Heart and Soul

by Erica Penrod

  “I hope we can get a table.” Makell gave Scott a smile as he held the door for her.

  This was going to be fun. I drew in a deep breath, then exhaled. I thought I’d have Makell by my side to try to rein Gracie in, even though I knew the attempt might be futile. But now her eyes, although nowhere near as mesmerized as Gracie’s, were glowing brighter by the second.

  “We’ll get one.” Landon closed the door. There wasn’t a hint of uncertainty in his voice. He probably thought he could part the sea if he needed to.

  This place had been here since my parents were kids, and it needed an update. The vinyl red booth seats were threadbare in spots and torn in others. The tabletops were always clean, but many were cracked and chipped. The walls needed a fresh coat of paint, but the pizza was so good, no one seemed to care.

  Luckily there was a booth in the far left corner. “Over there.” I pointed to the empty table.

  “See, I told you.” Landon gave me a haughty smile. “Come on.”

  We both stepped at the same time and bumped into each other. A flash went off in my mind of me in Landon’s arms and I remembered the completeness I felt in his embrace. “Excuse me.” I jerked away, cutting off any contact between our bodies. Time was my only hope. I prayed the days might dull the vividness of the dream, because being close to him drove me crazy. I didn’t like Landon, but the freaky dream kept interrupting my real life.

  I sat in the corner, next to Makell and Scott. Gracie and Landon sat across from us. I’d have to work very hard to avoid Landon’s face, which would be difficult, and since visions of the dream boy kept popping up in my head, my instinct was to study the next best thing. Only this Landon couldn’t be the next best thing.

  Two hours later, we finally left the pizza place and I had to glance at the time on my phone three times, because that felt like we’d sat there for at least five hours. Gracie and Makell were like helium balloons in the cab of my truck, rising and bumping the ceiling, and had to be strapped down.

  “Landon asked me out.” Gracie’s feet jogged on the floorboards.

  A stew of emotions rolled through my belly. I was happy for Gracie because she was obviously thrilled, but I couldn’t help but fret over what the future held. Maybe this would all be over fast, and Landon would move on. But what if it didn’t and things worked out between them? What if Gracie was the girl to tame his wild heart? She was one of the best people I knew, and if Landon took the time to find that out, he’d stick around. I would have to accept her choice and pray I could look at him without seeing the boy in my dreams.

  8

  Landon

  “I’m not going to be here. I’ve got a date.” I thumbed through the shirts in my closet.

  “Yes, you are.” Mom stood in the doorway. “At least for a little while.”

  “What’s the big deal anyway? They’re your friends, not mine. I don’t need to hang out with them.”

  “Halle’s coming too.”

  A lump formed in my throat at the mention of her name. Mom and Dad invited her parents over for a barbeque. “I’ll bet she’s not.” I remembered the look on her face when I stood beside Gracie at the football game, like she could barely stand to be one person away from me. And when we accidentally touched, she jerked away from me like I was some sort of plague.

  Mom walked into my room and sat on the bed. “Abbie said she was.”

  That was hard to believe. The tension between Halle and me last night was thicker than the deep dish crust on our pizza. I knew why I struggled to be around her, but I wasn’t sure why she was so against me. “I’ve made plans already. You don’t want me to be rude.”

  “I don’t want you to be rude; I’m just asking you to go a little later.” Mom played with the edge of my bedspread. “Landon, I want you to do this. This is part of the reason we moved back. To be around friends and family.” She cleared her throat and her voice quieted. “I’m trying, Landon, to go on with life, and I need you try to.”

  “I have, Mom, in case you haven’t noticed.” I turned back to the closet and chose a black T-shirt. “I’m going out, aren’t I?”

  She nodded. Maybe the problem was that we both expected to be the people we were before Laney died, and that wasn’t ever going to happen. Laney’s death felt like a missing appendage, with phantom pain and everything, and I would never be the same.

  Mom’s eyes were filled with so much sadness, I walked over and sat beside her. “I’ll stay for an hour or so.”

  She nodded. “Thanks.” An imitation of a smile crossed her face as she got up.

  I texted Gracie and told her I’d pick her up an hour later. If I was being honest, I’d admit that I’d asked Gracie out just to put distance between me and the dream and Halle. But now, after we’d spent last night talking, Gracie seemed like a girl I wanted to hang out with.

  The doorbell rang, and my heart sped up. This was a joke. Halle wasn’t a materialization of my dream, and the quicker I convinced my brain of that, the better off I’d be.

  “Landon, can you grab that?” Mom called from the kitchen.

  “Yeah.” I walked into the entryway, put my hand on the knob, and took in a deep breath. I opened the door to see Halle standing with her parents.

  “Hi, Landon.” Abbie’s mom smiled. She held a large bowl of pasta salad in her arms.

  “Hi.” I backed up. “Come in.”

  “Thanks.”

  Halle followed her mom in and I tried to offer her a genuine smile, but I remembered how she felt about me and I played the part. Instead I gave her an indifferent, “Hey.”

  “Hi.” She breezed past me as if I were a very distant acquaintance, which maybe I was from her perspective. But the vision of her in the white dress flashed in my mind and my knees went weak. I blinked and tried to clear my head. I followed them into the kitchen, where the French doors opened to the deck and my dad grilled steaks.

  Halle and I maneuvered the room like we were negative magnets. I kept her in my peripheral vision, but turned and stared right at her as she stood in front of Laney’s picture on the mantel. Halle picked up the photograph, and a look I couldn’t explain covered her face. She focused on the picture, and seconds later she glanced up at me, her eyes wide and her lips parted like she’d tried to take in a gulp of air. I moved towards her, and she turned away like a green light to a red. We were at an intersection—only I didn’t know which way to go.

  9

  Abbie

  Nikki looked better than when I saw her last, not so skeletal, with a little hint of color in her cheeks, which relieved me. I knew this barbeque might be more than just casual conversation. Travis and Nikki still grieved over their daughter, and Caleb and I weren’t sure whether we’d pick up right where we left off all those years ago, because our first visit was so brief. But how could we? So much had changed and they’d lost so much. At least the kids would be fine, or so I thought. I knew Landon took lessons from Halle and I was sure they’d be comfortable with each other by now. But they hadn’t said more than one word to each other and stayed on opposite sides of the room.

  Confused by their behavior, I kept an eye on Halle. She stood at the mantel and I saw her shoulders drop and the color leave her face. Her expression alarmed me. “Excuse me for a sec, Nik.”

  I darted across the room and put my hand on her shoulder. “Everything okay?” She held a picture frame in her hands.

  “Is this Laney?” Her words were barely audible. She traced the glass with her finger.

  I glanced down at the photograph of the beautiful girl, with dark hair and angelic blue eyes. “Yeah, I—” The words caught in my throat and my heart pounded. The room spun, and I held on to Halle to keep from falling over as two worlds threatened to combine.

  “Mom?” Halle turned her attention to me. “Are you alright?”

  The years had passed and the memories had faded, but one look at the girl in the photograph with a pair of piercing blue eyes, a waterfall of dark hair, and a radiant smile,
and I knew who she was.

  “She was …” Halle choked up. “So pretty.”

  I nodded. I hadn’t seen her since she was a child, besides a few photographs on Facebook. The obituary had been in black and white, and I guess that’s why I didn’t see the resemblance until now. I’d never seen this grown-up version of Laney before—not in this world.

  “Mom?” Halle’s forehead creased in concern.

  I smiled softly and wrapped my arm around her. How do you tell your daughter that you’ve seen this girl before … years ago in a dream? The dream that brought me closure and allowed me to move on from Jess. I glanced over at Nikki. What if I’d seen Laney sooner, and recognized her? A lead weight dropped in my stomach and I didn’t know what any of this meant. I’d seen visions of Laney before she’d ever been born, laughing and loving Jess in their own little piece of heaven.

  “Mom?” Halle put the picture back on the wooden mantel.

  “Yeah?” I still held on to her, more for my sake than hers.

  “I’ve seen Laney before.”

  “Yeah, a long time ago when you were younger.”

  She shook her head. “No, I mean, like, I saw her only a few days ago.”

  And then the room truly began to swirl.

  10

  Halle

  The room was dark, but I saw clearly. I lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling, the dream playing repeatedly in my mind. Laney was the girl I’d dreamt of. How was that possible? I’d assumed I’d dreamt of Landon because I’d seen him at school that day, but I hadn’t seen Laney since we were kids, and even then, the memory was hazy. I’d written the dream off as nothing more than a heartfelt infatuation that no doubt, in time, I’d get over, but this changed everything.

  I believed in coincidence, but this was too much. I knew there was a God and there was a heaven, and something inside of me whispered that the dream was so much more than I realized. Laney pointed me to Landon, but why? The Landon I knew wasn’t the same guy in my dream, and he didn’t seem too impressed by me. So what did this mean?

  My mom sort of freaked out, got all dizzy, and had to sit down when I told her I dreamt of Laney. But once her and my initial shock wore off, I played the dream down and didn’t mention anything about Landon. She seemed placated by my reasoning of happenstance, but I still caught her watching me with a bewildered expression. Besides, I should be more worried about her. One look at Laney’s photo and she fell apart. I guess seeing the picture made her empathize more with Landon’s mom.

  Despite the negativity I felt for Landon, I knew I’d been drawn to him the first time I saw him, and that was before his doppelganger kissed me in the night. I thought of earlier this evening at Landon’s house and how we avoided each other. I understood why I didn’t want to be near him, but there was effort involved in his movement, a deliberate plot to keep us from the same side of the room.

  Curiosity welled in my chest and made me reconsider the Landon I knew, or at least vaguely knew. Laney appeared to me, and there had to be a reason. I wanted to find out just what that was.

  I shuffled into the school on Monday, not quite as converted to my plan as I was Friday night. Gracie had FaceTimed me Saturday morning, her animated eyes and glowing complexion still lingering after her date with Landon. And even though I knew I had to find out why I saw Laney and why she pushed me to her brother, I wondered if I should leave well enough alone for now.

  “Halle,” Gracie called from up ahead in the hallway. I pushed my way through and smiled when I saw her. If she were a cartoon, heart-shaped bubbles would be floating above her head.

  “Hey.” I raised my eyebrows. “Someone looks happy.”

  “Yes, she does.” Landon appeared from nowhere. “I’ll catch you later.” He winked at Gracie and merged into the flow of students.

  I watched him for a moment, confused by what I’d just witnessed. Landon’s comments to Gracie didn’t seem phony or rehearsed, and his smile felt genuine. Or was he that good?

  “I can’t believe this is happening.” Gracie gripped my arm, then grabbed her phone from her pocket. She read the screen. “Oh my gosh, he just asked me if I want to go get ice cream tonight.”

  “What’s going on?” Makell walked up and dropped her backpack on the floor.

  “Landon just asked Gracie to get ice cream tonight.” I adjusted my backpack and opened my locker. Maybe I was making way too big of a deal over the dream, and maybe seeing Laney really was just an unexplainable coincidence. Right now, anything felt better than trying to prove that I was somehow linked to the guy my best friend liked.

  “Sweet.” Makell bit the corner of her lip. “And guess what?” Her blue eyes shimmered in the fluorescent light. “Scott texted me this morning and asked if I was planning on going to the football game this week.”

  “Really?” Gracie pulled her tablet from the locker. “What’d you say?”

  “Well, yes, of course.” Makell grinned.

  I laughed, their happiness overriding my own predicament. Maybe I’d misinterpreted the dream and spun it into a fantasy, because somewhere down deep inside I wanted someone to feel that way about me. I kind of envied the way my friends were all heart eyes over Landon and Scott, but mainly because their guys were real and tangible while mine was an artificial imitation floating around in my head.

  “Let’s all go to the game together, like we did last Friday, and maybe Landon and Scott can hang out with us again.” Makell bent over and unzipped her bag. “Can you go?” She looked up at me.

  “Um …” I was sure my schedule was free, but when I considered the number, I decided I didn’t want to be the fifth wheel. “I’m not sure. I’ll have to check and see if my mom’s got anything going on. She’d mentioned something about helping my Grandma Dawson this weekend.”

  “Okay.” Gracie sidled up beside me. “I hope you can. It won’t be the same if you’re not there.”

  I smiled at her, even though I knew she’d have an amazing night whether I was there or not. Maybe even a better time. If my absence kept the ratio to two guys and two girls, the odds were in her favor. “I’ll see what I can do.” I avoided her eyes, because I felt like a coward fibbing to my best friend.

  Landon

  I liked Gracie. She was fun and bubbly and made me smile. I liked the way I felt around her, like if she knew I wasn’t as together as I pretended to be, she’d like me anyway. We’d hung out a few times already and she seemed cool. Most girls I dated liked the idea of me, but I never really let anyone get to know me, but maybe with Gracie I would. Sometimes, not letting anyone in got to be exhausting. And I was tired, but even then, I didn’t want to let my defenses down around Halle. There were too many unanswered questions.

  Whatever upset her last weekend at my house, which I think had to do with seeing Laney’s picture, she seemed to be over. Her expressions towards me weren’t quite as disapproving as they’d been last week, like she’d resigned to the fact that I existed, and that bothered me. At least before, when she looked at me like I’d just stolen her puppy, I knew I affected her in some way. She still made me uneasy and jittery and I didn’t like to be on the losing end.

  Halle’s truck came into view as I pulled into the drive of her grandparents’ house. This was my third lesson and I probably didn’t need an instructor as much as I needed a lot of time in the saddle. But I wouldn’t let Halle know that. I pulled up beside her, parked the truck, and checked my reflection in the mirror. I needed a haircut but hadn’t bothered, and so I lifted my ball cap and brushed my bangs beneath the brim.

  I got out and waved to her grandpa sitting on the porch swing. Now that I’d seen Halle’s dad a couple times and her grandpa even more when I came for lessons, I saw the family resemblance. Caleb looked a lot like his father and Halle looked a lot like hers: the same shade of hair, the same tawny skin. But Halle’s eyes were bluer than both her dad’s and her grandpa’s. The kind of blue eyes you couldn’t forget.

  “Hey, Landon.” Halle came ri
ding up on Fancy. “Go ahead and get Tiny saddled, then meet me in the arena.”

  “Okay.” I grinned like I was an eight-year-old boy who just won first-place ribbon at the county fair. Halle had to be impressed with me, considering this was my third lesson and she wanted me to saddle the horse myself.

  “Easy, cowboy.” She laughed, then turned the palomino horse in the other direction. “Don’t get too big for your britches.”

  My face burned, and I set my mouth in a hard line. “I’m not.” I walked off towards the tack shed to grab the halter. Embarrassed she’d read my mind, I reverted to my old tricks and got angry, and then I felt in control again. That was the problem: with Halle, I wasn’t in control, and I didn’t know if the reason was her or she was just collateral damage from the dream.

  Two tries at the cinch and a backwards saddle pad later, I met Halle in the arena.

  “I knew you could do it.” She smiled, and my vision blurred. Her sitting on the horse triggered the memory of her sliding off the palomino and into my arms.

  I held the reins in one hand and wiped my eyes with the other. My insides felt like I was on the back of a bull, bucking and twisting, and I’d made the eight-second ride. Man, I liked when she looked at me like that. Dang it. I wanted her approval. “Don’t act so surprised. I’m not just a pretty face.” I grinned.

  Her laugh floated on the breeze and settled all around me. Maybe we could be friends. Maybe I didn’t need to see this as an either/or situation. Either she was the same girl in my dream, or she wasn’t and she was just Halle, an old forgotten childhood friend.