighs burned as he turned what was supposed to be a hike into a trail run, but Evan—Ev—kept up like a boss. And when they burst out of the forest after fifty-nine minutes, the view was breathtaking.
“Well done,” Ev gasped.
“Fuck.” Brent doubled over, then slowly straightened up and forced himself to pace around and drink some water.
“You are a machine.” The other man put his sunglasses on top of his head, then peeled the front of his t-shirt up to wipe his face.
And Brent’s mouth went dry.
Evan’s body was straight out of his fantasies. Thick and muscled, dark hair swirling down the middle of his abs, disappearing beneath his waistband.
“You’re staring.”
He jerked his head up, bringing his gaze to guiltily meet Evan’s. “Sorry.”
“No need to be sorry,” Ev said huskily. “I’ve spent the last two days wondering if Jessica’s husband still found me attractive.”
“Do you call her Jessica?”
“Only when I want to rile you up.”
“I told her that you snarl at me.”
“Do I?” Evan laughed and dropped his t-shirt, covering his bare flesh. But the sweat-soaked fabric clung to his body, and that was just as good. He paused a beat. “Do you like it?”
“Fuck off, I don’t know,” Brent laughed with him. He paced to the edge of the path to look over the valley stretching below them. “This view is…something else. Wow.”
“I love it up here.”
“No kidding. And it doesn’t get busy, eh?”
“Nobody knows about it. So don’t start handing out the coordinates.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
Evan bumped his shoulder against Brent’s. “I’m sorry I wasn’t careful enough with yours.”
“Ah.” He scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “Well, I was stuck in a dark hole and I wasn’t going to climb out on my own, so at least you handed a ladder to the right person.”
“She’s special.”
So fucking special it hurt. “I love her.”
“Yeah.”
“But I broke our marriage. And now we’re in a different place.” The more he said it, though, the less it hurt. “It’s not a terrible place, you know.”
Evan glanced sideways. “No?”
“I mean, she raved about the tacos.”
He chuckled. “Did she tell you that was a place I hadn’t taken anyone else to?”
“You’re just rolling out all the special treatment for the Dorans, aren’t you?”
That got a shrug. “Maybe I am.”
“What do you want with her?”
Evan didn’t answer immediately.
Brent didn’t give up. “What’s your long-term plan?”
“I don’t have one.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Evan shook his head. “You want to know the truth? I’m just as messy as you are. We all are, it’s human nature. And from the moment I met Jess, I’ve been lying to myself about how I feel about her.”
“When was that?” The question sounded faint to Brent’s own ears.
Evan had fucking just stepped in it, right after apologizing to Brent for the last time he’d stepped in it. Where was his usual suave confidence?
Gone.
“Look—”
“Just tell me,” Brent said, his jaw clenched. A vein in his temple throbbed.
“At Evie and Liam’s wedding.” Evan swallowed hard. “You’d just left her.”
Brent hung his head and rocked his jaw from side to side. “You’ve wanted her that long? Why didn’t you make a move when I wasn’t in the picture?”
“I’m not the guy to mend a broken heart.”
“She’s not broken.” Not anymore. “She’s strong.”
“The strongest. And I was right not to make a move last year. But my feelings for her haven’t changed.”
“So why can’t you say what you want with her, then? Just be honest.”
“With her?” Evan tapped Brent’s shoulder, swinging him around. “Or with you? What are you more hurt by? That I want her? Or that you think I want her more than you?”
Brent’s eyes flared wide.
“I told you. It’s all chemistry. My desire for her didn’t fade. Yes, I want her. But I want you, too, for reasons I cannot figure out.”
“I have redeeming qualities.”
“I look forward to discovering more of them.” Evan sighed and reached out. Brent didn’t flinch, so he set his hand on the man’s shoulder and squeezed. “Hey. We both want her to be happy, right?”
“Yes.”
“And she wants you to be happy.”
Brent smiled at that. “Yeah.”
“So don’t worry too much about what the future holds. None of us know that. What we do know is right here, right now.” He slid h
is hand to Brent’s neck, tugging him closer. Then he gentled his touch and grazed his fingers over Brent’s cheek. “I know how important she is to you. Nothing I ever do with you will threaten that, I promise. I take my lead from her.”
“You’re an interesting guy, you know that?”
“So people say.”
One of Brent’s eyebrows curved up a bit. “Thanks. For the hike, and the talk. This was a lot of fun.”
Evan laughed.
“What?”
“Jess said the same thing about tacos, and I gotta say, the both of you could use higher standards for fun.”
“You know, for a guy who knows that people think he’s interesting, you’re hard on yourself.”
“You think?” Evan laughed again. This time, it felt uncomfortable. “I’m usually known for being quite the egotistical, self-absorbed—”
“Stop that.” It came out harshly, a verbal slap Evan felt inside, and Brent took a deep breath, stepping back. “Look, if we’re going to hang out—you and me, or maybe you, me and Jess—you can’t do that. Be yourself. Be real.”
“That’s asking a lot,” Evan said neutrally.
Brent nodded. “I know. Welcome to the club. If she hasn’t yet, Jess will kick your ass if you pull that with her.” He took a deep breath. “Race back to the vehicles?”
Yeah. That was probably a better plan than Evan’s original idea that they make out against a tree.
The trip back down the trail took almost as long as it did to come up. After a few minutes of steady progress, Brent started talking again. Not about Jess, not about them, but just stuff in general. Hiking, exercise.
If they clashed on everything else, they at least had this in common.
And he had the advantage because he knew the trail better than Brent did. So at the last opportunity to pass, the last spot where the trail widened before they reached the head of it, he burst into a run and passed Brent.
He howled in protest, his footsteps pounding behind Evan as he kept up, but Evan had the lead and wasn’t giving it up.
Bursting into the parking lot, where their two vehicles remained the only sign of life for miles, he raised his arms in victory and slowed down, carving out a wide circle around a grinning, laughing Brent.
