As it was, that choice was not up to him. No, the decision was Jane’s. Her earlier admittance of caring for him had left him in a state of wonder and had chased off the horrors that plagued his sleep. That peace had even remained after napping in the afternoon. That in itself was miraculous, for he never had a reprieve from the terrors of that night when his wife had perished in the fire.
The question remained as to whether Jane’s caring was for a friend or was it more than that? Michael found himself wanting to ask, but he worried that, if he were to inquire and she only desired his friendship—which he would accept in a heartbeat—, would his question make her uncomfortable, and then subsequently causing her to leave?
He let out a sigh and took the last swig of his brandy. Setting the now empty glass on the table, he rose to make his way to bed. Then the light of the moon caught his attention and, rather than retiring, he walked out onto the veranda and made his way down the moonlit path.
The air was crisp but not overly cold, yet after sitting next to the fire, he still felt a shiver. Or perhaps the trembling came from his confusion over Jane. He knew that even if Jane did not care for him as he did her, she had given him strength. She had done what he had been unable to do; that is, to walk into the fire of his life and guide him out to safety. For that he would be forever in her debt.
Looking up at the stars, he thought of his time with Samuel today and how reclusive they had become. The time had come to put the rumors of the Duke of Fire to rest, not only to allow the Duke of Hayfield to emerge, but to pave a safe path for his son to take over the title. Samuel would not have to carry the burden of what his father had done, not if Michael had anything to do with it. Jane was right. If the ton wished to speak ill of him, let them do so to his face. Now was the time to regain his rightful place in society, and hopefully it would be done with Jane at his side.
It was at that moment that he wondered if the woman truly could read his thoughts, for the sound of someone walking down the path behind him made him turn and smile, and Jane came to stand beside him.
Chapter Fourteen
Jane had watched Michael from her window as he moved down the path under the light of the moon. Her heart beat against her chest as she thought of the previous night and more particularly this morning. She had woken briefly and found herself cradled in his strong arms, feeling safe against his broad chest as he carried her to his room. In the back of her fatigued mind, she knew he should not be up and about carrying a governess through the vacant hallways after the night he had endured, but she was much too tired to protest.
She had not meant to fall asleep beside him, had even promised herself she would not do so, but he was so comforted when she held his hand that she could not get herself to release it. Whenever she did, his undecipherable mutterings would return, and she feared he would relapse into his fevered state once more.
A sigh escaped her lips as she thought about the things he had whispered, the words she had been able to understand. The guilt he felt over the death of his wife was so great, easily determined by his need to apologize for whatever wrong he had done. Jane, however, felt no remorse for forgiving the man on behalf of his wife, for she could not allow him to carry that burden any longer. It was a wonder the man had not been ill before last night, although perhaps he had been and she had not been told.
Then her mind turned to his confession of his fondness for Jane. Yet, did Michael truly care for her? A governess was barely a step above the housekeeper, so why should she believe that a Duke had any level of affection for her? Most people, her cousin included, would laugh at such a notion, but Jane found herself in a conundrum. She needed to know what he had meant by his words, even if it meant being ridiculed by the man and she leaving in the wake of his laughter.
Jane stiffened her back and smoothed out her skirts. Now was as good a time as any to make her inquiries. At what other time would she find herself alone with the man where no one else would be able to hear?
She made her way down the stairs and out onto the veranda. She could just make out Michael halfway down the path, and her heart leapt to her throat. What was she doing? What if he rejected her? Not only would she surely lose her position at Wellesley Manor, but the thought of leaving Samuel alone bothered her greatly. Not seeing Michael, however, would devastate her.
That was the word that fit the situation perfectly—devastate. To have your whole world and what you cared for taken away from you. It had happened when her mother died, and she feared it would be the same if Michael sent her away for her foolishness. Yet, she needed to know, so she gathered her courage and moved down the path.
Coming to stand beside him, she gazed out toward the horizon, just as he did, enjoying the numerous stars that lit up the sky. She considered for a moment that it would take a hundred years to count them all, but there was no need for that. Their simple glow provided more than enough enjoyment without knowing their numbers.
“Over the last few months I have done a lot of thinking,” Michael said, breaking the silence of the night. “In all that time, I have realized how precious life is. For years, I have resided at this estate, fearful of what lay outside it. Though I blame it on the ton and their dreadful rumors, I now realize that it has been more than that.”
Jane’s heart told her that the man was struggling to find words to express his feelings, so she reached and took his hand in hers. The act had calmed him before, perhaps it would do so again.
He glanced down at her, his eyes glinting with unshed tears. “You must understand that, until last night, I have lain blame on myself for what transpired the night of Elizabeth’s death. And now I realize…” He shook his head and looked back up at the sky, “the fault is not mine. I tried to save her, but I could not. Now, I believe—no, I know—she understands that, as well.
“The rumors that have been spoken about me,” he continued, “say that I burned down my own estate in order to kill my wife. How such horrible gossip is allowed to flourish is beyond me, but I have no control over what others say about me. However, I wish to tell you what happened, for you are the only person I care about and whose opinion of me matters.”
He turned and gazed down at Jane, and she said nothing, allowing him the decision as to when he would begin his tale, for she understood that it would be difficult for him to share.
“I had left London earlier than planned and wished to surprise Elizabeth by returning home early, so I had my driver push hard through the night. I saw the fire raging in my home from the main road.” He cleared his throat. “There was chaos all about as servants came rushing from the home. However, above all their shouts I could hear Samuel crying, drowning out all other sounds that came to my ear. So, I ran in, the fire burning my clothes, my hair, but I was able to reach him and take him out to safety.
Jane felt a hot tear roll down her cheek. She could not imagine the horror of that night, and her heart broke as he continued his story.
“However, Elizabeth was still inside. I handed Samuel over to Jenkins and went back for her, but you see, the fire was too great, its heat burning me. The pain was greater than I could take.” He brought his hand up to the scars on his face, and the pain and grief of the man’s tale shattered Jane’s heart. She thought he would be unable to go on, and yet he continued.
“Alas, I had to retreat or die myself, and I never found her before the roof caved in, crushing her beneath the flames and debris.”
The quiet clenched the air around them as Jane wiped at her eyes, understanding now the torment the man felt. The guilt of not being able to save the woman he loved.
“You did everything you could,” she assured him. “No one could ask for more, nor could one expect anyone to be so brave as to enter a burning house to rescue someone, especially someone so well loved.
Michael nodded. “I understand that now, but for so long I thought I had lacked the courage to continue on through the flames, to burn even more of my body if it meant saving Elizabeth. It is
why the guilt and shame have driven me to madness, or near to it, and has kept me from traveling beyond the boundaries of my property.” He sighed. “Now, however, I feel more at peace and will take the advice of someone dear to me.” He smiled down at her. “I will no longer be known as the Duke of Fire, a man who withers away as the seasons change. For I am Michael Blackstone, Fourth Duke of Hayfield, and I will no longer live in fear.”
His declaration brought great joy to Jane and she found herself wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. She knew she was being all too forward, but nothing could have stopped her from doing so, nothing at all, especially when his arms closed around her, as well. She laid her head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat.
“I am so happy for you,” she said when the embrace broke. “I am happy you have moved on from the guilt that was not yours to carry. Thank you for sharing your story, and your heart, with me. This trust you have for me will never be violated, this I promise you.”
“I know,” he said in a soft voice. “From the moment I first saw you, I knew that you could be trusted. I cannot explain it, but it is true. I plan on leaving my estate more often and reintroducing myself to society. What I wonder is…would you be at my side when I do so?”
Jane could have leapt into the sky from this request, for her fears were now tempered. She had not misread his intentions. “I would love nothing more,” she whispered in response. Then, summing all of her courage, she spoke again. “I want you to know, I have great affection for you.”
“As do I for you,” he said. Then he lowered his head and their lips pressed together in a kiss that left Jane melting in his arms. Electricity coursed through her limbs and congregated in her stomach, a strange, but wonderful, feeling that she never wished to lose. For a brief moment, her mind recalled what Anne had told her, to be careful not to be wooed by his words. However, she pushed those thoughts away, for she was not being pulled in by words, but rather by her heart.
When the kiss broke, she felt a loss, and she had to grab onto his arms to regain her balance.
“How are you able to care for me when my face looks as it does?” Michael asked.
She rested her hand on his scars and caressed them lovingly. “They are a testament to your strength and character, and like the rest of you, they bring me joy.”
They stood staring at each other for several more moments and then Michael started back toward the house, his arm holding hers. “Now, how should I make my reintroduction into society?” he asked. “I imagine that simply walking through the village will not be enough.”
Jane laughed. “I think you should host a grand ball and invite everyone. Let them see the new Duke of Hayfield in his new home, and allow them to marvel not only how handsome he is, but also how strong he is.”
Michael joined in her laughter. “That is a wonderful idea,” he said. “I will have the invitations printed at once. It will be the grandest of parties. And you could…” His words trailed off and he turned to her, worry on his face.
She already knew what worried him, and resting her hand on his chest, she smiled up at him. “There are many things you will need to do for yourself,” she said. “I will continue to do my work with Samuel, for that is my duty. Whereas yours is not to have to explain why your governess is at your side during the most important night of your life. Slay only one dragon at a time.”
“You do understand?” He shook his head. “How could I think you would not?”
She smiled at him once more before they returned to their journey back to the house. Her arm was still in his and she marveled at the feel of being so close to him. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world, much like the feeling that was within her heart.
***
A cool breeze made the branches on the trees dance as birds sang and the sun shone down on the gardens. To Jane, the world was perfect. It had been three days since Michael kissed her, and since then, Jane had never felt more alive. It was as if the air around her had the remnants of a lightning strike, and Samuel’s laugh or the smile that played across Michael’s lips only added to the wondrous feeling she had—the most wonderful feeling Jane had ever experienced in her life—and she suspected that it would only grow in time.
Much of her life had become fantastical. How was it that she, a governess, had found someone who had the ability to make her life have more meaning? How could a Duke see a woman in her position in such a way? A Duke from whom others kept their distance?
Yet, when she thought on the past few months, she smiled. Indeed, she did know how it happened. She had been willing to look past that which could be seen and search for what dwelt inside. What she found was the kind soul of Michael, and she had had the confidence that, one day, that kindness would emerge for others to see. And it did. However, it was not only the change in him that brought about this sense of euphoria; she was changed within herself, as well. Now she saw herself as others did, a woman of beauty, and the torments of the other children no longer echoed in her mind. Her eyes, which she had thought for so long were a curse, now served as a blessing and were greatly admired by the man she for whom held a great affection.
Before taking on the position of governess, she did not know love, at least not the kind of love a woman has for a man. However, she suspected that what she felt for Michael was quickly becoming what she imagined it would be like. The thought both scared and excited her greatly, for if you give your heart to someone, there is a chance for hurt at some later point. Yet, although it was a great risk, it was one she was willing to take.
“I have never seen Samuel so taken to reading,” Michael said, breaking Jane from her thoughts.
“He has come to love it as his ability has improved,” Jane said as she watched Samuel, who sat beneath a tree, a book in his lap, appearing engrossed in the story.
“For which I am indebted to you,” Michael said with a smile. “I fear that I may never be able to repay you for the changes that have taken place inside these walls.”
Jane smiled and shook her head. “There is nothing for which to repay. The changes we have all experienced came from the heart; therefore, no debt exists and no payment is ever needed.”
Michael chuckled. “I suppose you are right once again,” he said with a wink that caused her cheeks to burn. “By the way, I plan to take Samuel into town this Friday and would like for you to join us.”
Jane felt a sense of pride that Michael was taking such a grand step. “But of course,” she gave in a ready reply. “It would be my pleasure.”
“There is a dressmaker that creates the finest dresses outside of London, and I would be honored if you would select a few for yourself. I would pay for them, of course, if you allow me to do so.”
Jane turned to him. “I cannot accept such a gift,” she said with a gasp. “I will be able to afford my own soon, and…”
“You must accept, for to refuse my kindness would bring me great sorrow.” He gave her a fanciful bow that made her giggle.
“Very well, then. I accept.” Her eyes lingered on how handsome he was in his dark coat and breeches. When she realized he knew she was staring, however, she quickly cleared her throat and turned back to watch Samuel, who remained reading beneath the tree, his nose still in the book. Although the idea of spending the entirety of every waking moment with Michael, she knew she had work to do.
“Samuel,” she called out, “why not put away your book and we will play a game of Cat and Mouse?”
Michael laughed when the boy groaned. “Most definitely change has come to Wellesley Manor in so many ways.”
“And when it is time to stop playing and return to his reading, he will moan then, as well,” Jane said with a laugh as she allowed Michael to help her rise from the bench. “Thank you,” she said, her face on fire.
“Such is the life of a boy,” Michael said.
“So I am led to understand,” Jane said with a laugh. “Would you like to join us?”
“Alas, I must
return to my work. However, I forgot to tell you that my brother and his wife will be joining me for dinner this evening. I would appreciate it very much if you would join us as my guest. I wish to share the good news of me rejoining the world again and what better way to do so than to have you there with me?”
Jane found herself caught up in the man’s eyes, and she could not think of anything better than to spend an evening with him. “I would be honored,” she said with a light curtsy, which only made him laugh. She gave him a wide smile and then went to join Samuel in the open field.
When she turned back, Michael was already gone, but she had little time to consider him, for Samuel was quick in the chase. However, in that sliver of time, she wondered about the encounter she had with Michael’s brother, Lord Robert Blackstone. Lord Blackstone was a great worrier when it came to his brother, so perhaps seeing that Michael no longer wished to be confined to the house would make the man happy.
Happy. Yes, that is certainly what Michael made her.
“Got you!” Samuel said as he touched Jane’s arm and scurried off to wait for her to chase after him.
Chapter Fifteen
For reasons she could not identify, Jane had never felt so nervous in all her life. Not only would she be dining with the Duke once again, but Lord Blackstone and his wife would be joining them, as well. Where she could be herself with Michael now that they had professed their feelings for one another, she was unsure whether she should attempt to act the lady of nobility in the presence of people with whom she had very little acquaintance or was there some other manner in which she should conduct herself. To make matters worse, this would be her first encounter with Lady Catherine Blackstone, and the idea of spending the evening with a woman of the ton had Jane’s stomach in knots.
Jane closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It was not as if she was some sort of country bumpkin; she had some of the best training available to one of her station. She had nothing of which to be ashamed, so she squared her shoulders and took one last look in the mirror. Her hair was perfect with its flowing curls and flowers mixed in, and her dress was more than adequate—a green muslin with white lace, certainly not her best, but nowhere near her worst. She also had a posture that could rival any royal court. Yes, she was ready.
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