“Part of the complexity of suicide grief,” Maura had said, “is the realization that good things, that blessings, can also come from it. As hard as that is, doing our best to embrace those blessings helps honor our loved one’s memory.”
Lani closed her eyes and tilted her head toward the cobalt sky.
“Maybe this is what acceptance looks like to me, Ty. Learning to accept the hidden gifts your death has given me and using them to make me a better person, a better mom. Maybe it means being grateful for the path my life has taken, no matter how much I wish it still had you in it.”
One lone tear slid down her cheek. “I miss you, and I’ll always love you. But I think, just maybe, there’s a chance your baby sister grew up a bit more today.”
Pushing to her feet, she dusted off the seat of her capris and ambled toward her car, another tiny piece of the wall around her heart chipping off and falling away. Instead of scaring her this time, though, she welcomed it.
Of course there’d always be pain, and sometimes it’d be sharper than others, but maybe now it wouldn’t define her. Maybe now she wouldn’t be so afraid to let a little happiness in, a little peace.
Before she started the engine, she checked her phone, and her tummy gave a flutter at the sight of another text from Geo.
“Oh, I’m sorry. From ‘Bosch.’” She giggled and opened the pic. In it, Bosch had his head cocked to one side as if he was listening to something important. It said, Guess what? I jumped out of an airplane three times in a row! How was your day?
She smiled, and replied, It was a good day, Bosch. It was a really, really good day.
* * *
Later that evening, Lani rang the doorbell, her nervousness hitting fever pitch.
Inside the house, a laughing voice called, “I’ll get it, Shane,” and then the door swung open.
For the space of a few heartbeats, she and Devon appraised each other.
Lani tugged up the strap of her knit floral sundress, aware of how it clung to her sixteen-week baby bump and hips. In contrast, Devon wore a white V-necked T-shirt and some faded denim shorts, both of which emphasized her golden tan and lithe athleticism.
Her brown hair fell in silky waves about her shoulders, her eyes holding nothing but friendliness. “Hey. I’m so glad you could make it.”
Lani gave a tremulous smile. “I’m sorry I had to cancel lunch before. It was just—”
Too much. It was just...too much.
Devon moved back to let her step inside. “No explanation needed,” she said softly. “I’m happy you’re here now.”
Despite the nondescript appearance of the small house from the curb, the interior was warm and inviting, and looked recently renovated. “This is nice,” Lani said tentatively. “So, uh, Rhys doesn’t live here?”
“Nah. He still has his same apartment, so I pretty much split my time between both places. Let me introduce you to one of my roommates.”
Roommates? Lani’s curiosity intensified as Devon led the way to the kitchen, where a tall blond man stood at the island chopping a cucumber. “Lani, this is Shane Hovland. Shane, this is Lani, um...”
“Abuel.” Lani came to her rescue. “Hey, Shane. Nice to meet you.” Her voice trailed off as a sense of déjà vu crept over her, and Shane’s stunning blue eyes widened in recognition at exactly the same time.
“Hey, I know you,” they exclaimed in unison.
Out of the corner of her eye, Lani could see Devon’s mouth drop open. “You two know each other?” she demanded. “What? How?”
“My engagement party. Shane’s the dude who—”
“—fought with the cops.” Shane’s voice was rueful. “That’s what I’m always gonna be known as, I guess...‘The Dude Who Fought with Cops.’”
They snickered together as Devon huffed a disgruntled sigh. “That’s right. Man, I think everyone in the world was there that night but me. I missed all the fun.”
“Fun, no,” Shane said drily, fingering his eyebrow, which had been split open by an off-duty cop’s lucky punch. “Memorable, definitely.”
“I thought the guy you came with was gonna tear the place apart when you got hit,” Lani commented. “He, um, wasn’t happy.”
With a chuckle, Shane went back to his chopping. “Matt won’t admit it, but he’s pretty protective of me.” He glanced at her. “If you didn’t already know, he’s my boyfriend.”
Before Lani could react, Devon elbowed him with a loud, “Ahem. What is he?”
Shane blushed. “My fiancé,” he mumbled. “As of this past weekend.”
“You’re engaged? Whoa, congratulations! And no, I didn’t know, but looking back, I should have. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.”
And shit, who could blame him? Despite a livid scar on his forehead that skirted the edge of his hairline, Shane Hovland had to be one of the most beautiful men she’d ever seen. His cheekbones could cut glass, his lips shapely and full, and those dimples...
“He took me totally by surprise when he proposed, because he’s been telling me he doesn’t feel the need to get married, you know, since it’s such ‘heteronormative bullshit,’” Shane said, complete with air quotes. “Typical Matt.”
“What changed his mind?” Lani accepted the glass of iced tea that Devon handed her with a grateful smile.
“The fact I might be getting off active duty.” Shane pointed to the scar. “Need the bennies.”
With a grunt Devon reached out and whacked him on the arm. “And because he’s so in love with you he can’t see straight. The benefits just gave him an excuse.”
Shane shot them both a killer grin. “Hey, whatever gets him to the altar, I’m all for it.”
“He’s making a big show of grumbling about it, but I bet he bawls like a baby when he actually says his vows.” Devon glanced at Lani, a wicked light in her eye. “Five bucks says he cries.”
Lani flashed back to that night at the bar. She smirked, doubting that dude would cry even if his feet were held to a blazing fire. “Ten says he doesn’t.”
“Ha. Done.”
They bumped knuckles and then Devon gave the “sucker” cough into her fist, all to Shane’s enormous amusement.
Lani glanced at his scar. “Do you mind if I ask what happened?”
She listened in horror as he told her about an RPG exploding over the gun turret he was in.
“I don’t remember anything about that day at all,” he said. “Woke up at Landstuhl with my head bandaged and everyone telling me how lucky I am. The piece of metal that sliced across my forehead could’ve taken my eyes out, or lodged in my brain. Instead it just cracked my skull and peeled me open like an orange.” He grinned. “Thank God for good plastic surgeons.”
After dumping the diced cucumbers into an enormous bowl of salad, Shane led the way to the back patio, where there was a small table set for two. With a flourish, he put the bowl down next to what looked like a soup tureen.
“Chicken and dumplings, and salad. Enjoy, ladies, I’m off to the gym.”
He disappeared back inside the house, and Lani couldn’t help but watch him go. “Wow.”
She snapped her gaze guiltily to Devon, whose eyes twinkled at her. “I know, right? He’s gorgeous, and also one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet.” She sighed. “I love him to death, which is why I’m staying with him right now. He’s still recovering, and Matt doesn’t want him to be alone.”
“What’s Matt like?” Lani asked.
“Focused, intense. A SEAL down to his soul. He and Shane complement each other beautifully.” Devon laughed. “You’ll see it when we’re all together someday.”
At Devon’s invitation, Lani dished herself up a bowl of the piping hot chicken and dumplings. She waited while Devon did the same, then blurted, “How did you and Rhys meet?” She hadn’t meant the question to come out quite so
abruptly, but the open friendliness in Devon’s eyes didn’t waver.
“Actually,” she said, “I met him in Afghanistan about five years ago, during my very first op as a member of the Cultural Support Team.” Her lips curved. “He was so kind to me that night, helped show me the ropes. When the mission was over, he went back to his original squadron, and I—” She shrugged, a haunted look flickering over her face. “Anyway, one day, I walked into my new platoon here in Coronado, and there he was. We just—”
Fell in love.
A pang went through Lani, but it was manageable. She nodded. “What’s next for you both?”
When Devon put her spoon down, her hand trembled a bit, and that slight hint of vulnerability loosened some of the knots in Lani’s chest. She was nervous, too.
“Well...” Taking a deep breath, Devon leaned forward and propped her elbows on the table. “I’ve already separated from the Army, so I’ll be starting on my Master’s in Social Work in a few weeks. My goal is to work with veteran survivors of trauma, with an emphasis on sexual assault.”
“And Rhys?”
Devon’s eyes widened just as a pair of big, warm hands settled on Lani’s shoulders from behind. With a squeak, she tilted her head back and gazed right up into Rhys’s smiling face. “Oh, my God,” she exclaimed. “What’re you doing here?”
Devon seemed just as surprised as she was. “Thought you’d be halfway to Florida by now, babe.”
“Nah, departure got pushed back to tomorrow.” Rhys squeezed Lani’s shoulders once. “Thought I’d come say hi.” He sounded a little tentative, as if unsure of his welcome, and Lani reached up to pat his hand.
“Well, I’m glad you did. Why don’t you join us?”
The expression of relief that spread over his face made her heart ache, and as he snagged a chair from the stack next to the wall, she thought, “Devon was right. He needs to see for himself that I’m okay.”
After all, he’d gone down into that basement to protect her. The instinct to watch over her was deeply rooted, and anchored in place by their shared trauma. Devon had intuited that need and worked out a way to satisfy it—by offering her friendship to Lani, no matter the risks that entailed for her own personal happiness.
Oh, how she loves you, Peanut Butter. Way more selflessly than I ever could.
She waited until Rhys was settled next to Devon, his arm slung casually along the back of her chair, before asking, “Okay. What’s next for you?”
“Eighteen more months in the Air Force,” he said. “Then PA school, hopefully followed by a job in emergency medicine.” He grinned at Devon. “A house with a white picket fence, two-point-five dogs.”
“Uh-uh. One dog.”
“Aww, honey, we can’t have an only dog. It wouldn’t be fair to him or her.”
As they bickered amicably, Lani’s hand fell to her tummy. That was another facet of hers and Rhys’s incompatibility, the fact he’d never wanted kids. Afraid to lose him, she hadn’t wanted to examine her own feelings about that too closely.
He really is where he needs to be, isn’t he? And so am I.
Everything was delicious, and as the meal went on, she relaxed even more. Devon and Rhys’s easy affection spread to include her, and by the time the three of them had cleared the table and cleaned the kitchen, Lani felt like she’d known Devon forever.
She excused herself to use the restroom, returning just in time to see Rhys pull Devon into his arms. “Thank you for this. You have no idea...”
Devon reached up to cup his stubbly cheek. “Love you,” she whispered. “Mean it.”
The kiss they shared was achingly gentle, and Lani backed slowly out of the doorway to give them some privacy. Her eyes fell on a black-and-white picture of Matt and Shane on the beach. They were sitting side by side, Shane’s arm draped over Matt’s shoulders, their fingers entwined.
She smiled. The four of them were so close, bound together by experiences she’d never had and never would. She was a true outsider, a mere ex-girlfriend, not to mention a painful reminder of the past. Yet Devon’s simple gesture—as well as Rhys’s gratitude for it and Shane’s kindness toward her—told her their friendship circle would expand to admit her, a generosity of spirit she’d be an absolute fool to reject.
Yeah, it’d suck being a fifth wheel. Seeing Rhys’s happiness with someone else no doubt would cause the occasional twinge, but what a small price to pay for the chance to be a part of it all.
Lani squared her shoulders. Time to grow up a little more and accept this olive branch for the gift it was.
She slipped back into the kitchen, where Devon and Rhys were swaying together and giggling over some private joke.
“Okay, lovebirds,” Lani said, amused. “Think I’m gonna take off. Been a long-ass day.”
“I’ll walk you out.” Rhys released Devon with a kiss to the tip of her nose, then waited while Lani gathered up her things.
Devon approached her, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. “Thanks for coming,” she said huskily. “I really enjoyed it.”
With a reassuring smile, Lani said, “Me, too.” She hesitated. “Maybe we could do it again sometime?”
Their eyes met and held, understanding arcing between them. There’d be no rivalry, no pettiness. They could both love Rhys in their own way, and maybe—someday—they’d grow to love each other, too.
“I’d like that,” Devon said softly. She reached out her hand. Lani took it, and after a tight squeeze, they let go.
Outside, the cool evening air caressed Lani’s flushed cheeks. She and Rhys ambled silently down the walk toward her car, parked a little ways down the street. At last he said, “Thanks for giving her a chance.”
“I like her. I enjoyed myself tonight.”
Rhys’s voice was a little rueful. “You’re being a thousand times more mature than I’d be if the situations were reversed. It’s—”
When he broke off, she touched his shoulder. “I’m not about to cut my nose off to spite my face, and believe it or not, it makes me happy to see you happy.”
“Ah, Lee-Lee.” He opened his arms and she went into them, choking back a tiny sob. She clung to him as he hugged her tight. “I don’t think I’d be truly happy unless you’re a part of my life. I hope you believe that.”
“I do. And same.”
With a brush of his lips over the top of her head, Rhys let her go. He waited until she was safely in the car, engine started, before he lifted his hand in a final wave and turned to jog eagerly back toward the house.
All the way home, she let the memories flood her, both the good and the bad, as she closed the Lani-and-Rhys chapter of her life once and for all. Whatever memories they made from here would include Devon, and Lani’s child, fresh new pages of a book yet to be written. Instead of scaring her, the thought sent anticipation tingling through her.
I think maybe, just maybe, I got this.
Once inside her apartment, she tossed her keys into the basket by the door and hung up her purse. As she did, her phone buzzed, and pulse kicking into a sudden gallop, she fished it out. The picture that greeted her made her laugh out loud.
In it, Bosch sprawled on his back, paws in the air, sound asleep.
Still giggling, she texted, Someone’s tired, huh?
Someone’s very tired. TWO someones, actually.
I bet. She paused, then said, Thanks for this morning. It means a lot that you remembered.
You’re welcome.
And thank Bosch for me, too.
I will.
With a wicked grin, she typed, Don’t tell him, but I just enlarged the pic and kissed his nose.
What?? Now I’m jealous of him! But I won’t tell.
Lani’s tummy gave a flutter, even as she rolled her eyes. I’d be happy to kiss your nose, too, if it’s that important to you, geez.
After a delay of several seconds that felt like hours, the phone buzzed, and quivering, she opened the selfie. In it, Geo looked tired, and stubbly, his hair overly long, but his incredible eyes glowed with warmth. He pointed not to his nose, but to his slightly parted lips. The text read, Suggested kiss target.
Her own lips started to tingle. Kissing her finger, she pressed it lightly to the screen, then typed, Done.
Mmm, that was nice. A pause. Call me?
Her breath caught. She wanted to, but the emotions of the day had left her raw, her vulnerability dangerously close to the surface. In her current state, it’d be so easy to take Geo’s light flirting as more than he intended it to be, and the last thing she wanted to do was risk their as-yet delicate friendship, a friendship she sensed they both needed right now.
Talking to him would be a big mistake.
She was just about to hit Reply and make up some excuse when the phone vibrated again.
You know what? I’m sorry. You’ve had a long day. Another time?
His perception warmed her, even as she sighed in a combination of relief and disappointment. Yes, please.
You got it, beautiful. Until next time.
A couple of heart emojis followed that, and groaning, Lani pressed the phone to her chest.
Fate, you’re such a fucking bitch. I hate you. Why does he have to be a SEAL?
Chapter Twelve
“She likes you better than me.”
Bosch cracked an eye open at Geo’s disgruntled tone, then went right back to sleep.
“No comment? Thanks,” Geo grumbled. “Lazy dog.” On impulse he aimed his phone and snapped another pic of him, anticipating maybe texting it to Lani at some point with the caption, “Exhausted from pile-driving SEALs all day. How about you?”
That led to thoughts of her tackling some dude from behind in order to wrest his beef jerky from his hand, and the visual made him cackle all over again.
He flopped to his back on the bed, and idly scrolled through his photo album to the one of her on the beach. Oh, yeah, those gold-flecked eyes, that sexy half-smile. He traced his finger over her lips, aching with something he couldn’t define.
Trusting a Warrior Page 15
