With all his heart, Geo hoped their little family was finally on its way to healing.
As he rounded the corner toward where he’d parked his motorcycle, a slight movement to the left caught his eye. There, parked at the curb, was a little blue Nissan, one that looked a lot—his heart gave a twinge—like Lani’s car.
Great. Now he was gonna see her everywhere.
“Hey, sailor.”
The sound of a familiar husky voice had Geo snapping his gaze toward his bike, his breath catching in disbelief. Lani stood next to it, fingers twisted tightly together, a tentative smile on her lips. She wore a short denim skirt, some cute cowboy boots, and—his eyes widened—his fucking Metallica shirt!
“Hey, I’ve been looking for that,” he grunted by way of greeting. His heart threatening to pound its way out of his chest, he dropped his backpack to the ground and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
When he didn’t immediately approach her, her smile faded, and with an effort Geo kept his face stony—damn if he was gonna make this easy for her. “What’re you doing here?”
“Waiting for you.”
The soft answer shimmered between them like a fragile bubble, until it was popped by the sharpness of Geo’s one word—“Why?”
She bit her lip. “Because I wanted to show you the sign I made.”
It was only then that he noticed the piece of posterboard lying on the bike’s seat, and even as he watched, she grabbed it and held it up.
There was no embellishment on it, nothing fancy, just the simple block letters: I’M SORRY.
Already shaking his head, he spun away, the pain and uncertainty he’d suppressed for the last three weeks crashing down on him with the force of a tidal wave. Gritting his teeth, he forced out, “Sorry for what?”
“For everything.” Her voice was whisper soft.
He whirled back around to face her. “I want to hear you say it,” he said fiercely. “What are you sorry for? Packing up my shit like you were getting rid of a transient sleeping on your porch? Throwing my ass out of your house like an unwanted pest?”
“Yes, to all of those things.” Tears glistening in her eyes, Lani let the sign drop to the ground. “Especially for—” she swallowed “—for letting my fear get the best of me.”
The simple honesty blunted the edges of his anguish a little. Of course he’d known her actions that night arose out of fear, but hearing her admit it—
He blew out a long, slow breath. “I would’ve talked about it with you, you know,” he said more quietly. “We could’ve worked it out. I thought, silly me, that we were in this together.”
“We are in this together.”
“Are we?”
“I want to be.” She took a step closer. “Despite the way I acted, I want to be in this with you. Whatever the future holds for us, I want us to decide it together.”
With nothing more to lose, he said harshly, “I can tell you right now what the future holds. It holds four more years of this.” He waved at the airfield behind him. “This isn’t a job I can just quit, you know.”
“I know.”
“You need guarantees? I can’t give ’em. You want to count on me? You won’t always be able to. It’ll be life with Rhys all over again, Lani, except this time you’ll be doing it with a child.”
She flinched, but said, “I know that, too.”
“Yeah, I know you know.” Exhaling, he tilted his head back to the sky, his eyes starting to sting. “And God, for some reason, I still thought maybe we had a chance. Stupid.”
Lani’s boots made clicking sounds on the asphalt as she approached him, stopping so close he could feel her warmth. “I want that chance with you, Geo.”
He shrugged. “Funny way of showing it. Nothing says ‘I want to try’ like packing up your boyfriend’s things and leaving them by the door.”
“Not my finest hour, I admit.” Her voice was soft. “But let’s flip this around. You need guarantees? I can’t give ’em either. You want to count on me? Well, I hope you know that you can.” She paused. “Most of the time. Kinda goes back to that ‘guarantee’ thing.”
Geo couldn’t help but snort at that.
With a watery chuckle, she took his hands in hers, her own fingers ice-cold. “But if you want to be loved? You are. Completely. The no-guarantees-asked kind, the we’re-in-this-together-even-when-one-of-us-screws-up kind.”
When he shook his head, she reached up and cupped his cheek. “I love you. With everything that I have. And I know you love me.”
A kernel of hope sprouted in Geo’s chest even as he grunted, “Hmph.”
“You know how I know? Because nothing says ‘I understand you’ like grabbing up the things your girlfriend packed and leaving without a fight.” She crinkled her nose. “Well, when your girlfriend is Lani, that is. I can’t speak to any other girlfriend you’ve had, or boyfriend, for that matter. All I know is Lani’s not easy to understand, but somehow you understood what she needed that night. You must really love her.”
He grunted again, the hope taking cautious root. Still, he didn’t say anything, and she squeezed his hand again. “This morning I was lying in bed, wondering when I’d gotten so selfish. I’ve been acting like my needs are the only ones that matter. Worse, I’ve been superimposing my past with Rhys over the idea of a future with you.”
Geo waited while she wrestled with her thoughts, his heart thumping painfully in his ears.
“Every time he left, I considered it an abandonment,” she said. “I blamed him for loving his job more than me. He was a part of something that had its own language, its own traditions, a culture that, as much as I wanted to, I’d never completely understand.”
He rubbed her fingers gently, and her lips trembled a bit as she went on, “But you’re not Rhys. I’m not the same Lani I was back then, and it’s so fucking unfair for me to compare my life with him to what it would be with you.” A single tear slid down her cheek. “I love you. I’m proud of you, of the way you serve your country. The way you and Bosch keep people safe. And if you’ll have me, I want to try and make this work.”
Before he could say anything, she let go of him. “I’m gonna walk for a while. That way.” She pointed to the beach. “Come find me and we’ll talk some more. If you want.”
Despite wanting to charge after her, Geo forced himself to wait until she’d disappeared. Anger and pain still coursed through him, along with uncertainty, because everything he’d said was true. She couldn’t count on him to be there for her when she needed him. The birth of the baby? No promises. Anniversaries, illnesses, deaths in the family, on and on and on. For the next four years, he couldn’t make her any fucking promises.
Except one...
Grabbing up his backpack, he headed in her direction. When he reached the sand, he toed his sneakers off, his lips quirking when he saw one cowboy boot, then the other a short distance away, as if she’d been leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow.
A wave of pure love weakened his knees. How much courage had it taken her to come to him like this, to recreate a scene that several months ago had led to heartache, and an ending? More than he’d ever know. Despite himself, the tiny kernel of hope grew.
Ambling closer, Geo caught sight of her standing at the water’s edge, her arms crossed over her rounded middle. The gentle wind teased her hair, lifting it, then dropping it, her profile serene as she gazed out at the setting sun.
“Are you sure about this?” he called to her. “You’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt, remember?”
She turned to face him. “Well, you know, that was a different T-shirt. I don’t have this one yet.”
“The fabric’s pretty much the same, though. What’s going to make this one different?”
She took a step toward him. “Because this time I’ll ask for help if I need it instead of trying
to take the weight of the world on my shoulders.” Another step. “I won’t make you responsible for my happiness.” Another step. “I’m going to continue my therapy, my grief group, so when stuff pops up that scares me, that makes me want to shut down—and it will—I’ll have the tools to deal with it so I don’t hurt you like that again.”
Geo gazed over her shoulder at the ocean, aware of her eyes steady on his face.
“What about you?” she asked softly. “Are you sure you’re ready for this package deal?”
He opened his mouth to tell her that he was, then snapped it shut. If there was anything she deserved, it was as honest an answer as she’d given him.
“I think I am. I want to be.” Dropping his backpack to the sand, he said, “A husband and father isn’t anything I ever saw myself as, for a lot of reasons.”
She bit her lip. “Do you think you’ll be able to love the baby? I mean, because it’s—”
“Because it’s not mine? Lani, it’s a part of you, so loving the baby isn’t the issue. It’s just, the thought of me ever letting you down is—” Suddenly he was blinking back tears of his own.
“You will, sooner or later.” Her voice was quiet. “Just like I’ll eventually let you down, because neither of us is perfect.”
She was close enough to touch now, so Geo reached out to stroke her cheek with his fingertips, whispering, “The only thing I can promise is that you’ll get the best version of me I can possibly be.”
“What more could I ask for?” Sliding her arms up around his neck, she drew his head down to kiss him gently. “I promise the same.”
“Then I’m the luckiest man alive.” Geo deepened the kiss, their tongues dueling lightly before their lips separated with a lush smack. “I love you.” He rested a hand on her tummy. “Both of you.”
Smoothing her hands along his shoulders, she said, “You’re going to be an amazing father.”
Hearing it said out loud, he froze, and the panicked look that must have crossed his face made her giggle. “Well, not tomorrow, at least,” she said drily. “You have a little time to really get used to the idea.”
“How much—” He cleared his throat and tried again. “How much time?”
“Four months, give or take.”
He breathed out a shaky sigh of relief, then panic surged again. “Oh, God. I don’t know how to change a diaper, or fix a bottle, or soothe it when it cries.” He dropped his arms from around her. “Um, are you sure about this?”
“Completely sure.” Grabbing his hand, Lani started towing him back across the sand. “We’ll learn together. You think I know how to do any of that?”
“You mean you don’t?”
“Nope. We’re on equal footing here, Daddy.”
The jolt of fear lasted maybe another dozen steps before it drained away.
Daddy.
“I’m gonna be a daddy,” he breathed, a dizzying mix of joy, wonder and trepidation swirling through him. He planted his feet. “Do you know if it’s a boy or girl?”
“I’m supposed to find out next week.” Swinging around to face him, she asked, “You think you’ll be able to come to the appointment with me?”
Geo shook his head. “No.” He watched her carefully. “I’m leaving soon for Langley. After that, I’m not sure where we’re going or when I’ll be back.”
“Aw, shit.” Her eyes showed the merest flicker of disappointment before she smiled. “Well, there’s our first dose of reality, I guess.” She threaded her arm through his as they started walking again. “Okay, listen up. I’m gonna find out, but I swear I will not tell anyone until I tell you first, even if we have to do it over FaceTime.”
“I’ll move heaven and earth to be there if I possibly can.”
The quiet fervor in his voice made her press her cheek to his shoulder. “I know you will,” she said. “And if you can’t, I’ll be fine. We’ll make it work.”
“We’ll make it work,” he repeated softly.
They’d reached his bike by then, and Lani turned into his arms, her own twining around his neck. “Go pack your stuff and then come home?”
His heart so full he could barely speak, Geo kissed her gently. He danced her back toward her car, not wanting to let her go, and leaned in through the driver’s window for more kisses as she started the engine.
“Bye.” Smack. “Love you.” Smack. “Hurry.” Smack.
At last he forced himself to step away with a lovesick sigh, and after she’d driven off, he picked up the I’M SORRY sign that had blown against his front tire, tore it down the middle and stuffed it in a nearby trash can.
As he pulled on his helmet, his phone buzzed with a text. Hey, dude. Meet us for a beer?
Can’t, he replied, then straddled his bike and fired it up, contentment and the promise of happiness stretching his lips into a grin.
’Cause I’m headed home.
Epilogue
Two years later
“Come on, bud. Let’s go wake Mama.”
Some scuffling and giggling at the doorway, and Lani buried her face in her pillow, hiding her smile. She feigned sleep as footsteps toddled toward the bed, little fists grabbing onto the mattress next to her.
“Mama, up.”
With a loud pretend yawn, she rolled to her other side, away from Aidan, who said again, “Mama, up!”
Her shoulders shook with laughter when Geo scooped him from the floor and whispered, “I know what’ll wake her up. Ready?” He plopped Aidan down next to her, and then with a shout did a giant belly-flop onto the bed.
Aidan shrieked as he was bounced several inches into the air. Lani grabbed him to pepper his face with kisses. “You surprised me!” she declared. “You woke me up!”
She hugged his warm little body close while he patted her cheeks and babbled at her, until a loud, ostentatious snore from Geo made her glance over to where he now sprawled on his back, arms thrown over his head.
“Uh-oh,” she hissed. “Daddy’s asleep.”
“Dada up?”
“Right. Dada up.”
She helped Aidan stand, and he turned around and sat down—hard—right on Geo’s stomach.
“Oof!”
Cackling with glee, Aidan did it again, and again, each time Geo letting out a loud, mock-pained grunt. At last Aidan tired of the game, and Geo scooped him up in his arms, saying, “Go on and shower, love. You have a big day ahead, and I have everything under control.”
She knew he did. Since Aidan’d been born, Geo had thrown himself whole-heartedly into family life, soaking it up like a thirsty sponge. Some careful planning, combined with being in the right place at the right time, had opened up an opportunity neither of them could’ve foreseen.
“I’ve been offered a billet with the LeapFrogs,” he’d told her one night, his eyes bright with excitement.
Pulled exclusively from the spec ops community, the Navy’s parachute demonstration team traveled to events all over the country.
“They want to add a K9 handler to the troop to raise awareness of what military working dogs can do.”
He’d get to jump out of airplanes with Bosch, swoop in on a helicopter and fast-rope with him to the ground, and conduct mock searches and takedowns.
At first she’d been worried that he’d be bored, that he’d miss the close camaraderie of deployment or the thrill of combat, but to her surprise and delight, he didn’t seem to miss either. He was still involved in the community he loved, he got to work with his favorite badass dog, and best of all, he was safely stateside, even if sometimes he was gone for a few weeks at a time.
Yeah, life was pretty damn good.
Oh, the joys of a leisurely soak under a hot spray! Lani took full advantage of it, running a deep conditioner through her hair and taking the time to shave her legs. She applied her makeup carefully, then put on a pair
of dark jeans, a black tank and a sheer, emerald green blouse. Slipping her feet into some strappy sandals, she made her way next door to where Matt and Shane sprawled out on the patio, cups of coffee in hand. With a pleased exclamation, she bent to hug Matt and give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Welcome home. We missed you ’round here.”
“Thanks. Good to be home.” He squeezed Shane’s ankle where it rested across his thigh.
Shane glanced up at her, his smile welcoming but his blue eyes shadowed with exhaustion. “Morning, beautiful.” A huge yawn seemed to catch him off-guard, and he barely had time to cover it with his hand. “Sorry. Didn’t get much sleep last night.”
Lani waggled her eyebrows. “Ah, the joys of homecoming.”
“I wish it was just that.” Shane grunted. “Matt sprung a big decision on me.”
“Oh?” Declining his offer of coffee, she sank down into a patio chair opposite them. “You finally decide about the DEVGRU slot?”
Shane huffed, and Matt shot him a warning look. “Don’t start, clown.”
Lani had been surprised to learn that a SEAL could delay reporting to Green Team, the training platoon for the elite SEAL Team Six. If a guy didn’t feel ready, or if he wanted to go through another deployment cycle with his original team, he could choose to do that and not lose his spot.
Matt had been putting it off for over two years now.
She searched their faces. Matt himself appeared completely relaxed, but Shane’s lips were tight. “Like I said last night, you don’t have to make any grand gestures, okay? You’re already stuck with me.”
“Oh, my God. It’s not a ‘grand gesture,’ so would you fucking stop calling it that?” Matt swatted Shane’s leg. “And I’ll say again, accepting the slot means us moving to Virginia. That means ripping you away from this house you’ve worked so hard on—”
“It’s just a damn house—” Shane began, subsiding when Matt growled, “Let me finish, please.”
“Humph.”
Lani couldn’t help but suppress a smile at the mutinous look that crossed Shane’s face. God, these two could be stubborn, and passionate in both love and conflict. It’d made for some very interesting times during the year she’d been their neighbor.
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